CHAPTER ONE #2
Our side of the table was much smaller. But still, Uncle Graham somehow managed to take up more space than he deserved, his voice cutting through conversations that had nothing to with him, loud in a way that was controlling.
He laughed too hard at his own remarks, but silenced others.
His wife sat beside him, quiet and neatly composted, hands folded in her lap or wrapped around her glass.
She smiled when expected, nodded in the right places, but never offered anything of her own.
It was as though she had perfected the art of being present without ever really being seen and above all, pleasing him.
I stayed on the edge of it all, half-listening, half-watching, offering the occasional nod or forced smile when required.
Names slipped past me as soon as they were spoken, blending into one indistinct hum.
By the time plates were cleared and glasses refilled, I felt that familiar weight settle back in—the sense of being an extra in someone else's life, watching it unfold from just outside the frame.
“Such a shame your mother isn’t here to see this day,” Uncle Graham began. “She’d be so proud.”
Claire smiled and nodded. We knew the script.
Though I sensed the shift in her micro expressions.
Our mother would have been anything but.
Jealous that something wasn’t about her, angry and embarrassing herself by drinking too much.
Thankfully she wasn’t here, though. She had passed away a little over three years ago.
But I’d already grieved my mother for everything she should have been and wasn’t long before that.
Even now, we weren’t safe from the hurt she caused.
“With any luck you’ll be next,” he said, nodding to me. “Though I suspect you’d need to wise up and finally act appropriately for that to happen. It’s no surprise Mike left you, really. I mean look at you.”
I bit my tongue to not start a row. It’s what he wanted. He was goading me, but it wouldn’t work. I was well used to his jibes.
Mike was a piece of shit, everyone who mattered knew that. And I left him, not that I was about to justify my life to him. Especially after what had happened.
“It wasn’t like that,” Claire—who’d had one too many by this point—scolded Uncle Graham.
He made a disgruntled look as if he was taken aback by her choice of words. “And Ailsa can wear whatever she wants. She looks beautiful, unlike you… who looks more like a shrivelled up ballbag day by day.”
My lips thinned as I attempted to hold my smile at her valiant defence.
Drunk Claire had little of a filter and I loved her for it.
Before Uncle Graham could form a response, Claire raised her half-drunk glass and threw it in his direction.
My eyes widened as I watched the pale bubbly liquid splash against his upturned face.
“Okay, okay,” Dominic stepped in, turning to Uncle Graham. “Sorry about that, she’s had a little too much to drink, but she’s right. You’re out of line and I think it’s time for you to leave.”
I knew there was a reason I liked Dominic more than any of Claire’s previous boyfriends.
Uncle Graham muttered some response whilst drying his face with a napkin as he got up from the table. “I was going to put some money behind the bar for the celebrations, but I think I’ll keep my money to myself. Your mother was right about you two.”
He turned to leave, and Claire and I couldn’t hold back our laughter. It spilled out of us.
The night wore on as expected. One glass of wine became two as conversation drifted between congratulating the pair on their happy news and asking why I was still single at the ripe old age of twenty-seven.
I watched as Claire and Dominic danced to no music, completely in love with each other as I nursed my glass of wine.
I wasn’t jealous of them, I was happy they’d found each other.
I think maybe a small tipsy part of me envied how they had each other’s backs.
I’d never had that—aside from with Claire of course, but that dynamic would change now too—and I wondered if I'd be destined to be alone forever. In truth, I much preferred to be alone anyway, and I don’t think I’d ever risk my peace again by bringing a man into it.
As far as I was concerned, men were only good in the short term.
It was easier to take what I wanted and keep my heart closed.
“Oh come on, Ailsa, you know you wanna escape this shithole as much as I do,” Bradley said, and I realised I had completely missed what he had said prior.
“I’ll tell you what, I’ll buy the first and second round…” his eyebrows wriggled at me. “And I promise I won’t try anything, alright?” He held out his little finger toward me with puppy dog eyes. “Pinky promise.”
“Urgh, fine,” I said with exaggerated expansion. I could use that stronger drink and I wasn’t close to tired. Maybe getting lost in a crowd of bodies was what I needed. “I’ll go for one drink, but that’s it.”
“Yes!” Bradley excitedly hissed, clapping his hands together and rubbing them.
Claire and Dominic were still in a world of their own and I hated to interrupt them, but I made my way over to them, again congratulating them and saying my farewells.
Then I headed out with Bradley, deciding to let the night take me where it may.