Ch. 5 Our First Sleepless Night
I pull the jacket tighter as the wind sweeps the porch. It's cold, but I love this crisp night air.
I rub my palms together in an effort to warm them. My breath mists as I stare out at the sky, the stars bright where clouds don't cover them.
It makes me think of Celeste. I glance at the door to my house. I never expected the tough Celeste to have such a heart-warming soft side.
I bet we'll be having a conversation tomorrow about how I should keep it silent at school. It makes me snort.
When dad finally came to and realised we had a young lady for a guest, he actually took a bath and sobered up.
It was really... nice. I've rarely seen dad so jovial. He even had Celeste laughing.
Her blue-brown eyes were crinkled with genuine mirth, and it's the first time I've ever seen her really lower her guard.
I saw a glimpse of my old dad today.
"Can't sleep?" A soft feminine voice asks behind me. I whirl around to find Celeste standing in the door frame, wrapped in my blanket.
She's a vision. Her long hair flowing over her shoulders basked by the light from the passage. Something warm settles in my chest.
I shake my head.
"Me either. Mind if I join you?"
I shake my head dumbly, and her lips lift in a slight smirk before she sits beside me—far enough to be appropriate—without encroaching on my personal space.
I'm almost...disappointed.
"Why can't you sleep?" The words exit my lips in a tentative query, hopeful and worrisome of the answer at the same time.
"Can't stop thinking..." She turns towards me, gazing directly into my eyes. "Today was... different. It's the first time I've ever had such a fun dinner. And lunch. I think my mom would be happy. So... thank you."
"It's the first time in years I've seen my dad laughing. He seemed like his old self. I never thought I'd get to see that side of him again."
She smiles. "I'm glad."
I nod, and we stare out at the dark town lit up sporadically by dim street lights.
Neither of us says anything more to fill up the silence—yet its comfortable—familiar.
"Oh!" Celeste's soft exclamation has me turning to her, and it's one of the cutest things I've ever seen.
She's staring in cross-eyed awe at the snowflake sitting on the tip of her nose.
I pull out my phone and snap a picture. I can't help myself.
She looks up at the sound of the shutter and we both burst out laughing—and we don't stop.
The moment one tries to bring it under control, the other gets triggered again.
The first snow of the season falls around us, blanketing the world in white, the two of us the only color.
—-----------------------
Marcus insists on carrying my bag. The gravel and ice crunches under our feet as we walk towards the bus-stop.
Ever since last night, there is something electric between us.
Even the silences feel loaded with something more.
What I can't tell is if Marcus feels it too. He smiles when a smile is required, laughs when a laugh is required...
I've also caught him staring into the distance twice this morning.
My pulse skitters every time our eyes meet.
When I'm with Marcus, my whole being relaxes. I forget to worry about the next threat. I forget to be angry, bitter and resentful.
Being around Marcus makes me want to smile. To laugh. Breathing feels easier.
We arrive at the bus-stop.
He helps me buy the ticket, walks me the bus and puts my bag in the overhead storage.
He gestures to the window seat underneath and hesitates, as if he trying to figure out what to say.
Awkwardness starts building—I don't want that.
"Thank you. For letting me stay, for walking me to the bus-stop. For everything. Yesterday was really fun."
His lips lift in a smile, though it doesn't quite reach his eyes. "You're welcome."
My heart sinks a little. I try again.
"See you at school?"
"Sure." His smile remains the same. He lifts his hand in farewell and leaves.
I watch him go but my heart feels unsettled.
He said the right words, but they didn't feel like the right words.
Why did his "sure" sound like a promise waiting to be broken?
—---------------
I stand by the side of the road and watch Celeste's bus leave—spitting a trail of dust and fumes as it goes.
My heart lifts at the thought of Celeste, yet it feels like a betrayal of my feelings for Madison.
Hanging out with Celeste was amazing. But hanging out with Madison is so easy.
With Madison, I get to forget everything else—be someone more than just a backwater boy trying to escape his lot.
With Celeste—there is no escaping my reality.
"How did you fall in love with mom?"
My dad smiles wistfully. Mom's been gone for years. As a child, it was my favorite story. Now, it's a reminder of what love should never be.
"Your mom and I met in school. We came from similar backgrounds. She was beautiful. She had an air about her—like she was untouchable—but she always smiled when I was around. It was gradual, like snow melting in winter, but we became friends.
"She would fight with anyone who called me dumb—I had the worst grades—but your mom was brilliant. Yet, she never made me feel less. With her—I could breathe. I could be who I really am.
"When our silences held more meaning than our words, I knew she was the one for me."
My voice is small and bitter. "Then why did she leave?"
Dad smiles again, though it's almost broken.
"It wasn't your fault Marcus. It's because I wasn't good enough for her— I couldn't give her the life she wanted.
"Living in this small town without opportunities for showcasing her brilliance broke something in her.
"And I wasn't good enough to find decent employment in the city."
His voice is soft now. "You're brilliant, son. Just like your mother was. You'll not repeat my mistakes, I'm sure of it."
Then, he would drink himself into a stupor.
It doesn't matter if being with Celeste is wonderful. I turn towards my house, distinctly unsettled.
Dad fell in love with someone he could be himself with—look where it landed him.
I shake my head to dislodge all of these thoughts.
Why the hell am I even thinking these things?
Am I... Am I catching feelings for Celeste?