Chapter 36
THIRTY-SIX | TARYN
“My pencil keeps breaking,” Elena whines, tossing the yellow pencil onto the table with as much irritability as a five-year-old can muster. Her pouty lips stick out as she watches the pencil roll across the table and tumble to the floor.
Tristan glances up from his math problems, rolling his eyes. “You keep pressing down too hard.”
“No, it’s the pencil,” she counters, knitting her arms over her chest.
I toss the cucumbers and tomatoes I picked from the garden this afternoon into the salad bowl, watching them argue. “And I think you two need to clean up and get ready for dinner,” I interrupt.
They both sigh, push their chairs away from the table, and exit the room, muttering to each other under their breaths.
I stood out in the trickling rain, picking at various plants for over an hour earlier, thinking Colten would either get fed up with my pathetic lurking or return to work where I could snag him for a chat before he left.
He’s done neither.
This whole afternoon, since our…fuckfest at lunch, he’s been locked away in his house.
And I know that because I tried the front door.
There’s a back door, too, but that one was also locked.
Then I wandered around to his bedroom windows with a dripping wet Rossco trailing behind me, but the shades were drawn.
I couldn’t see in, and he couldn’t see out.
That solidified my scheme, so I’m planning to make a “break for it” after dinner, since I’m doubtful he’ll attend. That notion is proved true when Cameron and Brennan wander into the kitchen and shake their heads with apologetic expressions, hinting that their chat with him didn’t go as planned.
“I figured.” I sigh, leaning over my hands on the countertop.
They both stare at me. The only reason there is awkward silence right now has nothing to do with what happened earlier between all of us. We are more concerned about Colten and the internal battle he’s facing. One that we initiated.
We acted thoughtlessly.
The kids might not have been home today, but we should’ve known Colten could catch us.
Brennan flattens his lips. “It’s our fault. We pushed him too far.”
I reach for the plate of cookies on the counter, unable to resist. At least taking them out early before we lost ourselves in each other resulted in some perfectly chewy cookies. I always prefer them undercooked anyway. I take a bite while they watch me.
“It’s my fault,” I shake my head, choking on the words. “He said that first night in the forest that he would never share.”
He told me he has been losing control since he brought me here, and I can’t help but feel like this is my doing. The lust disoriented me. I wasn’t thinking clearly, and as much as I loved feeling all three of them, my skin crawls with distress.
I don’t regret it per se. But I don’t feel good about it either.
Colten won’t talk to any of us. He’s doing what he always does: surrendering himself to the chaotic thoughts in his head and allowing them to run amuck.
Sad laughter shakes Cameron’s chest. “Yeah, he’s always been the brother who…struggles to share his possessions.”
I taper a brow. “So, he’s possessive over me.” It’s not a question; I’m saying it out loud so my brain can process it.
“Well, something clearly happened between you two when we took Jessica to school. It’s not hard to guess what it was,” Brennan’s tone alludes.
He reaches for the plate of cookies, and I impulsively swat at his hand, smacking the back of the wrist. “Ow!” He points to my fingers digging into the soft dough.
“You’re eating one. I guess the lack of sharing skills is something you and Colten have in common. ”
Smirking at him, I tear off half of my cookie and hand it to him right as Elena and Tristan amble into the kitchen. Perfect timing. They both eye the cookie with bright eyes and huge shit-eating grins.
Elena opens her mouth, but Cameron reads her mind, instantly cutting her off. “After dinner.” He hands Tristan a dinner plate and wanders to the oven, starting to dish some spaghetti on Elena’s. “And you have to eat at least half your plate if you want a cookie.”
“Sooo, what did he say when you talked to him?” I ask, shifting my attention to Brennan as Elena grills Cameron about why she can’t have a cookie before dinner.
Got to give her credit for trying.
Brennan shrugs, wiping his fingers on his jeans as he finishes chewing.
“Barely anything. He was pretty piss—mad.” I chuckle at his save since Elena and Tristan are in the room.
“He said he would be eating dinner at home and proceeded to get rid of us by saying he’d see us at five tomorrow morning in section fifteen. ”
“Dang. He must be really mad if he told you to meet him at five.” Colten may go to work early, but the twins are usually out of the house by seven.
Cameron focuses on the pot of spaghetti he’s dishing onto plates but joins in on the conversation.
“He said something about a heat wave tomorrow, so he wants to get fertilizing done early, which is crap if you ask me. Knowing him, he’ll probably get started around four to release some pent-up frustration before we join him. ”
On that note, “I’m going on a run after dinner.” I grab a plate from the stack on the marble island.
Cameron hands Elena her plate by the oven, glaring at me suspiciously. They still look at me like that whenever I say I’m going on a run. I go on a run most mornings now, and clearly, I always come back.
“You went on one this morning, and it’s dark outside,” Cameron mentions distrustfully.
“Yes, but Colten won’t talk to either of you and there’s only one way he’ll talk to me.” Their eyes burn through my skull as my gaze bounces between them. “Which is also why I need to ask a favor from you two.”
I wriggle my hands into my sweatshirt pocket, soaking in the warmth.
My eyes flutter shut, fully appreciating the scent of the river mingling seamlessly with the breeze.
I inhale a deep breath, letting the cool air calm my anxiety and heated lungs.
When I close my eyes, the water lapping against the cliffside below sounds like a calm ocean on a sunny day.
It’s peaceful and quiet. But when I open my eyes, panic courses through my veins like my blood is one with the rushing river below.
I’m fearful of heights, yet here I am—staring down at the dark moonlit waters shimmering with silver light that’s too mesmerizing to walk away from.
I step closer to the edge, my eyes rolling with each wave smashing against the rocks thirty feet below—the water drifting across the little ledge at the bottom, barely rising above the water’s surface.
I’m not sure what persuaded me to step up to the brink. There’s just something stunningly haunting about the pitch-black water. It’s so petrifying that I would forever sink into a cold void of murky water if I jumped.
A flash of light glimmers off the blades of grass swaying in the breeze, making my heart beat a little harder—faster with the growing sound of tires crunching gravel.
I don’t have to turn around to know the car speeding down the driveway is Colten’s truck. The hum of the diesel engine is enough of a sign, the sound vibrating my bones the closer it gets.
Turning my chin over my shoulder, my eyes thin into slits at the oncoming headlights. He gets to the spot right before the significant bend in the road, slamming on his brakes.
I can’t decide what’s more unsettling—that he doesn’t exit immediately or that his face is hidden behind tinted windows.
But I don’t have to witness his expression to know that he’s pissed at me.
The fact that he’s here means Cameron and Brennan played their part.
He won’t talk to me willingly, so here I am, attempting to get him to speak to me with the only way I know will work.
He throws open the door, hopping out. The second his shoes hit the ground, a spark of adrenaline smashes into my heart head-on.
“Are you fucking kidding me, Little Ghost?” he seethes, stalking toward me with shoulders so tense and strained that he rivals the Hulk. “What the hell are you thinking? I thought we were over this shit.”
“I think,” I drawl, “I’m trying to do whatever I can to get you to have an honest conversation with me. You’re sulking around and ignoring us after…” I release a heavy sigh.
His broad arms cross over his chest, the front of his muscular frame shadowed by the headlights behind him. His silhouette is flawless. “After I fucked you with my two younger brothers.”
I swallow. “Yeah—that.”
A grumble comes from the depths of his throat. Colten’s light, disdainful laughter tightens my sternum. “You’re one to talk. You have no right to tell me you want to have an honest discussion when you’re running. Is that why you’re leaving?”
“I wasn’t leaving, Colten.”
His intense eyes pierce mine. “Bull. Shit. I want the truth, Taryn.”
Pursing my lips, I shift my weight anxiously.
“It’s the truth.” Taking a few steps toward him, I see his shoulders visibly stiffen.
“Because when I run, I know you’ll come find me.
I’ve never had anyone in my life who cared enough to chase after me when I leave, but I also don’t think you’ve ever had anyone go to such drastic lengths to show you they care either.
” I tap my sternum with my finger. “I care, Colten. This was the only way to get you to talk to me.”
He pulls his fingers through his mussed hair. “I don’t want to talk about it, Taryn. Leave it alone. It’s over. Done. In the past.”
“Doesn’t sound like it’s in the past.”
“Well, it is! Because every time I think about it, I hate—” He clears his throat, and my features falter.
“You hate what? Me?”
Throwing his hands frustratedly around, he growls, “Fuck. No!”
“Then what? What do you hate?” I push.
“Those were my brothers, Taryn.” He gestures up the road toward the house.
“The ones I’m supposed to be looking out for.
Setting an example for! And here I am, having a foursome with my twin brothers because, for some reason, I want you so badly.
So badly that I’m going fucking insane! I’m barely able to control myself when I’m around you. ”
The breath in my lungs hitches, my pulse jumping so violently that I wonder if it’s trying to magnetize to his. They’re probably in sync.
I blink, dropping my gaze to the grass below my shoes. “So, you hate that it happened.”
When I peek back up, his tongue swipes over his bottom lip.
The silence pulls at the tension between us as we stand in the grassy expanse, near the orchard that flanks both sides of the road and spills toward the cliffside.
The only sounds are the waves kissing the rock below and the breeze ruffling through the trees.
The breath he blows out traps mine in my lungs. “I loved it too much and loathed it a fucking lot.” His eyes dart between mine as he advances toward me. “I want you, okay? Is that what you want to hear?”
Words evade me.
“Or maybe I should get on my knees, bury my head between your legs, and stroke your clit with my tongue while I whisper against your pussy that all I fucking want is for you to be mine, and only mine. I. Want. You,” he reiterates.
I shake my head, feeling my heart tighten in my throat. “And why is that a problem?”
“Because I can never give you all of me, Taryn…I know that’s a lot to ask of someone. You’ll have to accept the parts I allow you to have.”
“Why?” I breathe, focusing on the moonlight flickering in his gaze.
“Because I know how much of yourself you can lose when you give over everything you are to someone.”
My head tilts, my heart breaking at the emotion slipping through his tone.
It is a lot to ask someone, but I know his baggage. Well, not all his baggage; it is more like a carry-on with the things I’ve collected here and there over the last couple months: facts about his childhood, his parents, and what happened five years ago.
He’s tormented by all of it.
For some reason, all I want to do is be a sliver of his relief.
I see how hard he works. I see how he loves his family unconditionally.
He’d do almost anything to ensure they’re happy and protected.
Jessica said Cameron is the brother who loves hard, but I’ve come to realize Colten Lindenvale loves effortlessly despite the shit he’s been through. He just doesn’t recognize it.
I step into him so my breasts brush against his chest, his focus landing on the movement in the expanse of my throat. “Okay,” I whisper.
Lines form between his brows while he peers down at me so profoundly that something catches fire deep in my soul. “Okay, what?”
“I accept whatever you’ll allow me to have, Colten.”
The emotions crossing his features are unlike anything I’ve ever seen. It’s a seamless blend of awe and reprieve, and my heart swells in response.
He lifts his hand, letting his fingers drift over the skin on the underside of my jaw. “Are you sure? It’s a lot to ask of you, and I don’t want you to resent me.”
A smile tugs at my lips. “I resented you once, and here we are.”
His palm flattens on the back of my neck.
Colten’s head dips, his lips brushing mine so softly that an eruption of sparklers fizzles through my nerves.
His tongue flicks against my bottom lip in an unhurried, playful stroke, and my mouth parts, searching for more.
Our tongues intertwine, pulling a groan from his chest that vibrates against mine.
“Come home with me,” he whispers against my lips, the silent request striking my pulsing clit.
Pulling away, I stare up at him. “I have a feeling you might drag me there anyway.”
“Damn straight, Little Ghost.”
Lowering his body, he grips the backs of my thighs, lifting me effortlessly into his strong arms and carrying me toward his truck. Cradling the back of my head, his lips find mine again, his sweet taste driving me wild.
But a twinge of doubt pierces through the bliss because he didn’t say, ‘I can’t give you all of me.’
He said, ‘I can never give you all of me.’