Chapter 5 Emma
Emma
I’d waited for the knock on my door all afternoon and into the evening.
Surely someone was going to stop by. And even though I’d wanted it to be Brandt, I would have settled for Bo or even, god forbid, Dixon.
Loneliness seeped into my bones again as the hours ticked by without a single word being exchanged.
Bo had been right—the room was still set up the same way it had been when I’d left.
We had one of the bedrooms on the bottom floor.
A suite complete with its own fireplace, bathroom, small office area, and a deck leading right into a trail that we could take down to the bay.
Even the king-sized log-framed bed couldn’t dwarf the space.
I’d always loved this room. As a child, I’d claim it when my brother and I would sleep over.
The thought of Mark ripped a new hole in my chest. He’d been killed a year before I left.
And I suppose if I’d ever analyzed my actions, I would find that his death had been the beginning of my discomfort with the clan.
They hadn’t played a role—he’d been drunk and stupid and got into a knife fight at a bar.
They told me he’d died before he even hit the ground, but I’d always blamed Blaze a little bit for not finding the men who did it.
And for not allowing me to hunt them down.
He’d ordered me to stay out of it, and my bear was forced to obey.
But my human heart never forgave him for that.
I paced the room, wondering if I should go find someone or just stay hidden from the questions that would inevitably come my way.
After a few hours of this, both my bear and I grew restless and decided that we would leave early and take the long trail through the forest to get to the celebration site.
I didn’t want to change in front of everyone this evening, but I still donned a set of clothes appropriate for a night in the woods.
Grabbing a sweatshirt at the last minute, I snuck out through the bedroom door and disappeared into the pines.
It was June, summer in Alaska, and my favorite time of year.
This meant that everything was green and all of the animals were out foraging and storing for the upcoming winter.
And although it was dark outside, my shifter senses kicked in and allowed me to see better than most humans.
I caught the scent of an elk and heard the cry of a wolf in the distance.
I’d missed the sounds of our friends and once again hadn’t realized how much until now.
I sensed the clan gathering not far from where I was walking.
I didn’t want to be one of the first ones there, and I’d planned on slipping in unnoticed.
The glow of the fire highlighted the forest in a plethora of dancing shadows.
Fresh meat on the grill sent my stomach into growls.
And the pheromones in the air called my bear to the surface.
Tonight’s moksha would be the first I’ve attended in ten years.
We didn’t have one for my brother—another reason why I’d been upset with Blaze.
A moksha wasn’t required for all clan members, but the celebration must take place each time a higher-ranking one dies.
The idea is based on Hindu beliefs but is found in many shifter communities.
It gives the person the freedom to move on, yet allows the clan members to retain some of the knowledge or power left behind by the deceased.
Personally, I’ve never enjoyed this part of our culture.
I didn’t like celebrating someone’s death.
It was always easier for me to just keep moving forward and try to forget the pain.
A branch snapped behind me, and I turned in a crouch, scanning the darkness for the intruder. Instead, I heard a laugh. A big, burly, honest laugh that had me smiling as well. “You can come out now, Bo,” I said.
“I could never sneak up on you, Emma.” He jumped in front of my face and wrapped me in another giant hug. “You’re lighter. Have you worked out since you left?”
I loved how Bo just glossed over the part about me leaving. “I hike every day.”
“But no weight training?” He squeezed my bicep for emphasis.
“No time.”
“Well, you need to get back on top of that if Brandt’s going to be alpha. He’ll need a strong partner on his arm.”
I dropped my head, too overwhelmed to speak. My attraction to Brandt was undeniable, but I couldn’t stay here. Too much had happened, and now that Brandt would be fighting for his position, it meant that the politics would only get worse.
Bo sensed my discomfort and quickly changed the subject. “The ribs smell delicious. Come on, let’s eat.”
I let him drag me into the clearing, knowing I would probably never go myself.
The fire burned brightly in the middle, the food cooking on several makeshift grill plates.
And on the far side, just where the shadows started to win their ground, a mound lay under a tarp.
Bo and I watched the lump, wishing that it would move again.
But Blaze was gone to us forever, and what remained of him would be sacrificed tonight.
“Emma!” A teenage female squealed as she bounced over to me. “Oh my god! I knew you would come back, but no one believed me.”
I hugged Julia for several moments. She had been a mentee of mine. And I’d abandoned her, too. “Julia, you’re so tall.”
She jumped away from me and spun in several circles.
“Grew another two inches last school year. I think I’m going to be as tall as my dad.
” With those words, she looked over her shoulder toward Joshua, a tall man with long, brown hair, drinking a beer and glaring at me.
He jerked his chin once, and Julia’s excitement instantly vanished. “He doesn’t want me to talk to you.”
I squeezed her hand quickly. “It’s okay. You should go so you don’t get in trouble.”
“Are you staying?”
Am I? With a quick nod, I let the words tumble out. “For now.”
She squealed again and returned to her dad, who promptly disciplined her with some harsh words. A few more members of the clan came over to me with the same questions, hesitating to fully welcome me back. I didn’t blame them. I’d broken the cardinal rule—never abandon your clan.
“Emma.” Brandt’s warmth filled my soul as he stepped up behind me. The clan member I was talking to immediately departed, allowing Brandt to have all of my attention. “Thank you for coming.”
I smiled up at his chiseled jaw and beautiful brown hair hanging across his forehead. “Sure.”
He looked at the lump under the tarp and sighed. “I need to start the ceremony.” Then he turned and touched my shoulder. “Will you stay right here? Next to me?”
Stunned, I stumbled over my words. “Are…are you sure that’s a good idea? I mean, I don’t want to jeopardize your position.”
“You won’t,” he said a little too quickly, as though he’d already thought about that possibility. “And if Brennan says anything to you, just tell him this is what I wanted.”
The lump in my throat grew to an unbearable size. I was getting in the middle of two brothers. “Brandt, I don’t want to—”
He leaned forward and kissed me quickly on the lips, stopping my complaint and making a statement in front of everyone else.
I didn’t think I imagined that the crowd around us went silent.
When he pulled back, I was left wanting more.
But Brandt just smiled and then clapped his hands to start the ceremony.
Bo sidled up next to me, and I spotted Brennan on the other side of the fire. He didn’t look thrilled to see me here. But I held my head high and did what Brandt asked for.
“Thank you all for coming tonight to celebrate the life of my father, your alpha, Blaze Callaghan.” Everyone shouted up into the sky until Brandt lifted his hand in the air.
“Tonight, we complete our moksha ceremony to help our alpha seek peace in the afterlife and to help guide all of us to an enlightened state.”
Brandt continued the practiced speech for several more minutes until he finally asked Dixon and his brothers to bring him Blaze’s bear body.
This was the part that had always bothered the human side in me.
I sensed the impending shift in the twenty-plus clan members gathered here tonight.
Several were just seconds away from bursting out of their skin.
But no one was allowed to change until Brandt did—out of respect, even though he wasn’t their leader yet.
When Dixon, Bo, and Brennan dropped the body at Brandt’s feet and removed the tarp, a round of gasps flitted through the group.
Blaze’s extra-large bear body no longer looked like the majestic grizzly he’d been.
Instead, a heap of blood and sinewy white cartilage was all that remained. No head. No fur. Just a carcass.
Brandt visibly shook, his bear so close to the surface that my mate wanted to chase him down.
He pointed at his father’s body. “This is what they did to your alpha. This is what a coward does. We are not cowards. We are grizzlies, and we will seek our revenge!” The cheers echoed in the surrounding trees, birds scattering from their nighttime resting place.
“My father will forever live on inside of us. Join me now to make it so.”