18. Chapter 18
Chapter 18
The Huntress
It was a huge risk.
But it felt so fucking good to douse a random horny stranger with drugs before slipping off with Jude. It gave me the exact confidence boost I needed to pursue something slow and steady with my brother’s best friend. Maybe now, I won’t get sick after I orgasm. Maybe slowly, but surely, I can become normal.
And stop killing assholes.
I punch in the keycode to the apartment door, halfway wondering if Henry will be waiting just inside like before. His presence makes this entire escapade with Jude more complicated, but I’ve started to realize his best friend might be able to help me escape the hell in my mind... No one else has ever made the voices go away—even if it’s fleeting for now.
“We should probably go in separately,” Jude says from behind me. “I really don’t feel like dying tonight.”
“I’ll see if he’s still up.” I push the door in, and step inside, my eyes scanning the flat. I unzip the boots and slip out of them. Quietly, I make my way through the dark kitchen, living room, and then peer down the hallway. My brother is creepy as fuck, so I know he could be waiting in the shadows if he really wanted to.
But he’s not.
I return to the front door, and open it, letting Jude inside. “We’re good,” I whisper. The look of relief on his face nearly has me laughing, and the secrecy has my body responding in ways I wasn’t expecting... And I like it. However, the promise I made Jude about not fucking anyone else is a complicated one.
I don’t know if I’ll be able to handle not getting my mental release. He only quiets the voices when he’s there. The moment he left, I had to take care of myself—and I’ll do whatever it takes to keep them from swallowing me whole like before.
Jude breaks my thoughts as his arm brushes mine. “I’m going to bed.” His voice is still flat with defeat, and I get it—I do. What he saw looked... bad. But I’d never have let that guy do anything other than drink my poison.
I could just tell him the truth.
But then he’d never want me.
I follow him down the hallway, desperate to stay in his presence. He’s the only person who knows even a little truth about me. But I can’t bring myself to stop him.
“Goodnight, Cher,” he says, turning around. Our eyes lock, and I don’t even know what the fuck I’m supposed to do. Are we a thing? Did he mean it when he said he didn’t want to share me? Did that mean he likes me?
I swallow hard, feeling smaller than ever. “Night.”
He must sense my uncertainty, because Jude pulls me toward him, cupping my chin. “No more entertaining other men. If I catch you, I’ll make you regret you ever fucked around on me.” His threat sends moisture right to my pussy, and I do something so unlike myself.
I grab his collar and bring his lips to mine. He groans into my mouth as I do my best to figure out how to kiss—something that came so naturally before my life exploded. Jude doesn’t seem to notice, or care, as he wraps his arms around my waist. It’s the most fucking intimate moment I’ve ever had, and the feeling of safety warming my body is nearly as terrifying as it is relieving.
I don’t want him to let go.
But he does, breaking our kiss and untangling himself from me. “Good night,” he murmurs, grazing my cheek. “Sleep tight.”
I swallow hard and nod. “You, too.”
Jude winks at me, and then disappears into his room. I stand there in the hallway, watching as the blue light flickers under his door. I know he’s working. I also know the moment I step back into my bedroom, I’ll be me again. I wrap my arms around myself, and bite down on my lip to stop the cry from slipping through. I’m torn—torn between the truth and who I wish I was. I wish I just had a sex addiction. But don’t.
I kill men, Jude. Not fuck them.
“Ugh,” I mutter under my breath as I force myself to enter my bedroom. Cash lazily peers up at me from his bed. “I don’t think the Evil Queen gets Prince Charming,” I tell him as I strip down, changing into just a T-shirt. I climb into my bed, my eyes drifting to the door.
My phone buzzes against the nightstand, and my heart skips a beat as I imagine Jude inviting me to his room. But when I squint at the brightness of the screen, my breath catches... in all the wrong ways.
Unknown: You bad, bad girl. I saw you kill him. Does your boyfriend know?
I drop my phone, my hands shaking. Who the fuck would even know? Who’s following me? The phone buzzes again.
Unknown: Should I tell him how disgusting you are? A dirty, nasty whore. Would he visit you in prison? That’s where you belong.
I don’t respond, my heart pounding. Instead, I turn the phone off. I can handle someone like this. I knew there was a chance someone would find out what I do. Now they have. I just have to fix it. And it’ll start with Liam. I’ll plan a lunch. I’ll see if there’s any new cases developing.
And I’ll keep it from Jude. I have to.
Then maybe it can be over. Maybe I can be normal...ish.
I close my eyes, the fatigue stronger than the sense of dread and fear looming over my bed like a storm cloud.
***
“Miss Bayne.” Dr. Nile calls. “Can you please see me at my desk?”
I nod, stopping at the exit of the classroom. “Of course.” I spin around and head back toward his desk, eyeing my best friend, Ella. “I’ll catch up with you at lunch.” She gives me a look, but then leaves.
“We need to discuss your essay,” Dr. Nile, my AP English teacher, mutters as he hands me the graded paper. “I expected better of you.”
I stare down at the big fat “C” written at the top. “I... I thought...” My heart sinks, and I can’t even begin to explain myself. I thought I did well.
“I know your living situation is different from the other students, and I think it’s affecting your ability to focus.”
I furrow my brow. “Respectfully, Dr. Nile, I’ve lived with just my brother since I was ten. I don’t... I don’t think that’s what it is—”
“A boyfriend then?” His hazel eyes pour over me, and a shiver runs down my spine. Everyone has a crush on the teacher. He’s only in his mid-thirties, and apparently, he graduated from Harvard—which is impressive. I guess.
“I don’t have a boyfriend...” I answer him as his fingers brush through his dark hair. “I don’t know why this essay isn’t up to par...”
“I think you could use some additional help in the class,” he says with a frustrated sigh, leaning back in his chair. “Do you have a tutor?”
“Um... No...” My voice trails off, and I swallow hard. “I didn’t... I don’t... I don’t know how to even find one. I’ve never had a tutor before. I’m sure I can talk to my brother though.” My forehead beads up with sweat as I think about telling Henry of my shitty English grade. He’s working his ass off to put me in this school. I don’t want to let him down.
“If you don’t have the funds, I wouldn’t mind tutoring you. You’re a bright student, and I saw your request for a recommendation letter.”
I bite down on my lip. My stomach rolls with something that I can’t discern—nerves, maybe? Either way, what choice do I have? I don’t want Henry to know... “Okay, I guess.”
“Perfect,” Dr. Nile says with a nod. “We can start ASAP.” He pushes back from his desk, and then stands to his feet. “What does your schedule look like after school?”
“Um, I usually go to the library to do my homework, but that’s it.”
He nods, his eyes dropping to the hem of my uniform skirt. “I’ll give you my address, unless you’d rather meet at the library? I just know I might not be able to give you my undivided attention since there will be other students present. I tend to be popular.” Dr. Nile chuckles, giving me a smile that makes my stomach do a flip-flop.
“Okay, that’s, um, fine.” I feign my nonchalance. “Thank you for offering to tutor. I really want to make it into Berkeley.”
His smile falters. “Then you are definitely going to need some help, Miss Bayne.”
My eyes flutter open, landing on the ceiling fan blades spinning in the dark-lit room. I shudder and roll over onto my side as a tear slides down my cheek. Deep and ragged breaths slip from my chest. I close my eyes again, but I’m met with the images of the man who ruined my fucking life and gifted me with the demons that won’t leave me alone.
I push myself up from where I’m sitting and inhale, running my fingers through my hair. I check the clock projecting from my nightstand and seeing that it’s only fucking five o’clock in the morning, I know no one will be awake.
But I don’t want to go back to sleep.
My bare feet hit the floor, and Cash doesn’t move, still snoring softly. I stand to my feet, and ease toward the bedroom door. Part of me feels like I should check my phone for another message, but I don’t want to know if there is one. I slip out of the room and close the door behind me. Pausing, my gaze drifts to Jude’s door.
And suddenly, I really don’t want to be alone.
I chew the inside of my cheek as I see the flickering of blue light. Is he still awake? My heart picks up its pace, and I silently approach his room. I try the doorknob, expecting it to be locked. However, it turns in my hand. I twist it the rest of the way, and push it inward, wincing at the creak.
I squint into the room, catching sight of Jude in his desk chair— asleep. I can’t help but smile at the sight for reasons I don’t understand. I close the door behind me, breathing in the comforting scent of him. His cologne permeates the air, and I inhale it like it’s oxygen. My dream memory slips away as I make my way to his unmade bed.
‘He’s going to think you’re a freak when you wake up.’
I shrug. I don’t care.
‘What if Henry catches you?’
I’ll tell him I got drunk.
I slide into the cool sheets and pull the covers up around my face. I don’t even know if Jude has slept a single night in the bed, but as I close my eyes, I don’t see anything but him. And I fall right asleep without any nightmares.