Chapter 14
FOURTEEN
ARYELLA
For nine years, I searched for you. I searched this entire gods-damned continent before I finally accepted that Simeon was using his magic to keep you from me.
So instead, I found him. I begged him to give you back, but he refused.
It’s tragic, really. I would have joined him.
I would have done absolutely anything if he’d agreed to put me to sleep beside you. So we could face this life together.
You were all I asked for. Not power or wealth or magic. Just you. But Simeon loves control. He had his plan, and I wasn’t a part of it.
Simeon was hell-bent on getting what he wanted.
Unfortunately for him, so was I.
—FROM THE BUTCHER OF NYRIDA’S LAST KNOWN LETTERS TO QUEEN ARYELLA I
I jogged back to the fortress, this time with less speed and enthusiasm, and snuck past the guards to reach Elias’s door. A feat far easier in the dark than the dawn light. Only the sound of gravel beneath my feet could give me away, but I kept my steps light.
I waited for the guards to stroll out of earshot before lifting my fist to knock.
“Fuck, Eli! Harder! Oh! Yes! Fuck me!”
The cold air nipped at my wide eyes, and my mouth fell open at the sounds of moaning and filthy words. My gut reaction, borne from discomfort, was to laugh. Then I heard a gratuitous, mewling sound from a woman. No. Two? One moaning, one giggling salaciously.
My body was caught off guard. Heat pooled between my legs, and I hated myself for it. I stood there for far too long and listened, sickeningly entranced by the carnal sounds on the other side of that door. The fast, wet slapping of skin. The simpering moans that climbed, fell, and rose again.
An empty pit of curious need burrowed itself into my core, clenching as pleasure trickled down my spine. Part of me wanted to know what it felt like. But I didn’t think it would feel good , not in the way I truly craved. Not in the warm, aching, freeing way I felt every time Gavin looked at me.
Elias was the man I was meant to marry in this life. I knew I should feel betrayed and devastated that he had other women in his bed, but I only felt disgust . At him, for treating it so flippantly. At myself, for my morbid curiosity. Elias’s exploits didn’t bother me, even if they should have.
All I could think was, I miss him .
I squeezed my eyes shut and banged on the door more aggressively than I should have. I was thinking of all sorts of things I shouldn’t be, and there was a dead body of unknown origin outside the walls of this fortress.
I took my shame and forced it to become indignation, just in time for a deep, familiar voice to spit out a string of curse words, followed by stumbling feet and excited, riotous giggling.
Footsteps grew nearer on the other side of the door.
I tensed, preparing myself for whatever I was about to see.
“You’ve got to be shitting me, Val!” The door flew open, and humid heat smelling of musk and perfume rushed out. “If you?—”
Elias froze, stunned at the sight of me.
His unbuttoned pants were dangerously low on his hips, as if they’d been pulled on in a rush, and his linen shirt was draped open to reveal washboard abs so defined I couldn’t help but stare just a little.
Especially at the two V-shaped lines that angled downward and disappeared beneath his waistline.
My tongue was glued to the roof of my mouth. I’d never felt so filthy in all my life.
Still, it was a failed effort not to compare him to what I knew.
Gavin’s body was huge, scarred, frighteningly strong.
Powerful and defined in a way that was cultivated and earned through a life thoroughly and brutally lived.
Elias was meticulously carved, like marble.
Undoubtedly perfect, but perfection didn’t make my chest ache with longing at the thought of being pressed against it.
Remembering how I’d wanted him in every way while feeling safe and beautiful and not like this anchored me, and the shame I felt for my body’s reaction dulled.
“Fera?” he snapped. “What are you doing here?”
Elias was tall enough that when he had both hands on the doorframe above his head, I was able to see under his arms and into the room. Two women were in his bed, naked save for sheets over their chests and midriffs. Both blond and stunning.
I bit my lip to keep from smirking and didn’t miss that his eyes darted to my mouth. Elias gave an irritated sigh, stepped out, and drew the door shut behind him.
“What is it, Fera?”
I retreated a step when I was hit with the scent of sweat, mint, and… something else.
“There’s something I think you should see,” I told him.
“What?” he demanded impatiently. Clearly eager to get back to what he was doing.
“Outside the gate.” I nodded toward the northern entry. “Someone’s dead.”
He tensed. “Who?”
“Do you expect me —the outsider—to know who ? I couldn’t sleep, so I went for a walk as I often do, and I found the body. A man with his throat slit, and?—”
“Throat slit?” The falter in Elias’s voice was slight, but present.
His fists clenched at his sides, and his face was suddenly void of color.
I tried to keep my walls up, but they weakened at the sight of his dread.
Had Elias found his parents and sister dead with their throats slit, just as I’d found Phillip and Oliver Gold?
“My sister’s death was my fault.”
Compassion I didn’t want to feel for him fought its way into my heart. “Just put some clothes on and follow me,” I said softly.
Alluring but suspicious blue-gray eyes narrowed. I’d given him an order when I was in no position to, but even half-dressed, hair tousled, and irritated, the Commander still carried himself with cool, calm authority.
“Wait here,” he uttered before closing the door in my face.
My mind started to run away with the absurdity of the situation.
Two women at once? To each their own, as Gemma often said.
I attributed most of my shock to my lack of memory and experience.
I just prayed he never expected me to participate in anything like that.
I didn’t even want Elias, but the thought of sharing a lover that way? I didn’t think I could do that.
Elias barked out an indecipherable order on the other side of the door before returning minutes later, flanked by both women, their golden locks tousled and messy. They scowled at me, but I wasn’t bothered. At least now they were all fully dressed. I forced the sweetest fake smile I was capable of.
“Goodnight, Commander,” one of them crooned.
He ignored them and rubbed his tired face. “I’m handling it. Back to your posts,” Elias commanded over my shoulder, his tone less than pleased. Two guards had approached, but they retreated at his command. “Where is this body, Fera?”
“North. It’s about fifteen minutes out. We’re going to need a torch.”
Awkward silence lingered before he strode over to the wall, and smoothly pulled a long, blazing torch from its sconce on the wall.
“Let’s go,” he grumbled, brushing past me to unlock the gate with one hand. He disappeared into the night and took the torchlight with him.
He didn’t speak a word to me as our boots squelched through mud and crunched over forest debris.
I led the way, letting him follow at an angle to ensure I never had my back fully turned to him.
I could only imagine the things he was suspecting of me, and I took the entire walk to come up with a good reason for being out in the woods in the middle of the night.
Something other than visiting with my mystical wildcat.
He already knew I was inclined to take late-night walks. While that explanation felt too easy, I decided it would have to do. My late-night strolls were how I’d witnessed his queen escaping the Butcher’s clutches in Brinnea, after all. He’d believed it once.
I don’t know what finally compelled me to speak to him. A need to fill the tense silence. Maybe unbidden self-hatred. “I’m sorry to have interrupted your…” I trailed off.
“My what?” He halted abruptly next to a dense copse of bushes.
“Your…” I stopped and searched for the word. Damn me for not thinking this through before opening my mouth.
“Spit it out, Fera,” he warned me.
“Your entertainment.”
He leveled me with a narrow glare. “My entertainment ?”
“Your night… thing .” I gestured back toward the fortress. “I don’t know what you call that .”
To my surprise, his glare faded into a smirk. “You don’t know what to call what ?”
He was going to make me say it. I shook my head, crossed my arms, and swallowed down my nerves. “What you were doing.”
“What was I doing, Fera?”
My nostrils flared. “You know… three people instead of two.”
His shoulders shook with silent laughter. I avoided his curious gaze and swore to myself that I would never attempt small talk with Elias Winterton again.
“I was getting bored, anyway,” he said casually, then continued to head north. I glared straight into his back. There had been two women in his bed. How bored could he possibly have been?
When we reached our destination, I never thought I’d be relieved to return to the site of a dead, decaying body.
“Here,” I announced when I recognized the outline of the ravine up ahead. Elias assessed the area and moved with composed urgency, pulling in two calculated breaths before reaching down with one gloved hand and fully uncovering the corpse.
He paused, staring down at the body. Dancing flames across his face illuminated his dread, and I felt it nagging in my chest.
I didn’t want to see. I already knew how unlikely it was that this was the Butcher’s kill, but the chance that it was had my muscles locked with dread.
And with a tiny, twisted shred of hope. Because if it was him, then he might be nearby.
I couldn’t block out the nagging, insistent part of myself that hoped he was.