Chapter 21 #2
“Ella,” Victor repeated. I smiled at my name for her.
My favorite word . I followed the delicate curve of her neck and landed on the spot where a pink flush gathered around her collarbone.
I focused my attention on her, and the raucous shouting and clinking glasses faded away into a dull, calming buzz.
Until Vic spoke again.
“So, you’re the girl who’s tied Smyth down.”
Tied me down? It took a moment for my brain to catch up to my ears.
No, no, no, no.
“Tied him down?” Ella asked innocently, completely oblivious.
“Victor,” I warned darkly, but he ignored me.
“In all the time I’ve known him, he’s never really been a one-woman man. But I’ll admit, your effect on him is refreshing, and…”
As he rambled on, it felt like time stopped. Horrified realization passed over her face and that bright, entrancing smile faded. Her shoulders slumped as if someone had sucked the light and hope right out of her.
Dread nearly knocked me to my knees as I watched her respect for me slip away.
“Ella, listen to me.” I wasn’t quite sure how to fix it, how to bring her back, but I knew that I never wanted her to feel this way again.
“Ella, please. You’re different.” I leaned down and tried to catch her eye. “You’re everything .” She had to see that she had all of me. Every bit of love and adoration and commitment that I would ever have was hers . “Look at me.”
But she wouldn’t. The excited flush of her cheeks was gone, and her milky skin was fading to a sickly pale.
“Ella, that is not what this is?—”
“Excuse me.” She wiggled out of my protective hold, and reluctantly, I freed her.
“Ella—”
“I just need a moment,” she called back in a broken voice.
“Ella!” I called after her. When she didn’t stop, I turned on Vic, thrust my fist against his chest, and fisted the collar of his shirt. “What the hell is your problem?” I yanked him forward with enough force to lift his feet off the ground.
“I’m sorry!” Vic held up his hands in surrender, eyes wide with fear. “It was a compliment to her…” He winced. “At least, I thought it was.”
“Fuck!” I roared before dropping him on his ass and rushing after her. I couldn’t leave her alone here, even though she asked for space. It would take seconds for the assholes in this tavern to descend upon her like beasts to fresh meat the moment they saw her alone.
“Ella!” I shoved my way through the crowd she was small enough to dart through. “Ella, wait!”
A flash of silver-blond hair whipped around a corner. I lengthened my stride, turned, and saw her disappear inside a closet down the hall.
I knocked three times. “Ella.” No answer. I rested my forehead against the door. Rolled it back and forth like the lovesick dog I was. “Please talk to me.”
“No.”
I sighed, somewhat relieved. No was something. No was better than silence.
“Victor’s an idiot.”
“Was he lying?”
“No,” I admitted. “But?—”
“Then I’m not good for you,” she answered glumly.
“You’re right!” I hopelessly thumped my forehead against the door.
“You’re far too good for me, and it’s a miracle you ever looked my way.
But you did, so I don’t plan on wasting that miracle for a single second.
” I placed my hand on the doorknob, wishing she’d unlock it.
“Yes, I’ve been involved with other women in the past, but I can’t even remember their faces or names.
Because I didn’t truly care. I don’t see anyone else in a world where you exist.”
More silence. I winced at what I knew I planned on saying next, but it was the truth. I needed her to understand.
“Aryella, you’re not going to like the way it sounds, but it’s true .” I forced away the nausea in my gut. “If all I wanted was to fuck you, I would have tried to fuck you the night we met, but that’s not what I want with you.”
“What do you want with me?” she asked quietly.
“Everything,” I answered without hesitation, because I felt none. “I want everything with you.”
The sound of her sniffling made me desperate to take away her pain, sadness, and her burdens. I could bear it all myself if it meant she was happy. I placed my palm on the door like it might get me closer to her. She didn’t come out, and I didn’t blame her. I didn’t like who I was before, either.
“I love you,” I reminded her. “I’ve never loved anyone before, but I love you . I don’t care how many times you need to hear it. I’ll tell you every minute of?—”
The door flew open. I looked down to find her scrutinizing me.
“You’ve never loved anyone before?”
“No one.” It was true. Not even Eden. She and Isaac had always been good to me, but I wasn’t sure what they’d felt for me was love. Eden was a hard woman, and love wasn’t a word to be tossed around.
“If you’ve never loved anyone before, how do you know you love me?”
My gods, this girl.
“Because you’re the first thing I think about when I wake up in the morning and the last thing I think about before I go to sleep,” I told her.
“I dream of you, and when I can’t sleep, I lay awake thinking of you and wishing I was with you.
I know I love you because when I walk past the florist’s cart on the way to the market, I remember that your favorite flowers are blue, so I buy some and put them in a shitty little vase on the table in my loft.
I don’t even know if you’ll come by and see them, but they make me think of you.
And that’s all I ever want to be doing. Thinking of you . ”
I reached for her, but she retreated, eyes still narrowed. I took the blow and pressed on.
“I know I love you because every time you leave me, I start counting down the minutes until I get to see you again. You consume my existence, and nothing has ever made me feel so alive.” I shook my head, reveling in the awe she made me feel.
“When I’m with you, I’m in heaven. When I’m not, I’m in hell. ”
Her shoulders relaxed. The gods had reserved some mercy for me, after all.
“You’re everything to me, Ella,” I promised her. “There’s no one else. There never will be anyone else.”
She swallowed thickly. “No one has ever said anything like that to me before.”
If they had, I’d need their names to ensure they never breathed her air again. I crossed my arms and leaned against the doorframe. “Any man that doesn’t treat you like a goddess is a fucking imbecile who doesn’t deserve you.” Not that I deserved her. I didn’t, but at least I knew as much.
“Do you forgive me?”
She frowned. “You didn’t actually do anything.”
“I did. The asshole I was before I met you came back to hurt you. I made you feel like less. That shouldn’t ever happen, and I’m sorry.”
She softened. “I forgive you.”
“Thank the gods.” I rested my arm over the doorframe and took inventory of the tiny room. “Why were you in the dark? In a closet?”
She retreated with a sly little smile on her beautiful face. “I’ve always liked the dark. It’s soothing.”
I hummed. “Are you going to keep running away from me, Princess?”
She scowled playfully. I bit my tongue to keep from grinning at the fire I saw there. She hated being called that, but I’d rather her burn me to ash than feel what she felt five minutes ago.