Chapter 39 #2
The sky was dark when we returned. Valda and a few lieutenants greeted us inside the front gate. I never thought I’d be relieved to see people who disliked me, but returning meant I was closer to the warmth and safety of my bed. And his sweater.
Eli had different ideas. He stopped us in the center of the courtyard. “Summon everyone,” he ordered. By this point, Finch was awake and groggy with his hands still tied behind his back. When he realized where he was, he began to panic.
“On your knees, Finch!” Eli barked as cadets emerged from their cabins.
My heart sank with disappointment. He was going to execute him now, in front of everyone.
“I didn’t want to do this,” Eli confessed to Finch, “but you betrayed your own people.” I stood frozen at the front of the crowd with a clear view as Eli addressed the courtyard with booming authority.
“Isaiah Cross discovered Draven Finch conspiring with Molochai. Because of this, Finch killed him.” Horrified whispers spread through the crowd.
I’d heard chatter in recent weeks as the news of Cross’s death had trickled in from the Caves.
They knew he had died, but not like this.
“Let this be an example of what happens when you murder one of your own people while betraying us all.”
“Commander,” Finch began to cry. “Please.”
“You made your choice knowing the consequences.” Eli shook his head, blue-gray eyes ripe with pity. “The punishment for murder is death. It always has been. It always will be.”
As he unsheathed a knife, Finch’s wet sobs echoed in the calm silence of night. I wanted to look away. I didn’t want to watch people die, and while I knew there’d be plenty of death in my future, I refused to become desensitized to it.
“Fera,” he called. My eyes snapped up. “Come here.” He motioned me forward. I obeyed and closed the short distance, blanching when he offered me the knife.
“What?” Panic crawled up my throat. “I helped you capture him. I did what you asked of me.”
“And now I’m asking this of you.” Eli’s stare made me feel like
I had no choice. “I’m doing you a favor. Show them you’re here to fight for our people.”
“A favor ?”
He leaned close. “I want them to see I trust you. I want them to trust you the way I do.”
I had fought tirelessly. I’d thrown punches and knives and harmed adversaries to win and survive, but I’d only ever killed one Insidion out of self-defense. Killing a man while he knelt in the dirt with his hands tied behind his back felt… barbaric.
I’d told him I didn’t think I would hesitate when it came to killing him, yet here I was.
Even though Draven Finch had killed Isaiah Cross, betrayed our people, and nearly killed Mina, I still felt like I was staring into the eyes of someone who wasn’t completely evil.
His eyes were tired, sad, and angry. Mourning his mother was what had driven him to Molochai for answers.
I pitied him.
Was my sympathy a weakness, or something else?
“He did it for his mother, Eli,” I breathed. “He thought?—”
“It doesn’t matter what he thought, Fera. He risked the lives of thousands for an unknown reward. He’s a liability. He conspired with Molochai. Do you even understand how dangerous that is?”
I glared back, my anger rising. Yes, I think I knew. “We need to question him,” I insisted. “There could be other spies, and?—”
“I already did,” Eli gritted out. “Last night, while you slept. I know what I need to.”
“What did he say?” My brow creased. “How do you know he was telling the truth?”
“Simeon has serums that ensure someone is telling the truth. That is not your concern. A life for a life is your task,” he pressed. “Show these soldiers you’re willing to protect your people.”
He was going to kill him no matter what I did. I stared at Finch, who looked dejected, defeated, and scared. An idea formed. If he was going to die, could I make it hurt less? The Insidion I’d killed in self-defense had been terrified. Could I make Draven Finch feel something else ?
I had no idea if it would work. Unlike Nyxar’s ungraspable spoke, Effusia’s power was available, but I had hesitations.
Manipulating the physical world around me was one thing, but tapping into someone’s mind?
I’d been pushed and pulled in so many directions, told what to say, how to feel, who to be. I refused to do that to someone else.
Unless it could take away pain. Murderer or not, Finch was a product of this war, too. How could I encourage suffering? Maybe I was too soft, but how hard did I want to be?
I placed my palm on top of Finch’s hair so it looked like my hand was there as leverage for making the killing blow, then reached for Effusia’s spoke on the wheel.
When I grasped it, deep carmine flashed behind my eyelids.
I felt a little bit of everything. Fear, joy, love, despair, anger.
I flipped through them all like cards in a stack until I settled on serenity.
“Close your eyes.” I barely moved my lips while speaking. “I don’t want you to suffer.”
Power trickled out of me, from my body into his. It was much weaker than usual, but it was enough. Finch leaned into my touch, the movement barely noticeable beneath dim and scattered torchlight. I tensed, wondering if he was about to speak, lash out, or react, but he never did.
“I’m sorry about your mother,” I whispered. “Find peace.”
Just when I should have made the killing blow, I squeezed my eyes shut and turned away, back to Elias.
All that could be heard through the dead silence of the courtyard was the crunch of gravel beneath my boots, so loud that each retreating step made me wince.
“I know you think he has to die,” I uttered, keeping my voice low.
“But a life for a life kills us all eventually. I choose to be merciful. Any other way is yours, not mine.” I placed the handle of the blade in his hand.
Before turning away, I added, “If mercy means I’m packing my bags, then I will go gladly. ”
Only once I was concealed by shadows alongside the wall of a building did I let silent tears fall for the man I knew was about to die. Elias Winterton still hadn’t earned the right to see me cry.
I didn’t look, but I heard a blade puncture flesh, then the thump of Finch’s dead body on gravel while I moved toward the shower hall. Once I was inside, the water was soothing, the candlelight was only just bright enough to see. This had become one of few places in the fortress I sought refuge.
“ Shera? ” I called down the pathway I shared with her. “ Shera, are you there? ”
I always felt the urge to run to Gavin, especially tonight. But my pathway with Shera was silent. If she was with him, they were nowhere near me. I rested my forehead against the shower wall, then my hands, supporting myself as weariness fought to send me to my knees.
After I was finished, I dressed and trudged numbly back to the cabin, avoiding the bloodstained center of the courtyard. Finch’s body had been hauled away, and Eli was nowhere to be found.
I crawled inside Gavin’s black sweater and beneath the covers. I thought nothing would make me feel better after what had happened, but the smell and warmth of him wrapped around me proved me wrong.
When the sun rose, I lay awake waiting for orders to depart for refusing Eli’s order to kill Draven Finch.
The sun rose, and the orders never came.