How to Say Sorry
The first thing I saw coming out of a deep abyss of pain was Phillip’s gorgeous face.
Emotion rushed into my chest, lodged in my throat, and nothing mattered but him. It was one of my deepest fears that I’d never see him again, and now that I could, I moved before I realized what I was doing.
I reached up and touched his scruffy cheeks, sure the man couldn’t be real.
Letting my fingers taste his skin, I tried to commit the sensation to memory.
It was smooth in some places and rough in others, just like the man himself.
His entire face radiated beautifully after nothing but darkness, and I wanted to bask in it for a second.
Because I thought for sure I’d never live through today. I was sure I’d die and that my time was up.
And when his beautiful light irises came into view, tears as pretty as a box of jewels collecting around his eyes and streaming down his face, I wanted to comfort him. I wanted to thank him and tell him everything was okay.
So, I kissed him.
The familiar taste of his mouth was a pleasure I worried I’d never feel again, and I sunk into it. Drowned inside of it. Lived for it in those several minutes where nothing but Phillip mattered.
I let my mouth express what my voice couldn’t. I kissed the Austrian with every bit of feeling I held for him, for his calming effect on a terrorized spirit. I tasted the salty tears he cried, and I would’ve kissed him forever if he let me.
But when Phillip’s hands covered mine and he pulled away, smiling almost as if he was uncomfortable, it was clear I wouldn’t be allowed to kiss the Hunter forever. “Mein schatz…” his deep voice entreated in the softest whisper, one meant only for me.
I stared at him, but words weren’t forthcoming, and all I could think about was what the beautiful, foreign phrase meant.
Someone cleared their throat, and I stiffened. Finally, I noticed the two other men knelt down beside us, both in different states of shock. Even Sloan couldn’t hide his surprise.
But Nigel…
Nigel was in a state of perpetual denial, refusing to believe I would kiss the man I practically hated weeks ago. “V, are you okay?”
Couldn’t exactly blame him for asking. Even I wasn’t sure what I was doing these days.
Phillip moved swiftly out of the way as I got to my feet, fully healed. But the struggle to get my head together was another thing entirely.
Why had I kissed Phillip?
“I think we have things to prepare, yes?” Sloan asked of Phillip, who only nodded his agreement. “Eros fled, so there’s no sense in giving him chase. I think we need to regroup and decide our next move.”
You had to give the dude credit; Sloan knew how to break the tension. Thank Christ for that.
Phillip fingered through his hair, no evidence on his face that he ever cried. “I’ll leave it to you to deal with the Shadow Goblins. For obvious reasons, she and I can’t stay here.”
Nigel tensed, then stepped forward. “You’re leaving? Just like that?”
My eyes flicked back and forth between the two men, worried another fight was in the works. “I…I think there’s really no other choice,” I finally replied.
Dispirited, Nigel dropped his eyes to the ground. “So that’s it? I’ll never see you again?”
Any anger I’d held onto where Nigel was concern melted away in that moment. “You’ll see me again. We’re friends, right?”
His dark eyes jerked up, widened with surprise. “We are?”
“Yeah,” I said, lips twitching. “We are.”
Palming his hair, Nigel visibly relaxed and breathed out. His strong body shifted and tensed with the movement, a display of his good figure, but also a testament to how tense Nigel had been.
“I know I’ve said it before, but I’m sorry, V. I really am.”
My heart hurt just to look at the defeated man standing in front of me, over six feet and still somehow looking so damn small.
It tugged at my heartstrings. I guess maybe that made me easily manipulated, or a bit too forgiving, but I knew better than anyone how easy it was to make mistakes and say things you didn’t mean.
Nigel deserved a second chance. He deserved to be given the benefit of the doubt, because people acted crazy when life got in the way.
I’d done a lot of things I never would’ve done before I learned the truth behind my birth.
Just look at the way I kissed and even had sex several times with a man I’d sworn off weeks ago.
Or the fact that I’d probably do it again despite knowing I shouldn’t.
Or how I didn’t recognize myself at all these days.
Anyone could act out of character. Everyone was capable of wrongdoing and mistakes. Most of all, people changed.
I know I had.
“I get it. I’m sorry, too. I know I’m not innocent in this,” I offered gently, crossing my arms over my chest and glancing at Phillip. “You should apologize as well.”
Phillip looked genuinely confused for a second. “Me?”
“Yes. You said some asshole things to him, too. You weren’t exactly nice to Nigel from the start, and you’re just as much to blame for how out of hand things got. So, yes, you need to say sorry.”
Phillip sighed loudly while Sloan smirked, clearly tickled by the very idea of me lecturing the much-older Hunter. Nigel, however, stood there, saying nothing and face devoid of emotion. It wasn’t like the Shifter, and I stopped for a second to watch him.
But then my eyes were on Phillip again, demanding he stop acting like a damn child.
“Phil, you’re old enough to know when it’s time to let bygones be bygones.
” Like, really, who’s the teenager here?
“Or what, do you think you’re too old to apologize?
” I emphasized the word “old” knowing it would get under the defiant Hunter’s skin.
And when Phillip’s face distorted, clearly not happy, I celebrated my victory.
Nigel rubbed the back of his neck, suddenly uncomfortable. “No. He’s not the one who has anything to be sorry for. I provoked him. I said and did more than I should. So, sorry about that, bro.”
Arms crossed over his large chest with his blue eyes aimed at Nigel, Phillip lifted his chin, not sure what to believe.
Slowly, his gaze strayed over to where I stood, and I urged him to say something with a nod of my head.
Carding both of his hands roughly through his hair, Phillip groaned and then let his arms fall laxly at his sides in defeat. “Fine. I apologize.”
The Austrian’s eyes found mine again and I huffed, not the least bit satisfied.
Lips pursed, I gestured for him to make it sound more genuine.
Rolling his eyes with a sly smile, Phillip scraped along his jaw and directed his stare over at my friend, who stayed quietly waiting, never saying more than he should.
At least that makes one of them.
Phillip stepped forward, closing in on Nigel. Sloan tilted his head and crossed his arms, expressing curiosity over Phillip’s unusual actions. Something told me Sloan wouldn’t bother to get between them if something happened.
Guess that leaves me. Surprise, surprise.
Resigned to my fate, I took a step forward and prepared myself internally to intervene if necessary.
But Phillip spoke up, low voice sincere, “I’ll protect her with my life.
Believe me when I say that nothing and no one will get to her as long as I’m here to fight by her side.
And I’ll train her so that if I fail, she won’t.
” The Austrian’s gaze drifted over his shoulder to me.
“I vow to make her stronger than anyone who seeks to harm her.”
The Austrian’s words hit my chest, and my heart throbbed with the intensity of his gaze and proclamation. Even though it was said to Nigel, it really felt like he’d said it to me.
Well, hot damn. Be still my heart.
The moment fled, and I quickly realized it wasn’t an apology. I opened my mouth, irritated. “Hey. That’s cheating.”
Laughing, Phillip shrugged. “You didn’t say I only had to apologize.”
My mouth clamped shut, and I sighed. Sadly, I couldn’t hide my amusement, still bothered but completely won over. I hated it when Phillip was right, but at like, the worst times.
Sloan’s mouth was swept up into a tender smile, making him, if possible, more beautiful than he’d ever been.
The mood quieted, and my eyes stayed with Phillip’s as long as he stared.
The moment was brief because the Austrian finally glanced back at Nigel.
Despite the earlier good humor, the two men stared at one another in a way that stole my smile.
A moment passed between them before Nigel put his hand out.
“I’ll hold you to that, Hunter.”
Looking down, Phillip reached out, shook Nigel’s proffered hand, and smirked in his usual sexy manner. “As you should, wolf.”
I breathed a sigh of relief, a heavy weight lifting from my shoulders with one handshake.
Go figure that’s all it took.
Men.
Shouldering my pack, I glanced back at the town where I’d spent my entire life. It was weird to think I’d leave this all behind and go somewhere else when all I ever knew was this town. And in only a few days, I’d be eighteen.
But my life as a Hunter started today.
I hadn’t gotten to say goodbye to Kate or Nigel the way I wanted to, or really graduate, but something told me that was just the life a Hunter led.
It was what Grams reminded me of every day for the last nearly eleven years of training.
Always on the move. Never rooted to one spot.
A life dedicated to the creatures we hunted.
It was just the way things were, and I wasn’t given any other choice from the time I started to train.
From the moment of conception.
“Keep only the things most important to you and protect them with all your heart, skill, and perseverance,” she’d told me.
I hadn’t really thought about it until now, but it made sense.
All the things I loved would be in danger.
When I realized I’d have to leave everything behind, the emotion in my chest was agony.
It wasn’t the same anguish as nearly dying from poison, but it hurt in its own way to leave all the people I’d spent years cultivating relationships with.
Mostly, to leave everything that reminded me of Grams.
Peeking at my phone, I dragged a finger over a text sent from Nigel and another one from Kate. But still no word from Grams. Her mission was top level and dangerous, and Phillip said it was likely we wouldn’t know anything for weeks, if not months.
Still, something about the way he talked about it gave me an uneasy feeling in my stomach. Like he wasn’t saying everything. Like he was keeping secrets again. And it hurt to think he’d have to keep anything from me.
But today, I discarded the phone I kept here and got a new one. Today, my connection with Kate ended.
“I’m so sad we can’t graduate together, but I’m so jealous of you, V. Go out there and get yo man. A spicy teacher-student romance?! Why not me?!”
Kate’s last text was full of her vibrant spirit. I wanted to save it, but I could only save her words in a written diary entry.
I’d told her about Phillip and I—how we’d fallen in love and couldn’t stay in town, so we were running away.
She’d, of course, eaten it all up before demanding details, then effortlessly accepting it with the sort of fervor I’d come to expect from her.
She offered every bit of passionate support a close friend would.
It was the first time I went out of my way to lie to her, and it didn’t feel great to use Phillip to do it.
But after Phillip explained who Eros was and what he was capable of doing, I couldn’t risk involving her.
Eros was seriously bad news, and my near-death experience was plenty evidence of that.
We couldn’t stay.
I wrote everything about Kate down in my encrypted code, shying away from descriptive details just to be safe.
But I wrote about her spirit and her vibrance, and I recorded the last things she said to me.
I kept whatever pieces I could of her. Because I couldn’t keep her.
For her safety, I couldn’t keep in contact.
And I’d miss her.
Phillip stole the bag slung over my shoulder and threw it into the back of his car. His hair was gelled back, the same way it had been the first time he came into our Biology classroom, though his attire was a fair bit more casual.
We hadn’t talked about the kiss, or really even about how he’d addressed me affectionately after I had.
Mein schatz was a term of endearment, meaning “little treasure” or “little jewel” and was used primarily with couples.
I’d looked it up later after we got home, because Phillip barely said anything at all.
He also didn’t talk about what made him cry—whether it was me or just maybe memories brought up by the entire event. To be fair, I didn’t think the dude could actually cry. It didn’t seem like something the ever-cool Hunter would allow himself to do.
The more you know.
But it was evident Eros was someone who had seriously stained Phillip’s life because the deadly look in my partner’s eyes always returned the second the Dark Fae’s name was mentioned.
It suggested whatever history was between them, it was dark and depressing, and so I shouldn’t ask about it.
Better to let him talk about it when he wanted to and not pry.
Most depressing about the last few days was Phillip didn’t ask me why I’d kissed him, and I didn’t have the courage to bring it up.
Mostly because I wasn’t sure why I’d kissed him, or why the thought about never seeing him again twisted my insides and burned like acid in my throat; why the very idea of losing him in any way tore me apart and made me desperate to do everything in my power to ensure I never did.
What was this feeling?
But maybe it was because he’d saved me that day.
He’d stayed by my side after he chased down our attacker.
He’d held me gently, tenderly, as if he was worried he’d lose me.
Somehow, deep down, I knew it was for more reasons than because I was Rose’s granddaughter.
Or because I was the same as him. Or because I was his partner.
The way he looked at me, the way he called out to me, it was different. It was deeper.
The Austrian’s silver and gold rings glinted in nothing but sunlight, and the air around his body seemed to radiate for a second before Phillip’s eyes met mine. “Ready?”
I carded back my hair, then slid into the front seat after Phillip opened the car door for me. “As ready as I can be.”