Chapter 53 #4
I pictured it with Gavin’s brown eyes but my silver-blond hair. Or maybe the other way around—green eyes and thick brown hair so dark it was nearly black.
Or maybe, hopefully, the child had looked just like him. Maybe there was a part of him—of us —that still existed, generations later, free and unburdened by all of this.
“Did you make sure it was safe?”
“Yes,” my uncle promised.
“Was it loved ?”
Another nod. “Very much so.”
But he had sent me off to a frozen tundra. How could I believe him? “Promise me you didn’t leave it starving and abandoned in some Warrich cabin.”
“No, Aryella,” he softly assured me. “On my soul, I can promise you that.”
I recalled the look on Gavin’s face when he saw the scar on my bare stomach. It must have not been there when we were married, hence his alarm. Had he suspected it then?
“Did Gavin know?”
“No.” My uncle’s voice was grave. Apologetic, even. “Smyth didn’t know.”
The half of my heart that hadn’t died with him broke again in two. He had been a father. He never knew, and he never would know.
“Is our child alive now ?” It was unlikely. I hoped anyway.
Simeon’s eyes darted to the side—behind me—and he froze. “It’s not your child anymore.”
My spine stiffened. I spun around to see what he saw, but there was no one there. “What does that mean? What are you?—”
“No more questions today,” he muttered as he rushed toward the door. “Be back here tomorrow morning, just after sunrise.”
“Simeon!” I grabbed Sussurro’s wind and slammed the door shut before he could escape. “You will tell me !” I half cried, half screamed as I lunged after him. “Or I will kill you. I swear to the gods, I?—”
“Kill me, and you will never know,” he answered, unfazed.
“Keep threatening me, and you will never know.” His voice turned to a growl.
“Fail to do as I say, Aryella, and you will never, ever know.” He yanked open the door, pausing only to add, “But continue giving me your time, and perhaps I’ll change my mind,”
Resignation and disappointment sunk my heart and hopes as he left the room.
I stood, arms dangling limply at my sides, mouth agape, staring at nothing while my sorrow ran down my cheeks in silent rivers. They just kept coming. Four hundred years of tears.
“ I’m so sorry, Ary. ” Shera stayed pressed against me, her torso tall enough to meet my hip and steady me. “ Saying goodbye to a child you never got to know is… ” She held a long pause. “ I can’t imagine anything more difficult. ”
“ I think I need to lie down, ” was all I managed in reply.
I dragged myself sullenly toward the exit but bumped into Elias on my way out.
He caught me, hands on my shoulders. “I was just coming to get you. I—” He stopped abruptly after seeing my face, swollen with tears.
“Hey, whoa, whoa, whoa. What happened?” After scanning the room for Simeon, he bent down to my eye level. “Where is he? What did he do?”
“I’m fine,” I muttered numbly, shifting to pass him. I didn’t feel inclined to give anyone my trust. Even if Elias was working hard to earn it back.
He peered at me with worried eyes. “Clearly, you’re not.”
“I’m fine,” I said through gritted teeth. “Let me go.”
When he didn’t budge, Shera growled. Elias glanced down at her, fear flashing in his eyes, but he refused to give in. “You’re crying , Aryella.”
“Yes, I am.” I jerked out of his hold. “Which means I’m not going to give you what you want right now, Eli, so I suggest you look elsewhere. We both know there are plenty of bodies willing to be in your bed.”
His brow shot high in shock. “Are you serious?”
“Why wouldn’t I be?” I snapped despite knowing it wasn’t fair to resent him for what he’d done while he thought I was dead.
“I know exactly what you think of me.” His jaw tensed. “But do you really believe I would do that to you? Now? ”
Instead of admitting that I didn’t know , I put up a wall. “Maybe you should.”
He searched my face until resolve settled on his. “No.”
“No?” I scoffed.
“I won’t. I’ve caused enough damage between us.
” My lips parted in shock, and his eyes went there.
His strong shoulders rose and fell with a heavy sigh.
“Come here.” He pulled my stiff body into his chest, rested his chin on the top of my head, and held tight.
I let him, ashamed of how easily my walls came back down.
But the heat of his body was just enough to relax mine.
When he muttered, “Gods, what did he do to you, Ary?” into my hair, I didn’t have the energy to pull away. Right now, Elias was here, and he was strong enough to keep me from shattering. Just for a few minutes, I let my mind be quiet.
When he took me back to my room, Shera and I went in alone. I crawled into bed, tucked Gavin’s black sweater to my chest, pillows and the wolf pelt to my back, laid as still as possible, and pretended I was somewhere else. While my umbra warmed my feet, I closed my eyes and prayed for sleep.
I had thought losing Gavin was the worst pain I would ever feel.
It wasn’t.
Losing him and our child was.