Chapter 20
Micah
Morning light peeks through the slats in my blinds.
Whispered conversation and soft laughter wafts in from the kitchen on the other side of my closed door, with the scent of pancakes and bacon not far behind.
What a strange thing, to hear Ivy in there with our daughter, when just a few days ago, Tucker was saying I’m ages from having kids.
It’s like I’ve been dropped into an alternate reality, where Ivy never moved.
Where we grew up together. Our love strengthened.
Our daughter is ours instead of just hers and one-time things are all-the-time things.
I keep my eyes closed, letting myself enjoy the daydream just a little longer.
“You’re being fucking stupid,” I mutter, running a hand down my face.
That isn’t an alternate reality out there.
It is reality. Maybe things didn’t work out as picture perfect as they do in stories, but Ivy and Nell are right there, in the kitchen, while I waste minutes lying in bed. Time to get up and get out there.
“Who’s in my kitchen?” I call in my deepest, grumpiest voice.
“It’s us!” Nell’s sweet voice brings a smile to my face. “We’re makin’ breakfast!”
I roll over and press my nose to Ivy’s pillow, breathing in the lingering scent of her perfume.
One-time thing, my ass.
After what happened last night, I won’t be able to keep my hands off her.
Her taste. Her touch. The way her body fit mine so fucking perfectly, silky and warm and fuck I want her again.
Right here. Right now. I’d bend her over my dresser and bury myself inside because how can something that good be a one-time thing?
Because, whispers the voice of reason, she’s just getting out of a shitty relationship and whatever this is between you is complicated as fuck.
Because she’s your dream woman and you’ve been her enemy until just a few fucking days ago and falling into bed again is the last thing either of you needs.
Regardless, my cock hardens at the thought of Ivy naked and moaning beneath me.
I’ve never been good at listening to reason.
Throwing back the covers, I drop my feet to the floor, then stand and head for my dresser to pull on some joggers.
A light knock sounds at the door.
“I’ll be—”
Right out, is what I’m about to say, except Ivy doesn’t wait that long.
She opens the door and steps in, carrying a tray of breakfast with Nell blissfully tucked away behind her.
And thank God for that because I sleep in briefs.
Which means I’m standing in briefs. With my dick still not the least bit interested in listening to reason.
Ivy’s jaw drops, as does her gaze…right to my goods. “Oh!”
She reaches back to cover Nell’s eyes.
“Sorry! Sorry!” She’s backing up while I laugh.
“As I was about to say, I’ll be right out.”
The door clicks shut, and I drag my hands down my face, smiling because I saw the way Ivy looked at me. I saw the appreciation in her eyes.
And I liked it.
After I get dressed and spend some time in the bathroom, I join Ivy and Nell in the kitchen. There’s a plate for me, filled with pancakes, bacon, and eggs beside a cup of steaming coffee.
Nell waves happily when she sees me. “We made you breakfast.”
“And we’re so sorry to barge in on you like that,” Ivy says, looking equal parts ashamed and delighted.
“I promise it won’t happen again. You could say it’s a one-time thing.
” She grins as her cheeks blaze red and damn it, I’m starting to hate that phrase almost as much as I hate the idea of us just being friends. Ivy’s never been “just” anything.
“Mama said you were in your underwear but I didn’t see. Here.” Nell pats the table beside my plate. “It’s real good, I promise. Mommy let me do the pancake flipping.”
I sit, my eyes bouncing to Ivy, who definitely did see something. She makes an apologetic face and mouths, “Sorry about that.”
I wave her apology away. It’s not like I’m ashamed of her seeing something she reacquainted herself with last night. Besides, we made a whole person together. The time for modesty has passed.
Smiling, I grab a fork and dig in. “Oh my goodness gracious!” I widen my eyes and make a big deal of rubbing my belly as I chew. “These are literally the best pancakes I’ve ever had. Whoever did the flipping knew exactly what they were doing.”
“It was me! I did the flipping!” Nell wiggles in her seat happily. “I was real careful to do it just like Mommy said. I only broked one but it still tasted good.”
She chatters away as I eat, and this odd warmth settles into my heart. This sense of purpose and fulfillment. I could get used to this. The three of us together.
Breakfasts and shopping and Ivy’s breasts bouncing as I bury myself inside…
Except, she didn’t even stay with me last night, sneaking out of my room like a shitty one-night stand instead.
And my skin still smells like chlorine from a midnight swim born of frustration after she left.
The good feelings I woke up with start to slip away.
This isn’t some sweet daydream where I end up with the woman I always loved, and we raise our daughter together in marital bliss.
This is a clusterfuck of confusion.
“So, I work tomorrow,” I say, physically shaking the thoughts away. “I’m usually out of here by six fifteen, so I don’t know if our paths will cross while you’re getting ready for school or not. I’m home by seven thirty the next morning, but then I usually fall into bed for a few hours.”
Ivy picks off the tiniest bite of pancake and slips it into her mouth. “We won’t be awake before you leave tomorrow, but we’ll be up and moving when you get home the next day. We’ll be quiet as a mouse getting ready for the bus so you can sleep, won’t we Nell?”
“A nonamouse.” She giggles and Ivy joins in. They explain the joke while I finish breakfast, then Nell goes upstairs to play, leaving me alone with her mother. Ivy pops up from the table, grabbing my plate.
“What do you think you’re doing?” I mean for the question to be light, playful even, but her body instantly goes on alert, like she’s preparing for battle.
“The dishes.”
Shit. Is she this tense because of what happened last night? Or does this have more to do with that asshole fiancé of hers? I hate it either way.
“Nope. Not happening,” I say, voice gentle, moving slowly, doing everything I can to calm her nerves and let her know she’s safe. “You cooked. I clean.”
Ivy shakes her head. “It’s the least I can do, considering everything you’ve done for us.”
“Sit.” I point at the chair. “You’re a guest, not a maid.” And you’re you and I’m me and how did I ever talk myself into believing we could be “just friends.”
Ivy sits while I turn on the tap, letting the water run to warm up. “I’m usually the one cooking for other people, so waking up to breakfast was a nice change of pace.”
“You cook? For other people? Aren’t you the guy who burned macaroni when we were fifteen?”
“It’s part of the job,” I say, purposefully avoiding the fact that I forgot a pot of pasta until the water boiled off and the noodles were charred and smoking. “We cook together. Eat together. Work out together.”
“Save lives together.”
I shrug off the compliment. “That’s the strangest thing about my job.
We actively hope to never use the skills we train the most.” I explain about learning to cook and finding some measure of peace in providing good food for the other firefighters, then ramble on about the EMT training, and all the other skills I never thought I’d learn.
“Tomorrow is one of my favorite things, community outreach. Going to the schools, talking about fire safety, letting the kids tour the truck. I love it. They’re so enthusiastic.
So real. They’re not jaded or worried about what they’re supposed to do and be.
They just are who they are, and I seriously dig that.
I leave the school feeling like I made an impact, like maybe, if the worst happens and one of those kids is caught in a fire, they’ll know what to do and won’t end up hurt. ”
Ivy is quiet, staring at me with this strange look in her eyes as I finish the dishes.
“What?” I turn off the water and dry my hands. “Did I say something stupid?”
“Dad always said Nell was better off not having you in her life. He was so wrong.”
I don’t know what I’m supposed to say to that.
He was wrong. I deserved a chance to be in Nell’s life and I’ll do everything in my power to make sure she’s better now that I am.
Fuck Franklin Cole for everything he did to shove a wedge between us.
And while I’m at it, fuck Ivy for listening to him and fuck me for not trying harder to get a hold of her and fuck one-time things and fuck awkward breakfasts, and just fuck this whole stupid disaster of a situation.
“Did she ever hear your dad say those things?” My voice is quiet, my attention on my hands as I hang the towel back on the stove. “Does she think her father’s worthless?”
Ivy shakes her head. “He never said any of that around Nell. That was for me and me alone.”
“But what did you tell her about me?” I can barely bring myself to meet Ivy’s eyes. I’m not even sure I want to hear her answer.
“I told her there are all kinds of families in the world. That some are big with mommies and daddies and brothers and sisters, and that others are small. I left it at that and hoped I’d have something better to say when she got older and asked tougher questions.”
I hang my head, battling guilt I’m not sure I’ve earned. “Has she ever asked about me?”
“A few times.” Ivy leans on the counter and I meet her eyes.
“What did you say?”
“I told her she was the best parts of her dad. Smart and strong and filled with energy and questions. And I told her she looked just like him, that the only thing she got from me was my hair, which made her a very lucky little girl.”
“Considering what you thought I did, I’m honored you were that nice about it.”
“Part of me always knew you didn’t abandon us.”
You abandoned me first.
It’s a bitter thought, still tied to the hurt I felt when she broke things off and then disappeared. Maybe it’s time to get all that out in the open. Maybe we need to stop dancing around the hard stuff and clear the air so we can start moving forward as friends, or hell, more than friends.
I clear my throat, but Ivy speaks first.
“What are your plans for the day?” she asks, and just like that, the moment for important conversation has passed.
“I’m gonna check on that friend of mine who was injured at work. I show my love by bringing groceries and toys for the kids and he shows his by telling me he doesn’t need my help. What about you? Any big plans for the day?”
“I have to call Julian.” Ivy wraps her arms around her stomach, visibly shrinking in on herself.
“I meant to call him last night, to tell him I’m not coming back, but then you and I got talking and, well, you know.
” She gives me a sheepish grin. “After what we did, it’s officially time to break things off with him. He deserves to know it’s over.”
Given what I think I know of the guy, I think he’s already gotten what he deserves. “Do you want me to stick around? For moral support?”
Ivy shakes her head. “No, no. You go take care of your friend. I’ll be fine. Besides, I’ll be out looking for a job afterwards, which will bring me one step closer to affording an apartment so you can go back to normal life.”
My entire body rejects her statement. I don’t want her to leave. I just got her back. “You don’t have to rush to get a job, Ives. I’m happy to step up for a while.”
Her brows furrow, her shoulders slump, her gaze drops to her fingers fidgeting with the hem of her shirt. “I feel like I need to support myself for a change.”
Shit. Right. Because she’s spent years dependent on other people. And I just admitted I show my love through support.
Smiling, I rake my hands through my hair.
When did everything get so complicated?