Chapter 34 Forever
Forever
Jas
Ipark beneath the same Tearfall Tree whenever I visit here. Its cascading branches flutter lightly in the wind.
Turning the car off, I sit and breathe slowly, trying to calm the ache already blooming in my chest from being away.
I’m happy with Dominik. I feel safe, loved, and hopeful. But all of this is still so new.
When Seren mentioned marriage, I didn’t know what to think. Dom told me in so many words, not at all a marriage proposal, that he wants me to be his wife. He would wait until I was ready, and if I wasn’t, I know he’d be understanding.
The bond doesn’t merely create certainty. It creates inevitability. And inevitability is terrifying to someone who has already lost everything once. I know this bond promises connection. But what if this changes the foundation of everything we’ve both built, and I lose him, too?
The pull for him has lessened some, but I still can’t keep my hands off him. I knew this would turn into an obsession. How can I not want him when he’s underneath my skin? When we are together, it’s like we were made for one another.
Grabbing the tote from the passenger seat, I open the car door and step into the silence of the cemetery. The world knows better than to intrude on visitors who come to see their loved ones.
Warm sunlight is filtering through the branches in soft patches. The grass is lush and green, recently trimmed, and somewhere nearby a bird sings—bright and careless like grief, heartache, and confusion don't exist here. I almost resent it.
I walk the path without thinking. My body knows it by heart now. The fourth row. Six stones down on the right side. His headstone comes into view, and my chest doesn't tighten as it used to, but it feels heavy. That’s why I'm here. To talk.
Aaryn Groves
Cherished Husband and Father.
Adored Son and Friend.
Forever Loved.
I squat, brushing grass clippings away from the base of the stone before spreading the small blanket, taking a seat.
“Hey,” I whisper, pulling the small jar of honey from the tote bag. It's a beautiful, rich amber color, sparkling in the light as I set it beside his name.
"We’re getting more sunny days, but there are still some rainy ones too. You know I have a weakness for them. Remember, we listen, we don’t judge.” I laugh despite myself.
“Seren is doing great. I promised her I’d bring you honey next time I visit. I’ll bring her soon, but today I need to talk to you alone.” I pluck a tiny yellow flower beside the fringe of the blanket before lying down in the shade. I twirl the thin stem in my hand.
“We adopted a ketahnsi!” I laugh. “Seren is pretty excited about it. Her first pet. She had her first performance at the spring festival. She was a little bee. She’s losing baby teeth, and she’s beautiful, Aaryn.
She’s growing up, and she loves school—she’s smart.
” I sigh, turning to my side. “You'd be proud of her. "
I stay quiet for a moment, listening to the rustle of leaves, the distant hum of traffic, the steady rhythm of my own breathing.
Grief doesn’t crash over me the way it did in the beginning.
It doesn’t knock me to the ground anymore.
Now it’s distant. Lingering in the corners of my mind, only peeking out during moments that trigger a memory—like a song he liked, a phrase that reminds me of something he once told me, or something Seren says or does.
Drawing in a slow breath, I brace myself. I sit up and cross my legs, the flowy white dress billowing around me.
“There’s something I need to talk to you about.” I never thought I’d be nervous. Some may find it odd, seeing me sitting in a cemetery having a conversation with my deceased husband, but talking to him brings me comfort.
“I still love you. That hasn’t changed. Loving you feels…permanent. My heart will always have you in it.”
My chest aches, but I let the feeling come.
I don’t fight it anymore. “You were my safe place,” I continue, “my home. You were the person I thought I’d grow old with.
Raising our daughter who is wild and beautiful, exactly like you.
” The thought of seeing them side by side right now makes me laugh.
I picture listening to their laughter, seeing their identical smiles.
“You told me to keep living. I couldn’t do it at first. I was starting to become a ghost of myself.
I will never get over you. I—” I shrug. “I learned to live without you. When I realized I was ready to date again, I cried myself to sleep that night. It was a turning point I never thought I’d reach.
I was ready to fall in love again. I wanted to laugh at a stupid joke, to have dinner, to be kissed.
I was excited and scared, but devastated.
My heart was finally at a place to move forward. ”
The memory hits me. Uninvited and vivid as the day itself.
The house is too quiet today.
I'm exhausted.
Seren has finally fallen asleep. With how stressed I am, I know my emotions are overstimulating her. She wouldn’t stop crying—like she can sense what is coming.
Aaryn told me to let her lie beside him.
He’s in a hospital bed, but I don’t want her crawling all over him.
He isn’t strong right now, but with his persistence, we made her a little nest out of a large blanket and a pillow.
She nestled beside him, protected by his body and the bed railing, and quickly calmed down and fell asleep.
I sat in the corner of the room and watched them sleep, seeing him look at his baby girl with tears in his eyes as he drifted off to sleep. I carried her to her room, grabbed a book, and returned to his bedside.
I hate when he sleeps. I know it's his body’s way of conserving energy, but I’m terrified he won’t wake up. I watch every twitch, count every breath, because soon it will be his last.
The setting sun streams an orange-pink glow through the living room windows, painting the walls.
Aaryn lies on the bed, blankets tucked around him.
Too much has been stolen from him—his strength, his appetite, the color of his skin, and his hair.
Those eyes that captured me are no longer bright.
They’re dull, and his smile that brought me to my knees is weak.
He’s tired. Yet he’s still the beautiful man I fell in love with.
I try to read, and I read a sentence or two before I close the book. I reopen it, but I can’t focus.
I walk to the window and look outside at the village below. The nurse will be here soon, and yesterday she told me—it’s close. It could be any day now. Any hour. Any minute.
“Jasmira,” I hear Aaryn say softly.
“Hey, what do you need? Are you thirsty?”
He shakes his head slightly on the pillow. “Come here.”
I walk slowly, sitting back in the chair beside him, carefully holding his hand in mine. His grip isn’t strong, but he is determined to give me a light squeeze.
“How’s Seren?” His voice is lower; every rise and fall of his chest is shallow now.
I watch his chest as each breath comes in more slowly.
“Hey, babe,” he whispers.
I pull in a trembling breath. I can’t breathe. My heart—my heart is breaking. Will my last breath leave with him? Seren needs me, and I can’t do this—I’m not strong enough for this—for her. I’ve had months to accept this. And I can’t. I won’t.
“Look at me, bee.”
My eyes shoot to his. I always look at him when he calls me that. I study him through the tears as he grips my hand as tightly as he can.
“Don’t be scared,” he says.
“I am,” I whisper, my voice cracking.
He shakes his head. “Don’t be.” He licks his dry lips.
“You have life in you. You have given me so much. I knew I wanted you the first time I saw you, standing there in the rain with flowers in your hair. You stole my heart. Please—” He coughs, clearing his throat, taking a few breaths. “Please don’t stop.”
“Stop what?” I whisper, holding back tears and trying to be strong, listening to what may be his last words.
“Living,” he says simply. “Loving. Laughing. Allowing yourself to be happy. You and Seren.”
How can I do all those things without him here? With part of me gone? How can I live with this pain? How can I smile through it? “I can’t do this without you. We need you.”
He lifts my hand, dragging it to his chest. My palm splays across the soft t-shirt over the faint beating of his heart. Feeling the slow rise and fall of each breath.
“You already are doing this without me,” he says.
I sob, pressing my forehead to his. I lift his knitted beanie and press my lips to his forehead.
“Promise me something,” he says softly.
“Anything,” I reply with a shaky breath, my cheek resting on his forehead, arms wrapped around him. I don’t want to let him go.
“Don’t lock your heart away.”
I shake my head, taking his face into my hands. "I don’t want anyone else, Aaryn.”
He smiles sadly. “I know." He turns, pressing a kiss to the palm of my hand, leaning into it as he settles into the pillow. “But one day, someone will see you, and he will remind you you’re still alive. That you are meant to be here.”
I shudder, tears streaming down my face. I can't imagine myself with anyone else. I only see him. “I don’t want to lose you. I don’t want to forget you.”
“You won’t,” he says immediately, eyes closing as he swallows. “I’ll be part of you and Seren. Always.”
His thumb brushes my cheek, wiping away tears I don't have the strength to stop.
“And when that day comes,” he adds, quieter now, “I want you to choose happiness without guilt. Promise me.”
I shake my head.
"Jas..."
My lips shake with the words. “I promise.”
The memory fades, and my eyes quickly shut, trapping the moisture in my eyes. “I didn’t understand at the time. I thought I had more time before that promise mattered.” I take a shaky breath.
“I’m in love with Dominik.” I haven't said it out loud—not until now. The words feel sweet on my tongue and sacred all at once.
Goddess above.
"We’re mated. Moiraya, the Moon Goddess, bonded us. Our souls are bound together." My finger traces the embroidered flowers on the blanket as a tear slips free. "We tried to fight it. I thought I could. But—we couldn’t.”
“He doesn't try to replace you, and somehow, loving him doesn’t erase you. It doesn’t mean I love you any less. It means I’m still living. I am still here. Just like you said.”
I lay in silence. Knowing I'll never get an answer. All I hear is birdsong and the warm breeze through the trees. But I do feel comfort and solace in being here with him and knowing his final words to me came from a place in his heart. He wanted me to live, to thrive.
I stand slowly and fold up the blanket. Inhale a breath, holding it for a few seconds before slowly releasing.
“I love you, Aaryn, forever. Thank you for loving me.”
Me: I’m on my way home.
Dom: Drive safe, see you soon.
I slide beneath the sheets, careful not to disturb Mellie, who’s twitching in her sleep at our feet.
“Are you sick of me yet?” The words barely escape me before Dominik’s arm finds my waist, yanking me against his chest, and his leg settles over mine.
His breath scorches my neck as he growls. “I would devour you whole if I could,” he whispers, his teeth grazing my earlobe, tingles shooting down my spine. His hand cups my breast, thumb circling my nipple until I arch against him.
“Mm…and what big teeth you have…” I moan.
He laughs quietly. “I would never tire of you,” he croons, kissing my neck, wetness pooling between my legs.
“Prove it,” I challenge, breathless as I curve into him.
“Watch me,” he commands, diving to my mouth, biting my lip with such force I taste blood. I don’t care. As long as his hands claim every single inch they touch.