Chapter 40
Ivy
I pace from the table to the door to the window and back again for the seventy-fifth time since Micah left. My stomach’s in knots. My heart bangs around in my chest like a rabbit on cocaine.
I finally pushed Micah too far. I let my mom get in my head and obsessed over everything she said until I saw myself the way she saw me. It wasn’t pretty.
So I stopped looking at schools and started looking at apartments because I don’t want to take advantage of Micah. He’s one in a million and deserves someone who…
…who…
His truck door thumps shut, and I freeze. Footsteps sound on the steps and I take a calming breath as I decide whether those are angry footsteps or “I love you” footsteps.
The door swings open and he steps inside, his eyes look kind and worried and I instantly step into his arms because there isn’t another place I’d rather be. “I’m so sorry,” I murmur into his chest while he rubs my back.
“Me too, Ives. Me too. I shouldn’t have left.”
“But I understand why you did.”
He holds me, swaying back and forth and everything becomes clear. Micah isn’t Julian. I’m not Julian’s Ivy. Not here. Not anymore. Micah loves me and I love him and I’m tired of listening to people who are trying to manipulate me rather than the man who’s done everything in his power to elevate me.
Micah pulls back, brushing my hair off my face. “I have one last thing to say on the topic of apartments and independence and I’d appreciate it if you’d hear me out.”
I nod, leaning into his touch.
“Families come together to support each other. When someone is struggling, we help that person and when they’re back on their feet, they turn around and help someone else.
I never would have survived high school without the support of my family.
And now I’m in a position to return that favor the next time someone trips and falls on their ass.
Life is too big and hard and hectic to do it all on your own.
And I know you don’t want to fall into old patterns and repeat your past. I respect how hard you’re working to grow and change and figure out what went wrong, but please, please don’t move into an apartment.
There’s a line between supporting each other and dysfunction. We’ll find it. I promise.”
I like it when he promises. It makes me feel safe.
Smiling, I cup his cheeks. “I know we will. And I’m sorry I’ve been so difficult. You’ve been so patient and I see it. I’ve been seeing it. You’re a good man, Micah.”
“Whatever kind of man I am, I’m yours. I always have been.”
There’s so much love in his eyes, I fight back tears. How was I ever fooled by Julian, by my father, when I’ve had the chance to know what true love feels like? “Would you really have proposed? If you’d known about Nell?”
He traces his fingers along my lower back. “I would have proposed even if you hadn’t gotten pregnant. I loved you so much, Ivy Cole. I always pictured us ending up together. Even after you were gone.” He opens his arms and I cuddle in, pressing my cheek to his chest.
“What are the odds of meeting the love of your life in high school?”
“I don’t know. But it happened for me. And we took this weird winding path where she hated me for a while and I didn’t even know it, but that path brought her right back where she belongs.”
“And where is that?”
He tightens his embrace. “In my arms. By my side. In my heart. My life. My future. In my bed…”
Slowly, he slides his hands down to grab my ass. I lift my face to his and kiss him, then take his hand and lead him to the bedroom.
“Take off your pants.” I stare Micah down, my bottom lip captured in my teeth, blushing and grinning.
His eyes light up. “Look at you all bossy.”
“You want me confident? You want me to take charge? Well, I want your dick in my mouth.”
“Jesus, that’s hot.”
“And it’s about to get hotter.” I wave a finger in his crotchal region. “So pants. Off. Now.”
Micah unbuttons his pants and lets them drop to the floor. His erection presses against his boxer briefs, springing free as he slides them off his hips and kicks them away.
“I want to see you pleasure yourself.”
“No one wants to see that.” He scoffs, his eyes dark and heavy, filled with love and lust. The combination is sweet and sexy and hot as hell.
“I’m someone, and I want to see how you touch yourself. It turns me on.”
Micah’s strong hand wraps around his dick and he pumps along the shaft, spiraling as he reaches the crown. His hips thrust forward and his shoulders square. He looks strong and proud and masculine. I love it.
There’s something beautiful in knowing someone that big, that powerful, will do exactly what I say simply because I want it. His eyes lock on mine, gleaming with wicked thoughts, wicked intentions. My lips part and my body reacts with violent desire.
Slowly, I lift my shirt and let it drop. Micah’s jaw pulses, the muscles in his forearm straining. I unhook my bra and it slips off my breasts. His nostrils flare. His brows tighten.
I drag a finger down my lips, over my chin, and down my throat.
Micah growls. “Ivy…”
I lower myself to my knees in front of him and lick his tip, tasting the salt gathered there.
His hand slows, then stops altogether, falling away as I part my lips and take his straining cock into my mouth.
His fingers thread into my hair and I wrap a hand around his shaft, pumping as I swirl my tongue around his crown.
A sound forms low in his throat, something guttural and filled with need.
Even though I’m on my knees for him, I’m the one in control.
We’re moving at my pace, doing what I want, and what I want is to see him catch fire for me.
I want to turn him on until he’s animalistic, taking me the way he wants, taking pleasure in me the way I take pleasure in him. I want him greedy. Needy.
Raw.
Real.
I want something that only happens when you trust each other enough to be honest. This isn’t the exchange of some fluids with a filthy word sprinkled in for good measure.
This is me and Micah knowing the darkest parts of each other and coming together to make something beautiful.
He knows I need to feel in control of my life, so he’s giving that to me, and I love him for it.
But this time, I want to make it about him.
“What would you do to me, if you weren’t afraid to break me?” I meet his eyes, still pumping his shaft.
His lips part, his eyes rolling closed. His Adam’s apple bobs as he swallows. “This isn’t about me.”
“But it is. You told me to tell you what I want. And I’m here, on my knees, saying that what I want is you. Fucking me the way it feels good. I want to feel you lose control, Micah. I want you to stop worrying about me and just be real.”
He stills, like he’s thinking over my request, then his hips thrust forward, brushing his dick against my lips. I open for him and he fills my mouth, pressing against the back of my throat. Once, twice, and then he pulls away, leaving me gasping as the ache between my inner thighs builds.
“Pants. Off.” He grins as he spits my words back at me, rubbing his erection while I make myself naked. He kisses me. Fervent. Ferocious. Backing me up until my knees hit the bed and I drop down and then he’s on me, sliding me back as he positions himself between my thighs
His thrusts are deep. Insistent. Rough to the point of breaking me and I cry out as our skin slaps.
Micah braces himself on either side of my head, the lust in his eyes holding me hostage.
My voice takes on a keening, crying, wanton edge.
My body trembles and clenches and my heart is all the way open for him.
“Micah!” His name falls from my lips and I fall out of sync with the world. All that matters is Micah, Micah, Micah.
He grips my hips, pulling himself even deeper into me, finding a pleasure so sweet it hurts. With a shudder, he finishes, groaning low and long as I quiver around him, my legs shaking with release.
He was and forever will be my always.
He was my first.
He will be my last.
There’s no doubting that now.