Chapter 30 #2
I didn’t budge. Instead, I pulled out the letter from my mother revealing Molochai as my birth father.
While looking for a safe place to store our marriage papers, we’d found the letter in the small chest of Isaac’s and Eden’s things we’d brought here.
It had been hiding beneath the deed to the blacksmith’s shop.
Not only was I a bastard, but I was a product of rape. I could hardly blame Isaac and Eden for never telling me. I could barely say it out loud.
And I was now wary of passing any part of myself on to an innocent child.
“Hey.” Ella’s soft fingers reached to ghost over the curve of my chin as she tried to draw my attention away from the letter and back to her. “You didn’t know.”
I cleared my throat. “If you’re having second thoughts?—”
“Never. No second thoughts. It doesn’t matter to me.”
“But I shouldn’t even be alive,” I reminded her, wondering if she was blinded by the orgasmic bliss she’d been living in for the past ten days. “And Ella, he tried to kill you?—”
“He did,” she agreed. “ You didn’t.”
“I’m his son .”
“You share his blood and nothing more.” She crawled into my lap, wrapping her legs around my waist. Her gentle touch soothed the ache of self-hatred. “You are nothing like him. You will never be anything like him.”
With her by my side, I knew that was true, but that didn’t resolve my guilt. It was bad enough that my mother had died during childbirth. But to know I was forced upon her? Vile and unbearable.
“She didn’t want me. My life is the result of an atrocious, unimaginable act of violence.”
“If she didn’t want you, why did she keep you?” Ella’s voice filled with emotion. “There are serums and procedures to end a pregnancy. No one would have blamed her. But she kept you. She chose you.”
“Choosing me killed her.”
“That was not your fault .” She held my face and gazed urgently into my eyes.
“I think the gods sometimes have their way of making something good come from something terrible. In this case, that’s you.
Because you are good , and I want you. I love you.
So much it hurts .” Her eyes welled with tears I longed to dry.
She trailed kisses up the edge of my jaw, landing on the sensitive skin next to my eye. “I chose you .”
I shivered and hummed, drunk on the scents of berries and sun and her soft body wrapped around mine. She made every terrible feeling melt away. “You did, didn’t you?”
“I did.” She planted a kiss to the left of my mouth. “I do .”
I didn’t deserve her. Not one fucking bit. But I was never letting her go.
“I must have done something perfectly right in another life to have you love me in this one,” I whispered, kissing her soft and slow. Like we had all the time in the world.
“Likewise.” She rested her forehead against mine. “Will you promise me something?
“Anything.”
She gently scraped her fingernails on the back of my neck the way I loved. “Don’t ever let me stop fighting for this. For us . For freedom and for everyone who can’t fight. And”—she sniffed—“don’t ever let me stop fighting for myself.”
She was so good . Her warmth. Her softness. Her resilience. And fuck , the brutal and vile things I would do to anyone who tried to strip those things from her. She’d told me how some had already tried, and I knew they always would.
So, it was an easy promise to make. “I promise.”
“Good.” I felt her smile against my cheek. “Because now that I know what it’s like to be yours, I don’t want to live any other way.”
“Then I’ll make you another promise.” I brushed my lips over hers, and she kissed me, tongue against tongue, grinding her wet center over me in the way she knew drove me insane.
Her responding moans were the sweetest sound in existence, second only to her laughter.
She had me wrapped around her finger, and I never wanted to be unwound.
But I forced myself to pull away. “Ready?”
She hummed and nodded, her eyes following her finger around the edge of my mouth.
But I captured her gaze with my own, one hand on her face, and held on. She tended to let her panic grip her and shut me out. She was terrified of what waited for us beyond the walls of this cabin. We both wanted to pretend we were all that existed, but we needed a plan.
It was going to be nearly impossible to keep her, but I was going to find a way.
“I swear ,” I whispered, “that you will never need to know a world without me.” I saw the fear in her eyes and doubled down.
“Understood?” I swiped a tear off her cheek.
She nodded, but I could tell by the way her eyes wavered that she wasn’t convinced.
“It’s going to be all right,” I promised her. “We’ll figure this out. I’ve got you.”
She choked out, “Thank you.”
“Always,” I answered. We held each other in contented silence until her stomach growled so loudly, I worried that Simeon would be able to track her down from that alone. “All right,” I chuckled, pressing a quick kiss to both of her cheeks before standing. “Time to eat.”
She tried to pull me back into bed. “Wait, it’s morning, and we haven’t even?—”
“You need to eat ,” I urged. “And our firewood is running low. Believe me, Ella, I would happily spend the entire day with my cock or my tongue inside you, but I’m not letting you wither away in my care.
” She watched me contentedly as I got dressed.
Absent-mindedly, I rubbed my stubbled chin while sliding my boots on. “And I should probably shave.”
“Hmm, I don’t know.” She grinned sweetly. I watched as she tucked her knees into her chest and rested her chin on top of them. “I think I like the beard.”
I chuckled and unfastened the cabin’s deadbolt. “All right. We’ll see.”
“Gavin,” she called as I started to depart. I looked back to see her beautiful smile. “I love you.”
“I love you,” I answered. Before turning my back to her and closing the door, I gave her one last promise. The one I would keep above all else. “Whatever it takes.”