Chapter 37
“What is it you would have me do with you?” Mordane asked. He’d called her to his office, the first time she’d left her rooms since Saint had…gone.
She winced, her shoulders curling inward, arms coming up to protect the searing hole in her chest. The same pain that flared whenever thoughts of him crossed her mind, which was nearly constant.
“Let me wither in the dark until my mother comes.”
“You’re too valuable for me to agree to that. I can’t leave my best weapon sitting on the table when a threat arrives.”
Elsie tilted her head, too emotionally exhausted to sneer. “A weapon is useless if the blade refuses to cut. I won’t hunt for you. Not anymore.”
Mordane sat back in his chair, tapping a finger on his desk. “You want to know what I think? I think that after releasing eighteen demons into my compound, you, Elspeth Chantraine, will do as you’re told.”
One corner of her lips raised. “Have they requested their transfers yet?”
“Who?”
“My entire squad. We had a mediation session the same day you and the rest of command conveniently hauled ass out of here in time to avoid the centipede your good buddy Cornick sent us. Not one of them wishes to remain under my command. I no longer captain a squad, and harbor no will to fight. We’re stuck with each other, Arnold.
Put a broom in my hand, and I’ll sweep the floors.
That’s the best you’re going to get out of me, and if you try to force me into anything else, I’ll empty that barn again the second you fill it up. ”
“Nobody from your squad has come to me with any requests. You’ve been given one hell of a promotion. You’re a commanding officer, above any field or nest squad.”
“What does my unwanted promotion have to do with my refusal to kill on your behalf? Not denying Cornick’s involvement is pretty bold.
” She leaned forward, propping her elbows on his desk.
“I met his witches in the woods. I know he sent them to summon the centipede, and your absence was noted during the fight.”
“You’re the only witness to this mythical event, and with your behavior over the past year, you are not a credible witness.”
Elsie smiled. “Call Morgan Blackwater in here. Hell, call all the truth-seers. They can question both of us. Me about what I saw that day, and you about where you were and why.”
Mordane pinched the bridge of his nose and let out an affected sigh. “What is it that you want?”
“I want you to leave me alone. Take the guards off my door, transfer my squad members into whatever field squad or nest they choose, and keep Marley out of my fucking face.”
“I will temporarily reassign your squad, and I’m going to give you one month’s paid administrative leave. We can revisit this conversation when your temper has had time to cool.”
“Clairemont?”
“What about him?”
“I killed him.”
“Our top field healer says you were overmedicated and out of your senses, and there’s no way to prove if it was you, or the demons. It couldn’t be helped. Go back to your room, you look like you need some rest.” He rose and opened the door for her.
Elsie scoffed. After all her bullshit, Marley had covered for her when she knew damned well that Elsie had killed Clairemont.
She eased herself out of that damned chair and shuffled out into the hallway. She passed Roz’s open door without a glance at the woman inside. They’d used her to kill countless demons, several other hunters, and now they were letting her get away with murder.
Eventually she made it back to her rooms, where she’d been slowly choking on the ghost of Saint’s presence.
His clothes and the few personal items he’d collected in the past two years were there, a constant reminder of her loss, but Elsie couldn’t convince herself to let it go.
As if the stabbing pain of their bond wasn’t enough punishment.
Each night she gathered up his clothes and curled herself around them, breathing in his scent and crying herself to sleep.
She’d taken to pacing the floor and chewing her nails as Saint put more distance between them, trying to outrun a broken bond that hadn’t yet disappeared. It was a constant, fiery ache in her chest, demanding that she return it to the way things were.
Their connection felt weaker than before, and when Elsie made the mistake of focusing on it, the frayed edges where she’d forcibly severed her end of their connection cut into her soul.
Most of the time she did her best to ignore the pain and the anguish of what she’d lost. What she’d chosen to give up.
A few mornings later, she woke to the lights in her room flickering on. Squinting up at the man hovering over her, she cursed.
“Get up,” Morgan said.
“Nice eye patch. What are you doing here? I remember you leading the charge in the ‘Fuck Elsie’ meeting. I want nothing to do with you, Morgan.”
“Perrie and I are leaving fieldwork. She’s joining a medical research team in Preservation, and I’m headed for Pinnacle. There’s not much use for a sniper who’s lost his depth perception.”
Nest Pinnacle of Colony Two was the political hub that made all major decisions about humanity’s future within the colonies. Mordane had chosen to send Morgan to work in the capital. He’d be good at it, if he ever got his head out of his ass.
“Why are you telling me this?”
“I’m here to apologize and to say goodbye. You’ve been moping for too long. Come take a walk with me. It’ll be good for you.”
Elsie rolled her eyes.
“I’m not going out there in my pajamas.” She flipped the blanket over her face and rolled away from him.
Morgan tugged the blanket away and threw some clothes at her. The outfit didn’t match, but Morgan had never cared about things like that.
“Fine,” she sighed, sitting up and dangling her feet over the edge of the bed. The motion made her head swim, and she grumbled, pissed that he’d been right. She needed to start doing more than fret around her room.
Morgan waited outside while she got dressed. Elsie struggled with the straps on the bodice, mentally cursing her style sense in a situation like this. She wasn’t hurting anymore, but her muscles were stiff from being cooped up too long.
It took her more than twice as long to get dressed than usual, and even longer to do a decent job taming her unbrushed mass of hair into a braid. Unfortunately, she found Morgan patiently waiting in the hall when she finished.
Elsie followed him out, moving slower than normal, her muscles achy and stiff. Without asking, he took her out through an emergency exit to avoid anyone curious and bold enough to stop and talk with her.
Outside under the sun, Elsie took a deep breath.
It was starting to get cooler outside. Fall would arrive soon.
They walked in silence for a good ten minutes, Elsie refusing to be the first to break, while Morgan watched her carefully for any sign that she was too tired to continue.
But she grew more comfortable as her muscles loosened up and moved more freely.
“You should be aware,” he said reluctantly. “Perrie and I stood against sending him to the beastmaster.”
His words hung in the air between them for a long moment while Elsie did her best to keep her breath steady and calm. She wasn’t ready for this conversation, and she probably never would be.
“You have no right to talk about him.”
“I’d be dead right now if it weren’t for him.
He was running by with some rope when I got thrashed by one of the centipede's legs. The next thing I knew, one of her arms came right at my face. By all rights, I should be dead. Mutt,” he paused and shook his head, “Saint, saved me, and I got away with nothing but a missing eye.”
“Congratulations, you got helped by the demon you hated. I’ll bet that chafes. Let me guess, he manipulated or brainwashed you into speaking on his behalf, right? Wasn’t that the reigning theory?”
He paused, looking toward the ruins of the training grounds and surrounding buildings. There were still people working on the clean-up where large sections of the demon’s body remained.
“We made a mistake, Elsie. We all regret it.”
“Do you really think it’s acceptable to say that now, after he’s already gone? More so after every single one of you quit my squad? When I needed you guys, you abandoned me. You think regretting your actions will make up for your betrayal?”
“We were stubborn and ignorant, nobody wanted to believe the organization we serve could do what you were accusing them of. But now that we’ve all heard about Cornick’s involvement, while Mordane was conveniently absent until days after the danger passed, we’re seeing the truth of the matter.”
“That’s not an apology–”
“Is it true?”
Elsie frowned, unwilling to confirm or deny anything until she understood exactly what he referred to. She couldn’t lie to Morgan, and there was no point getting herself into trouble.
“What?”
“About Cornick, and that you tried to quit?”
“Oh,” she sighed. “If that’s all you’re after, you should have brought it up sooner.
It would have saved us some trouble. Yes, oh walking lie detector, one of the witches that summoned the centipede said Cornick sent them.
And I didn’t try to quit, I did quit. I will no longer hunt for those bastards. ”
They walked a few minutes more while Morgan thought it over.
“I can’t say I’m surprised. You’ve never been easy to control,” he finally replied. “You know, I’m the one who found Clairemont.”
Elsie looked away, knowing what he would have seen.
“Saint’s blood was splattered everywhere, and the tools he’d created to use against the demons were atrocious. I couldn’t find plausible justification for his actions, nor for the way the others were being held.” Morgan looked down at her. “I don’t blame you for opening all those stall doors.”
“I see. When I told you all how horrible Clairemont’s behavior was, you refused to believe me, but when seeing it for yourself, it suddenly became real.” She arched an eyebrow.