Chapter 32
Micah
First a little lunch—leftover Cajun from last night—then a swim. Then a shower and a shave and I’ll head to Tucker’s before Ivy and Nell get home from work and school. Pretty much a perfect plan for a perfect day.
I sit at the table and stab a shrimp with my fork, but the front door cracks open and in step Ivy and Nell before I take a bite.
Ivy looks shell shocked and Nell’s face is streaked with tears.
Her shoulders are slumped and her bookbag seems too big on her little frame.
She swings it off her shoulder and props it against the wall, looking sadder than sad.
“What happened, Lightning Girl?” I stand from the table and cross the room, as if the simple act of being closer will solve whatever happened to my girls today. “Are you two okay?” I ask, with a quick glance to Ivy who grimaces and shakes her head.
Okay, then. Shit. I brace myself for everything from Nell getting picked on for her love of superheroes to Ivy deciding to return to that asshole in Seattle.
“Giuseppe said mean things about me,” Nell says, her bottom lip quivering as she steps into my outstretched arms. “Then he said I was a liar when I told him you’re my daddy, even though he knows we’re basically twins!
He’s the one that even said it first, ‘member? So I called him Pee Pee Fingers, so he pushed me and I pushed him back and now I’m sup-spended.
” Her bottom lip wobbles pitifully as tears well in her eyes so like mine.
“Suspended,” Ivy corrects, gently patting her daughter’s head as tears roll down Nell’s face. “Two days of in-school.”
“That’s not so bad,” I begin but catch myself. Just because I had worse punishments in my day doesn’t mean I should belittle Nell’s experience by comparing it to my own. There will be time to talk about my many trips to the principal’s office when she’s older and not so upset.
I replay Nell’s story in my head.
Wow. Actually, considering the circumstances, her punishment seems harsh.
“But how does that make sense, anyway?” I kiss the top of Nell’s head and stand, a protective urge rising inside me. “A suspension because she pushed a kid who pushed her first?”
“Oceanview Elementary has a zero-tolerance bullying policy.” Ivy shrugs, looking conflicted on the matter and I get that. I really do.
“But I’m not a bully!” Nell cries, her face crumpling. “Giuseppe is! He picks on everyone all the time. But not me! I’ve never bullied anyone. Right?”
I crouch to pull Nell back into an embrace, running my hand over her head while she cries into my shoulder. “It’s okay, LG.” I rub her little back and try to decide if a phone call to the principal would do any good. “It’s okay.”
“I didn’t mean to be a bully,” she whimpers. “I fight for good, not evil. Like you, Captain.”
My daughter pulls back to look me in the eye, begging me to take her side.
I remember that look all too well, though I’ve never been on the receiving end of it.
Throughout my childhood, I was the one looking at my mom or dad like that, certain that because I hadn’t acted with malicious intent, I hadn’t done anything wrong.
“You’re a good girl, LG, but even good people make mistakes. Sometimes we have to remember to take a breath before we act. That breath gives us a chance to make the best choice.”
Her shoulders slump and her frown deepens.
“I’m not saying this kid didn’t deserve to be called Pee Pee Fingers,” I say with a smile, “but maybe, if you’d given yourself a chance, you wouldn’t have pushed him after he pushed you.
” I look to Ivy because I have no clue if what I’m saying makes any sense or is even close to the right thing to say in this situation.
She’s watching us with a strange smile and watery eyes.
“Thank you,” she mouths, her hand on her heart.
We calm Nell down and she heads to her room to read her comic books, while Ivy and I sit down to my forgotten lunch.
“You’re a good dad,” Ivy says. “Julian would have belittled Nell. Then punished her. There would have been screaming and then this awful cold silence that made the whole house feel like a warzone instead of…” She dips her head toward her shoulder.
“This feels more like the way a family should feel.”
What is it with this guy? Is he trying to be the biggest dickhead in the world? Or does he just come by it naturally? It’s getting really hard to tell. Besides, if anyone needs screamed at, it’s the school. The punishment is too harsh for the crime.
“That’s the way my parents handled me,” I say. “Firm, but gentle. Mistakes were learning experiences instead of catastrophes.”
“I remember.” Ivy smiles in that adorable way of hers. “Dad swore they were too easy with you, which was why you kept getting in trouble.”
“I don’t know. Maybe. Though I always thought the reason I was able to get my life together as well as I have is because they guided me through my shitty choices with my self-worth intact.”
By comparison, Ivy, who never got into any trouble, has a heart covered in scars and so little confidence she’s unable to stand up for herself. It’s not right.
I take her hand and press it to my lips, my mind replaying the story of Nell’s no good, very bad, awful day. “If they gave her in-school suspension, why are you guys home so early? Shouldn’t she be, you know, in school?”
Ivy visibly deflates, her gaze darting around the room like she’s nervous, looking for exits and planning her strategy to reach them.
“Nell was super upset over getting in trouble and couldn’t calm down.
The school thought it best she takes the rest of the day off for mental health.
My boss was cool about it, but also not exactly thrilled.
This is one of those reasons Julian said I shouldn’t bother with a job in the first place. It kills me that he was right.”
How in the world is that asshole still in her head? For that matter, why is she still so intent on doing everything by herself? Anger flares, but I take that breath I suggested to Nell.
“Why didn’t you call me?” I fold my elbows on the table and lean forward. “I was home. I could have picked her up.”
Because she didn’t think you could handle the situation, whispers a cruel voice.
Ivy looks stunned by the suggestion. “Honestly, I didn’t even think about it. I’m so used to doing everything for her myself.”
Well, fuck.
I didn’t even cross her mind during a crisis.
That’s a punch to the gut I wasn’t prepared for.
What more do I need to say or do to prove that I’m here, ready to make her life easier, ready to help with our daughter as much as I can? I’m ready to be a parent, a partner, but Ivy’s determined to do everything on her own. To prove she’s not dependent on anyone anymore.
“You know, there’s a line between taking care of yourself and being so stubborn you set yourself up to fail.”
Ivy’s jaw drops. “Right. Because finding that line is easy.”
“It’s about balance.” I sit back in my chair, the urge to stand and pace rising inside me. “About knowing who you’re with…”
“I thought I knew who I was with when I was with Julian. He wasn’t an asshole in the beginning, or I wouldn’t have stayed. He was a lot like you are now. Sweet. Kind. Eager to help.”
“So, you do think I’m like him?”
She hangs her head. “No. I don’t think that at all. I’m just…my head’s all twisted and tangled up. You’re right, there is a line, but I’m right too. It’s not easy to see where it is. Not for me. Not yet.”
I take another one of the breaths I suggested to Nell, then another for good measure.
“I just want to be a good partner for you and the best father I can be for our daughter. That’s all.
Just know that I’m here.” I twine my fingers with Ivy’s.
“Not because you can’t do it yourself, but because you don’t have to anymore. ”
Everything about her softens and she finally meets my eyes. “You’re something else, you know that?”
The last time she said those words, she was fighting a panic attack in a parking lot and didn’t mean them as a compliment. Today, it’s the nicest thing anyone’s ever said to me.
“Come here.” Taking her hand, I pull her out of her chair and into my lap, burying my face in her neck, breathing in the scent of her perfume as she threads her fingers into my hair.
“You did a great job taking care of Nell today,” I say. “You were able to talk to your boss and get the day off. You picked her up so she didn’t have to sit in class, trying to hide all those tears. You’re a good mom, Ivy. You were everything she needed. You did everything right.”
Her fingers tighten in my hair and her entire body tenses. “No one’s ever said that to me before.” Her voice is barely a whisper. Raw and charged with years of pent-up emotion.
I pull back, brushing my fingers over her cheeks.
“Nell is sweet and smart and has a good head on her shoulders and that’s all because of you.
You’ve sacrificed your dreams to make sure she has what she needs.
Thank you for taking such good care of our daughter.
I’d be honored for a chance to return the favor.
I’m here, Ivy. Ready to stand up for both of you. You don’t have to sacrifice anymore.”
“Oh, Micah…” She squeezes her eyes shut, inhaling deeply. “Why are you so good to me?”
“Because you matter to me, and you matter to her. It’s time you started to see how amazing you are.”