Chapter 10
Ten
Dirk
The entire world was pain. It was all I had to latch on to. I held on as it dragged me in and out of what I assumed to be consciousness. There was screaming, something holding me down, and more screaming.
How much time passed was an unknown, but eventually I became aware of my surroundings. My body was one giant ball of agony, but my brain was thinking clearly enough to register the fact that I was on a bed.
And I couldn’t see.
What had happened to me? Why did I hurt everywhere?
A memory of falling. Of a globe of ice. And the prettiest set of golden-brown eyes staring down at me, filled with fear.
“Ella.”
I called out for her. Was she here? Had she survived? Had I saved her?
Only silence greeted me. Silence and darkness. I tried to blink my eyes. They seemed to work, but everything was still black.
“Ella,” I rasped once more, taking note of the soreness in my throat. I recalled the screaming. Had that been me?
Where was I? I focused on what senses did seem to work. I could hear just fine. There was no wind, no rustle of branches or the cry of wild animals. A crackle that sounded like burning wood.
Was I back at the chalet? Had someone found us?
“Ella!” I called, wincing at the pain as I spoke louder.
This time the silence was broken by the sound of footsteps, muffled, like they weren’t nearby. The creaking of hinges announced a door opening, which answered that riddle.
A foggy light filtered through to my eyes, and I realized that something was covering them.
“Ella?” I repeated once more. My nose was blocked, so I couldn’t scent her.
“Not the last time I looked in the mirror,” a deep, masculine voice replied with a tinge of humor.
I sighed. “Caz.”
“Yes, little brother, it’s me.”
If Caz was cracking a joke first thing, it meant I could calm slightly. Things couldn’t be that bad.
“She’s okay then?”
“Ella is fine,” Caz said wryly, unsurprised at my insistence. “The wound she suffered from the Red was worse than anything she got in the fall, thanks to you.”
I lay back into the bed, relaxing muscles I hadn’t realized were taut. “Thank the orb.”
Ella was alive. And so was I. Which meant I could still find a way to fix what I’d done.
A way to undo it all.
“What hit me?” I asked suddenly, trying to recall everything.
“The ground. A brellwood tree. Take your pick.”
I grunted. “How bad?”
This time the pause was longer.
“Bad.”
It wasn’t often that Caz showed concern or reluctance to speak, which meant it had been really bad.
“Oh.”
“We almost lost you. Twice. You’ve been unconscious for two days already, and I’d think it’ll be another two at least before you’re up and about.”
Four days’ healing time was almost unheard of for a dragon. Even the worst injuries were usually a day or two, three tops. And by the sounds of it, Caz thought I’d need even longer after I was able to get up.
“Damn.”
“Yeah.”
We let the silence speak for our emotions for a bit. Words weren’t needed. That wasn’t our way. Silence was heavier between us.
“I’ll probably need to leave before you’re up to full strength,” Caz continued after the moment had passed.
“With Bryna’s trial due to start soon, I just know Uncle Mirko is going to pull some stunt aimed at helping his mate.
I have to be at the citadel and ready for it.
Florian will manage for a bit, but that will be beyond him. ”
I grunted an agreement. He was right. But I wasn’t going to be left behind. I vowed right then I would make the flight back with him.
“Is … is Ella here?” I asked, that topic done for the moment.
“No.” Caz coughed once politely. “She didn’t want to see you. She has asked about your condition, but she hasn’t come by, no.”
“Thank goodness,” I muttered, sighing heavily in relief.
“What is with you two?” Caz growled. “You gave her mate marks. Why are you relieved she doesn’t want to be here?”
I chewed on my lower lip for a moment. “Do I have any mate marks?”
“Hard to tell under all that blood.”
“Caz.” I didn’t want humor.
“No,” he said stiffly. “I didn’t see any.”
“Good.” I licked my lips, reaching up slowly to remove the gauze from my face so I could look at him. “You know as well as I do that I’m not good for her, brother. And you know exactly why.”
I hit him with a hard stare. Caz knew my past more than anyone. I should be elated to have a mate, but now that the moment was past and I could think clearly, I knew better. I wasn’t fit to be anyone’s mate, let alone someone as perfect as Ella.
Caz stared back at me, letting my look wash off like it was nothing. Older brothers sucked like that sometimes. They were never intimidated.
“How do I undo this?” I continued when he chose not to speak.
“Undo it?” Caz shook his head. “You put mate marks on her. Without her wanting it or knowing. There is no going back, Dirk. You’ve put yourself in this position. You have to deal with the consequences.”
I grimaced. He was right. “How could I have been so careless?”
Caz grunted wordlessly. This wasn’t his problem. I shouldn’t put it on him.
Ella did not deserve to suffer because of me. I knew that. She was too good of a person, too kind of a soul to be weighed down by my past.
But I can protect her. That much I can do.
Even if it was from myself.
“Someone sold us out,” I said, switching topics. “They betrayed us to the Reds.”
A matching anger simmered in Caz’s eyes, glowing bright with his dragon’s rage. I didn’t blame him. Someone had threatened his people, and he was pissed about it. As he should be.
“There aren’t many suspects it could be,” Caz rumbled, the sound of his voice like thunder in the distance. Ominous and promising of what was to come.
“When I am healed, I will find out who it was and why,” I promised him, knowing he had many other things on his plate, including our uncle. “I will stop at nothing to uncover the traitor among our people. Nothing will distract me.”
“Nothing?” Caz said with a verbal nudge and reminder.
I grimaced. Though I hadn’t said it, I hadn’t forgotten about Ella. I could never forget her. But maybe I could make her forget me. Somehow. If I pushed her away enough, she’d at least be spared being around me.
Caz lifted a finger. “Whatever you do, Dirk, you will be respectful and kind about it. Am I understood?” he ordered, as if reading my thoughts.
I felt a faint undertone of alpha power with his words, telling me he was speaking as both Ice Tyrant and Anna’s mate—Ella’s friend—and not as a brother. It was an important distinction, and one he was always careful to make with me.
“You have nothing to worry about, brother,” I said, nodding.
Because I will never put Ella through pain. She deserves so much better than a screwup like me.
“Good,” Caz said. “I prefer to be your brother, but if you act out of line or let your dragon do the same, I will act as the tyrant if I must.”
I nodded, fully understanding and concurring. I had been out of line. Although the appearance of the mate bond between us was a shock, that’s all it should have been. While I didn’t consciously remember anything to do with mate marks, it didn’t matter.
They had to be earned and welcomed. Not forced on someone. And if I tried to claim Ella with a bite, without her desiring, I would truly have gone too far.
But that wouldn’t happen. I wouldn’t let it.
You and I, dragon, need to have a serious discussion. We are not fit to be anyone’s mate, certainly not Ella’s, and you damn well know this. You were there with me. You know what we’ve done … what still lives in that part of us. We have to be alone.
For the good of everyone.