Chapter 52 #3
Lou rasped out a rueful laugh. “Well, the Butcher killed my parents when I was little. The Wintertons became my family. And then that fucker killed most of them, too.” I felt compassion for the pain in her warm brown eyes.
But even more powerful than her pain was her rage, so ruthless and cutting it made the hair on the back of my neck stand up. “Willa Winterton was my best friend.”
I swallowed thickly. “I’m so sorry.”
She peered back, and gods, for a moment I swore she could see right through me. “Thank you, Your Highness, but you know just as well as we do how it feels to have that monster take everything from you.”
I stiffened and clamped my jaw shut, desperate to hide my emotions. Thankfully, Elias noticed, squeezed Lou’s shoulder, and recaptured her attention.
“We got him, Lou,” he assured her. “He’s gone.”
Lou looked up at Elias like he was the brightest light in her world. “Thank the gods,” she whispered back. When she buried her face in his shoulder, I had to turn away.
Each smile in response to his death was salt in an open sore. Each shout of joy was a blade digging deeper into my flesh. Each laugh at his demise ripped the wound open wider. The happier his death made my people, the further I sank.
I had to keep silent. I couldn’t scream at them to stop, because then they would suspect the truth of my heart, and trust in me would be lost.
But I had to draw the line somewhere. Although I could pretend to be indifferent about his death, I could never pretend to be happy.
“I was taking her to Simeon.” Elias ruffled Lou’s hair. She swatted his hand away, drawing another chuckle from him. “But let’s talk later, all right?”
Lou’s intense gaze pierced straight through me as we pulled away.
Before we could get too far, we were stopped by Alistair and Ophelia Winterton. They were a lot like their grandson. Well-spoken, poised and prideful. They looked exactly as I expected grandparents to look. White hair, rosy cheeks, warm smiles.
“I can’t tell you how relieved we are, Your Highness.” Ophelia took my hand in hers and bowed her head. “Thinking we lost you was…” She trailed off. Alistair rubbed her back. “It was unfathomable.”
I forced a smile. “I’m relieved to be here. And I’m honored to have trained beneath your grandson.”
“Yes.” Alistair’s grin faltered. His eyes darted to my silver hair, then back to my face. “Even if the circumstances were less than ideal.” Before I could defend myself, he turned to his grandson. “There will be a meeting of the Elders in an hour, Elias. Please be on time.”
“Always am,” Elias muttered. After barking commands at a few eager bystanders, Elias placed a hand on the small of my back and led me back into the tunnels and up some stairs. “You’ll attend the Elder meetings soon, as well. For now, Simeon feels this is far more important.”
I didn’t object, because sitting in a room full of powerful people I didn’t know sounded even worse than dealing with my uncle.
“You don’t have to stay in your current quarters,” he went on as we walked. “I wanted you there initially so you had a moment to breathe in peace, unsuspected, but up here on the third floor, the rooms are much bigger, more luxurious, and should be more to your liking.”
I winced. He didn’t know what I liked.
“What about Gemma and Finn?” I asked. “Caz and Marin Sinclair? Will they move?”
“No. They live in the tunnel you’re currently staying in. Perfectly comfortable, but you’re our queen. We have the best for you.”
“I’d like to stay near my friends.”
Elias sighed. “I really think it would be wise for your permanent quarters to be near mine.” He slowed to a stop outside of a tall set of wooden doors with iron handles and knockers and cleared his throat.
“Listen.” He turned to face me. “Can I come to you later to discuss…” His confidence faltered.
“I really would like to further discuss what happened that night in the Barracks.”
I felt the blood rush from my cheeks as the carved insults on the insides of my thighs began to sting and burn.
“There’s nothing to discuss.” I grabbed the door handle. “Is he in here?”
“Wait.” Fire shot up my forearm at the feel of his hand over mine. He withdrew when he saw me glaring at his hand. “If you had told me who you were… it never would have happened, Aryella.”
My shoulders slumped in defeat. Could he not see that was exactly part of the problem?
“It shouldn’t have mattered who I was,” I whispered, finally, looking up at him with sadness.
“I know I lied, but as I was—as Fera —I needed you to care . My commander. My friend . You already doubted them, and yet, them assaulting me in the shower wasn’t enough for you to believe me when I told you the truth. ”
His sorrow mirrored my own, and his longing caused my throat to tighten. He felt remorse. It didn’t feel like enough, but it was still painful to see.
“I’ll forgive you for it eventually. I will . Every single life in this cave relies on us trusting each other, but I need time.”
“Time,” he repeated. I heard the unspoken question in his worried stare. How much?
That, I didn’t know. “Yes. Time.”
“Well, I’ll be here,” Elias sighed heavily, his hand reaching to brush mine.
“Thank you.” I ignored how my touch-starved body ached with longing and opened the double doors to Simeon’s study, preparing myself to finally meet my uncle.