20. Chapter 20
Chapter 20
The Huntress
What the hell have I gotten myself into? I retreat to my room after the encounter with Jude, wondering if he deceived me just to control me. He was so soft, and now he’s threatening to put me on my knees—but not touch me? What does that even mean?
My heart thumps in my chest. My entire sexual experience is only what happened to me in high school. All the men afterward haven’t touched me. I mean, before my nightmare, there was backseat groping, fingering, attempted blow jobs, but...
It feels irrelevant now, especially because my body trembles with anticipation for whatever Jude is referring to. Could I give up control if it meant the voices stop?
Could he fix me?
‘No one can fix you,’ the voice cackles wickedly in my head.
I wince, half-tempted to go back to Jude. I wonder what he would think of me though—if he knew that something is broken inside.
Leave. He’d leave.
I brush it off and start getting ready for work, wondering how the hell he’s going to manage taking me and picking me up with Henry here. How will he explain it away? I tug on a pair of leather leggings, with a cropped white tank. It shows my tattoos, but I have no intention of hunting tonight. I don’t know if I ever will again...
As long as he doesn’t leave me alone afterward.
It’s hard being broken and knowing that triggers exist somewhere in my body and mind—but I don’t know what they all are. I haven’t managed to figure out what makes me panic. At first, just Jude being near me scared me. Then I didn’t panic until he made me orgasm. Now, when will I panic again? Will each time I be able to handle a little more?
I try to imagine seeing Jude’s cock and not nearly vomiting. I can’t stand the sight of a dick. But also... I want him inside of me. I want him. But what if I get triggered in the middle of it? I run my fingers through my hair and clench my fists as tightly as I can. It tugs at my scalp, and my mind flickers with the fantasy of Jude holding me that way as he shoves himself inside of me. I ache with... excitement.
Maybe punishment is the exact thing I need. Maybe I don’t want Jude to be soft in the way my rapist was, grooming and drugging and talking to me sweetly. No, I need Jude to just get it over with. Break the seal. But how do I get him to do it? I don’t want him to know I’m broken. Then, I know he’d treat me like I'm fragile.
Sighing, I run my fingers through my hair. He said he’d punish me if I tried him. I catch sight of myself in the mirror, and then my eyes drop to my phone.
I’ll just have to blatantly disobey him.
***
Two hours later, I greet my brother in the kitchen as he returns with Cash, having taken him to the little doggy daycare while he went to the gym.
“Where’s Jude?” Henry asks as soon as I step into the kitchen, wearing a plain pair of Vans with my outfit. I need to be able to move easily.
“Um, do you even care I’m here?” I tease him, grabbing a protein shake from the fridge. “But he’s in his cave. ”
Henry lets out a sigh, leaning against the counter. “He’s distracted, and I don’t know why.”
“I don’t know,” I lie, having an inkling that I might have something to do with it. “But he seems obsessed with his computer.”
“Yeah, that’s his normal.” Henry drums his fingers on the counter. “But there’s something else going on. He’s been going out every night for weeks. And then, on top of it, he’s been searching all these random guys’ names.”
My heart skips a beat. “What’s that mean?” I play stupid, cracking the lid of my drink. “You’re going to need to expand. I don’t know your friend. It sounds like any other guy in Vegas—or anywhere.”
“No,” Henry says flatly. “He started out searching this guy named Sam Erickson, and then he started looking into a guy named... Ben something, and now the newest—the one I found on the server is a guy named Chris Hemlock. He died at the party we were at last night, and now... I don’t know what to think.”
“Maybe you shouldn’t be snooping?” I offer up, trying to ignore the lump growing in my throat. It shouldn’t surprise me Jude is digging into me... But it’s only a matter of time before he stumbles on some amount of truth, though I don’t know how.
“Normally, I wouldn’t,” Henry sounds legitimately concerned. “But he’s my best friend, and once he gets on a track, he’s like a hunting dog. He won’t stop until he finds the answer. He almost always tells me what he’s doing. I’ve checked with all our friends and acquaintances. No one has him working a side job that I know about.”
“You sound worried,” I squeak, covering my reaction by coughing.
“I’ve only seen Jude get involved in one personal thing, and it was for his sister. She took a job at this seedy place, and he was there every night she worked. She still works there, but he’s backed off after realizing he can’t stop her.”
“His sister?”
“Yeah. I can’t imagine him having a girlfriend,” Henry chuckles, shaking his head. “He might put a leash on her and never let her go out. He’s seen the dark side of the world through his hacking shit.”
“You can’t run from it,” I reason, leaning against the counter.
“True, but Jude isn’t like me. I don’t think he has the courage to face it—and take care of it. He’s more likely to try and avoid it or get his revenge online.”
“He got in fight though.” I down the rest of my drink and toss it in the trash. “Maybe you underestimate him.”
Henry appears to mull it over for a few moments. “Maybe. If I did, Jude might be crazier than all of us combined. He’s different, Cher.” There’s a hint of a warning in my brother’s voice.
“What makes him different?” I ask carefully, trying to sound nonchalant, but I’m pretty sure my face is giving me away at this point. Maybe my plan for tonight is not a good idea.
“I just think he comes across as levelheaded, trustworthy, and loyal to a fault, but I think if he becomes obsessed with something—or someone —it will eat him alive until he figures out whatever or whoever it is.”
I nod. “Doesn’t sound so different than you, given how you were with Lydia.”
He glares at me. “One day you’ll meet the right person and understand.”
I laugh, shaking my head. “No, I don’t think I’ll understand.” My phone buzzes in my hand, and I glance down at the screen.
Jude: Ready?
Furrowing my brow, I quickly type a message back.
Me: I still have a couple of hours.
Jude: Yeah, we’re getting dinner. Meet you downstairs in ten minutes.
I like his text, because...what the fuck else am I supposed to do? I grab my purse from where it hangs on the rack and sling it across my body, ignoring the looks from my brother.
“Work?”
“Yeah,” I make sure to meet his gaze as I lie—the same way I used to tell him I was meeting my tutor at the library instead of his house. “Just meeting friends for dinner beforehand.”
He narrows his gaze. “You just drank a protein shake.”
I glare back at him. “Are you calling me fat right now?”
“No,” Henry snaps. “I just know how you eat—which is not much, ever.”
I sigh. “To be honest, I forgot about it until she just texted me.” I sound so believable, it makes my stomach lurch. I’ve become such a good liar, that I don’t know what the truth is either sometimes.
“Well, have fun,” Henry eyes me. “And Uber home. I hate seeing you walking home in the middle of the night.”
“Yeah, yeah,” I blow him off as I step out into the hallway, taking a deep breath. The door closes behind me, bumping my ass. I have no idea how Jude is going to manage to pull this off—though he’s obviously been pulling more off than just seeing me with all his late-night trips...
Unless he’s the one stalking me.
I mean, there are texting apps. He could easily conceal his number, and he was searching all the men I’ve been with since he got here. He’s a hacker, for heaven’s sake. He could be watching me right now, and I wouldn’t even know it.
Should I confront him?
I chew on the thought as I head for the elevator, taking my sweet time. I had intended to spend this night toying with Jude, but now I can’t help but wonder if he is the one toying with me. His demeanor did change quickly in the room when I refused to share my location—and the stalker didn’t show up until Jude got here. But if he’s the one trying to threaten me, then I’m definitely sure tonight is a good idea.
My phone buzzes as I ride down to the ground floor, and I pull it out of my purse, my heart skipping a beat.
Unknown: Where are you off to? Can I come?
I curl my lip, picturing Jude on the other side, fucking with me. He knows I’m going out tonight, and he knows who I’m going with. However, I also know that it’s bad juju to reply to someone who’s stalking you, and there is a chance it’s not Jude.
Which would be absolutely terrifying.
Inwardly shuddering at the thought, I step out of the elevator, not sure exactly what to do with myself. I glance over toward the pet park, missing the alone time I used to have with my dog—and just in general. And speaking of all this...
I still need to talk to Liam.
I frown, glancing around the lobby as I open up my phone. I pull up his contact and send him a quick text.
Me: Meet for lunch tomorrow?
Liam: I thought you’d never fucking ask. 11:30 at the usual?
Me: Sure
As I close out, a hand lands on my shoulder and I spin around, ready to throw a fucking punch. Jude grins at me like a kid.
“I made it out in eight minutes.”
I laugh, but it feels wrong in the moment. I still can’t get the image of Jude typing out those awful texts to me. Would he do it? Would he do it to try and push me to him?
“You seem tense,” Jude mentions as he grabs my hand and leads me out of the lobby and into the street. “Henry’s not going to notice.”
“What does he think you’re doing?” I ask, deciding not to press the stalker issue right now. “My brother’s not an idiot.”
“No, he’s definitely not, but I told him I was going to talk with a couple of real estate agents before house hunting this week.” Jude’s hand in mine feels strikingly comfortable and natural, but my brother’s words and common-sense hang in my mind. Of course, even if Jude is a psychopath, he can just... join the club.
“Yeah, I’d like to be out of that apartment,” I say, shrugging my shoulders. “It would be nice to have a yard instead of a stupid pet park.”
He nods, and then eyes me. “But it doesn’t bother you that your brother is buying the house for you?”
I raise my brows, though I’m unsurprised by the judgment. “I don’t want my brother buying me a house, but that’s what he does. On my wages, I’d live in the fucking ghetto—and there’s no way he’d let that happen.”
Jude blows out a sharp breath. “Yeah, I guess.”
“It is what it is,” I snap, dropping his hand. “I hate the way he takes care of me, but I don’t know what I’d do if he didn’t.”
“You could find someone else—”
“No,” I stop him. “I’ll never bow to a man just so he’ll take care of me. I’d rather starve to death in the streets.”
“What if you really fell for someone though?”
I scrutinize Jude’s face. “That would never happen. No one would ever want to be with me long term.”
“How do you know if you haven’t been with anyone since high school?” Jude’s question is more thoughtful than accusatory, and I hate the way my walls crack when he starts digging—but this is one I can’t let him in on.
“I just know.”
His lips purse and he looks back out toward the street. “I won’t press.”
“Yeah, because you’ll just try to find the answer on your computer later,” I scoff, shaking my head.
He turns to me, grabbing my hand again and meeting my gaze. “Oh, I won’t stop until I find the answer.” Jude’s eyes darken for a split second, and I’m stuck trying to breathe. His threats are such a fucking turn on—even if I’m wishy-washy about whether or not he might be the person behind the weird texts.
“Henry says you have a sister,” I say as he pulls me toward a Mexican cuisine restaurant. “I didn’t know that.”
Jude laughs. “Yeah, Elizabeth. She’s a lot younger than me, but she won’t be talking to me now. She just made amends with my family.”
I hesitate, trying to read between the lines. “So...You’re not close to your family?”
Jude doesn’t answer the question as the hostess guides us through the chatter and chaos to a back booth. I slide with my back to the door, and let Jude take the seat facing the crowds. We both order a water, and then Jude jumps back into the conversation.
“I’m not close to my family. I was close to my sister, but that was only because she pissed off my parents.” He takes a sip of his drink and then shrugs. “I’ll never be back in their good graces, so I have to let it go.”
“Because of what you do now or what you did?” I run my finger across the tabletop, trying to calm my nerves. I’m not sure if this is a date or not, but...I kind of hope it is—even if it can never go anywhere.
“Neither,” Jude answers, drawing my attention back to him. “They could probably give two shits less about what I do or what I did. It has to do with the fact I got caught and served time. It’s a disgrace, and it’s been fucking twelve years since I talked to them.”
“Really?” For some reason, I actually feel sorry for him. “That sucks.”
“Yeah, but it’s all good. I found a family of sorts in prison. It’s the place I learned about bending morals to get what you want.”
“Did you have to—”
“No,” Jude cuts me off, rolling his eyes. “Just because I was a tech guy didn’t mean that I was made into someone’s bitch. I don’t know why everyone always assumes that.”
“That’s not what I was going to say,” I argue with him, my view of him having changed since I last thought of his prison sentence. He’s too fucking cunning to end up beneath some gang bangers.
“Oh,” Jude chuckles. “Then what were you going to say?”
“Did you have to figure out how to pay your way through prison?” I know the question is na?ve, but for all I know, I might end up there one day with my habits.
“Uh,” Jude seems caught off guard by the question. “I mean, no one has to put money on your account for you to survive, but yeah, I guess I figured out a way to earn income—but there’s no need to go into details.”
“What was it?”
“I just said no need for details,” he replies flatly. “It’s not really that interesting. It’s just whatever it takes to make it.”
“So...” I lean forward. “Tell me.”
“I don’t think I’ve ever seen you this interested in me.” His eyes dance across my face, his soft strawberry blond hair swept messily off to the side. It’s painful how handsome the man is.
“I just want to know what you did,” I say, feeling giddy all of the sudden.
“I programmed and sold cell phones.”
“Oh,” I laugh, shaking my head. “I expected something way more devious.”
“Well, I mean, that is pretty devious, given the rules. But no, I wasn’t out concocting revenge porn or something. I didn’t have the right equipment to do that much.”
“Hmm.” I lean back against the booth as the waiter drops off chips and queso, and then takes our order. I admire Jude while he nonchalantly orders and then hands over our menus. Once again, it’s such a small, normal move, but I realize right then that the world not noticing him is such a shame. Everything the man does is shockingly attractive.
“What else do you want to know?” Jude picks up his water and takes a sip. “My social security number? I have no secrets that I won’t tell you.”
I smile, but my stomach churns at the mention of secrets. He might be an open book, but...
I’ll never be.