Epilogue
Home Is You by John Wiilde
Natalie - A Year Later
Dear Diary:
A year ago today, I started writing at the request of my therapist. She wanted me to journal. Most of this, you’ve witnessed via my entries, but I wanted to do a year at a glance and catch you up on everything.
This past year, Bella has blossomed into the badass she is today.
We’re going to the last game of her second hockey season, and it’s the final in the league’s championship.
Her team is even better than before. She loves it, and she’s so good at it.
She says she’s not, that she’s just dedicated, but we will have to agree to disagree.
I started with this entry because I think it has been my favorite thing to witness.
This past year has been more than eye-opening—it has been fulfilling, awe-inspiring, one hundred percent amazing.
I gained a boyfriend, one who adores my family as if it were his own.
Vero graduated from speech, though she still has to go to physical therapy.
It turns out, the Animal-Assisted Therapy group was the best for Bella.
She loves it, and she has learned so much with Julia and her team.
The Blooming Wine hired a full-time employee, and I’ve learned to manage work-life balance. What a joy it is not to work seven days a week for a bazillion hours. I still work every day, just in different ways.
Jerry has become a huge part of our family too, especially considering that because of his investment, we’ve been able to expand The Blooming Wine beyond my wildest dreams. A new employee, a bigger flower shop, Bella works in a couple of times a week, and more free time for me.
He manages the work side part-time, and he’s so happy.
He still hasn’t gotten a kidney, but he goes to dialysis three times a week.
The girls love him so much. They love spending time with him and playing UNO until one of the adults gives up.
It took time for Holden to be open to introducing them, but when he did, it was magical.
It was as if they all healed each other simultaneously.
This year brought Cara and Manny’s cute baby, Charlie.
Mateo and Daisy’s Calla turned one, and Allie’s pregnant with her second.
So many babies! Nellie and Gus got married earlier this year, and it was the most beautiful wedding.
They got married alone on a sailboat, didn’t tell anyone, and celebrated with all of us at their cabin.
A little over the top, but beautiful, nonetheless.
Nellie is so ready for babies, but Gus wants to wait a little.
In the meantime, they’re spoiling all the kids rotten.
Roe and Santiago are still Roe and Santiago—childless, unhinged, and as happy as they can be.
Roe’s yearly haunted house experience has become a Baker Oaks attraction, and she’s taken it to where Mr. Skeleton never leaves her yard.
It’s hilarious. Santiago bought the auto shop from Jake’s dad, and now he and Jake are the owners.
Livie and Alex decided they’re giving each other a year to assess their next steps. They haven’t been able to conceive, but they don’t want to jump into adoption without figuring out if that’s what they really want.
Holden’s friends became my friends, almost like a second family.
But don’t tell Aspen, because it will go to his head, and he’ll be even more insufferable.
That boy cried for so long when Holden moved away from Magnolia Springs.
That was his decision, but I’m so happy he made it.
He still drives over multiple times a week, and he kept his house.
We’re turning it into our lake house one day, but for now, it’s a rental.
Chili lives with us, the perfect addition to our family.
It took her a while to get adjusted to her new living space, but she’s good now.
She’s so well-behaved and provides free entertainment, too.
The girls have been begging for another goat, but I’m not ready.
I just want steady right now, not starting over with another animal.
I started therapy again, and I’m so glad.
Turns out, losing your husband changes you beyond what you may think, and there’s a lot of really hard stuff to work through.
Starting a new relationship requires work, especially when my number one coping skill is pushing everyone and everything away.
He doesn’t deserve that, and I’m glad I’m working through it.
There’s so much to look back at that it’s hard to summarize it all.
But one thing is certain: this past year, I learned hope didn’t come back to me the way I expected it.
It didn’t crash into my life or knock the breath from my lungs. It didn’t feel like fire or lightning or anything I used to believe love had to be.
It arrived quietly.
In the way, the house sounds fuller now.
In the way my girls laugh with me, him, and everything he has brought around us.
I used to think surviving meant holding on to everything I’d lost, because then, I could continue the legacy. As if letting go of the hurt would somehow loosen my grip on him.
But grief isn’t proof of love. Love was already proven. I didn’t lose Nick because I smiled again. I didn’t betray him because my heart learned how to open differently.
And I didn’t dishonor or replace what we had by choosing love again.
There are still days that ache, deep in my bones. There always will be. But they no longer undo me. I’m no longer faking it. They sit beside the good ones instead of erasing them. And I have someone who understands, who gets to share them with me.
Holden said I gave him the hope he lost once, but the reality is, he didn’t bring me hope. He was hope.
He still is.
We’ve been living together for a few months now, and I love it. It was a little weird at first for me, but Bella said it made the most sense, since he was always here. He’s such a big part of our lives now, and I couldn’t imagine it any other way.
He hasn’t proposed or anything, but we’ve talked about marriage before, and he knows I’m open to the idea. And if you ask me, I would say I’m ready.
Bella’s ready too. She says she’s the luckiest girl because she gets to have two dads and the best mom.
And yes, it makes me cry every time.
What a beautiful and hard year this has been. I can’t wait for another one.
Love,
Natalie
“Mom! We’re going to be late!” Bella shouts at the same time I sign the diary entry. Perfect timing.
“Why the rush?”
“I want us to leave before the sun sets,” she says.
“Why?” I open the door, and a gasp escapes me.
“That’s why.” Bella smiles at me, guiding me outside to where Holden stands by the oak tree with a giant sign that reads marry me.
“What in the world?”
“Go, go, go!”
The distance between us is never-ending, but it gives me enough time to take it all in. The sky is a dozen colors dancing together, painting the perfect picture behind this man, dressed in yup, green and black, standing right under the oak tree on the opposite side of the swing.
“What are you doing?” I ask when I reach him, my voice shaking.
“Well, Beauty, for someone who reads so much, you clearly didn’t read this sign.”
“I read it, silly.”
“So…”
“So what?” I chuckle, drawing the same from him.
Shaking his head, he lowers the sign and takes my face in his hands, dropping a soft peck to my lips before lowering to the ground on one knee. This is actually happening.
“Natalie, I could stay here and tell you a million and one reasons why I think you should marry me. I could show you probably more if I were to take my phone out and review our last year together.” His smile could light up this whole town.
“But I also have a hard time explaining how one day I was driving around broken-hearted, angry at so much in life, and all that sadness and anger led me to a girl who would change my life forever. How that one decision, made in a split second to grab some flowers from a place I’ve never been before, would lead me to the loves of my life. ”
“Loves?” I ask, sucking in a quiet sob.
“My girls. All three of you.”
“I love you,” I whisper, unable to contain it any longer.
“I love you too, and them, and our lives together. I love everything we’ve been through and everything we’ve grown through.
I adore your smile and your ambition, your determination, and how fiercely you love.
I love your body and the way you move around the house like a whimsical goddess.
I love how you love my friends and family just as much as I do. ”
“I do love them.” A tear escapes me. I do love them, and him, so so much.
“I know.” He points to the side where my friends and his—no, not our friends, our family—are looking our way. How did I miss them? “They know it too.”
“What are they doing here?”
“They wanted to be a part of the next chapter in our love story.”
“Oh yeah? And which one is that?” I ask, teasing him.
“The one where you say yes to being my wife, the future Mrs. Natalie Bradshaw Clay.”
I suck in a breath. What? “What?”
“If you want to take the Clay, that is. I don’t actually care, as long as you say yes. Just be my main squeeze. Please.” He smiles, and this is the first time I notice the ring. It has a giant yellow gem in the middle, tiny green ones surrounding it—like lemons. I’m obsessed.
“I want to cherish you until we're old. Let me love you until the end of times.” He takes my hand in his, softly drawing a heart on my palm.
“Since I first saw you, I've been yours. Let me claim you with a ring, just like you did when you gave me coffee with sprinkles. Natalie, would you do me the honor of being my wife?”
There’s zero hesitation, only tears of joy and love when I shout, “Yes!” and throw myself into his arms. Our friends erupt in celebration, Bella and Vero joining and hugging us before the rest do the same.
What a beautiful love I would have never been given the chance to find again if I didn’t open my heart to him. To the hope I once lost that now resides between us forever. In each of us.