Chapter 31
She knew she would never stop reaching, even if the moon never got any closer.
The storm raged; sheets of rain poured down angrily, thunder and lightning warring in the sky. Haven’s ire was falling upon Dwindle.
And it had nothing on the state of my heart.
I ran into the garden, screaming up at the skies, letting the bellows of thunder swallow up my rage.
I could hear nothing but the storm; I could see nothing through the rain.
I was completely and utterly overtaken. If Hesper followed me, I didn’t know.
All I knew was the pelting, relentless onslaught inside of me.
My entire life, I’d promised myself I would never be that girl again—reaching, always reaching.
But it was all I’d fucking done anyway. Reaching for my magic, reaching for anything to protect my heart, reaching for my parents, reaching for Hesper.
And what was it all for? All that time spent achingly planning every step, every emotion, only for my magic—even now—to refuse to grow.
For the parents I loved to not reach back.
For the woman I loved to not reach back.
You said it, my heart whispered.
No, I didn’t… I didn’t…
But I couldn’t fight it anymore.
Yes, I love her.
What more pain could be brought anyhow? These last days were spent silencing my heart, but that didn’t do any good. Because I fell in love with Hesper Altanfall, nonetheless.
And maybe, just maybe, I needed to stop hating myself for still being able to love. Maybe I needed to stop thinking it was such a bad thing to let my heart open. Maybe it was the bravest thing a person could do.
This garden wouldn’t bloom. And if I didn’t let my heart reach—even if it might fail—I would never bloom, either.
My heart broke wide open, the last bits of walls, rails, and thorns giving way forever.
Where I’d expected pain, there was only warmth and gratefulness as emotions poured through me.
I was grateful to love. And one day, I would be loved in return.
Until then, I had myself. And that?
That was enough.
More than enough, my heart sang happily, the magic in my chest churning.
I felt it then, like a taut string connecting two people across a long distance.
My magic and me.
You’re my magic, aren’t you? Not just my heart?
Indeed, my heart magic said.
Of course. It only made sense. All these barricades around my heart, all this stopping up of my love for Hesper—it was blocking my ability to channel my magic. But now, the connection was crystal clear.
Grow, I said to my magic.
Bloom, I told my heart.
There was a deep tremor in the earth just as another clap of thunder roared above. Even through the rain, I could see a tiny flower crop up by my boot—sunshine yellow and blooming. Then, frantic footfalls rang out through the downfall.
“Clara!” Hesper screamed, appearing in front of me. Her face was tight with worry, teardrops mingled with rain sluicing down her face.
“It’s you!” I yelled through the deafening rain.
“What?” she screamed back.
“You were my block. It was you all along.” Her eyebrows knit together in confusion.
“I love you, Hesper,” I said proudly, even though my voice was ragged and cracking; her face went slack.
“I love you like I have never loved anyone before. I have been at war with my heart this entire quest, trying not to love you. This garden couldn’t grow because I was not letting myself love you as I longed to.
I don’t want to fight it. I’ve finally let go.
” Tears poured down my face; lightning struck above.
“I don’t need you to say anything back. I just need you to know that I love you, and I will keep loving you even as you turn to go. ”
I tried to leave then, tried to run through the garden gate. I loved her, yes, but I couldn’t bear looking at her face for another second.
“Do not run away from me, Clara Thorne,” Hesper’s voice cracked through the wind, but I kept running. “Please.” The pain in her voice rooted me to the ground, my back still facing her.
“I want you now,” she shouted. “I want you forever.” I turned to face her then.
“I have spent every waking hour trying to figure out how to get out of this bargain with Eldrene so that I can stay with you. I would break Haven’s gates open, ransack the golden halls of our Gods and Goddesses, and bring down every last one of them if it meant that I could spend even a day longer with you.
So please, don’t run out in this fucking storm and make me chase you.
Because I will. I will follow you to the ends of the earth and back again. Because I love you, damn it. I do.”
I ran to her. She ran toward me.
Her mouth was on mine, and mine on hers. We met in a frenzy and melted into the ground, now flooding with water.
Lightening, thunder, rain, Hesper, me. We were part of the elements now, melting in with the earth herself, and making it our own.
Right here, outside of this cottage. And I would keep having Hesper as long as she would have me.
Across the crowd, across the world, I would always be reaching for her.
Hesper carried me through the garden, never stopping her claiming of my lips, my face, my mouth. I wrapped my legs around her, moaning into her mouth. She walked up the path, one of her hands holding me in place, the other ripping at my clothes.
She kicked open the cottage door with her boot, blasting the thing open.
I screamed her name, the sheer strength of her already sending me somewhere I wouldn’t be coming back from for a long while.
She spun me around, pinning my back against the cold wall; I relished the force with which she did so.
Rain began to come through the open doorway, soaking both Hesper and me as we devoured each other.
But she didn’t bother to close the door.
With my back against the wall, she pressed her body into mine and kissed down my neck. I squeezed her waist harder with my thighs, wanting more of her. Her caresses were deliberate and measured, like she wanted to memorize my body inch by inch. I needed more, always more from her.
“Hesper,” I whimpered.
“Yes, princess?” She breathed onto my neck. A shudder ran through my body. “What do you want?” she rasped into my mouth. I let out another moan, my head resting on the wall behind me to look at her better. She leaned in, tracing up my neck with the tip of her tongue.
“You,” I said breathlessly.
“Clara…” She stuck her tongue into my mouth, teasing me to the edge of sanity, then she pulled away. Her eyes were serious, searching mine. Asking a question I’ve always had the answer to, ever since I met her.
“I’m yours, Hesper. I have been yours all along,” I promised.
“And I’m yours.” She captured my mouth in hers, nipping at my mouth, biting down on my neck.
Pain and pleasure transcended together, and I clawed at her back in ecstasy.
She hit the wall behind me, bits of plaster crumbling onto our heads.
She released my neck, the tender pain throbbing almost as much as the apex of my thighs.
Then she kissed me once more, tasting like her and me all at once.
I melted into her, the cool wall behind me the only reprieve from the incessant heat coursing through my body.
I ran my hands roughly through her hair, jerking her head back so that I could kiss down her neck.
Running my tongue gently down her throat, I cupped her breast in my hand, massaging and pressing into her.
Once I could feel her nipples harden, I moved on to the peaks of her breasts.
Flicks of my tongue on her neck matched the rhythm of teasing her nipples. She called my name out into the storm.
She hauled us from the wall and into the kitchen, where she set me down hard on the counter.
She roughly spread my legs with her hands and ran her fingers from my calves all the way to my thighs.
I shuddered with pleasure, leaning my head back with each stroke of her hands.
Dishes and jam jars jostled above us. I didn’t care.
Let them fall; the rain coming in thick sheets through the door would wash it away.
Hesper kissed me once more and slipped a finger under my undergarments. I bucked at feeling her there again.
“You’re so wet for me,” Hesper said, a wicked smile dancing across her face. Lightning flashed outside, followed by a thunderclap.
“Do you want to know a secret?” I pulled her head close to mine and reached down to stick her finger inside of me. She sucked in a breath as I rocked into the friction.
“What’s your secret?” she asked, pumping into me. Her grunts filled the cottage, and I thought I might come to the sounds of Hesper pleasuring me.
“I’ve been wet for you—” I broke off midsentence as Hesper slipped a second finger inside of me.
I bit down a moan and kept grinding into what she gave me.
“I’ve been wet for you every single day since we met.
I’ve pleasured myself every night, every morning, sometimes out in the garden when you weren’t there, just thinking of you. ”
Hesper’s body stilled, her fingers still inside of me. I whimpered at the sudden cease of her fingers bringing me to edges I didn’t know were possible. Her dark eyes narrowed in, her entire world becoming only this moment.
Dark curls were plastered on her face, and I gently moved them away. She leaned toward my hand, giving it a tender kiss. The glint in her eyes softened, and I kissed her on the forehead, lingering there for a moment.
Another flash of lightning filled the room, the thunder so booming, it shook the cottage. The storm wasn’t ceasing. Good; may it stay long enough so that Hesper could bring the cottage to the ground with her pleasure.
I abruptly moved Hesper away from me and removed her fingers from me. She looked confused at first, wondering if she had done something wrong.
“Are you okay?” she asked earnestly.
I gave her a coy smile and said, “Get undressed.”