Chapter 6 #2
She tilted her head and looked at him. ‘Have you ever been in love with anyone aside from yourself?’
He pretended to give it some thought, then shook his head, pulling his mouth down in mock regret. ‘No.’
He had no time for love and didn’t want the responsibility of looking after another person.
‘Well then. What would you know about it?’ Her directness challenged him and he admired her no-nonsense approach. Would she talk to him like this if she knew he was the one that held the financial purse strings?
He answered her honestly. ‘I think you would know if someone was in love with you. How could you not? If I knew a girl was in love with me, I’d let her down gently and be honest with her. Are you telling me he has no idea you’re in love with him?’
Rebecca lifted her shoulders in silent defeat. ‘No. Maybe… I don’t know.’ She sighed and her face crumpled in sadness and Felipe found himself laying a hand over hers. She didn’t seem to notice. ‘I thought he might but… It’s complicated. Really complicated.’
‘It’s always complicated,’ said Felipe, not meaning to sound quite so dismissive.
He understood complicated. There had been someone in the Netherlands before his father died.
Estela. She’d been a cyclist too. Funny, it dawned on him that her lithe, strong athletic body had not been dissimilar from Rebecca’s.
Estela had not wanted the added complication of long distance and hadn’t been able to comprehend what he was facing.
The relationship had fallen apart as abruptly as a plug pulled from a sink. Whoosh, gone in no time at all.
‘His wife died,’ said Rebecca, unexpectedly breaking the silence.
‘Ah.’ Felipe had a glimmer of understanding. Yes, that was complicated.
Rebecca didn’t look at him, instead stared down at her knees, where his hand lay on hers on her lap.
‘But I was in love with him before. I think I’ve been in love with him for half my life.
We were at school together. Friends– and then he went away to university and came back with a girlfriend, Alicia.
They got married and they were happy for five years.
Soulmates. I knew I could never match her and I genuinely thought I was cured.
’ She hissed out a derisive laugh and sounded so sad that he shifted closer so that they were shoulder to shoulder.
He could feel the warmth of her skin through the thin cotton shirt she wore, and he hoped that she felt his and it gave her some comfort, an anchor against the loss and loneliness he heard in her voice.
‘Then she died and it was awful. He loved her so much. He was a mess.’ She laughed, sadly this time. ‘Such a mess. We were still friends and I… guess I liked being a good friend. A shoulder to cry on. I never intended to… I don’t know… take advantage of the situation. I wanted to help him.’
He felt the wooden seat jerk as she straightened up and threw herself against the back of the seat. ‘And I fell in love with him all over again.’
The disgust in her voice was palpable.
‘It happens,’ he said, not having a clue. Had he ever been in love? With Estela, it had been close, but they’d never had a chance to find out. She hadn’t stuck around and he had too many other things to worry about to care about her giving up when the going got tough.
‘Tell me about it. Of course, I couldn’t say anything. Stepping into a dead woman’s shoes. So I kept it to myself because he was still grieving and I hoped it would pass. Two years went by, and we were best friends. I was his go-to plus-one… because he had no idea.’
Felipe frowned but refrained from voicing his immediate thought that maybe this guy had been using her. His hand tightened on Rebecca’s, angry on her behalf.
‘This summer I… Well, my cousin, Anna, fell in love and…’ Rebecca paused. ‘She and Leo… They live in Prague. They are so happy and I realised… I want what they have.’
She closed her eyes and slumped on the seat, the picture of despair, then released his hand and dropped her head into her hands. Moved, Felipe put an arm around her. Or maybe it was the sudden loss of contact.
‘Hey, it can’t be that bad, can it?’
She huffed out another unhappy laugh. ‘Depends on your definition of bad.’
‘Tell me and I can give you a considered opinion.’
She sat upright and grimaced again. ‘It’s just so lame and pathetic.’
‘You’re quite hard on yourself,’ said Felipe, realising that she really was.
‘I deserve to be. I’m an idiot and stupid with it.’
‘Why don’t you let me be the judge of that? I know about these things.’
‘Really? I can’t imagine you’ve ever experienced unrequited love.’
‘No,’ he said glibly, ‘of course I haven’t.
’ But he’d experienced what he’d thought at the time was the loss of his whole life.
He deliberately quashed the pain of the memory of everything he’d worked towards being taken away in one moment.
‘Maybe not, but perhaps that allows me to have a different perspective.’
‘Hmph,’ said Rebecca, lapsing into silence.
He sat next to her, respecting her peace. She’d talk when she was ready.
Cicadas chirruped in the long grass nearby and in the distance the lone call of an owl echoed across the trees.
‘I decided to seize the day. Carpe diem and all that. We were going to a ball. Together but not together, the plus-one thing. This time I decided to go for it. I’d make a real effort.
Try and get him to notice me.’ There was another long pause.
‘I’m lying. I gave myself an ultimatum. I was going to tell him how I felt. ’
‘Brave.’
‘Or very stupid.’
‘Not stupid.’
‘It was long overdue and it’s not like me. Believe it or not, I’m usually not so sappy. I go out and get what I want. I’m competitive and quite driven.’
‘I hadn’t noticed,’ said Felipe, giving her a quick nudge, feeling a quick kick of satisfaction when she laughed.
‘So when I decided that I was going to tell him, of course I went into action mode. All out– new dress.’ She pulled a face. ‘Had my hair done. Wore make-up. Nails. The works. And do you know what?’ She stopped and waited for his answer.
‘No, tell me.’
‘I looked ridiculous. Like I was a teenager dressing up in my mum’s clothes.
I didn’t look anything like me and I didn’t feel like me.
The dress was a disaster, all frills, and Ilooked like a walking toilet-roll cover.
You probably don’t know what I’m talking about, but trust me, it’s not a good look. ’
‘You’ll have to tell me some time. Or are there pictures?’
Once again he was struck by her honesty, and liked it, but he was a little sad she had such a poor view of herself. Nothing could dim her vibrancy and energy.
She nudged him with her elbow again. ‘I pray not. Do you know what the most humiliating thing was?’ The bleakness in her tone stopped him from replying.
‘Will took one look at the pretty, petite, teeny tiny fairy sitting beside him in a frilly dress with perfect hair, make-up and nails, spent all night talking to her and then he took her home.’
Felipe felt a spike of anger on Rebecca’s behalf. He’d not known her for long and already gleaned that she was honest and transparent, forthright and direct. How could this guy not have known how she felt?
‘The man’s an idiot.’
He put an arm around her and drew her in for a kiss, pausing just long enough for her to push him away if she chose. She didn’t. Instead, she stared at him, into his eyes.
‘I like you, Felipe.’
‘I like you too, Rebecca.’
His lips lowered to hers and he felt a fierce punch of satisfaction when her mouth opened beneath his and she kissed him back. Neither of them noticed the sun go down, and when it was time to walk back to the hotel, he slung his arm around her shoulders and pulled her in close.