Chapter 5
five
MAYA
We sat down. I took the side of the couch, crossing my legs under me while Ethan sprawled out in the corner a few feet away from me. His long legs took up most of the space between us, but his sock-covered feet didn’t touch me.
“Alright, where were we?” he checked.
“You mentioned drama.”
“Right. Well, my parents were never happy together. They had me and Axel—we’re twins—and things got progressively worse.
Fate’s not always right, as my packmates can attest, and some couples aren’t willing to do the work to figure out how to be happy.
When I was nine, my mom’s wolf came home smelling like another man.
Dad’s wolf went on a rampage and killed the human she’d slept with.
Moon Ridge put a hunting party together, found his wolf, and killed him. ”
My eyes widened behind my sunglasses with every sentence he added.
He was right.
That was seriously messy.
“Mom didn’t regret the affair. I was angry at her for it, but she was such a mess that I couldn’t show it.
And dad obviously wasn’t faultless. He wasn’t physically abusive, but he had treated her like shit since we were babies.
Axel couldn’t see it. He worshipped the ground that man walked on our whole lives.
He was devastated by the loss, and blamed mom for everything.
When I took her side, he hated me too, and all of us talked shit about each other for years. ”
I grimaced.
Ethan added, “When all of us couldn’t take it anymore, she moved Axel in with my dad’s parents.
We were thirteen. He told us not to contact him again, and I was young enough to listen.
Mom was just… too broken to disagree. I don’t think she’ll ever move on from what happened.
She’d have to admit to herself that she’s more than partially at fault, and I think it would kill her. ”
“I hope there’s a happy ending to this story.”
“There is. Axel and I eventually made up, after his mate’s best friend insisted on being my friend. Iris. She’s the one who made me go to the Feral Pack when my issues with my wolf got so intense I couldn’t get out of bed. It was worse, before I was with the pack.”
Possessiveness made my chest just slightly tight. “And was there ever anything between you and her, or…” I trailed off.
“Iris? No. We kissed once because she thought she was dying, but there was never any chemistry between us. She’s happily mated to one of the older Feral Pack guys.
Kai. They have two kids. She had a baby in her arms when she made her mate literally drag me here.
I think she thought I’d refuse otherwise. I see her less than I see Axel, now.”
I nodded. That probably shouldn’t have been a relief, but it was. “Are you and Axel close?”
“No, I don’t think that’s ever going to happen, but I see him a few times a year. Him and his mate, Morgan, opened a coffee shop in town with the money we inherited from our grandma. He still works with the pack a few days a month, but they’re pretty busy.”
“The money you made on the investments you made with the money you inherited from your grandma and generously shared,” I corrected.
“Yeah, but that makes it sound more complicated than it is. It’s his money.”
“Ethan, that was your money. You just chose to give it to him. Your grandma gave it to you because she thought your mom and brother were assholes. Sharing it with your family was really kind.”
“Anyone would’ve done it.”
“No, they wouldn’t have. My family sure as hell wouldn’t. My parents regretted having a kid and barely knew I existed. And do you really think Axel would’ve, after everything that happened?”
He grimaced. “I like to think he would, but I honestly don’t know.”
“Give yourself some credit for being a good person.”
“Alright, you win. I’m amazing.” Ethan stretched his arms over his head and leaned back against the pillows a little more. “That’s the extent of my drama, Muffin. Brother problems, wolf issues, and fuck-me money.”
I snorted. “It’s fuck-you money.”
“I’d rather you fuck me.”
I couldn’t stop myself from grinning.
“Do we know each other well enough for me to hear your restaurant struggle yet?” he asked.
My humor faded.
He had shared his messy shit with me. It seemed only fair that I share mine.
“I started working in a restaurant when I was fourteen, scrubbing dishes,” I admitted.
“I was hungry all the time. My parents spent all their money getting high. I figured that if I worked in a restaurant, I’d get free food, so I lied about my age to get a job.
I’m sure the manager could tell I was too young, but my stomach growled five times during the interview alone.
She gave me a full plate of food before I went home, and I ate myself sick. ”
“I watched the chefs when I wasn’t cleaning, and asked a million questions. Food was fascinating. I dropped out of high school after a year, and went to culinary school. Someone really should’ve warned me about predatory loans before I did, but I probably would’ve gone anyway to be honest.”
Ethan frowned. “You have loans?”
“Yeah. I’ll definitely still be paying them when I drop dead, so don’t get your hopes up about having a sugar mama.”
He put a hand to his heart. “You’ve crushed my dreams, Muffin.”
I snorted. “Anyway, I was seventeen when I graduated culinary school and went to work in a restaurant. I loved every single day of it—both school and work. I didn’t even hate it when I screwed up and got yelled at. I smiled, constantly. And then Aidan showed up.”
“That’s your shithole ex?”
“Yeah. He was hired to help run the kitchen. We met in the parking lot on his first day, and he shifted. I didn’t know what was going on.
One of his packmates worked there too, so they dragged me to his house.
His wolf only held me captive for two days before he bit me, and luckily I didn’t lose my job.
We went back to work together. Aidan was our new sous chef, so he was in charge of me.
Things between us were…” I searched for the right word.
“Miserable?” Ethan suggested. “Hellish? Unhappy? Awkward? Uncomfortable? Ugly?”
“Intense.”
Ethan lifted a hand to his face, covering his mouth as he cleared his throat. Definitely trying to hide whatever his response was.
“I didn’t grow up in a healthy family. I thought his intense emotions were a sign that he cared. The first time he threw me into a wall while we were fucking, I thought the bruises were an accident. Every time he hurt me afterward, I thought that was just how werewolves were. Passionate. Intense.”
“Cruel, you mean.” Ethan’s voice was low.
“Violent or sadistic would be a better word, but yeah. I thought it was normal. I thought it meant he loved me, even when he was berating me, degrading me, or humiliating me. His pack told me it was, when I tried to ask about it. They avoided looking me in the eye when they did, but I thought that was just to prevent him from going on another possessive rampage. It wasn’t until I was in the hospital, nearly dying of blood loss, with his mother crying over me that I learned the truth. ”
“She told you werewolves aren’t supposed to hurt their mates.”
I nodded. “That was the moment I learned why my wolf hadn’t bitten him yet after fourteen months.
I sobbed. She held me. And when I was breathing normally, my wolf finally rejected him.
He was in the hospital’s lobby when he lost his mind to rejection, and the doctors put him down with a needle. It was… humane.”
“Far more humane than he deserved,” Ethan growled.
I nodded. “Yeah. I never went back to a restaurant, afterward. Moved here after Aidan’s mom helped me sell our house and find an apartment close enough to another werewolf town, in case I ever needed it.
She worked with someone in Moon Ridge to help me get this job.
I guess her town has connections to this one.
I’m going on ten years of university hell. ”
“I thought you were only here because of a young college professor program.”
“The other girls are, but I beat them here by a long time. Aidan’s mom was my only friend before I met them, so I’m glad the program started. I’m pretty sure she was behind it, actually. They accepted way more women than men.”
Ethan’s eyebrows shot upward. “You still talk to her?”
“I did. She died, soon after the program started.”
“Fuck.”
I nodded. “I know it sounds crazy that I stayed in contact with her, but she found out her only son was a sadist on the same day she lost him. She was hurting too. And I genuinely believe that if she’d known what he was doing to me, she would’ve gotten me out one way or another.”
“It doesn’t sound crazy, Maya. It sounds like you were really fucking alone, and she was the one person who cared.”
My throat swelled.
He wasn’t wrong.
“Anyway,” I said, trying to change the subject.
“Not anyway.”
“Yes, anyway. I’m sure we can find something less awful to talk about than—oof.” I said the last word against Ethan’s neck while he hugged me. He’d picked me up off the couch and set me on his lap.
Strangely enough, his body felt good against mine.
Really good.
I tentatively wrapped my arms around him too.
“You have to hug after talking about your dark, shitty past,” he said gruffly into my hair.
“Do you?”
“Yes. It’s a rule.”
“You do realize you can just tell me you want to hug me, right?”
“You’re stubborn sometimes.” He paused. “All the time, actually.”
“It’s one of my best features.”
He chuckled, his chest rumbling lightly against mine as he let a slow breath into my hair. “Thanks for telling me. And coming here with me. We can keep wearing the glasses for the rest of our lives, if you want.”
“I know we can. My stubbornness knows no limits.”
“Does it—actually, never mind.”
“If you want to ask something, just ask it, Cupcake.” My voice was muffled by his skin.
“I’d better not.”
“Seriously, Ethan. Stop pretending around me.”
He sighed. “I was just going to ask if it bothers you that there’s no intensity between us. It’s a distasteful question, given what you went through, so I stopped myself. Don’t hold it against me.”
I blinked. “I don’t think that’s a distasteful question. I think I’d probably be wondering the same thing if I were you.”
“Really?”
“Yeah. I don’t think I’d cope well with being someone’s second-chance mate. I wouldn’t want to feel like their alternate.”
“Well, I wasn’t feeling like that until now.”
I snorted.
Ethan chuckled. “I’m joking, of course. I’d much rather be your last mate than your first.”
“That’s reasonable. And as far as the intensity goes, no. I don’t want that. I don’t think I would be anywhere near this comfortable if things were intense.”
“Are you comfortable?”
“Of course, Ethan. I fell asleep next to you last night and didn’t wake up until this morning. I’ve been so nervous that I’ve hardly slept more than a few hours a night since I learned from Stella that I’d probably end up with a second mate.”
“I know we’re just friends,” he said, “But if we ever wanted to be more, would this be enough for you?”
“This, meaning you?”
“Yeah.”
I lifted my face so we were glasses-to-glasses. Not for the first time, I wished I could actually look him in the eyes. “If we ever wanted to be more than friends, this would be infinitely better than I ever could’ve imagined for myself, and so much more than enough.”
He swallowed roughly.
Raked a hand through his hair.
“Is that not what you hoped I’d say?” I asked him.
“No. Fuck, no. That’s everything, Maya. I just really want to kiss you, and I’m reminding myself why I have to resist.”
“Why do you have to resist?”
“Because we’re just friends, remember? I—”