Chapter 28
TWENTY-EIGHT
ARYELLA
When you feel the fear creep in, give yourself three seconds. Allow yourself to feel it.
Then envision yourself emerging victorious over that fear. Lock it up in a place that can’t reach you and do whatever the hell you need to do to survive.
—FROM THE BUTCHER OF NYRIDA’S LAST KNOWN LETTERS TO QUEEN ARYELLA I
The morning of the second test, I woke up early with a deep ache in my back and the all-too-familiar echo of screams in my ear. It seemed that by telling Abram I needed those vials of pain relief medicine for cramps from my cycle, I’d summoned it upon myself.
During those six months in Warrich, my cycle had been erratic. Elowen’s explanation was that hers was like that, too. She said I got it from her. Only I wasn’t her daughter, and I’d gotten nothing from her at all.
That night in Freyburn, when I’d dreamt of a woman’s screams and an infant crying, I’d run out into the woods in disoriented panic.
Gavin had followed me, protected me and hadn’t let me go far.
But that was only the first time it had happened.
The nightmare, along with the pain and screams, returned each time I bled.
The worst was a few weeks after my death in Brinnea.
I was just healed enough to start training, and Damond and I had been taking it easy.
The cramping had started early in the morning.
I still was embarrassed every time I remembered Freyburn, losing my mind over something every woman dealt with.
What a ridiculous reaction it had been, running through the woods in the winter like I was searching for something.
And yet, not long after, I had sat on the floor of my bedroom in the cabin I’d shared with Damond, falling apart again. Feeling the same sickening sensations. Hearing the same woman’s screams. Damond had begged me to come out and talk to him, but I’d refused.
“I know I’m not who you need right now,” Damond had said through the door, sounding pained and helpless. “I’m not him. But if you want to talk about it, I’m here.”
“Are you all right?” Mina’s hand on my shoulder abruptly brought me back to the present. We were sitting in the mess hall for breakfast.
“Just tired.” I rubbed my eyes and gave her a smile I hoped was convincing enough.
Today was the second test. I didn’t have time to bleed, cramp, or panic.
Mina saw right through me. “Marin sometimes heats a whole basket of towels and wraps them around my midriff while I lie on the bed. When it gets bad,” she added.
My shoulders dipped slightly. “How could you tell?”
“I just pay close attention. You’ve been moving slower than normal, and you’ve winced a few times. You’re a little paler than normal, too.” She shrugged. “Marin says I have a knack for helping other women.”
I watched her swallow some eggs. At least she was eating this morning.
“Do you want to be at Commencement, learning to fight, or would you rather do something else?” I asked curiously. “Like helping women?”
“Well, I…” Her mouth hung open. “I’ll do whatever you need.”
“No.” I squeezed her hand. “I’m asking you what you want.” Before she could answer, Mavic spoke from behind us. Mysteriously, he hadn’t come back to our cabin last night. “Pardon me, ladies.” He squeezed between us and dug into a mountainous plate of food without apology.
“Really, Mav?” Mina groaned when he devoured a grossly large forkful. “Have some manners.”
“What? I worked up an appetite with Yara last night. She’s insatiable .”
I giggled while his sister made a gagging sound.
“At least use a comb.” Mina stood up, licked her palm, and tried to tame her brother’s bright mess of hair. “It looks like a rat burrowed and died in it.”
Her brother swatted her hand away. “Who are you, Mom ?”
Mina scoffed. “Just be grateful I’m not Marin.”
“You’re right, she’s definitely worse.”
As they argued in typical sibling fashion, I let the loud swell of voices drown them out and found my eyes drifting toward the far end of the hall.
Elias’s chair in the center of the long head table was still empty.
I hadn’t seen him in a week, after I bit Finch’s arm and Elias kissed me.
Without his eyes always on the back of my head, the week had been peaceful.
Voices hushed when the main door opened and he entered, flanked by two lieutenants who looked as tired as he did.
“Great,” I whispered to myself.
“What?” Mina asked.
“Nothing.” I straightened in my seat.
Elias’s tight jaw had a shadow of stubble over the yellowing bruise from where I’d struck him.
Peeking out of his shirt collar was bandaging that appeared to wrap up his torso and over his shoulder.
His thick bronze hair was still perfect, and he looked too beautiful for a man with bags under his eyes.
I’d forced myself to forget what his lips felt like.
That wasn’t the hard part. It was the feeling of being tricked that I couldn’t get past. It didn’t matter that I hadn’t kissed him back, that I’d frozen with my lips clamped shut, denying him entry.
I still felt dirty, made worse when the smug asshole winked at me in passing.
I could feel two identical sets of eyes on me, one on each side.
“Please don’t look at me like that,” I muttered under my breath. “You’ll make it obvious.”
“Make what obvious?” Mavic took a swig of water, then whispered, “Your Highness.” He shouted “Ow!” when Mina whacked the back of his head.
An hour later we were taken outside of the fortress for the second test, farther out on the western side where the terrain was rockier and more hazardous.
After the previous night’s storm, the smell of rain hung heavy in the air, and the sun hid behind flat, low-hanging clouds.
Most unnervingly, the buzz of Simeon’s wards was even fainter than the day before.
Wanting to stay as far away as possible from Elias up at the front, I stood in the back of the sea of cadets with the twins. Our large group came to a halt before the edge of a cliff where the drop-off appeared to be steep.
A female cadet at the front jumped and screamed at whatever she saw below. Gasps and shrieks sent nearby birds and wildlife scattering from bushes and trees.
“What the hell?” Mavic stepped in front of his sister.
“I’ll go,” I muttered, retreating around to peer down from the edge instead of pushing through the crowd.
There were five different, restless beasts chained securely inside a circular, rocky enclosure.
One was shaped like an oversized frog with the face of a fish and sharp teeth.
Another was a bat-like creature with two sets of long wings, beady red eyes, and huge claws.
The third had the head of a wolf, the body of a massive bear, and antlers of a buck that were shedding bloody velvet skin.
Drool dripped off its jowls; the beast was clearly ravenous.
The fourth was shaped like a boar with three eyes and thick, dark fur.
Five tusks, sharp enough to impale a human, emerged from its massive head.
“I wasn’t planning on dying today, but now I’m not so sure,” Mavic murmured beside me. I’d been too grossly entranced to notice people gathered around me.
“You aren’t dying, and neither is Mina,” I answered. Over my dead body would I let that happen.
“Are those spikes on that one’s tail?” asked a girl while pointing toward the opposite side of the pit.
The fifth and most agitated beast was a huge lizard with opalescent scales and a winding, spiked tail. It hovered low to the ground on four short legs, giving the appearance that it was slow. I had a feeling it wasn’t.
To my right, Elias watched me like this was all a game to him.
Like I was a game to him. Maybe I was, but the lives of these cadets were not.
The war was near. I understood that Molochai would not show mercy.
Letting our soldiers believe otherwise would be doing them no favors, but these cadets weren’t even through training.
This was no test. This was a mass execution.
I had come across two of Molochai’s corrupted beasts before. Without Gavin against the first and without my powers against the second, they would have devoured me.
Had Elias been rounding up these monsters for the past week? It would explain the bandaging. I gave him a silent, pleading look, but a smirk tugged at his mouth before he addressed the crowd.
“Most of you have been living comfortably at home, aware of the dangers that lurk outside the Caves’ walls, but unprepared. Out here, these beasts are lethal. Molochai has cursed them with corrupted magic, and they want to eat you .”
A blond girl passed out on the steep slope descending toward the arena’s main entry. Mavic, Mina, and I watched as another young man caught and pulled her away from the edge.
I touched my belt to check that every knife was in place, wishing I’d brought an arrow to strike from a distance. Or at least a sword. I didn’t want to expose my powers today, but I wasn’t going to let anyone die. If I had to call upon Helios to burn all five beasts, I would.
“Kill yours before it kills you,” Elias commanded, ignoring the girl that went unconscious. “Any weapon can be used, just get it done. The team that won the first test goes first.” His smirk widened into a full smile. “That’s you, Fera.”
“Shit,” I hissed, moving around the crowd to the other side of the rocky enclosure, gripped by a heart-pounding fear I couldn’t afford to feel. I remembered standing in that icy field, helpless while a pig-headed beast held its claws over Gavin, just before I used Rainar’s power to drown it.
“Do you have a plan?” Mavic followed close behind me. He and Hoss were the only two looking more concerned than amused at my predicament.
“I’ll do what it takes. I’m worried about you .” We both glanced at Mina, then to where the five beasts were chained, restless and kicking up dust.
“Do we get to pick which one?” I called to Elias.
He threw his head back and laughed, then nodded at the lieutenant beside the rock where the other end of the beasts’ chains were tightly fastened. One swing of the lieutenant’s hammer, and the mechanism that tightened one of the chains was broken with a loud crack.
My eyes trailed down to see which had been chosen for me. The lizard creature shifted forward, the chains around its middle clinking lazily as it tested the slack. It now had enough leash to reach every corner of the cliff-walled enclosure and devour me the moment I entered.
“You might be able to distract it,” Hoss suggested. “Val says if you piss these things off enough, you can outsmart them.”
I had an idea, but I would need to get close to it, and I needed a longer blade. “Mav?” I reached behind me with one hand. “Can I borrow your sword while I’m down there?”
“What?” He gripped my forearm and squeezed. I felt his breath on the back of my neck as he leaned close, his voice lowering to a whisper. “Respectfully, are you out of your damn mind? I don’t care what Winterton says. I’m not letting my queen go in there alone.”
“I have to, and I’m not your queen today,” I hissed, praying no one could read my lips.
“I swear to the gods,” he hissed right back, “if you die, I’ll never forgive you.”
“Likewise,” I answered as Mavic transferred the hilt of his sword to my palm.
“Ary,” Mina squeaked.
“I’ll be fine.” I tried to act as calm as I sounded. “I promise.”
I took the first step down the rocky decline, turning around long enough to catch Mavic’s eye and give him a nod of reassurance before descending fully into the pit.
The beast puffed out steam with a chittering sound while its multiple eyelids fluttered.
A small female cadet standing on the cliffs above audibly whimpered in response to a series of low, threatening clicking sounds it released from its throat.
The beast sensed her fear and looked up.
Its tail sent dust and rocks flying toward her.
Mavic pulled his sister behind him, as if the beast could scale the rock wall and reach them at the top. A few others whimpered in terror. I wanted to scold them, because that thing could probably taste their fear like an appetizer to a five-course meal.
“Hey!” I shouted aloud, searching for Soltum’s power.
It was a trickle, then a torrent, just like elements.
“HEY!” I shouted louder, both hands tightening around the sword’s hilt.
The monster’s black eyes snapped to me as it hummed, low and predatory, at the sound of my voice.
“ They are not your prey ,” I said mind-to-mind, infusing my voice with authority. “ I am .”
After an eerily curious tilt of its head, it slowly stalked toward me.
“That’s right.” I retreated toward the wall behind me. “Come get me.”
It huffed out more steam. I was close enough now that I could smell its putrid scent of spoiled raw fish and see how black its eyes truly were. Like voids, corrupt and without life.
This beast hadn’t always been so large, vile, and voracious.
Molochai’s magic was evil and erratic, distorted and tortured.
It ripped life and love and good things apart.
I remembered how it felt to have his darkness slice through my veins and reach for my soul.
At one point, this beast had been his victim just as I had been.
“ You’re his ,” I said down the pathway to its mind. “ You’re Molochai’s. ”
“ His and… ” It trailed off, neither confirming nor denying. “ And you are… theirs. ”
In my periphery, Elias shifted on the edge of the cliff. I saw that his fingers held the end of the beast’s chain. His eyes were locked on me like he couldn’t stand to miss a single second of my impending death.
“ I am my own ,” I told the beast.
“ Your heart is not your own ,” it responded, nostrils flaring. “ It beats for no one here. ”
I was about to ask how it knew such a thing when pain splintered behind my breastbone.
Inexplicable tears filled my eyes, drawn out of me against my will.
I stumbled back, the sword dragging along the rocky floor with one hand while the other gripped my chest. I bit back a wail and looked down to see what had struck me.
Only there was no blood. No weapon protruding from my body.
The pain was already fading, but my power stuttered, as did my hold on the beast. By the time I looked up and scrambled to brace myself, it was too late.
I was knocked over and pinned to the ground beneath the creature’s weight. The sword dropped from my grasp and skidded away from me.
And bladelike teeth snarled inches from my face.