PENN
We let everyone else go first. It’s not that I’m not excited to see my baby sister and my new niece. I am. I just need to prepare.
Every time someone comes back from the room with tears in their eyes and a smile on their face, I feel Aria’s hand tighten in mine.
I know I’m putting it off and half expect Aria to get up and pull me down the hall, but she sits patiently beside me like she’s having to mentally prepare herself too.
I look down at her. “Yeah?”
She gives me a small smile. “We’re the only ones left.”
I glance around the waiting room, and she’s right. The rest of the family have already visited and have left. Now it’s our turn.
I stand and pull Aria up with me. “Ready?”
She nods, but her eyes are already shining with unshed tears. “Yeah.”
We walk down the hallway together, and I keep hold of her hand the whole way. The closer we get to Skyler’s room, the more I feel Aria’s nervousness.
The door is cracked, and I knock softly before pushing it open.
Zach looks up from the chair beside Skyler’s bed. He looks both exhausted and happier than I’ve ever seen.
Skyler is propped up against the pillows, her hair pulled back, face tired, but she’s absolutely glowing. There’s a tiny bundle in her arms, wrapped in a soft pink blanket.
Aria sucks in a breath beside me.
“Oh, Skyler,” she whispers.
Skyler looks up and smiles. “Come meet her.”
We step into the room, but Zach immediately stands and points toward the sanitizer dispenser mounted by the door.
“Hands first.”
I almost smile. “Zach.”
“I’m not kidding.” He points again. “Hands. Both of you. Thoroughly.”
Skyler rolls her eyes. “He made Mom sanitize twice.”
“She touched the elevator button,” Zach says like that explains everything.
“It’s okay,” Aria says, already pressing the dispenser. “I respect it.”
Zach nods like she passed some kind of test. “Good.”
I hold out my hands, and he watches me rub the sanitizer in like I’m one of his recruits and not a grown man who works in a hospital.
“Again,” he says.
I stare at him. “You’re kidding.”
“Do I look like I’m kidding?”
Skyler sighs from the bed. “Zach, he’s a doctor.”
Zach’s forehead creases. “And doctors are around germs all day.”
Aria laughs softly and hits the dispenser again. “Come on, Penn. If you want uncle privileges, you gotta follow the dad’s orders.”
I do it again because I want to hold my niece and because arguing with Zach right now would be pointless.
When he’s finally satisfied, he steps aside but still watches us like we might do something wrong.
Skyler looks down at the baby, and her face softens completely. “This is Grace.”
Aria presses one hand to her chest. “She’s beautiful.”
I look at my little sister. “She looks just like you.”
Zach’s head snaps toward me. “She has my chin.”
Skyler smiles. “She has your attitude.”
“She’s perfect,” he says, looking back at the baby like the whole world begins and ends right there.
Skyler looks at me. “Do you want to hold her?”
Before I can answer, Zach steps closer. “Sit down first.”
I glance at him. “You know I’ve held babies before.”
He shrugs, not even fazed. “Not mine.”
Aria covers her mouth, and I hear the small laugh she tries to hide.
I sit in the chair beside the bed. “Better?”
Zach studies me for a second. “Support her head.”
“I know how to hold a baby.”
“Penn,” Aria says softly, and when I look at her, she’s smiling. “Just let him have this.”
I let out a breath. “Fine.”
Zach carefully takes Grace from Skyler and turns toward me. His whole face changes when he looks down at his daughter, and then he places her in my arms. It’s obvious Zach doesn’t want to let her go.
She’s so tiny.
Her face is scrunched up, her lips pursed like she’s irritated, and one little hand is tucked beneath her chin.
My chest tightens so fast I almost can’t breathe. “Hey, Grace. I’m going to be your favorite uncle,” I whisper.
Skyler laughs. “Ozzy, Miller, Logan, and Guy all said the same thing.”
“Competition. I like it,” I mutter.
Zach leans over me. “Don’t breathe on her.”
I look up at him. “How exactly do you want me to hold her and not breathe?”
“Carefully.”
Skyler laughs from the bed. “He’s been like this since they put her in my arms.”
“I’m her father,” Zach says.
Skyler points at me. “And Penn is her uncle.”
Zach looks at me, then down at Grace. “Exactly. That’s why I’m watching him.”
I should make a joke, and normally I would, but I can’t stop looking at the baby in my arms.
I’m so damn happy for Skyler and Zach. But underneath there is an ache that I’ve been feeling for a year and a half.
My eyes lift to Aria. She’s standing beside me, watching Grace with tears in her eyes and the softest smile on her face. I can see it plainly on her face. She wants this.
I’m not sure if it’s the right thing to do, but I ask her, “Do you want to hold her?”
Aria’s eyes go to Zach and Skyler. “Can I?”
Skyler smiles. “Of course you can.”
Zach points at Aria’s hands. “You sanitized twice?”
Aria lifts both hands. “I promise.”
He hesitates.
Skyler gives him a look. “Zach.”
He sighs. “Fine.”
I stand slowly, careful with Grace, and Aria sits down in the chair. When I place the baby in her arms, my hands brush over Aria’s, and her fingers are shaking a little. I don’t know if anyone else notices, but I do.
Aria looks down at that baby like she’s holding something precious.
“Oh,” Aria whispers, her voice breaking. “Hi, sweet girl.”
Grace makes a tiny sound, and Aria laughs softly through her tears.
Skyler wipes under her eyes. “She likes you.”
“She’s perfect,” Aria says.
Zach’s chest puffs up. “She is.”
I move to stand behind Aria’s chair and rest one hand lightly on her shoulder. I need to touch her. I need something to hold on to while I watch her hold the life I’m scared I can’t give her.
Aria leans back into my hand just a little. “She’s so tiny.”
“She didn’t feel tiny coming out,” Skyler mutters.
Zach immediately turns to her. “Do you need anything? Water? Ice chips? Another blanket? Pain meds?”
“I need you to sit down before you fall over,” Skyler says.
He shrugs her off. “I’m fine.”
For a few minutes, the room is quiet. Skyler talks about the delivery. Zach interrupts every few seconds to add things. Aria keeps Grace in her arms, looking down at her like the rest of the world has disappeared.
And I watch my wife.
I watch the way her finger brushes over Grace’s tiny fist. The way she’s looking at her with awe on her face.
This is probably what I’ve been most afraid of.
It wasn’t the diagnosis or having to run multiple tests.
It’s watching Aria with a baby in her arms and knowing that I have a secret that can change everything between us.
Aria glances up at me. “You okay?”
I force myself to nod. “Yeah.”
She studies me for a second, and I wonder if she believes me.
Then Grace makes another sound, and Aria looks back down at her.
Skyler yawns, and Zach stands immediately. “All right. Time’s up. Momma needs rest.”
Skyler gives him a tired look. “I’m fine.”
“You just had a baby.”
“I know. I was there.”
Aria smiles and carefully stands. “He’s right. We should let you rest.”
Zach looks relieved that someone agrees with him.
Aria leans over and kisses Skyler’s cheek. “I’m so happy for you.”
Skyler’s eyes fill again. “Thank you.”
Then Aria looks down at Grace one more time. “Welcome to the family, sweet girl.”
My chest tightens.
Zach takes Grace from Aria very carefully and then settles her back into Skyler’s arms.
I hug Skyler gently. “You did good, kid.”
She sniffles. “Don’t make me cry.”
“You’ve been crying since we got here.”
“That’s different.”
I kiss the top of her head. “Love you.”
She smiles up at me. “Love you too.”
Zach walks us to the door like he’s escorting us out before we can contaminate anything. “Thanks for coming.”
Aria smiles at him. “You’re already ridiculous.”
“I’m a father now. Ridiculous is my right.”
“You’re going to be amazing,” she says.
Zach’s face softens. “Thanks.”
We step into the hallway, and the door closes behind us.
For a second, Aria and I just stand here.
The sounds of the hospital move around us. There are nurses walking by and machines beeping. I thread my hand with Aria’s as we walk down the hall.
Aria sniffs. “She’s beautiful.”
I agree with her. “She is.”
We both go silent on the way to the car. It’s like we’re each deep in thought. I have to tell her tonight. The thought makes my stomach twist, but for the first time, I don’t try to run from it.
Aria deserves the truth, and if I lose her after that, at least she’ll finally know I never stopped wanting forever with her.