Chapter 2
two
MAYA
When I pulled the door open, I had to tilt my head back to look at the man in the doorway.
Wow.
The picture hadn’t done him justice.
He had wavy golden hair, golden skin, and more muscle than your average football player. I should’ve been over the gigantic man thing after my experience with my ex, but I wasn’t.
Really wasn’t.
His eyes were concealed by a pair of mirrored sunglasses, but I didn’t miss the way he looked me up and down.
“Holy fuck, you’re gorgeous,” he said, his voice low.
My face flushed, and I looked down at myself.
Old, black cotton shorts. Thin, gray cropped tank top that did nothing to hide my nipples, which definitely weren’t covered by a bra. Tall, red socks.
My hair was up in two space buns at the top of my head, since it always fell out quickly when I tried to only go with one.
I definitely wasn’t sporting my best look, but that was pretty much typical unless I was on campus.
I snagged the extra pair of sunglasses from his hand, took the reusable fabric bag full of snacks that he was holding, and waved him into the apartment behind me. It wasn’t massive or fancy, but it was plenty big enough for me.
“Don’t hit on me,” I said, as he closed the door and followed me inside.
Something within me seemed to relax as soon as he was in my space. The discomfort I lived with constantly sort of… eased.
Weird.
I was going to ignore the hell out of that.
“Not sure I’m capable of resisting,” he said.
I bit back a grin. “Don’t be an ass.”
“Not sure I’m capable of that, either.”
I sat back down in front of my food. “I’ll make your plate after I’m done. My dinner’s already cold.”
“Good. I want to see you in action, Muffin.”
I didn’t think he intended the words to sound flirty, but they did.
I hoped my face wasn’t getting red, but knew it probably was.
“Muffin is even worse than Cupcake,” I said.
He grinned. “You wanted a unique nickname.”
“I’m unique enough. You can just use my name.”
“Whatever you say, Muffin.”
I scoffed, but it was half-hearted. Honestly, he was kind of funny.
Ethan took the seat across from mine at my cheap, two-person table. “We skipped the introductions. Hi, I’m Ethan. I like long walks in the forest and anything with chocolate in it.”
I rolled my eyes, which I realized he couldn’t see after a solid ten seconds.
Whoops.
“I’m Maya, and I don’t like werewolves.”
“All of your friends are werewolves,” he pointed out. “You are too.”
“I don’t like male werewolves,” I corrected.
“That’s actually preferable. I can win you over, and you can continue to hate all of the others.”
“That’s a bold assumption from someone who’s only here because he bought a very expensive plate of dinner from me.”
“I would’ve paid a hell of a lot more.”
My body warmed.
I didn’t let myself react outwardly, though.
“Would it be the worst thing in the world to be my friend, Cupcake?” Ethan asked.
“You don’t just want me to be your friend. You want the whole enchilada. And I’m not even a little interested in a relationship.”
“Technically, isn’t a relationship just a friendship with sex thrown in?” he asked.
“No. A relationship requires commitment and puts someone else in a position of power over you.”
“Then you and I can just be friends who have sex if we both agree to that. I agree to it, by the way. No big deal.”
I pointed my steak knife at him, and he grinned again. “Yes, big deal. You’re going to want commitment and power.”
“You don’t know me, Maya.”
“I know werewolves. You’re a bunch of snarly, possessive assholes, and I am not interested in being possessed again.”
“Then I won’t be possessive.”
I rolled my eyes even though he couldn’t see them. “Yeah, right. It’s in your nature.”
“Then I won’t act on my nature.”
I scowled, lowering my knife back to my food and finally cutting another piece so I could take a bite.
It was way past cold, but I was just going to have to get over it.
“Look, Maya, I’m going to be completely honest with you,” Ethan said. “And I’m taking these fucking glasses off so you can see that I’m not kidding.” He set them on the counter and hit me with the world’s bluest eyes.
It should’ve been illegal for a man to look that good. I mean, come on.
I forced myself to take another bite.
“I’m the oldest unmated werewolf there’s ever been, and I’m not handling it well.
I’m barely functioning at all, to be clear.
Wolves aren’t meant to be alone like this, and I can’t keep doing it.
I either need you to reject me and put an end to all of it, or I need you to let me be your friend so I’m not this fucking alone all of the time. ”
I blinked at him, my mouth full but my jaw not moving.
“I will suppress every werewolf instinct I have if that’s what it takes.
I will buy you whatever you want. I will jump when you say jump, eat when you say eat, and sit if all you want me to do is sit.
I just can’t keep living like this. I lost my fucking mind years ago, and every time I go back to my house alone, I wonder if tonight will be the night that my wolf finally takes over completely and I’m gone for good.
If you only want to be friends, I will make being friends work. ”
He reached over and plucked a piece of food off my plate. I didn’t try to bat his fingers away with my fork or knife, though I could’ve.
I handed him the fork as I chewed. He took the knife too, and cut into the meat.
After I swallowed, I spoke again. “My first mate was physically, mentally, and sexually abusive. I’ve worked through most of it, but another mate bond is the last thing I would ever want.
If I’m going to consider spending any amount of time with you, I need a full explanation of what you’re dealing with. A very detailed one.”
From what he’d already said, I was absolutely confident I was the wrong person for what he was asking.
However, thanks to fate, I was also the only person.
Which meant I was obligated to at least try to understand what was going on, because I wasn’t a complete asshole.
“My pack thinks it’s depression,” Ethan said.
“It’s not. It’s just… hard to explain.” He dragged a hand through his hair, messing up the golden strands.
Somehow, it made him even more attractive.
“You know that feeling you have right before you shift? The one that’s like pins and needles, when you and your wolf are head-to-head and the shift could go either way? ”
I nodded.
Definitely knew that feeling. I felt it all the time. It was awful.
“I feel that constantly. It’s hell. Like my wolf can’t settle and is thinking about taking over at any given second. Like I’ll never feel comfortable in my own skin again.”
“Don’t all werewolves feel that way?” I asked.
He looked at me like I was crazy. “What? No. Fuck, no. Why would you even think that?”
“No reason.” I looked down at my fingers to avoid looking at him. They were crazy dry. When was the last time I’d bothered with lotion?
He leaned over the table, his massive hands spread out on the fake wood. “You feel it too?”
“Maybe.”
“Maya,” he growled.
“Fine, yes. I feel it too. I thought it was normal.”
“Aren’t your friends happy to be werewolves? How could you think discomfort was normal?”
“I thought they were just better at ignoring the sensations than I was. I haven’t shifted since I was with my ex, because of the fucked-up way I always feel.”
“That makes it even worse, Cupcake. You have to shift.” He sat back in his chair. “How old are you?”
“Rude question.”
The look he gave me told me he didn’t give a damn about being rude.
“Almost thirty,” I admitted reluctantly.
“How long have you been a werewolf?”
“Eleven years. So… my friends don’t feel this? You didn’t feel this when you were younger?”
“No. It came on gradually. I could ignore it a lot of the time at first, but I’m long past that.”
That was how mine had been too.
“You think it’s because we’re not mated?” I asked.
Ethan nodded. “When I’m with the pack, it’s a lot easier to handle. Werewolves aren’t meant to be solitary creatures. I think this is nature’s way of telling me to find someone before I have to be put down.”
My stomach tightened. “Seriously? Has it felt better since you walked in here?”
I’d felt better when he walked in.
Was that what he was talking about?
“Significantly,” Ethan said. “I think it helps that this place smells so thickly of you.”
I wrinkled my nose.
“That’s a good thing,” he added. “You smell amazing.”
“But that’s not why you want to be my mate.”
“No. I want to be your mate so my friends don’t have to hunt me down and kill me when my wolf takes over and I become a mindless, potentially violent animal.”
“Well that’s just unreasonable,” I said sarcastically.
“I know. Utterly ridiculous.”
“Does physical touch help?”
“I don’t know. I was pretty sure asking my packmates to snuggle with me would’ve led to them teaming up to kick my ass.”
From what I’d seen of the other guys, I didn’t think that was what would’ve happened. They all cared about each other a lot. If he admitted he thought he was going to die and that affection would help, I would’ve bet money on them dogpiling as frequently as needed.
I held my hand out toward him.
Ethan’s gaze lowered to it, and lingered. It lifted back to me. “I don’t want to make you uncomfortable.”
“I’m uncomfortable with all things werewolf related. Just try.”
He grimaced but set his hand in mine.
I sucked in a breath as our palms met, my eyes closing of their own volition.
My shoulders relaxed.
The discomfort in my chest unraveled.
The wolf constantly riding my ass disappeared into wherever she went when she wasn’t making my life difficult.
My heartbeat slowed.
All tension within me dissipated.
“What the fuck?” I breathed.
“Shh.”
I opened one eye to peek at Ethan.
He was sagging in his chair, his heavy eyelids closed and a blissed-out look on his face.
There was no way he could fake that. Relief was written all over him.
My other eye opened too, and I watched him.
His breathing was slow and steady. His body was relaxed.
I felt so calm myself, the last thing I wanted to do was cook something else. I wasn’t even hungry, and I was always hungry.
“You should’ve negotiated for hand-holding instead of food,” I said.
I should’ve negotiated for that too.
He gave me a small, lazy grin, wrestling his eyes open slowly. “Do you want a pan too?”
“I wouldn’t say no to a stock pot, but I’ll offer a one-time trade. You can swap your dinner for snacks on my couch, with the sides of our arms touching through an entire movie.”
“Deal.” Ethan didn’t hesitate. He handed me my fork and knife, put his glasses back on, and stood up. After he released my hand, he grabbed his bag of snacks and strode to the couch.
I expected the discomfort to come back full-force after he let go, but the physical contact seemed to have calmed my wolf down. I could barely feel her at all.
Ethan found the remote and turned the TV on while I ate.
“What kind of movies do you like?” he asked me.
“Anything other than romance.”
“Shitty experiences ruined it for you?”
“Mmhm. The only thing I want to be romanced by at this point is gummy worms.”
“God, I love gummy worms.”
“You’re only collecting them because you’re nesting, Cupcake.” I threw his nickname back at him.
He snorted, digging around in his snack bag before he pulled out a massive pack of gummy worms. It was a resealable bag, and it was nearly empty.
Guess he really did like them.
“Are they hard yet?”
“Of course they aren’t. Tell me you’re not the kind of monster who leaves your gummy candy open to let it harden,” he said.
“It’s the only right way to enjoy it.”
Ethan sighed heavily. “It’s a good thing you’re not interested in romance. I could never love someone who eats stale candy.”
I bit back a grin as I finished up my food and dropped my plate in the sink with the rest of my dishes. It was overflowing, but that was a problem for the Maya of Tomorrow.
Ethan flipped through the movies on my favorite streaming app while I plopped down next to him on the couch.
I felt immediate relief again when our arms met, but it wasn’t as significant as before.
That was a good sign. If we could erase our wolves’ issues completely just by touching for a while, we could probably be apart for at least a couple days before the discomfort came back.
“How do you feel about horror?” Ethan checked.
I made a face. “Put it on the list with romance.”
He chuckled. “Alright… how about a murder mystery?”
“I’m good with that.”
He flipped through a few of them, reading the descriptions. Two were newish, and one was an older movie that didn’t look super interesting.
The runtimes were vastly different. The newer ones were right around ninety minutes, and the older one was above two hours.
He picked the older one without commenting on it.
My lips twitched.
He was crafty. I’d give him that.
“Was your discomfort still better after we stopped touching earlier?” I asked him.
“Much better. It was still manageable when you sat back down,” Ethan admitted.
“Good.”
That was good. Really good.
“We need to have a plan for what we’re going to do about our… problem… after this is over.” I gestured toward the TV.
“You don’t want a mate bond,” Ethan said, without turning to face me.
It wouldn’t have mattered if he did. I couldn’t see his eyes through the glasses, so I wouldn’t have any clues into whatever he was feeling.
“I understand completely, and like I told you, making you uncomfortable isn’t in my best interest. You can make the rules, Muffin. ”
“You have got to stop calling me that.”
“I don’t have to do anything.”
I snorted. “Let’s just plan on going back to our normal lives after this. When either of us starts feeling uncomfortable again because of our wolves, we can plan another dinner. No gifts required.”
“It seems to hit me harder than it does you. You’re perfectly functioning. I’m not.” He was still avoiding looking at me.
“Then you get to be the lucky bastard instigating more movie nights, Cupcake.”
“Sounds reasonable.”
“Mmhm.” The movie started playing. The video quality was so poor, its age was very obvious.
I didn’t comment on it, though.
Ethan had been in bad shape before and clearly needed the physical contact. Without the movie, we were going to end up talking more. And the more we talked, the more I liked him.
So, the shitty movie was perfect.
We ate his overly-soft gummy worms, followed by the rest of the snacks he’d brought with him. When I started dozing off thirty minutes in, he put a pillow behind my head.
I didn’t wake up again until the sun was streaming through the windows the next morning.