42. Can’t Walk Away
forty-two
Can’t Walk Away
“ I figured, Kourt. I’d have to be blind not to know.” Kelsey’s taking things better than I thought. “Can’t blame a girl for confirming.”
“I’m going to give you your money back.”
“Kourt, I would never . It’s for the firetruck.”
“Then I owe you some lawn work.”
Kelsey smiles graciously and shrugs.
An idea hits me. “Or, hey… what if I double the portion of the bet that covers the date, to send you and Trent out on the town?”
“Your assistant coach?”
“Yeah. It was basketball’s contribution to the auction. He’d love to. I mean if—”
“Yeah, no—I mean, I would actually… really like that, too.” Kelsey’s smile grows slightly wider than the one she reserves for me.
Way to go Trent. Merry Christmas, buddy!
I slide away from Kelsey and the group of Blitzen faculty she’s decorating with.
Helen and Archer are walking toward a booth together. They look deep in conversation. Odd. They’re easily the same person, from what Erika tells me. I’m just curious what two strangers have to talk about.
Pulling my eyes from those two, I scan the grounds. Erika’s nowhere in sight.
Fuck.
I know she’s busy. It’s the last day before Christmas Eve’s town tree lighting— Our Christmas . It’ll be our first Christmas together. My chest tightens at the thought of it.
But then, the possibility of not getting to be with her on Christmas…
I stop in the middle of my town—the one she brought back to life, at the realization—the pain in my gut when I think of every Christmas after this one.
Then I know what a part of me must’ve known since the day I met her.
I don’t ever want to spend Christmas without her.
It’s dark out, and getting pretty late. Downtown’s deserted when I pass through, heading to Erika’s house. She’s got to be home by now. We’ve been apart too long with no conversation, and this is an in-person one to have.
Pulling under her carport next to Helen’s SUV, I spot Archer coming out to greet me.
This guy.
He buttons his coat and slides his hands into his pockets as he paces in front of the entrance, waiting for me.
“Couldn’t stay away, huh?” His snark is as bitter as it is cold out.
“I could say the same thing to you.” I prop my back on the front of the house beside him. Guess we’re having a talk.
“How is she any different to you than the local yokels you date?”
“You know the answer to that, or you wouldn’t be here.”
“I came because of work. They were wrong and they want her back on the account.”
“Didn’t know what they had when they had it.” I look him dead in the eye.
“They’re taking her pitch. It’s a massive career leap.”
“That’s not all you’re here for.”
Archer glares up at me, and for a second I see pain in his eyes. He’s got it bad, or worse—he thinks he does.
“I’ve known Erika for four years. You’ve barely known her a month.”
“And in four years what the fuck did you do about it? Make her feel like she wasn’t good enough?”
Fuck this guy.
I step away from the wall, done with this conversation. He’s not the one I want to talk to.
“She’s everything, and you know it.” Archer’s voice slices through the cold air, and I consider whether I should leave it.
“Yeah, I do.” I turn to face him. “That’s the real difference between you and me, buddy.” Staring down at him, my jaw ticks.
“She’ll come back to Chicago with me, where she has a future. She sure as fuck doesn’t belong here in Hicksville, USA. She belongs in a board room on the 30th floor in Chicago.”
“Butt. Out.”
“Wow. Impressive vocabulary,” he hisses.
My eyes flare wide. “She’s turned this town around in less than a month. Did you ever think it was her time in that pitch room, and it is now with me?”
Archer side-eyes me and blinks in thought. His hands leave his pockets and he scratches the back of his gelled hair and sneers. “Then why’d you leave her again?”
Because I had a fucking panic attack.
Couldn’t breathe. Couldn’t think for the ringing in my ears , the wicked memory washing over me. That tape. The one Angie threw at me the night she died—it had no place in my relationship with Erika.
“None of your fucking business, and I didn’t leave her. I just had to catch my breath.” I feel my pulse in my throat.
Is that what she thinks? That I left her?
“Right,” he scoffs. “That, and you think you know her so well.”
“I know how she makes me feel, and that’s something you haven’t come to terms with yet or didn’t—until she left.”
Archer’s designer playboy image deflates, and I see a pissed-off, desperate man come at me.
Fuck. He’s about to lose his shit.
Don’t do it buddy. She’s worth it, but you’re not.
When this is all over, he’ll be remembered as an overprotective best friend. I’ll have mercy on him and not give him away. No need to add insult to injury and embarrass the guy, no matter how misguided his intentions are.
“And just how does she make you feel?” His face is three shades of red, and his temple is pulsing as he stops just short of being in my face.
I’m done being delicate. “Wouldn’t you like to know.”
Turning from him, I shake my head toward the door. If her best friend can’t see it by now, I can’t help him.
Or maybe that’s the problem: He does.
As if I could say out loud how she makes me feel. As if I would fucking tell him.
Before her, my life was a succession of people who dread or fear the worst in life, me included.
You take a problem and worry about the worst that could happen.
Then in those rare moments of relief, when the something bad doesn’t happen…
most of us don’t celebrate that good fortune.
We go right back to stewing over the next problem.
She’s not like that. She’s the relief. She’s the moment when it all works out.
And better than you anticipated… Erika is that all the time.
I need that all the time. I want it. I need her.
He huffs out a loud breath behind me as I put my hand on the door.
“And just what do you think you’re going to do? You’re just going to walk in and get the girl?”
“I already have her. That’s why you came. You’re scared of losing her.”
“Un-fucking believable. I know my best friend. If she needs anything right now, she needs space.”
“Space my ass. Erika doesn’t like it when I stay away from her for too long, and neither the fuck do I.” I push through the front door with so much force it doesn’t bother to close behind me.
A large, live Douglas fir stands in the corner where her silver tinsel tree used to be.
My eyes shift to the loft, where the silver needles shine.
A cabinet door closes in the kitchen and my eyes lock on Erika as she turns toward the living room with a tray of hot chocolates, a bowl of marshmallows and a spray can of whip cream.
She freezes.
Her hair is pulled up in a messy bun, showcasing her high cheek bones and beautiful neck, and her almost aqua eyes dance back at mine as our gazes catch and seem to cement in place.
A much longer beat than intended weighs down the room around us.
Finally, I move my mouth to speak. “You got a real tree.”
“Yes.” She nods without blinking or taking her eyes from mine.
“But how did you get it—” I lift my eyes to Helen as she crosses to the tree.
“There are pine needles covering every inch of my car’s interior,” she chimes in, the wound still very fresh.
“I’m sorry, Helen. I’m not the one who opened a window,” Erika engages, almost robotically, her gaze still locked on mine.
“I’ll buy you a new one.” Archer’s voice joins in as he closes the door behind me.
“Shut up, Archer.” Helen barks as he moves toward the tree, where she lifts a string of wooden cranberries to untangle.
Erika and I stand frozen, ten feet apart while our best friends pretend not to know what’s going on between us.
“I’m sorry,” I whisper. Then clearing my throat, I speak loud enough for all to hear, “I can’t explain it. I just… panicked. Guilt. Surprise.”
My phone dings in my pocket and my eyes don’t leave hers as it goes off again.
“I meant what I said that night. I just said it all wrong. The tape wasn’t your fate, or destiny… it’s mine. Mine to meet you. Fuck. I’ve fallen in love with you, Erika. I didn’t think it could happen. To me.”
Helen’s phone dings in the background as I watch Erika swallow a shallow breath.
“I never felt this for Angie. Helen was right. We were just always together. Expected to be together. And maybe it’s a sign, or fate like you said—but that tape brought you to me.”
My emergency tone rings in my pocket as everyone’s phones blow up with alerts.
“I know you have Chicago—”
“Kourt!” Helen tries to interrupt, but I don’t let her.
“Just let me get this out!” I yell at Helen as I watch tears trickle down Erika’s face.
“You think you love me?” she whispers.
“You know I do.”
A loud thud interrupts everything as a travel trunk hits the entryway floor next to a pair of gold snakeskin pumps.
Our eyes trail up from the high heels to dark red hair and an even redder-lipped smile worn by one Josephine Amherst. Erika’s great aunt’s painted eyebrows lift in surprise as she surveys the situation.
“Oh my.”
Helen ignores the front door and pushes her phone screen in my face, as my emergency line rings again and I answer. “Chief? What is it? I’m on my way.”
My eyes shift back to her. “I have to go. There’s a fire in Pikesville. All of Boonesborough County’s been called in. It’s the lumber mill.” I pivot to head out.
“Be careful, Kourt.” My best friend calls behind me.
“Yes, darling, do be careful.” Josephine squeezes my hand as I pass, glancing back at a stunned Erika. Her eyes are wide and full of shock as I peel mine from her… and the front door closes behind me.