Chapter 17 #3
“Yes.” I brushed her soft skin with my thumb. “ Oh .”
I watched her throat tense with a swallow. “You sound like you’ve thought about this a lot.”
“Constantly, Ella,” I insisted. “I think of you constantly .”
Her gaze softened with compassion, but she couldn’t fathom my depraved and possessive thoughts.
She didn’t know her soft, featherlike touch on my skin made me desperate to feel her come around me as she cried out my name.
I wanted to be the only man who ever kissed her, touched her, loved her in every way.
She was innocent, but her soul was wise. She challenged me yet gazed at me like I was the one that placed the moon, stars, and sun in her sky.
I was undeserving of her, which was why her next words had my eyes pricking.
“You’re a good man, Gavin Smyth.”
I cleared my throat. I didn’t fucking cry. Even as a young boy, when I fell or got burned on a spark off hot coals, I bit back the pain and turned it to rage, then funneled that rage into determination, efficiency, and survival. It was all I knew.
Yet here I was with her wrapped around me, my own tears begging to fall. I was hard metal, and she was a gentle cloud of heat swirling around me. She caressed every sharp, frigid edge of my being. She melted and softened the jagged points into something kinder.
And hearing those words, in her voice, almost made me believe they were true.
“That you think so is all that matters to me,” I told her, stealing a kiss on the pads of her fingers. “Because I swear, you’re an angel, and any moment now, you might remember you have wings and fly off to something better than this.”
“Gavin.” She rested her forehead against mine. “You’re giving me the best days of my life.”
Give me all your days. Your time. All of you.
I wasn’t going to make it through this day without confessing how I truly felt.
“I have an idea,” I muttered. “Let’s play a game.”
She smiled. “I like games.”
“All right, say three things.” I kept one hand on her lower back to keep her pressed against me, then held up three fingers with the other. “Two of them are true.” Two down. “The other one is a lie, and I have to guess which one.”
She bit her lip. My eyes locked on her mouth, but I forced myself to focus on her words.
“I rode my first horse when I was three years old,” she started. “I love coffee.” Her eyes darted to the side. There it was. Life hadn’t tarnished her enough yet to become a good liar. “And I don’t know who my father is. Or… was ,” she added grimly, “because they’ve never told me his name.”
I hated that the third thing had to be true. The sadness in her eyes deemed it so.
“It’s the coffee,” I said softly.
She smiled. “I like how coffee smells, but not how it tastes. My uncle manages to import the finest coffee from the south but still, I only like green tea. With honey.” I memorized it and dreamt of a day I could bring it to her every morning. “Okay. Your turn.”
I hummed, pretending to think about it. “You are the most beautiful thing I’ve ever seen.”
She pursed her lips at me. “This is supposed to be about you?—”
“No.” I gently placed my finger over her mouth again. “We never stated that rule. Are you going to deny me my truths, Aryella?”
She shook her head at me in mock disapproval, mumbling “No” against my finger.
“Good girl,” I answered, the effortlessly playful words sliding off my tongue before I could think twice. I was entranced with how she flushed and shuddered at the sound of my praise.
“Your next one?” Her voice was more strained than usual. Interesting.
I cleared my throat and ignored the blood whooshing in my ears. “I lost that fight I was in the day you first saw me in town.”
She rolled her eyes. “I watched you win that fight, and?—”
“—and I’m in love with you.”
Her breath hitched. Maybe it was too much, too fast.
Maybe it was selfish of me, but I couldn’t keep it contained. I wound my fingers in the hair at the nape of her neck, pulling her forehead against mine. “Gods, I love you, Aryella Jay Whitlock.”
“That should be the lie,” she whispered.
“Not a lie.” It was the truest thing I’d ever said.
“Falling in love with me is not a good idea.”
I brushed one thumb over her plump bottom lip. “Well, thankfully it became a fact, not an idea, the second I first saw you.”
I knew she was scared. She had every reason to be. I was a violent bastard with a dangerous reputation, and she was the future queen of Nyrida. She had no reason to reciprocate my feelings, but I couldn’t stand the thought of her wondering what she was to me for a single moment longer.
“You’re crazy.” Her mouth twitched as she tightened her arms and legs around my waist. I had always been a little unhinged. Quick to snap wrists when someone owed me money. I punched a little too hard, ran my mouth. And when it came to Aryella, crazy and obsessive didn’t quite cover it.
“I am,” I chuckled.
“I should say?—”
“I don’t want you to say anything, if you’re not sure. I just need you to know how I feel.”
I love you.
I’m so far gone for you, and I don’t ever want to come back.
I didn’t need to hear it repeated now. As long as she kept giving me her time, I would earn those words, no matter how long they took.
But I could see that something was eating her alive. A dark thought feeding on her light.
“What are you thinking?” I asked.
She considered her words carefully. “As sad as it sounds, I wasn’t sure anyone outside that castle would ever have the chance to love me.”
With a deceased father she’d never known, a sick mother, and a callous, controlling uncle, only the gods knew the last time she’d felt loved and cherished just for the perfect girl she was.
I’d figured out that soothing, beautiful words were a balm to her nerves. Being the one to give her what she needed was an honor of the highest degree.
“Then let me do that for you. Let me love you.” I pressed a gentle kiss to her lips. “Let me be your first.”
And your last.
And your only.
She kissed me back. Her mouth, urgent, hot, and pleading against my own, said everything she wasn’t ready to say. I gripped her hair and kissed back with equal fervor. I devoured each of her panting breaths and whimpers.
She pulled away only to whisper, “Happy Birthday,” and then, “I hope it’s been a good one.”
It was the best birthday I would ever have.