Better to Have Loved #2
“You still haven’t told me where we’re going,” I complained, fighting the unnatural feeling of so much skin out for the world to see.
“And why am I dressed like we’re about to partake in sex club activities?
I swear to Christ if you brought me here to teach me how to use my body, I’ll kick you in the balls and steal your car so you can walk home. ”
“That’s oddly specific.” Phillip caught my gaze from over his shoulder, the side of his mouth lifted sarcastically. “But I really do like it when you’re feisty. It’ll make for an interesting night.”
The gorgeous bad boy slid fingers into his hair. “We’re going to a normal club to get intel on what might be hunting down your classmates, so don’t get your knickers in a twist. Two kids are missing. With how small this city is, it’s only a matter of time before people start to freak out.”
“Another vampire?”
“Could be,” he responded dubiously. “Could be a lot of things.”
My brow knitted together, lips pursed. “What else could it be?”
His eyes flicked away before he slowed. Checking the area around us, which was trafficked by mostly inebriated club-goers and bar attendees, Phillip moved closer.
His fingers tangled inside my hair, sweeping it up and fixing parts of my updo that had come loose.
Then he nodded to a narrow walkway nearby.
“Let’s not talk out in the open, hmm?”
I eyed the narrow pathway, then my asshole of a partner. “I’d rather it not be there, for many reasons.”
“Afraid you might attack me, in more ways than one?” His comment was meant to get a rise out of me, and sadly it did.
Swatting his hand away from my hair, I denied the insinuation with open distaste.
“I just wished you’d say more about these things instead of talking like this is some kind of murder mystery and not our damn job.
How am I supposed to learn or even help if you don’t tell me things before we actually get here? ”
His smile disappeared for a second. “That’s fair. I guess I’m just used to clever counterparts who don’t need everything spelled out for them.”
What a fucking bastard.
“I imagine previous partners were also fully trained Hunters,” I clapped back, frustration tainting my voice.
“I won’t apologize for my lack of experience.
I can’t change the fact that I’m still green around the gills, and I also won’t pretend that you’re not a total ass for making me think I have anything to be sorry about. ”
When people started to slow, clearly worried about me, I took Phillip by the wrist and dragged him to the area he initially suggested. I was met with a flirtatious smile I didn’t have the time or patience to address.
“Also, don’t you think it might be a bad idea for a supposed Biology teacher and his student to be out together at a club? For as smart as you claim to be, you don’t think very far ahead.”
“It’s part of the plan,” he remarked, tucking stray hair behind my ear. “And I promise that I’ve thought about all of it. Besides, what do I care? I’m already a problem to the principal. There’s rumors.”
Surprised to hear it, I asked, “Rumors?”
“About you and I. The principal has already warned me not to be alone with you. But I do appreciate a good scandal. Teacher and student, what an exhilarating romance. And in a short few weeks, you’ll be eighteen and it won’t be illegal.
It’s not really illegal since the age of consent is sixteen in most states with guardian permission, which Rose will give. ”
Leave it to the gross pervert to have the legalities surrounding an older man and high school girl memorized and well researched.
“Hold up,” I demanded, backtracking. “There are rumors about us? What kind of rumors?”
“Thought you’d figure that much out on your own.”
I gritted my teeth, catching the stray gaze of a few people on the sidewalk looking our direction. No matter how much distance I kept between us, it still looked illicit.
“I can figure it out, but I’d prefer if you clarified. Only two weeks ago, most people knew Nigel and I were together.”
Phillip’s mouth was swept up seductively. “That’s where it all started. Like I said, it was all part of the plan.” His warm palm cupped my face. “It’s just easier that way. Promise.”
“Easier or more to your brand?” I corrected angrily, evading his touch. “I don’t think it’s a great idea. Nigel—”
“Hasn’t contacted you or been around since that night. I don’t get where your loyalty to him comes from. He left you. He made it clear he doesn’t feel the same way you do. Move on.”
Sadness, grief, guilt, shame, and overall heartbreak hit me all at once and lodged in my throat, silencing me. And for the first time since I met him, Phillip seemed genuinely apologetic when I pulled away and fought to keep my emotions locked down.
I swallowed around the pain in my throat—around the burn of betrayal and self-disgust—and headed back out to the sidewalk.
The Austrian followed me through the crowd, not saying anything. But maybe he couldn’t. He’d stabbed the metaphorical blade right into my heart. Let him drown in the guilt for a bit.
As strong as I pretended to be, I was still just a teenage girl, suffering after the first boy I’d ever dated tore my heart out and threw it on the floor.
Now I’m really starting to sound my age.
“V,” Phillip finally called out to me.
My shoulders hunched. “Don’t bother. It’s pointless to say you didn’t mean it. We both know you did.”
My partner turned me by the shoulders to face him, offering me an expression I couldn’t decipher. “I’ve lived a lot longer than you. I guess I forget what it’s like to care about someone. It never did me any good to…”
“Care?” I scoffed unattractively. “Jaded much?”
Even I was aware of how I sounded, but I didn’t care.
Phillip’s eyes pierced right through my sarcasm. “When I realized no one I cared about would live the way I did, they’d age and die, it was easier if I didn’t care.”
The anger in my chest faded. “I…”
“I’ve lost more than you could ever know,” he said, his tone giving light to a pain he’d never revealed to me before.
“You and I, we’re a favored few. Or maybe you’d call it the unfortunate few.
Emotions cloud our judgment and get in the way of our goal.
You’d do well to remember that if you want to take down the Organization.
We may be powerful, but we’re not invincible.
And against so many, we’d fail before we ever truly tried.
The Organization employs more than just us, you know.
There are worse things out there, more terrible than you could ever imagine. ”
With sudden weight lodged in my chest, I struggled to find my voice. “That’s not how I want to live,” I whispered, our argument spectacle to several people nearby. “I won’t live like that. I’ll find another way to live because that’s not living, Phil.”
His eyes widened slightly. “You’re young—”
“Don’t talk to me like I haven’t lost things,” I interjected.
“I may be young, but I spent a long time dedicating myself to something that literally became nothing in a second. I refuse to live like that again. I want to embrace the time I have, because I deserve to have those things. And I won’t settle.
I’ll have everything I want. You just watch me. ”
His mouth twitched, jaw slackening. “You think so?”
“I do,” I replied firmly. “And you can have it, too, if you let yourself. ‘Better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all,’ right?”
Phillip beamed a heart-stopping smile at me. “Impressive. Here I thought today’s youth didn’t even know who Alfred Tennyson was, let alone well enough to quote him.”
“Maybe you should start questioning your own preconceived notions and try to get to know the people around you?” I taunted, finding my smile.
His eyes lit up with amusement. “I really do love how spicy you are. There’s just something about you. It intrigues me. Makes me want to drop my guard a bit and listen to what some stupid teenager is saying.”
“Excuse you,” I growled, no longer amused. “I’m not stupid.”
Phillip’s mischievous look was annoyingly adorable, and I couldn’t hold onto my anger. “No, you’re not. I’m starting to realize that now.”
“How is it that you go from complimenting me to throwing massive shade? I’m getting whiplash from all the back and forth. Choose one—surly old man or handsome player. But choose soon so I can get on with my life.”
Phillip threw an arm around my shoulders and leaned in close. “So you think I’m handsome? I’m game. Let’s head back to the car and ditch our responsibilities.”
Grossed out, I ducked out of his touch and walked on ahead.
I didn’t want to acknowledge the race in my pulse, or how the grief-stricken window into his past had upset me more than I thought it would. Or how I desperately wanted to show him he could still love and care about people and it would never be a waste. Loving someone would never be a waste.
But maybe that was the self-centered teen in me.
I couldn’t pretend to know what he’d seen or gone through. As I stewed in my own thoughts, I realized how outright impertinent and immature I sounded.
Shit.
My phone dinged and I removed it from my pocket, not immediately recognizing the number.
It simply read: “I need to talk to you.”
Confused, I texted back asking who it was.
Phillip panned the area, scratching along his chin for a moment. His eyes were razor sharp, and I nearly missed the follow-up ding to another text. I looked down at my phone screen, barely hearing the uptick of chatter around me.
“It’s Nigel.”
My mouth opened in flabbergasted surprise, ready to tell Phillip he was wrong about Nigel, but shrill screams rang out into the night and the crowd scattered. My phone was instantly in my pocket and I stiffened next to the other vampire hunter, already hyperaware of our surroundings.