Chapter Four Mercy
Chapter Four
Mercy
The beeping woke me first.
“Fuck,” I whispered, pinching my eyes shut as I tried to press the thin pillow over my ears.
The tubes lodged in my hand by the giant needle made it a little hard to move around at night, which was a problem, since a peaceful sleeper I was not.
Most mornings, I woke with a rat’s nest in my hair and the covers tangled between my legs.
And that was without machines hooked up to my body. After picking at a bland dinner under Nell’s careful supervision, I was instructed firmly to get some rest.
Like they made that so easy in the hospital. All the checking and the watching and the studying. And the beeping. Well, the beeping told me all manner of things, like the fact that this wasn’t actually a nightmare, and I was in the hospital with Swiss cheese brain.
No one liked Swiss cheese. Not really.
Maybe on a sandwich or in a casserole or something. But it’s not like you’d raid the fridge at midnight, looking to house a few slices of that holey bullshit by itself. That’s why sharp cheddar existed.
The distraction of cheese thoughts didn’t last very long, because when the beeping dissipated and I pried the pillow away from my face, my gaze landed on the chair next to the bed.
When I went to sleep last night and begged the nurses to leave me in peace for at least a four-hour stretch, that chair had been empty.
It wasn’t empty now.
The sight of Grant sound asleep at my bedside sent my nervous system into absolute disarray. I had to remind myself that I wasn’t actually in danger.
It felt dangerous, though.
As I studied the uncomfortable position of the lean length of his body, my thumb rubbed the divot in my ring finger.
Nell came into the room, a bright smile on her face. “Good morning, sunshine,” she said quietly, careful not to wake Grant. She sat on the edge of the bed and checked my vitals. “How’d you sleep?”
“Once your friends left me alone, I was fine.”
She tutted, fussing a little with my hair, and I took over, combing it with my fingers until it was tucked behind my ears. “You know we’re just doing our job. Sometimes keeping you alive means waking you up a few times.”
“I know.”
“How’s the noggin?”
“Better.” I rolled my neck gingerly, happy that there was no residual ache from the day before. “Nothing angry right now.”
Nell watched the blood pressure numbers on the monitor. Her gaze cut over to Grant. “You good with him in here?”
I couldn’t help but study him too. Mainly because it was so bizarre that he was here. With me. Caring enough to sleep in that ridiculous chair.
And . . . he was nice to look at. No matter how much he pissed me off, the man was stupid attractive. At least with his mouth closed.
His broad chest rose and fell on deep, even breaths.
He was bigger than I remembered. More muscular.
With his arms folded loosely over his flat stomach, I was free to study the large span of his hands.
And the ring in a matching spot where I was missing mine.
My throat tightened, and I looked away. “I guess.”
“He’s not a stranger,” she whispered. “That’s a start.”
I let out a dry laugh. “Might as well be. He’s impossible to read.
Always drove me up a fucking wall. I was in middle school when he and my brother met.
” I gave her a quick look. “Connor was ten years older than me, so when he started at Michigan, I was just a kid. ‘British as fuck,’” I said. “That’s how Conn described him.”
Nell snorted. “I’d have to agree. I’ve learned a lot about tea in the week since you came in. Your husband prefers the Lady Grey from Twinings, if you’re curious. His mum sends it to him from across the pond whenever he’s running low.”
“Nice of her.” How was his hair so perfect? What the hell kind of product did he use that even comatose in a hospital chair, not a strand was out of place? “Maybe you can make a cheat sheet for me.”
“So you never liked him?” she said. “Before.”
Before.
Before what? I wanted to ask. Before my head cracked a bit too hard against some glass and the universe punched cheese holes in my memory?
“I like pancakes. Diet Coke. Sausage McGriddles,” I replied. “No, I cannot say that I put Grant in the same category.”
Her eyes were smiling even though her face was neutral. “What category would you put him in?”
Despite every intention not to, my eyes wandered back over to the man in question.
The straight, proud nose. The harsh cut of his jaw and the dark stubble covering it—something else unfamiliar about him.
I’d never seen his face anything but clean shaven.
It gave him a disreputable edge that didn’t suck.
“When I was in high school, I moved in with my brother after my parents kicked me out. That was when I started seeing him more, but he didn’t pay much attention to me. Which was fine. In college, I suppose his looks didn’t escape my notice.”
“You’re kidding.”
Her sarcasm was about as subtle as a nuke, but I ignored it.
“He was just uptight,” I whispered. “Proper. So rich that he didn’t even think about how rich he was, and that pissed me off too.
When you come from nothing, someone like that is impossible to understand. Everything came so easily to him.”
“So he was in the category of . . .” She paused, raising her eyebrows. “Irritating hot man.”
I smiled begrudgingly. “Yes.”
“Irritating, hot, older man,” she amended. “I know all your important vitals, young lady. His, too, because he said if you needed blood to take his.”
My eyes flew to hers. “What?”
“Same blood type.”
The veins at the crook of my elbow were blue under my skin, easy to poke and prod when necessary, and I dragged the tip of my finger along the protruding edge of the IV.
Wasn’t that a mind fuck? Grant offering me his blood.
There were years he’d hardly looked in my direction, and trying to account for the shift in this dynamic made my head spin.
“I wish I could remember.”
“It’ll come back.”
At her confident tone, I raised an eyebrow. “Will it?”
“I think so.” She adjusted the blankets over my torso and laid her hands on mine. “Talk to him. Let him tell you stories. Show you pictures. It’ll help.”
It was hard to swallow. It shouldn’t be, right?
Swallowing was like breathing. Blinking.
A product of signals from the brain that told my body what it needed.
But there were all manner of things making the simple action impossible.
Bricks. Elephants. A building, probably.
A big one. With lots of people on it. All shoved into my battered body and forcing me to navigate around their presence.
How was I supposed to breathe easily with the Eiffel Tower on my chest? How was I supposed to swallow with a mud-packed throat? To allow someone to explain your own life, because you didn’t know what it looked like, was the pinnacle of vulnerability.
“I don’t know if I can,” I admitted in a whisper.
“Just try.” She squeezed my hand. “Anything I can get for you while I’m in here? Maybe some breakfast?”
“No thanks.”
She stood, setting her hands on her hips. Her scrubs were purple today. “Eggs and toast sound good?”
I gave her a look. “I just said no.”
“I’m aware.”
“Do I have a choice?”
“Not really.” Nell smiled. “I’ll add cheese to the eggs. That’s what I do for my kids when they won’t eat.”
Cheese on eggs sounded nice. A warm, gooey, cheesy breakfast would make me feel better. I couldn’t remember the last time someone had made me breakfast. It was so maternal, her pushing this meal on me, that I found my resolve wavering.
“Okay, fine, but not Swiss,” I said.
Her brow furrowed. “Who would add Swiss to their scrambled eggs?”
“You never know,” I answered gravely.
Nell left to order my breakfast, and I turned onto my side, unable to do anything but watch Grant. He still had those exhausted circles under his eyes, but they were less prominent than the last time I saw him. Shouldn’t I be able to look at him and recognize something? Anything?
It seemed impossible that we’d built any sort of life together and there was a complete blank in my mind. No dating. No proposal. No wedding. I stared at the firm line of his lips and felt my breath catch. No kissing. No sex.
What a daunting prospect, to have a list such as that ripped from my brain.
And it was in that moment, imagining a world where I’d screwed Grant Hastings and didn’t remember, that he opened his eyes and found me watching him.
His relief was instantaneous, his harsh features going slack as some invisible stress was briefly assuaged.
The silence in the room stretched for a moment too long, the air thick with the fact that I wasn’t sure what to say to him, that I’d asked for some space. His face shuttered carefully when a few prolonged seconds passed and neither of us said a word.
“Good morning.”
His voice was rough from sleep, and my hands tightened instinctively in the blanket.
“You slept in here.”
“Better than I have all week.” His gaze tracked over my face. “Not that that’s saying much.”
“You weren’t in here at two when I asked the nurses to stop poking me all night.”
The edge of his mouth tipped up in a hint of a smile. “No. I was out in the hallway. They told me you’d finally fallen asleep, so I risked your wrath to be in here.”
“Wrath? I’m not sure there’s much I could do to you in my state.”
“You could do a tremendous amount of damage, should you wish it.”
My cheeks warmed and I stared down at the floor for a moment, not quite sure what to say to this man who was, for all intents and purposes, a stranger.
“Do you have my phone?”
The impersonal question seemed to amuse him, a brief glint of humor flashing in his eyes, but he didn’t smile, just shook his head. “Collateral damage to the accident, unfortunately. I’ve ordered a new one, but it’s not here yet. Did you need to call someone?”
I licked my dry lips. “I’d like to talk to Rae.”