Chapter 60
SIXTY
ARYELLA
I stared down at Ezra’s blood on my hands. It had been mostly washed off, but it felt stained on.
On. Off, on, off, on.
Red, clean, red, skin.
Voices were everywhere. Was I finally broken?
“The interment for those we lost will be tomorrow,” announced Alistair Winterton.
“Is that enough time for Nestor to embalm the bodies?” “It will have to be. We don’t have time to waste.”
Interment? When did we get back to the Winterton Caves? Had Elias carried me? I remembered passing out in his arms and then waking up shortly before entering this meeting room.
Everything was happening so fast. Time, voices, and the world around me felt fragmented. I needed to see Mavic. And Gemma and Finn. I needed them to be okay.
Elias sat beside me with his arm curled protectively around the back of my chair. It wasn’t enough to anchor me, but it was something.
“What does the queen wish for us to do?”
“Your Highness?” someone else pressed.
They addressed me, but I had no answers.
“We await orders.”
“Your Highness?—”
“Give her a fucking minute!” Elias shouted, and the grating noise around me hushed.
As the shock wore off, I started to remember it all. The middle of the night. Shera, Eli, and two other soldiers had escaped the attack unscathed. Once Molochai had me, Mavic, and Ezra, he’d left the others alive.
“Are Gemma and Finn all right?” I whispered to Elias.
“Yes,” he assured me. “They returned before we did, safe and sound.”
I shuddered in relief. “And Mavic?”
“Resting, but fine.”
“Insidions are descending upon the border like flies on a corpse,” said someone else. “We have to send more reinforcements.”
I wouldn’t be surprised if half of the smaller villages across the northern part of the continent had been ransacked and pillaged. The only thing protecting us in these caves and larger cities were the weakening wards, and for how long?
“It’s been confirmed that Gerard, Stoll, and the Sharpe brothers were seen with Insidions,” Valda announced behind us. I hadn’t even seen her enter.
At the mention of them, the color drained from Elias’s face. He turned to me and whispered under his breath, “I’m so sorry.” Even if the others heard, they wouldn’t understand the weight of his apology. “I know I’ve already said it, but I’m so fucking sorry.”
I had truly started to forgive Elias. But right now, at the mention of those men, I couldn’t even look at him.
“We need a wedding,” Alistair Winterton interjected.
Elias stiffened beside me. Whatever he saw on my face made him hold up his free hand. “Now, just wait a minute. A wedding isn’t going to solve?—”
“The people need hope ,” Alistair’s right-hand man pressed on in agreement. “And when they hear there were traitors in our midst? Commander, you need to secure her hand in mar?—”
“Harrow!” Elias barked in warning.
“They need to trust they are led by a united front! They need to know she is with us?—”
“She isn’t with us! We are with her ! Now, cut me off again and you’ll be stripped of your sword and your command!” Elias shouted, finally tearing his eyes from mine. “Wedding or not, she has our army. We’ll reinforce the border immediately, and I’ll deploy more fighters?—”
“Reinforcements are not the issue today, Elias, and you know it,” Alistair interrupted. “Many doubt her capacity to lead without you by her side.”
“Why?” My head snapped to Elias’s grandfather.
“Because of what the Butcher did to you, Your Highness.” His voice was soft, but he watched me with prying eyes. “You’re still learning your power. Some fear you may be… unstable.”
But now my mind felt extraordinarily clear.
Elias bristled at my side. “She is not un?—”
I held up my hand, stopping him, and turned my attention to Alistair. “And what exactly did the Butcher do to me, Alistair?”
“I…” He saw the frigid stare I gave him and trailed off, chin dipping to his chest. “I couldn’t possibly fathom.”
No, he couldn’t. He was only just bold enough to insinuate vile assumptions.
“Do not speak of what happened to me again.” I glared around the room until I landed on Simeon, who stood against the far wall, lips pursed and observing as usual. I let out a low, crazed laugh, followed by a single, silent tear. I didn’t bother brushing it away.
Maybe I was unstable. Maybe Simeon would try to cage me again. But I would burn down whatever prison he tried to trap me in.
“Ary.” Elias leaned close, his voice low. “The wedding would just be a ceremony. It’s hope for them . You’ll be my wife, but I don’t expect anything from you, and I know you still need time.” Under the table, he squeezed my hand. “You know where I stand on this, but it’s up to you.”
I stared into the stunning blue-gray eyes of a man I cared for but still didn’t fully trust. I kept saying I needed time, but no amount of time would be enough. Elias wasn’t the other half of my soul. He didn’t have my heart, but maybe he could care for whatever was left of both.
What I wouldn’t do, though, to hear Gavin’s voice in my head. Just one more time. I waited, knowing what I needed to do next but hoping by some miracle that he would save me from it.
Stop this , I begged him. Gods, please stop this.
But his voice never came.
Instead, I heard Ezra’s voice, and resignation settled heavily in my bones.
Just do the right thing for everyone.
I’d tried to prove myself without a crown on my head. In some ways I’d succeeded. In others, I’d failed. I didn’t want to bend to anyone else’s will or be used . But I’d failed to protect Ezra, and with Simeon growing weaker, I feared I would fail to protect them all.
There were flaws among these people, but I’d also seen the good . Marrying Elias was an action I could take to make these people feel secure in the face of an unsure future. Maybe loving and protecting those who loved me was loving myself, because I wasn’t sure I could bear any more loss.
“Fine.” I stood from my chair at the head of the table and imagined Nevelin’s ice through my veins, just to still the trembling. I couldn’t look Elias in the eyes as I calmly ordered, “Make the arrangements.”
Before I could fall apart and change my mind, I left the room. Elias trailed behind me, but once we were out of earshot, I said over my shoulder, “Please don’t follow me.”
He didn’t.