Chapter 26
Chapter Twenty-Six
F elipe lifted his head from his laptop, conscious of the noises upstairs.
The women in his life had been ensconced in Rebecca’s room for the last hour, with frequent door opening and footsteps scurrying along the corridor, down the stairs and then back again.
There was obviously some serious makeover work going on in preparation for Rebecca’s date with Will.
A date about which he felt totally ambivalent.
He returned his attention to the screen.
A minute later, he heard a squeal of excitement. It was impossible to concentrate and he was conscious of the odd feeling of being left out. Rebecca had been embraced by the family– he ought to be there too. He read the lease contract for the new refrigerator in the bar for a second time.
The words failure to maintain blurred and he blinked and tried again.
There was a cheer from upstairs. In exasperation he put aside his mouse.
He’d been in a bad mood ever since he’d got back from the cycle ride yesterday.
But he couldn’t offer Rebecca a future, not like Will.
He just didn’t know if he could do the whole commitment thing; he couldn’t give enough of himself.
How long did it take to get ready for one single date? Over breakfast this morning there’d been a lengthy debate as to what Rebecca should wear for her date with Will at La Cigale.
He tugged at his collar which was chafing his neck and stared back at the screen.
Five minutes later, he was still on the same page and inexplicably grumpy. He ought to be going out and having a good time. Maybe he should swing by into the town. He hadn’t seen Paulo, who ran one of his favourite bars, in ages. Coincidentally, it was located just opposite La Cigale.
There was a rush of footsteps and he heard feet clattering down the stairs and shouts of ‘No, Katerina!’ There was a gale of giggles and then the door burst open.
‘Felipe!’ Katerina marched in. ‘What do you think? If a girl went on a date with her own condoms, would you think she was slutty or smart-thinking?’
‘What?’ Felipe almost swallowed his tongue.
‘Not me ,’ she said as if he were a complete idiot. ‘Not that it would be any of your business. Rebecca was asking and we thought you were the best person to ask, being of the male persuasion and all that.’
When Rebecca came rushing in after Katerina, he rose to his feet.
‘Forget she asked you that,’ she said, tugging at the girl’s arm, trying to pull her back.
Katerina giggled and beat a hasty retreat.
Felipe stared at Rebecca. His mouth went dry and his wits deserted him. Someone might as well have punched a hole in his chest because all the air leaked out of his lungs. When he tried to speak, nothing came out.
Sleep with Will? She couldn’t.
Her blonde hair looked as if it had been highlighted by the moon, with tiny slivers of silver in the fall of silk that rippled over her bare shoulders.
All he could think of was what it would be like to kiss those lightly tanned, broad, angular shoulders that made her look both elegant and strong at the same time.
‘You look…’ he paused, drinking her in ‘…lovely. Você é linda .’ So lovely that he couldn’t think straight.
She gave him a slow smile and inclined her head, graciously accepting the compliment.
‘Thank you.’ Her serene smile jolted him and fire erupted under the surface of his skin.
Thank you? He didn’t want her sultry thanks or the accompanying knowing gleam in her eyes.
He didn’t want her going out with Will and he certainly didn’t want her sleeping with him.
‘So what do you think?’ She opened the little handbag she carried.
‘To condom or not to condom?’ She grinned at him and he hated the glib look on her face because it wasn’t her– it was an act, he knew it was.
Real Rebecca wouldn’t hesitate if it was what she really wanted.
She wouldn’t ask anyone’s permission. If she was really sure, she’d go for it.
This was all wrong. He thought of the joyous, uninhibited sex they’d had and the thought left an ache in his chest. He didn’t want her to sleep with Will.
He didn’t want her to sleep with anyone.
The knowledge was so confusing. He didn’t know what to make of it, but he knew he had to stop her.
‘Don’t go,’ he suddenly said, his voice hoarse and more than a little desperate.
‘What?’ she asked, her smile dimming.
‘Don’t go out with Will. He doesn’t deserve you. He had his chance.’
There was a long, gunslinger sort of silence as they faced off against each other. His heart thudded so hard he could feel it beating in his throat. Rebecca stilled like a deer scenting danger, ready for flight.
The moment was tense, stretching out and becoming more ominous by the second.
‘What do you mean?’ asked Rebecca eventually.
‘He hasn’t proved himself yet. He thinks ’—Felipe spat the word—‘he loves you. He’s turned up out of the blue, expecting you to fall at his feet when he let you down badly before.
He knew how you felt, but he was willing to leave you hanging.
He’s… He’s… I don’t know what he’s doing, but you’re too good for him.
’ His words spilled out in panic. Where it came from he had no idea, but his mouth was several steps ahead of his brain. ‘You can’t sleep with him.’
Rebecca continued to stare at him, her gaze steady and her expression guarded as she flattened the line of her mouth. His cheeks flooded with colour and he had the uncomfortable sensation that he’d stepped onto extremely thin ice.
‘Why not?’ she asked in a low voice, her eyes searching his.
‘Because you shouldn’t,’ he said urgently.
‘Because I slept with you?’ she said, tilting her chin in challenge.
‘Yes. No,’ he said. Panic, a full-blown hive of bees, buzzed in his stomach.
‘But you knew the score. I was honest with you from the start. You understood. It was fun, consensual.’ And bloody lovely .
‘I don’t think Will is honest with you. He knows how you feel– I think he’s stringing you along.
’ The words just kept spilling out and he knew they were wrong.
Everything was wrong and he wasn’t sure why or what he could do to make it right.
‘He doesn’t love you.’ The words were desperate but when she recoiled in response, he felt the shame.
He might as well have hit her. It was an awful thing to say but he couldn’t take it back because it was true.
Will didn’t act like a man in love. He didn’t look at Rebecca the way a man in love did.
‘And you’re an expert, are you?’ she suddenly spat. ‘The man who doesn’t do relationships because he’s too scared.’
‘I’m not scared,’ he retorted, shocked by her attack. Where had this come from? He was just trying to stop her from making a mistake. Will was an idiot. An undeserving idiot who had his chance– dozens of chances– and had blown them every time.
‘Yes, you are. You’re a coward. Too scared to risk letting anyone in.
You’ve set up these boundaries, keeping everyone at a distance.
Even your family. You don’t tell them how hard you’re working.
You don’t ask them to step up. You let them lean on you because it means you’ve got an excuse not to live your own life.
You’re hiding behind them and their needs. ’
‘How dare you say that?’ She was talking rubbish. ‘My family is everything to me!’
‘Yes, but what about you ? What about your needs? What about what you want?’
‘You don’t know what you’re talking about.’
‘Maybe I don’t, but I’m not afraid to go out and try to get what I want. Will might not love me, but how will I know if I don’t try?’
Felipe wanted to tell her that if Will loved her, he would never have let her go. He would have come for her much earlier. He would have spent time with her. He wouldn’t have waited for this contrived date. If Will loved Rebecca the way he did, she would know it.
The realisation exploded in his head as Rebecca tossed her long blonde hair, wheeled around and stormed out, her high heels clicking on the tiled floor. The sound receded into the distance.
He knew Will didn’t love her because he didn’t look at her the way Felipe did.
He loved Rebecca. It had crept up on him and now it was too late. She was going to tell Will she loved him. What if Will woke up and saw what was beneath his very nose?