Chapter 36
Alice had laid out an array of toys, most of them new.
Joshua and Jake gurgled with delight as they chewed on the purchases, which were surely bought to give their parents some quality time to speak.
As always, the children were clean, fed, and dry.
They were happy. Swann knew that he took Alice for granted.
She did everything for their children while he worked.
He was blessed in so many ways. So why wasn’t he satisfied?
He thought he loved Alice, until Elea had got here, then all the old feelings for his wife had hit him like a tsunami.
He couldn’t help but feel guilty as he took a seat.
Alice’s brunette hair cascaded over her shoulders.
She was wearing jeans and a jumper that hung loose on her frame.
She seemed tired, a little harassed, and was eyeing him with the intention of someone who needed to get something off their chest. Swann kicked off his shoes.
It was meant to be his day off work, but he’d ended up going in for a meeting with the Corporate Communications Team.
Then he’d met the superintendent to discuss the situation with Sienna Thompson and her request for money in exchange for information.
That couldn’t wait, rest day or not. Elea was settling into the Brayford flat, and he’d told her to catch up on some sleep.
If anything came in with regards to the case, officers would let him know.
“Earth to Richard.” Alice’s voice brought him back to ground. She was one of the few people he knew who called him by his first name.
“Sorry.” He gave her an apologetic smile.
Alice quickly picked up his shoes and put them aside so that the children wouldn’t stick them in their mouths. “Sit down, love.”
He took the shoes from her hands and rested them in the cupboard in the hall. “Would you like me to run you a bath?” he asked as he returned. “I’ll take the twins tonight.”
Alice heaved a weary sigh, her shoulders slumped. “I won’t say no.” She cupped her mouth as she yawned. “I can’t remember the last time I had a full night’s sleep.”
She looked so small in that moment, so ragged with exhaustion, that Swann pulled her in for a hug. “Sorry. I’ll try harder.” It dawned upon him how thin she had become. He was filled with the need to find other people’s children when he should be helping out with his own.
She drew away from his embrace. “Why don’t you start by pushing Elea for a divorce?”
“You haven’t exactly helped the situation there.” Swan smiled.
“What are you getting at?” An edge grew in Alice’s voice as she turned to face him.
“You went behind my back and invited her into our home. You must have known you couldn’t keep your feelings in check.” It hadn’t meant to sound like an accusation, but it did.
The twins continued to chat and babble in their own special language. Alice stretched to give Jake a soft, crinkly toy flower. She turned back to face Swann. “I thought I could sweet-talk her. Show her the kids. They deserve a full-time father.”
“I am full-time,” Swan replied. “As much as I can be. But you planned a pregnancy without consulting me.” He tried to keep his voice low as Jake wobbled towards the sofa.
Alice blinked, her cheeks flushing as she was confronted with everything that had gone unsaid. She did not deny the accusation, just stared rigidly ahead.
“That’s not how relationships work.” He pressed his point home.
“Especially when it comes to something as big as starting a family.” He smiled at Jake, smoothed over his soft wispy hair before handing Josh a toy to distract him.
It felt distasteful, arguing about his children, whom he loved with all his heart. But it needed to be said.
Alice picked up the remote control and played an old recording of Peppa Pig. Jake clapped his hands. Squealing in delight, the boys crawled towards the big TV screen.
“So you don’t want them.” Alice’s voice was tempered with quiet fury as she watched them both. “You don’t love your children.”
“That’s a horrible thing to say,” Swann reprimanded as her words hit home.
“Really? Is that what you think?” No answer came.
“Alice, the boys are the best thing that’s ever happened to me.
But my point is . . .” He grasped for the words.
“You can’t railroad people into doing what you want, then wonder why things aren’t perfect afterwards.
It goes for Elea, and it goes for our relationship, too. ”
Josh emitted a giggle as Peppa Pig played out. As always, Jake followed suit.
“What about me?” Alice whispered, her voice choked with emotion. “Don’t you love me?”
Swann took in the crumpled look on her face.
“Of course I love you . . .” He swallowed.
“You gave me perspective on life, and I know I’m struggling to find a balance—that’s all on me.
” He gazed lovingly at his children. “Family is everything. But we have a lot to sort out. I think we should get counselling.” Given how much he struggled to share his feelings, it pained him to say the words.
“Are we in that much trouble?” She sniffed, her eyes wet with tears.
“It can’t do any harm.” He turned to face her. “This has nothing to do with Elea, you know that, don’t you?” It was meant to be reassuring, but his words lacked conviction. Elea’s presence had sent him into a tailspin.
Alice’s expression was one of mistrust.
“I can’t drop her now,” Swann reasoned. “Not with everything going on.”
“Oh, please.” Alice rolled her eyes as her mood took another turn.
“Elea brings drama everywhere she goes. She feeds off it. But there comes a cut-off point. It’s been years.
” She swiped away an errant tear before crouching to give Joshua and Jake some toys.
Uninterrupted time to talk was a luxury for them both.
Swann slipped a clean tissue from his pocket and handed it to Alice.
He hated to see her like this. He tried to empathise as he watched his boys play.
His father hadn’t been there for him growing up.
He would not do the same. But he couldn’t carry on pretending everything was fine.
“We’re close to finding Liisa—or at least what happened to her. I’m not abandoning Elea now.”
Alice stared miserably at the floor, blotting her tears. “I’ve been living in her shadow for so long.” The happy jingle of another Peppa Pig episode played in the background, a laughable juxtaposition to the gravity of their conversation.
“We’ll have a result soon—one way or another. Just give Elea some slack. Then, I promise, we’ll book a holiday. Get away from everything.” He was about to say more when his mobile phone rang from its resting place on the coffee table. It was work. He and Alice exchanged a glance.
“Answer it,” she said, before getting up and joining the twins on the floor.
“Swann,” he said, with little hesitation.
“Sorry, mate, I know it’s your day off, but something’s come in.” It was Jess. Superintendents didn’t ring on rest days unless something serious came up.
“Everything all right?” Swann’s pulse was already picking up speed.
“It’s more than all right,” Jess said cheerfully. “It’s Sophie Miller. She’s ready to talk, but only to Elea. I thought that you should know.”
“I’m on my way.” Swann rose from the sofa. Their only witness had found her voice.
“There’s no need. We can handle it from here.”
But Jess’s words didn’t register. If they were closing in on Sophie’s kidnapper, then he was going to be there. “I’ll be with you in fifteen.”