Chapter 29 #2
“You?” She laughs, twisting to meet my eyes. “You think you see the best in people.”
“I do. Or at least I used to. And didn’t you promise to stay quiet?”
She sits all the way up, eyes twinkling. “How can I stay quiet in the presence of such bullshit?”
“Fine. Storytime’s over.” I drop the pillow into my lap and give it a hug. Turns out, it is a surprisingly comforting posture. “You happy now?”
“Nope. Totally discontent. Zero stars. I will not be returning to this establishment.”
Annoyed by how much I like hugging the pillow, I put it back where it belongs and scooch my butt to the edge of the couch. “See if I ever open up to you again.”
“I’m kidding, Nathan.” Mina pushes on my shoulders until I sit back again.
“I’ve been around you enough to know you probably did spend most of your life seeing the best in people.
I’m teasing because I feel safe with you.
Safe to be myself. Safe to be a little silly. I’m sorry if I hurt your feelings.”
My heart swells to the size of the sunrise over the ocean and I draw her into my arms and kiss her deeply. “I like that you feel safe with me.”
“Good. Now show me that you feel safe with me.”
I tell her about Blossom. About the way she presented herself as a victim of a difficult childhood, trying to do better for her kids.
“She’d blow up at me over the smallest things.
Or expect me to do everything for her, even be a parent for her girls when we weren’t even living together.
I took it in stride because I thought all she needed was a little kindness to grow into the best version of herself.
The part that was hiding from the light or whatever. ”
She was so fucking awful to me. I’d bring her to family gatherings and we’d end up alone somewhere, her yelling at me for abandoning her or not paying enough attention to her if I so much as talked to a cousin.
And then her kids would do something shitty and it was my job to fix it.
It was humiliating and I kept letting it happen, which made me feel weak and worthless.
I share all that with Mina, my voice gritty with truth.
“And then you found out she was cheating.” She shakes her head like she can’t believe what she’s hearing. I haven’t even gotten to the hard part yet.
“When she told me, she was proud of herself. She wasn’t sorry for hurting me or using me or letting me into her kids’ lives.
She gloated. Like she was so glad to take the mask off and let me see what a dumb fucking asshole I’d been.
She told me she’d never loved me, just my money.
She used to say, ‘a man like you deserves to get what you want.’ I wanted it to be a compliment, but it was a way of distancing herself from me.
Like I’m somehow other because of my money.
You said it that first day we met, and it didn’t help my impression of you. ”
“I said it because I thought that’s what wealthy people wanted to hear. No, worse than that. I believed that’s how wealthy people saw themselves. I can imagine how it landed, now that I know you better.”
Everything about Mina softens. She sees all of me now. She knows me now. And I promised I would never let that happen again, but with her, I’m not afraid.
At least not yet.
“And then, to make things worse, we had this rush of applications at the foundation. All from people who had more than enough money to provide for themselves but were happy to steal charity from those who genuinely need it. Everywhere I looked, I saw greed and selfishness. So, I decided to fight it by expanding the foundation, which led me to a man named Dominick Taylor. He’s got a nose for money, but he’s a cynical fuck.
He’s been telling me from the start that people like you only see dollar signs when they look at people like me.
That I need to lean into my wealth. To accept my role.
To play the hand I was given. So that’s what I’ve been doing.
In fact, I was on the phone with him during that first meeting and he was going on and on about how I should avoid you. ”
I flare my hands because there it is. The truth. The reason I withdrew from the world. Now that it’s out, the story doesn’t sound as devastating as it did when it was trapped in my head.
Have I been just as self-centered as the people I’m retreating from?
“That would be enough to make anyone a little bitter.”
“A little?” I arch an eyebrow then surprise us both by laughing.
“Okay, fine. You were a lot bitter.” Mina returns my smile.
“I don’t see you as a dollar sign, by the way.
I see you. Nathan West. A man who only needs a glimmer of goodness in someone to trust that’s who they really are.
I’m sorry if I ever gave you reason to believe otherwise.
” She grabs both my cheeks and kisses my forehead. “Forgive me?”
“There’s no need to apologize. You haven’t done anything wrong.”
“Are you sure? Because my apology was going to come with a blow job. You got on your knees for me. The least I can do is get on my knees for you.”
“Shit, woman. What are you waiting for then? Apologize!”