Chapter 18
Ivy
Micah’s kiss sets me on fire, igniting the love that’s hidden under anger for so long.
I thought time and betrayal had devoured my feelings for him, but here they are, all these years later, waiting.
Lingering. One kiss and they’re surging to the surface, back into the light where they always should have been.
He lifts me into his arms, and I feel the strength in that body.
His arms like steel, so hard, yet so gentle, as if he knows how fragile I’ve become.
I want to explore him. To pull his shirt over his head and trail my fingers along the hard ridges of his abs, his chest. To reacquaint myself with the person I used to know better than anyone.
The one who knew the best and worst of me and loved me exactly as I was.
He deposits me on the bed like I’m something precious, then lowers himself over top of me, hands on either side of my head, body hovering over mine.
“Micah…” My hands press against his chest, and then I’m kissing him again, my reservations disappearing with each brush of his lips against mine.
He pulls back. “What, baby?”
“We shouldn’t be doing this,” I say, my breath racing through my lungs and my body rioting against my brain. “I’ve only been here one day, and things are already complicated and awkward…”
But I can’t finish the sentence because my lips find his once again. I can’t think straight. Can’t think at all. It’s just us, together again, like no time has passed and we’re still wildly in love.
Micah skims his hand under my shirt, over my belly, and cups a breast, groaning low in his throat. “I’ve missed these. They’re perfect, you know that, right? The perfect shape. The perfect weight. Your perfect little nipples.”
He pulls my bra down and pinches a taut peak, then lowers his mouth to suck and my back arches and what was I saying about things being complicated?
This isn’t complicated. This is right. The way things always should have been.
If I hadn’t listened to my dad, Micah would have been there in a heartbeat. I know it. And these last years would have been filled with him calling my breasts perfect instead of Julian complaining about the stretch marks on my belly.
That man’s name is a bucket of ice water through my veins and I freeze. Micah lifts his head. “What’s wrong, Ives? This is happening too fast, isn’t it?”
“Maybe. Probably. But…” I can’t help myself; I grab his face and pull his lips to mine because this is the first time anything’s made sense.
His kiss. His touch. The erection digging into my hip.
I drag my hands down his muscular back and grip his ass, rolling my hips into his, desperate for friction.
Micah returns the kiss, and there’s a moment of neither of us caring about right and wrong and good and bad, but then he growls and pulls away.
“But what?” He brushes the hair from my face, staring down at me with so much tenderness, so much passion, so much desire…
It’s been a long time since a man’s looked at me like that.
I search for the words, but he’s kissing me again, like we create our own gravity, like we’ve been fighting its pull all this time and no longer have the strength to keep fighting.
My fingers brush the skin just under his shirt and I draw my nails along his back.
Goose bumps flare down his spine and he presses his forehead to mine to whisper, “I’ve missed you so fucking much. ”
He kisses my neck, nibbles my jaw, captures my bottom lip between his teeth, and my brain short circuits. The correct response to his statement would be that I’ve missed him too, but I spent years hating him, but now, knowing what I do, I couldn’t hate him if I tried and I…
Jesus, Ivy! Stop thinking! Just enjoy something for once!
I yank Micah’s shirt over his head. It gets stuck around his shoulders, and he sits up to finish the deal.
The lights are off, thank God—I don’t think I could do this if he could see me—but the hint of muscles flexing in the low light has me biting my lip.
He’s delicious and I want to run my tongue over every inch of his definitely not Photoshopped chest and abs.
Micah lifts my shirt and I brace. Julian would survey my body, looking for faults, for flaws, for extra pounds to complain about. Even sex was an opportunity to put me in my place.
I instinctively cover my stomach, but Micah moves my hands away.
“Don’t hide from me, baby. You’re fucking gorgeous.”
His lips, his teeth, his tongue. They caress me, they unlock me, they leave me shivering with want and desire and I’ve forgotten how to feel good. Sex has been a means to an end, to Julian’s end, for so long and—
I wrap my legs around Micah’s hips, he pauses, breathing heavily. “Are you sure this is what you want?”
I’ve never been more sure of anything in my life, I think, but I’m not good at knowing what I want. Not anymore. Every cell in my body cries out for him, but how do I know I’m not in the middle of another chaotic decision?
Micah sits up. “Because you just said you didn’t think we should be doing this and what you want matters to me.”
I don’t want to complicate things but being with him doesn’t feel complicated at all. It feels easy. Natural. Right.
“What if this is just a one-time thing?” I ask, bargaining with myself as much as with him. “Just to ease the tension. Get everything out of our system so we can focus on being friends. I mean, we’ll always be more than friends. You’re you, you know? But…”
“Sure. Right.” Micah’s brows furrow. “I promised myself I’d keep this professional, but I know I won’t be able to. Not with all this pent up…you know. A one-time thing is exactly what we need.”
You’re exactly what I need, I think, though that has to be my libido talking. I can’t remember the last time I’ve been this turned on.
I grip his face and pull him close, hoping my kiss will say everything my voice can’t.
Micah undoes my pants, sliding them down my hips right along with my underwear, then spreads my legs, lowering his face to me, parting my cleft to do something magical with his tongue. I groan, slapping a hand over my mouth to keep quiet—
…do you have any idea how stupid you sound? whispers Julian’s voice.
—until Micah slips his fingers inside and I gasp, pushing up on my elbows, eyes wide, desperate to see him.
Those dark eyes meet mine as he sucks my clit into his mouth and that’s it.
I’m done for. Starbursts and sunshine and my body is ecstasy, my cells glowing with pleasure and oh my God I hope this feeling never stops.
My legs quiver. My belly trembles. I bite my lip so hard to keep from screaming and then he sits back, smiling, wiping his mouth with the back of his hand.
“You taste so sweet. It’s like you’re made for me.”
His erection strains against his shorts and suddenly I’m eager to return the favor. I sit up, working the belt with shaky hands. The metal clinks in the darkness as I undo the clasp, then go straight for the button on his shorts, impatient to have him inside me.
He cups my cheek. “You have no idea how much I’ve missed this face.” He kisses me. “These lips.” His fingers skate along my waist. “You have no idea how much I want you.”
“That doesn’t sound like something friends would say to each other.”
“Sure it does. Friends miss each other all the time. Besides, I’m just getting it out of my system.”
“Right. Good point.” I pull down his zipper and wrap my fingers around his velvety shaft. He’s thick and veiny and I brush my thumb across his tip.
“Fuck, Ivy.” He groans, shivering. “You’re driving me crazy here.”
And then his lips meet mine, our bodies coming together like they were made for each other. The rest of his clothes hit the floor and he reaches for a drawer on his nightstand.
“I’m on the pill,” I whisper, and he grins, positioning himself between my thighs, his tip teasing my opening as I dig my heels into his ass.
He’s big, stretching me, filling me, slipping past muscles still reeling from the first orgasm. My head lifts off the pillow as I meet his eyes, silently begging him to…to what? I don’t even know anymore. I grip his arms, his back, barely hanging on because oh my God he feels so good.
“I’ve got you, Ives. I’ve always got you,” Micah whispers, as his hips hit mine. “And fuck, you take me so well.”
I pant into the silence, hovering on the edge of pleasure and pain and then he’s moving, stroking, slipping, sliding. I bite my lip to keep from screaming, my nails raking down his back, urging him deeper. I need more of him. All of him. How did I not know sex could feel this good?
Micah moves with confidence, grasping my hips with big hands, pulling himself deeper and deeper into me and oh fuck yes this is the way it should be. This is good. This is right.
He puts his hands on my lower stomach and presses down.
There’s an instant of fear, Julian would barely touch me there, but then holy fuck, what is happening?
Pleasure screams through me as he thrusts forward again and again.
I’m clenching and bucking and trying not to breathe because there’s no way I wouldn’t scream and moan and cry out because what kind of sorcery is this?
I’ve never known pleasure like this before.
Micah growls his appreciation. “That’s it. Come for me, my beautiful girl.”
And then he’s pumping harder, faster, deeper, more until he’s buried to the hilt, quivering with his own release.
He pulls out, collapsing beside me, pulling me close, kissing my hair, my neck, my throat. “I’ve missed you so much,” he whispers. “I always knew we’d end up back here.”
I twine my fingers into his hair the way I used to before everything fell apart.
Micah snuggles even closer. His voice is gentle and his body is warm and slowly, softly, I drift off to sleep.
I wake in a tangle of bedsheets and limbs. Micah’s on his back and my head’s on his chest, his arms wrapped around me and it’s the safest I’ve felt in a long time.
Only, I belong on a cot upstairs, not in his bed.
There’s already too much to explain to Nell without her waking up early and finding me down here.
Besides, friends don’t sleep together. They stay in their own rooms and give high fives in the hallway.
Or something like that. It’s late. I’ve barely slept.
And Micah and I just did something I wasn’t aware was possible.
Something that makes me feel more than a little guilty.
I broke up with Julian in my heart weeks ago, but I shouldn’t have done this with Micah. Not yet. Maybe not ever.
He deserves better than this.
Carefully, I lift one of his arms, doing my best to slip out of bed without waking him. Groaning, he pulls me close again, still mostly asleep, then lifts his head. “Ives?” His voice is thick and gravelly, his hair tousled, his eyes barely open.
“Go back to sleep, Mi. I’m just heading back to my room.”
“But you just got here.” He runs a hand along my back. “Stay, Ivy. Don’t go.”
“I don’t think…” I clear my throat, suddenly very aware of how big a mistake we just made. “I mean…there’s a lot going on.”
I don’t have a job. I haven’t told Julian the break is permanent. Nell doesn’t know Micah’s her dad. Plus, there’s still so much for the two of us to work through. We’ve only been back in each other’s lives for a few days. Sex is a complication we don’t need.
“Yeah.” Micah clears his throat and sits up. “I get that. The timing probably isn’t good for you, and there’s a lot to figure out. We’re right about the whole one-time thing deal.” He flashes me two thumbs up that feel more like he’s giving me the bird.
“Micah…”
“You go on to bed. I’m…uh…I think I’m gonna go for a swim. I’m up now. My head’s filled with…well, with us and what we just did and what it means. I’m gonna work some of this out in the pool.”
“I’m sorry,” I whisper, everything in me softening. The last thing I wanted was to make things harder than they already are.
“It’s fine, Ives. I promise.” Micah swings his legs off the bed, elbows on knees, head in his hands. “Go on upstairs. Everything will be better in the morning.”