27 #2
And pretty soon, people started to arrive.
A lot of people from MagnaCare; Noah’s co-workers came in a steady flow.
I knew some of them from before, but others were new.
The new ones tended to give me long, considering looks, probably because they’d already gotten an earful about what a piece of shit I was.
But they were all polite, and Noah had a great time chatting and laughing and pulling me from group to group.
I did my part, which was to smile and nod and say good things about Noah, and even if I was a piece of shit, I thought I did him proud.
When I spotted Theo and Auggie in the entry hall, I kissed Noah’s cheek, excused myself, and made my way over to where they were standing.
“Well, well, well,” I said. “If it isn’t the dynamic duo: Discipline Daddy and his boy wonder, Spanky.”
“This is why I said we should just send a card,” Theo said.
Auggie was grinning.
“Get the fuck out of here with your fucking card,” I said.
And maybe it was because tonight felt special, or maybe I was turning into a softy, or maybe I really was just a raging homosexual, but I hooked an arm around Theo’s neck and kissed him on the cheek.
I did the same for Auggie, although I messed up his hair and added, “What’s up, babygirl? ” before he could squirm away.
Theo was laughing. “What got into you?”
“Nothing got into me, you big-dicked knob. Jesus fucking Christ, who the fuck taught you your manners?”
“This is why I didn’t want to send a card,” Auggie said. He was still trying to fix his hair in the mirror, and he was still grinning. “Hi, Cart.”
Auggie handed me a gift bag, and the living room was getting crowded, so we moved into the kitchen. The bag held a framed watercolor of the house.
“Well,” I said. And because I didn’t have anything better: “Shit.”
“That means he likes it,” Theo said to Auggie.
It was perfect. They’d gotten the old Craftsman exactly right.
“Theo did it,” Auggie said. “He’s really talented.”
Theo shrugged. “It was Auggie’s idea.”
“I just saw the idea on Esty,” Auggie said, and he sounded—I wasn’t sure. Nervous. Uncertain, maybe.
“It’s great, Skippy. Thank you. You too, you big knob.”
A huge smile spread across Auggie’s face. He leaned into Theo, and Theo slipped an arm around him. And the part I liked—because I really was a softy—was they didn’t even seem to know they were doing it.
“I guess he liked the video,” Theo said dryly, glancing toward the living room, where Noah’s laugh carried clearly.
“He looks so happy,” Auggie said.
“Yeah, well.” And because I couldn’t think of anything else, I said, “Thank you. Both. Again.”
For some reason, that made Theo laugh until Auggie elbowed him, and Theo kept laughing as he went to get them each a soda.
“I’m so glad you guys are staying in this house,” Auggie said. “It must mean a lot to both of you.”
“Yeah, well.” Which I’d said about five seconds before. So, I added, “Noah’s selling his condo. The money will help with grad school.”
“That’s great.”
Theo came back and said, “What about you?”
“Well, Si’s still out of commission for a while, so I’m going to be handling the jobs she’s got lined up. Then, I don’t know. I might do another rehab. I talked to this guy, Otto Pang—”
“You’re working with Otto Pang?” Auggie interrupted. “Oh my God, Cart, that’s huge.”
“Hold your water, Squirt. I talked to him. We’re still trying to figure out the details.
He liked the idea of pitching me to some of his clients as an influencer or whatever, but that shit, as they say, went down the fucking can.
” I hurried to add, “Not that I’m complaining. He’s just not as interested.”
Auggie shot a look at Theo that was surprisingly…combative.
Theo sighed.
“It’s a good idea,” Auggie said.
“I didn’t say it wasn’t.”
“You don’t have to. I know what it means when you keep saying, ‘Sure, babe,’ every time I bring it up.”
Theo’s smile was quicksilver—and, to my surprise, he shot it in my direction, like somehow we were in this together. I was almost as surprised by my own grin back.
“Oh no,” Auggie said. “Don’t you two start with that kind of stuff!”
“What’s the idea, champ?”
“So—” But he paused here to shoot another dark look at Theo. “I know you lost a lot of followers when you, uh, introduced everyone to Noah—”
“When they found out I was a fag,” I said.
“Cart,” Theo said.
Auggie’s cheeks turned red. “So, I guess I was thinking…” He took a breath like he was about to jump off a diving board. “Have you ever thought about, you know, leaning into that?”
It took me about two seconds to say, “Into what?”
“Being gay.”
“I am gay.”
“No, I know. I meant online, you know. Your social media.”
“What? Play with my nips while a bunch of old men jerk off to me?”
“Good God, Cart,” Theo said.
“Maybe not exactly that,” Auggie said, but for some reason, he was grinning now.
“Okay, here’s how I’d pitch it to a client: there’s a big audience in the LGBTQ community for home improvement content.
On top of that, you’re an attractive guy.
You’re traditionally masculine. You’re, like, the definition of trade. ”
“Gee, Sparky, you’re giving me a chub.”
“Okay,” Theo said. “This is why I said I didn’t think it was a good idea.”
“Cart, you’d do the same content. You’d be doing the same work. Just, you know, sometimes maybe don’t wear a shirt.”
“Don’t wear a shirt when I’m blowing insulation?”
“Cool it,” Theo said to me. To Auggie, he said, “It’s a good idea, sweetheart, but Cart—”
“Okay,” I said.
Theo stopped.
Auggie’s eyes brightened.
“Okay?” Theo said.
“Why not? Bunch of guys want to rub off in their jockeys watching me, sure, why not?”
“Uh, again,” Auggie said, “that’s not exactly the brand we’re creating.”
“Take the win, sweetheart,” Theo said.
“Okay, I’m going to say this, and then I’m going to run away.” And for some reason, Auggie looked like he was trying hard not to glance at Theo, and he was blushing again. “But I’ve got two words for you: gray sweatpants.”
“Auggie,” Theo said and rubbed his eyes.
“Running away now,” Auggie said with a laugh.
And he did.
“Because of my horse cock,” I told Theo.
“Oh my God,” Theo said. He was scratching his beard now. And if you knew him well enough, you could tell when he was trying not to smile.
“Your boy toy’s got the right idea. Slutty gray sweatpants hanging off my hips. No shirt. Big old dick swinging around because I’m free-balling, obviously.”
“Obviously,” Theo said. “I don’t know why I had this crazy idea you wouldn’t like being a pinup boy.”
“I’m a human being moving through time, motherfucker. I’m allowed to evolve.”
A huge grin split Theo’s face. “I guess you are.” A little too casually, he added, “Plus you know it’ll drive Noah wild.”
“Oh, it’s going to crank his fucking motor.”
That grin hung there another moment, but then Theo’s face got serious, and he said, “Not to pry—”
“But you’re going to pry anyway?”
Theo did something with his eyebrows that made me remember he taught high-schoolers.
“Fuck me,” I said. “What?”
“Is everything…okay?”
“Like, what? Me and Noah?”
“You and Noah.” Theo was quiet. “You.”
“Yeah,” I said. And after a moment, “Yeah, I think so. I mean, we’ve got stuff to work on.”
“Everyone has stuff to work on.”
“Even you and Spanky?”
Theo did that teacher thing again.
“I love him,” I said with a laugh that, for some reason I couldn’t understand, almost turned into crying. “I’m going to work on my shit.”
“You’re a human being moving through time,” Theo said gently.
“Something like that.” I moved the stack of plates. The turkey pinwheels were almost gone, but nobody had touched Si’s potato salad. “Noah and I have been talking.” And I had to stop again. I touched the handle of a plastic spoon, lining it up with the next one. “You know my family is shit.”
Theo just nodded. Maybe that’s why it had always been easy to be with him.
“I’ve got this brother,” I said. “I think I’m going to try and track him down.”
“That’s great,” Theo said. “If you need any help, you know Auggie is scarily good at cyber-stalking people.”
“They just call it stalking, Grandpa.”
Theo scratched his beard some more. And, in the process, managed to give me the finger. But his voice was careful when he said, “And you know we’ve got a friend who works as a private investigator. He’ll have access to some databases that aren’t public. He might be able to help.”
I nodded. I gave up on the spoons because my hands were starting to tremble. “Yeah, maybe.” And then, “Thanks.”
Theo gripped my shoulder, squeezed, and didn’t say anything.
And I didn’t say anything. And we stood there for a while until, through the opening to the living room, Auggie and Noah started talking.
Whatever Auggie said, Noah brightened and pointed to the sofa, and they walked over to look at it together.
“Great,” Theo said, not quite under his breath. “He’s been talking about buying a new couch for the last six months.”
“Good luck,” I said. The doorbell rang, and I clapped Theo on the arm as I moved to answer it. “That one cost a fucking fortune.”
An old man was waiting on the porch, bundled up against the cold and carrying a basket in one hand. A little check cloth covered the top of the basket.
“Hi,” I said. “Here for the party?” I held out a hand. “Howie Cartwright. We just moved in.”
The old man peered over my shoulder as he shoved the basket at me. “I talked to a very nice young man the other day. My sister gives me eggs. Can’t stand them— There he is.” The old man waved. “I brought the eggs!”
I glanced over my shoulder. Noah was in the entry hall, cheeks flushed, smiling.
“That’s my husband, Noah,” I said. I pushed the door open a little wider. “Come on in.”