Chapter 39
YOU’RE A WORK OF ART
Nothing’s Gonna Hurt You Baby by Cigarettes After Sex
Holden
I groan as the sun warms my face. My body aches in a way it hasn’t in a while, but I don’t have to think long on what caused it.
There are arms wrapped around me, a head of pretty copper hair splayed over my chest. I smile to myself, careful not to move or make any sounds so as not to wake her, but it’s futile. She stirs in my arms.
I bend and kiss her on the forehead. She freezes, so I whisper, “Good morning, Beauty.” She relaxes immediately, as if for a split second, she had no clue where she was, but the mere sound of my voice helped put her at ease.
She lifts up on her elbows, glazed blue eyes on mine, stopping my heart in the process. Her chin rests on my chest, her thick thighs over mine, and if heaven was a place on Earth, it would be this, right here. I trail my fingers down her back, smiling softly when she does the same over my chest.
“Hi,” I whisper.
“Hi,” she echoes.
“Are you a coffee and breakfast in bed kinda girl?” I ask, and, as if I told a joke, she laughs.
“I don’t remember the last time I was able to be a coffee and breakfast in bed kind of girl. I’m more of the maker of the breakfast instead.”
“Okay, well, you stay here, and I’ll be back.” I kiss her forehead again, trying to slip out from under her, but she groans.
“Nooo, don’t go. You’re so warm.”
Her candor makes me smile. “Are we cold?”
“So cold,” she teases.
I flip her over, her back to the mattress as I hover over her. “Let me make sure you’re warm and comfy before I go make you food.”
I try to kiss her, but she tilts her head. “I haven’t brushed my teeth.”
I nip at her earlobe then kiss her jaw. “I don’t really care.”
“Stop.” She shoves me away playfully as I continue to kiss her jaw and make it to her lips.
We kiss, tenderly at first, increasing intensity in no time.
We spent the night learning each other’s bodies, what makes us tick, what feels good, and we didn’t stop until she was putty in my hands.
But kissing and touching Natalie is addictive, and it will never be enough.
The distance between us, even with our mouths linked, is too much.
The desire, the need to have every inch of my body on her, is desperate.
It’s perfect. My erection rests against her thigh until she deepens the kiss and spreads her legs, welcoming me between them.
She tilts her hips up at the same time her tongue swipes against mine.
She wants this almost as much as I want her, and that’s intoxicating too.
I slide inside her, her warmth and moan welcoming me.
I still don’t feel close enough. My chest presses against her breast, not taking my lips from hers as my hands rake through her silky hair.
I could live here forever, buried in her sweet pussy while every part of me is connected to her body somehow.
I drive in slowly, deeper and deeper, as she relaxes around my dick.
Her lips let go of mine with a gasp, and she throws her head back on the pillow.
I lick her neck, kissing my way to her collarbone, then her breast. I hold her leg, tilting it back and widening her hips more, allowing me to get deeper to hit that spot I discovered last night.
I suck her nipple into my mouth and dig my fingers into the flesh of her thigh, earning me another moan.
“I’m so close,” she whispers in a moan, grabbing my hair and pulling it gently. Now I’m the one moaning. I drive in again and again, bringing a hand between us to press on her clit.
The sounds we make are indecent, as our moans and groans mix with the sound of my dick driving into her wet pussy. Until she gasps, her pussy clenching around my dick and her hands dropping to my back, her nails dragging all over my skin.
And then I’m done too.
I come, hard and fast, sucking on her nipple at the same pace, and her pussy tightens, in sync, meant to be, and nobody can tell me otherwise.
Our breaths even out, slowly going back to normal. Then, she pulls me to her, letting me collapse onto her, wrapping her arms around me.
“That was…” she whispers.
“Perfect,” we both say in unison. I smile against her soft belly, tracing her scars delicately. That’s when it hits me—fuck, I didn’t use a condom.
“Natalie.”
“What? What’s wrong?” She can detect the change in my tone immediately, climbing up to her elbows and looking down at me.
“Um, we didn’t use a condom. I haven’t been with anyone in years, and I’ve never been with anyone bare, so I know I don’t have much to worry about, but I can still get tested.” What was I thinking? I wasn’t; that’s clear as day.
“I’m sorry. I got carried away.”
She shakes her head. “It’s okay. I, um, I know my test results would be clear, but I can get tested too.”
Her words sound like it’s not a big deal, but her face shows the complete opposite.
I sit on the bed, pulling the blanket with me and leaving her completely naked, which doesn’t help my case, so I drape the blanket back over her.
“Hard to keep your eyes on me, huh, Beast?”
I chuckle because my eyes are on her, just on everywhere but her face, and we need to talk about this.
“It wasn’t on purpose.”
“I know. We got carried away. It’s not a big deal.”
“Are you sure?”
“Other than an STD, the biggest thing would be what? A baby? That’s what people worry about when they have unprotected sex, but…
” She pauses, looking somber, and now I’m worried.
“I don’t know if you remember, but I can’t have kids.
” She traces the scar on her belly with her finger.
“Have you ever seen C-section scars before?”
I nod. “Yeah, my mom had one with Liz, and when she wore bathing suits, you could see it, but hers was smaller and horizontal.”
She bites her lower lip. “Yeah, because that’s how they usually go, but mine was different. I don’t want to bore you with details—”
I hold her hand, stopping her from continuing. “Natalie, you could never bore me. I’m here to listen to whatever you want to share, as little or as much as you want.”
Her eyes fill with tears. “I know I told you I had a hysterectomy before, but I didn’t explain why.
When I was in the hospital delivering Vero, everything was normal at first, but it changed quickly, turning into a nightmare.
I was in the middle of labor when I felt a really intense pain, like nothing I’ve experienced before.
” She closes her eyes, as if she’s going back to that day.
My heart breaks for her, and I don’t know how to help her.
But that day, weeks ago, when I was unraveling, all I needed was someone who would listen.
She did that for me, and I’m glad I get to do the same for her too.
I hold her hand as she continues. “They kept telling me I was fine, that labor hurt like that, but I knew something was wrong, and then I could see it in their faces. They looked at me in a way I had seen once before, the night Nick died. I knew something was wrong, but nobody was saying anything. Then, I passed out. I woke up hours later, and they had to explain she went into fetal distress, and with me passing out, they had to perform an emergency C-section. They didn’t want to risk it, so they did this incision instead of the other one. ”
“We talked about this. You have nothing to worry about. I like every part of you, including your scars.” Love is what I want to say. I love every part of you, but I don’t, especially with her shaking her head.
“No. The scar is not the worst thing that happened that day. They, um, they found out the pain I described and her heart rate dropping was due to a rupture in my uterus, and, well, they couldn’t save it.
I had my baby, a baby we tried to have for years, a baby who came after countless miscarriages—actually, no, not countless.
Eight, because each one of them deserves to be recognized for their short time earth-side.
A baby who came to bring me so much hope, especially after her dad died a few months before, but they couldn’t save my ability to carry more children. ”
“Natalie,” I whisper.
“So you not using a condom is not a big deal, especially if you know you don’t have any STDs, as I couldn’t have another baby even if I tried."
I bring her to me, wrapping her in my arms and letting her tears fall, letting her cry and grieve so much loss.
Her baby suffering in the womb, her soulmate dying, losing her uterus—all things out of her control.
My heart breaks for her. How can someone who looks so happy and content all the time have gone through so much in such a short life? It’s not fair.
“Life isn’t fair,” she replies, letting me know I said those words out loud. She pushes away from me, wiping her tears, a forced smile on her face. “It’s okay. I’ve made my peace.”
“You don’t have to pretend to be okay. I’m here if you ever need someone not to be okay around, okay?”
She drops a kiss on my lips, while I consider her, here, and how much I don’t want this to end.
I could look at her forever, but I jolt out of bed instead. If I don’t, I’m going to stay here forever, and she needs to be back before she goes to the store. It’s early, but we have an hour drive to her place.
Her eyes roam my body as I walk around my room naked, grabbing a pair of sweats that rest on my hips.
I smile, but she doesn’t notice; her eyes are everywhere but on my face.
I used to have the whole hockey body thing so many people go crazy about, but I don’t anymore.
I work out to stay strong, but I eat whatever I want and don’t focus on the six-pack.
I want to be strong and healthy, but you’d think I was still in my prime, judging by how Natalie is staring.
When she catches the way I’m watching her looking at me, she blushes with more than her cheeks.
Her neck, chest, and even her arms are covered in crimson red, and I love it.
My eyes rake her body too, unable to stop at how the thin sheets dip on her full hips, wishing she were fully uncovered too. “You’re a work of art, you know that?”
“Oh, stop.”
“I mean it. You are. I’m so lucky you’re here with me today, and I will never take it for granted.
” I dip my knees on the bed, holding her hand and dropping a kiss right on it.
I grab her phone from the nightstand, pointing at the charger on the other side.
“Stay here. I’ll go make coffee, but put this on the charger. It died last night.”
I walk out, leaving her in my bed. My bed that now smells like her. What a blessing and a curse. In the kitchen, Chili is happily by my feet in no time. “Hi, girl,” I greet, petting her.
“Oh!” Right behind me, a fully dressed Natalie mentions.
“Natalie, this is Chili. Chili, Natalie.” She gets closer, squatting to my goat’s level and petting her.
“I thought I told you I would bring you coffee in bed.”
“Yeah, but we don’t have much time before we have to go. I have to get back and shower before heading to the store. I can’t work all day in this dress.”
I shrug. “Works for me.”
“I bet it does.” She winks, walking around the kitchen island and sitting on a stool, making herself at home.
How do I keep her like this with me? How can I make this work?
I make the coffee as I ponder everything I learned about Natalie and her life.
Her scars were beautiful to me before. I knew she had gone through a lot with the loss of her husband, but seeing them and hearing everything she went through after will challenge me forever to be a better person, someone worthy of her.
Each scar, each mark, is a reminder of how strong she is.
They’re a testament of how beautiful, resilient, and strong not only she is, but her body too.
How much she’s been through, how she’s come out the other side as the wonderful person she is. And that’s even sexier.
I quietly slide a white mug with coffee, brown sugar, and cream in front of Natalie. It’s not her perfect coffee, but it will do. I look up to tell her as much, but the sight frightens me. “What’s wrong?”
“I have to go back now. Vero’s sick.”
“Yes, of course. Let me put a shirt on, and we can go.”
In no time, we’re in my car heading back. She’s been on the phone with her friend, talking to her and giving her directions on what to do. It seems like we’re going to the hospital instead of her house.
“This is all my fault. If I had charged my phone or stayed home last night, this wouldn’t have happened. I was selfish, so selfish, and now she’s in the hospital without me.”
She’s not really talking to me, just voicing her fears and feelings.
“It’s going to be okay.” I try to hold her hand, but she pulls away, the space between us heavy for the first time since I met her. The inside of the car is the same, but she’s placed an invisible wall between us.
“I was so naive to think I could have it all, but I can’t, and now, she’s suffering because of it.” These are her last words before stepping out of the car at the hospital, closing the door, and leaving me at a loss for what to do next.