CHAPTER SIXTEEN
Scott
Now
The alarm went off, and I groaned. Then I remembered. Today was the first day I had the kids completely to myself. Friends and family had been helping me through it all, but the regular routine needed to start back today.
A pit formed in my stomach. So many of the women had stared at the children as if they were leaving them alone in a den of wolves. Rabid wolves.
It couldn’t be that bad, right? I rubbed my face and put my feet on the floor. I looked over at Blair’s side of the bed. I wasn’t used to not seeing her over there, and I still found myself looking for her each morning.
I was up at the crack of dawn to try to beat the kids out of bed. I went down and started the coffee. I hadn’t even come close to getting it to taste like Blair’s did. In fact, mine was so bad, I wasn’t even sure it could be called coffee.
Coffee itself would be offended by the insult.
Luckily, I had other options for caffeine. I grabbed a Coke from the fridge before pulling out the eggs and bacon I’d decided to make for the kids this morning. I’d looked it up, and those seemed like pretty simple options.
I stared at the monthly schedule Blair had neatly written on a huge, framed white board. It took up half the wall on one side of the kitchen. Fear washed over me as I studied it. “What the fuck?”
I took a big gulp of Coke as I tried to make sense of what she had written there. My God. It looked like there were seven different places for me to be after school. All at nearly the same time. How was that even possible? I only had six kids.
I sat at the large kitchen table and studied it, trying to understand how I would get everyone where they needed to be.
Where was Carrie when I needed her?
“Why the hell didn’t I ask them to explain this to me while they were here?
” I mumbled to myself. Of course, they might not understand it themselves.
I stared at it until I was cross-eyed, and I finally determined that each color is a key code for a different child.
From there it was much easier to make sense of.
But there was that one color. Brown. The ugliest of the Expo marker colors available on the board’s tray. It’s Blair’s color.
I almost cried at that, and not just because it meant I obviously was supposed to do something about the very active role she played at all of our children’s schools.
No, I felt like crying because Blair took the ugly color for herself and made sure the kids had nice colors.
That was Blair—always putting others before herself.
I had heard of something called the ‘burnt toast phenomenon.’ It’s a theory that mothers will always put themselves last, taking the burnt toast or the smallest piece of chicken, or…
the brown marker so everyone else could have the best things. It was true.
I swallowed hard. I had taken advantage of that over the years. It’s normal for children to not notice such things. But husbands? We should notice. I had in the past, but I’d just let it happen and didn’t think a thing about it.
I just shrugged inwardly and thought she was happier giving then receiving. Which is probably true, but it was still shitty of me not to do better.
I should have. I should have taken the burnt toast so she could have the good toast. There are a lot of things I should have done better.
And now, I thought as an alarm went off in someone’s upstairs bedroom, I was about to truly find out what her days were like. A shiver went down my spine. It wasn’t excitement; it was fear. How badly was I going to screw this up?
The past days had blurred together. Carrie, Sadie, Melinda, and their mothers had taken turns coming by to help with the kids in the mornings. Harrison, Thatcher, and Drake came by in the evenings to help with dinners.
And I never knew so many people still made casseroles.
I’m pretty sure every woman in our church had brought one by.
So had half the patients I’d treated since I opened the practice.
At least I didn’t have to worry about dinners.
I’d had to start using the chest freezer Blair keeps in our huge laundry room.
Before this happened, it had been almost empty.
It was now full. I was both grateful and amazed by the outpouring of support.
Meanwhile, I’d been dividing my time between the hospital and the dental practice.
I was trying to honor as many appointments as I possibly could while my staff worked to re-schedule the rest. I’d already contacted my new partner, Blake Marvel—seriously, he’ll be called Dr. Marvel like a superhero—and he’d worked things around so he could arrive a couple of weeks earlier than he’d planned.
He’d arrived yesterday and would be thrown into the schedule immediately instead of slowly as we’d planned.
Poor guy moved in one day and had to report to work the next.
I was sure he hadn’t had much time to unpack his boxes.
At least he was a bachelor and hadn’t had to move a wife and kids at a moment’s notice.
He’d moved into one of the nice, new loft apartments in our sleepy little downtown.
As I heard six sets of feet on the stairs and loud arguing, I momentarily envied him.
This was it. My heart beat faster as they all appeared in front of me. Selene was first down the stairs as usual.
She sniffed the air. “Pretty sure breakfast should already be finished, Dad.”
“What?” I glanced at the clock. “Fuck!”
I ignored Sammy’s horrified gasp.
“How did I lose track of time?” I lurched into action, hurrying over to the counter to get started on the bacon and eggs.
“There’s no time for bacon,” Sutton said peevishly.
She turned to her siblings. “Looks like a bagel kind of morning, guys.” She pushed past me and entered our walk-in pantry.
She rooted around for a few moments before sticking her head back out.
“Dad,” she said in an ominous voice, “where are the bagels?”
“What? Why would I know that?” Should I know that? With a sinking feeling I realized I sounded like an idiot. I was standing in my own kitchen with no idea what was in that pantry.
“Is there even cream cheese?” Sutton gave me a glare and opened the refrigerator.
“Oh my God, Dad! There’s nothing in here.
She slammed the door and looked at her siblings.
Then she held up her finger for each transgression I’d committed.
“There’s no fruit, no vegetables, no lunch meat, no sliced cheese…
and,” she said in a very dramatic voice, “the snack drawer is empty. Literally empty.”
They all turned and stared at me, eyes wide.
“I, um, should’ve gone to the grocery store,” I admitted. “I didn’t realize…”
Sean cut me off. “You didn’t realize you needed to go to the grocery store in order for there to be food in the house?” He gave Spencer one of their twin looks, and I could not feel worse.
Sammy stepped forward and patted my butt. At first, I was confused. Then I understood that he was trying to comfort me, and that was where he could reach. I was a tall guy, and Sammy was on the short side for his age. “It’s okay. We’ll just eat cereal.” He gave me a huge smile.
Sammy was our sunshine child, and I was so thankful for him. I patted him on the head as he entered the pantry. “Guys!” he screeched, and I hurried forward thinking he’d seen a bug or something. He turned around pale, as if he’d just seen a ghost. “There is no cereal.”
Sophia burst into tears. I stared at her. My God. Did she like cereal that much? That was kind of a problem, right? I’d need to talk to Blair… my shoulders slumped. I couldn’t talk to Blair about our daughter’s cereal obsession. She was in a coma.
“That’s okay.” Sutton’s very judgmental voice broke into my thoughts. “There’s not any milk, either,” she said as if she was dropping a final bomb on breakfast and my skills as a dad in general.
“Jesus,” Spencer said under his breath.
Okay. I’m no longer going to think I can’t feel smaller.
Because now I feel so much worse than when we were just out of bagels.
I turned to Sutton. “Honey, could you stop by the grocery store today and get us whatever we need?” I reached into my back pocket to pull out my wallet but stopped when I saw the look on her face.
She stared at me. “Seriously?”
“Or the twins,” I said quickly, thinking she thought I was being sexist. “I only asked you because you’re the oldest and seem to have an incredibly firm grasp on what should be in the pantry and fridge.”
“First,” she held up a finger, “I heard the sarcasm in your voice, Father.” I winced. When they were little that flew over their heads. “Second, I need to ask you a question,” she said.
I frowned. “I don’t think we have time for this…”
“How old am I?”
I froze. Shit. How old was she? “Sixteen,” I replied confidently.
“I’m fifteen, Dad. I can’t drive. How old are the twins?” She flipped her long brown braid over her shoulder.
“Thirteen?” I guessed.
“Dad.” Sean shook his head.
“We’re fourteen,” Spencer said. “Thirteen-year-olds don’t go to high school, Dad.”
Sean smirked, but it looked mean and I could see the sadness in his eyes. “Did you even know we were in high school?”
Selene was over it. “Enough of this,” she said, eyeing me with scorn, “Sutton, you need to take charge for this morning.”
Sutton stepped forward. “Okay, y’all. We’ll be eating breakfast and lunch at school today.” She turned to me. “Is there enough money on our cafeteria accounts?”
“Um…”
She rolled her eyes so hard I was afraid she’d cause herself permanent damage.
“Right. If you can’t remember food doesn’t magically appear, why would I think you know anything about our school’s payment app?
I’ll just handle it.” She turned to her siblings and surveyed them.
“We have to get out of here fast if we’re going to be in time for breakfast.” She narrowed her eyes and inspected each one.
“Sean and Spencer, go brush your teeth and then y’all are good to go. ”
For once, they didn’t yell at her to quit bossing them around. They just bounded up the steps to their shared bathroom.
“Sophia, what’s wrong?” Sutton pulled her sister into her arms and hugged her. This was a rare occurrence, so it was kind of amazing to witness.
“I… miss… Mom… so… much…” she gasped out between sobs.
Sutton grabbed a tissue and held her. “We all do. It’s okay to miss her. You’re staying home with Dad today.”
“I am?” Her crying stopped for a moment.
She was?
Sutton nodded then looked at me. “She’s not ready to go back yet.”
The relief I’d felt that Sophia didn’t have an odd attachment to cereal was short-lived. “What do you mean?”
“You need to call Aunt Diane and see if she can watch her today. If she can’t, she should go to work with you.”
Sophia got an interested look on her face as she dried her tears. “I want to go with you, Dad.”
“You do?” I was shocked. Who wanted to go to a dentist’s office and sit around all day?
She nodded emphatically.
Selene looked skeptical. “Are you not going to tell her to wear matching socks?”
“I like my socks this way,” Sophia said defensively.
“The socks are fine.” Sutton’s word was final, and Selene shrugged.
“If you want to look like that, it’s up to you.”
Sophia glared at her younger sister. She and Selene were always at odds. Yet, oddly, they were very close at the same time.
“Selene, your clothes don’t match. Change your shirt to a blue one and brush your teeth. Did you pack everything you need for the game today?”
She snorted. “As if you have to ask.” She pointed to a bag sitting by the door then ran up the stairs to change and brush her teeth
Sutton turned to Sammy. “You’re great, Sam. Just brush your teeth and get Selene to wet this bit of hair that’s sticking out.” She smoothed over the place she was talking about and gave him a squeeze.
She turned to me, and I realized she was about to critique me.
“I really don’t need help with…”
“Dad, you’re a wreck,” she cut in. “I’ve never seen your hair look so bad. It looks like you’re an Australian bush creature.”
“What?” I gasped. I knew I looked bad, but… wait a minute. “What even is an Australian bush creature?”
“Look in the mirror.”
With that, she went to brush her own teeth.
I went to get dressed and passed the big hall mirror on the way up.
My eyes widened. Why did Australian bush creature seem like such a great way to describe how I looked?
She wasn’t at all wrong about my appearance.
I looked like hell. I hurried to get ready.
I would have to stop somewhere and squeeze in a haircut today.
Before I knew it, Sutton had us all organized, ready, and in the car.
And I felt like a failure as a father. “Sutton, I’ll do better…”
“Yes, you will. I’m a child. I’m not even great at paying attention to everything Mom does, but at least I pay some attention. What adult human doesn’t realize they have to make sure their kids have food?” She shook her head. “I shouldn’t be better at this than you are.”
Brutal. She’d kicked me while I was down and curled into a fetal position. At least that’s what it felt like. But she wasn’t wrong.
I cleared my throat and nodded. “I’ll do much better. Thank you for your help this morning.”
She smirked. “Don’t thank me yet. You haven’t been through car rider line, and I’m not helping you out. You need motivation to learn how to take care of us.”
“It can’t be that bad…”
“Just look.”
As we came around a bend in the road and could see the schools, I noticed the slinking snake of cars weaving through cones expertly.
My jaw dropped open. I didn’t think this many people lived in Indigo Falls.
There were also teachers in reflective vests directing traffic by waving flags and yelling at people.
They all seemed to be carrying either walkie talkies or bullhorns.
Or both. The teachers didn’t look their normal selves.
Their faces were grim, mouths in tight, straight lines. They looked… terrifying.
“Are you sure you can’t help me this once?”
Sutton turned to me with a sweet smile. “This is all you, Dad. Have fun.” She opened the car door, stepped out, and jogged across the parking lot to the high school.
The twins went with her. That was good. Now I only had two car rider lines to navigate while dropping Sammy and Selene at the elementary school and Sophia at the middle school.
Maybe that wouldn’t be so awful…
“Sir!” a teacher yelled at me using a bullhorn, “You’re holding up the line. Let’s go!”
I lurched forward, almost hitting the bumper of the car in front of me. “Shit,” I muttered. I glanced in the rearview mirror at the kids in the back seats of the SUV. “Don’t worry,” I tried to reassure them, “I’ve got it under control.”
They looked at me skeptically. I was fooling no one.
The car behind me honked aggressively, and the teacher picked up the bullhorn to start yelling at me again.
I did not, in fact, have it under control.