Chapter 24
Micah
“I haven’t laughed that hard in a long time,” My mom says a few days later, wiping tears from her eyes before pushing her dinner plate out of the way to brace herself on the table.
Encouraged, Nell goes off on another diatribe about the kids in her class, which sends Mom back into fits of laughter.
Dad’s enthralled with his granddaughter and has been smiling the entire night, though I’ve caught him watching me with a familiar look in his eyes.
He's worried. Wondering if I’m going to fuck this up. I see it written all over his face. And I get that. I’m wondering the same thing. Once again, past me’s choices have caught up and delivered consequences present me wasn’t expecting.
“This has just been the best night in a long time,” Mom says, smoothing her blond hair, then tucking it behind her ears.
It’s shorter now than when I was younger, but it suits her, as do the laugh lines that crinkle with her frequent smiles.
“I’ve missed the energy of little kids. And goodness, I love my boys, but I did always want a girl. ”
“And now you’ve got me!” Nell beams, pleased as punch. “But I kinda like boy things.”
“You’re perfect the way you are.” Mom pats her hand. “I wouldn’t change a thing.”
Nell glances around the table, studying each of us while chewing her bottom lip.
“All the girls have white hair and the boys have brown,” she says finally, as if it’s a revelation.
“Giuseppe DiSanto at school? He says I have the same eyes as Micah, but he has the same eyes as you.” She points at Dad.
“I don’t look like my other grandma and grandpa very much.
Sorry, Mama, but it’s true. I don’t act like them either.
But you guys laugh a lot. Like me!” She beams.
“Your grandpa makes me laugh every single day,” Mom says. “It’s one of the reasons I fell in love with him.”
“Not the only reason,” Dad says with a grin. “I seem to remember a certain dance I did that caught your attention.” He folds his arms on the table, his biceps flexing. If I can be in half the shape he’s in when I’m his age, I’ll call it a win.
“That’s a story for another day,” I say before Nell can ask too many questions.
“Did you know your grandma and I made a pact promising not to fall in love with each other?” Dad widens his eyes at Nell. “And she had the nerve to break it,” he finishes, jutting his chin at Mom, who swats his arm.
“I wasn’t the only one who broke that pact, thank you very much. It takes two to tango, mister, and you do love to dance.”
“That seems silly.” Nell climbs onto her knees, too excited to sit still.
“I agree. It’s very silly.” Mom glances at me with a secret smile. “Promising not to fall in love is like promising your heart won’t beat. You have no control over either thing.”
Ivy and I clear the table while my parents entertain Nell in the living room. We join them after the dishes are done and spend another hour before a particularly large yawn from a six-year-old has us checking the time.
“We should probably get going,” Dad finally says after another large yawn from Nell. “Give this little family time to themselves.”
Whoa. Family?
I turn to Ivy and the look on her face says she’s tripping over the word the same as me.
“Oh, Eli…” Mom leans her head on his shoulder. “I don’t want to go. I feel like we just got here.”
“Cry me a table, Max.” Dad gives Mom a wicked grin and I have to wonder how a grown man can be so corny. He’s said stupid shit like that as long as I can remember just because it makes Mom laugh.
Dad catches the look on my face and doubles down. “Cry me a table.”
Ivy bursts out laughing while Nell cocks her head. “How do you cry a table?”
“When Grandpa and Grandma Hutton were friends,” Ivy explains, “it used to drive her crazy when he got sayings wrong. The real saying is cry me a river—”
“But he made it funny by saying ‘table!’” Nell giggles, then frowns, looking at the people gathered around her. “But who’s Max?”
“That’s me.” Mom raises her hand. “He’s called me that for as long as I can remember.”
My parents pass out hugs, Mom promising Nell they’ll have a baking date soon, and then suddenly, it’s just the three of us.
Me and my family. The word spins in my head and I’m dizzy with it. I went from single to…a family?
The description doesn’t really fit.
Ivy and me…we aren’t even dating. We used to be in love, but I’m not sure where we stand on that now. Our one-time thing has been exactly that. We’ve been completely professional since that first night.
We’re just…living together, but separately. With our child.
Fuck.
Did I just describe most of the families in this country?
“I think that went well.” Ivy places a hand on my arm and shoots me a questioning look. Shit. I’m so stuck on that word that I’ve been glaring at the door since it closed.
“I am so lucky,” Nell crows, spinning in circles before plopping onto the couch, her feet kicking up as she leans back. “I loved our small family, Mama, when it was just you and me, but it’s real nice having a big family, too. With daddies and grandmas and grandpas that are funny and nice.”
I stroll over and plop down beside her. “You aren’t even close to understanding the meaning of the word ‘big,’ kid. I’ve got more aunts and uncles and cousins than you can count, which means you do, too. There are more of us than in your whole class.”
Nell scrunches up her face. “Nu-uh.”
“Yah-huh. Just you wait and see. Then you’ll learn the meaning of ‘big.’ ‘Loud’ too,” I whisper to Ivy, who chuckles as she pauses on her way to the kitchen.
“You want a drink?” she asks. “I could go for a glass of wine.”
“A beer sounds nice.”
Nell scampers off to play in her room before bed while Ivy grabs our drinks. When she returns, I lift an arm and she curls into me, like we used to when we were young. It’s a reflex on my part, and probably hers too, but it feels so right…
Family.
“I think I might’ve found a job,” she says, sipping her wine.
Happy for the distraction, I pull back to meet her gaze. “Really? That’s awesome!”
“Yeah. I’ll be a receptionist for a psychology group, so it’s a far cry from the psych degree I wanted, but you know, maybe, if I figure out how to get myself into school, the experience might help.” She shrugs. “Maybe not.”
A job is a step toward the independence she’s been craving, though it’s also a step toward that apartment I don’t want her to get. She’s so proud of herself, I’d be an asshole to bring that topic up, and damn if she hasn’t had enough of those in her life lately.
“Good for you, Ives. How do you eat an elephant? One bite at a time. You just took your first bite. You’re one step closer to living the dream.”
“It’s felt a lot like a dream, living here.” Her voice is quiet, her smile soft. “Like I woke up from a nightmare that lasted seven years.”
“I wish I could have…” What? Saved her? Stopped it from happening? Known I had a daughter and been part of her life from the start? “I just wish things had been better for you,” I finish lamely.
Ivy snuggles in closer. “But maybe, I don’t know, maybe I needed it. Maybe I needed to have my boundaries tested to see how easily they crumbled. Maybe I won’t be so weak the next time because I see myself more honestly. I know how dangerous it is not to pay attention.”
I run a hand through her hair, fighting every urge I have to kiss her. She’s talking about getting jobs and learning to be strong. About deep, life changing things, and my selfish ass just wants…her. Her moans. Her sighs. Her taste. Her touch.
Fucking one-time things.
Fucking friends.
Fucking jobs that will lead to apartments and fuck!
I distract myself by taking a drink. By staring at the wall. By remembering the way she glared at me the night of the fire, the way she looked so small and strange, like she had shoved herself into a box meant for someone else and didn’t know how to get out.
“Micah?” She shifts to meet my gaze.
Fuck. Those lips.
I glance away. “Yeah?”
“Did I say something wrong?”
“What?” My focus darts back to hers. “No, not at all. What am I doing to make you think that?”
“Nothing.” She ducks her chin, and everything on her face says she’s lying.
“Ives…don’t do that. Not with me. You don’t need to censor yourself, okay?”
“I’m probably being neurotic.” She frowns at the word, like she can’t stand the taste. “You just got really quiet all the sudden. And it weirded me out. You’re not the quiet type.”
How do I handle this? Do I tell her I want to forget the whole one-time thing deal and inadvertently put pressure on her to do something she’s not ready for? Or do I lie and tell her everything’s fine, when it’s clear she can tell I’m preoccupied with something?
Shit man, she might be calling the wrong person neurotic. I haven’t given this much thought to something ever.
I decide to go with the truth, because that’s what she deserves.
“It’s hard sometimes, the timing of things.
” I sip my beer, then set the bottle on the coffee table.
“With you here, in my arms, it feels like no time has passed at all. Like you’re right back where you belong.
But time has passed. A lot of it. And you’re dealing with all this shit and healing and…
” I trail off, unsure where to go from there.
I hate how complicated things are. Life with Ivy used to be the easiest thing in the world.
“Micah?”
“Yeah?”
“Would you kiss me?” Ivy’s eyes are on mine, wide, dilated. She looks so fucking beautiful…and scared to death.
“Are you sure? I don’t want you to feel pressured. Fuck.” I pinch the bridge of my nose. “I shouldn’t have said anything.”
Her palm is cool against my cheek as she turns my gaze to hers. “I want to remember how it feels to have someone care about me. I want to remember how to feel like I matter.”
“You’ve always mattered.” I cup her face. “You always will matter.”
“Then show me.”
There’s a moment of stillness. Of the kind of silence that doesn’t need to be filled. It’s just her eyes on mine, my hand on her cheek, my heart beating for hers, and my dick singing the Hallelujah Chorus as it throbs in my pants.
And then my lips cover hers, tasting, testing, my tongue sweeping into her mouth.
Her fingers thread into my hair, pulling me closer, urging me for more contact, more touching, more, more, more.
Her breath hitches as I kiss along her jawline the way I know she likes.
Her eyes flutter closed, and I nibble her earlobe.
“You matter, Ivy,” I whisper, then kiss my way back to her lips. “You matter so fucking much.”
She whimpers, pulling away to meet my gaze, tears shimmering in her eyes. “It’s been a long time since I’ve felt like that’s true.”
“Then I’ll say it every day until you believe it. You matter.”
She closes the distance between us again, hungry this time, gripping my chest. “This is a nice addition,” she says, squeezing my pec. “The muscles.”
Her hand travels down my torso, skating along my abs, over my belt, right on down to my cock.
My hips thrust into her palm, desperate for release. “You shouldn’t touch me like that unless—”
“Unless what?” She kisses me again, in charge now, taking the reins of the situation.
I drop my head back onto the couch, relinquishing control. “Unless you mean it,” I whisper. “Unless you’re thinking maybe a two-time thing will work just as well as a one-time thing.”
I should be stopping this, not bargaining for more. The more of her I get, the more I want, but fuck…I’m only human. I thread my fingers into her hair and kiss her deeply. She shifts closer, rubbing my cock as it flexes against my thigh.
As if on cue, Nell’s door creaks open and footsteps thump across the hallway. “Mommy?”
Her feet hit the steps and Ivy and I slide away from each other. She smooths her hair and straightens her shirt while I adjust my pants and cross my legs.
Nell’s head peeks over the stair rail. “Would you read me a story?”
“Of course I will. You go pick one out and I’ll be up in a second,” Ivy says, then turns to me.
Her eyes are wide and dilated, her chest heaving.
She bites her lip. “Maybe that’s for the best. We probably shouldn’t complicate this any more than it already is.
I want you, Micah, but I’m not ready for a relationship and you deserve someone who can give you everything.
” She sounds as conflicted on the topic as I am.
“Maybe Nell interrupting was a little divine intervention, keeping us from making a mistake.”
“Maybe,” I say, then swallow hard as she heads upstairs, smiling sadly over her shoulder before she disappears from view.