Chapter Three
Kael
Damn it all to hell. The list of problems and potential solutions ran through my head as we drove to my place. My hands were going numb because of how hard I was gripping the steering wheel. There were a whole lot more problems than solutions coming to mind. How the fuck had Phillips gotten home when he still had months of deployment left? The possible answers to that were all but good. Something was fucking up; not only did he look like a shell of the man I knew and there was no way he would have flown home without telling me, but how did he know where Karina lived?
I rolled my neck, trying to release some of the tension. I looked into the rearview mirror at Fischer, who was a sickly shade of green, and then to Karina at my side. My instincts told me that their father was involved somehow. I had no reason necessarily to come to that conclusion, but I simply knew it. He was too involved in every problem in our lives, from covering up innocent deaths in Afghanistan to trying to break Karina and me apart; why would this time be any different?
Karina sniffled next to me, and I could feel her anxiety rippling off her in waves. It was so strong that it was hard to focus while driving. She was shockingly quiet until we pulled onto my street. She hadn’t been to my duplex before and this was not the way I wanted to show it to her, but I had to get them out of that house before Karina let something slip out of nervousness or Fischer lost his shit. I could see it on his face—if Phillips touched Elodie again, he would snap. I knew that look too well.
I pulled into the driveway and Karina looked over at me. “This is your house?” She looked forward. The yard was neat, recently mowed, but there were materials scattered at the front of the house. Wooden planks, metal fasteners, a bucket of paint that had to be dried out by now, hammers, a drill—everything needed for all the DIY I had going on lately.
“Yeah. I wanted to show you it when it was done, but here we are.” I shrugged, feeling oddly nervous for her to see it in such an undone state.
“Here we are,” she repeated, her voice tight. I wanted to hug her; I could only imagine how much tension she was holding right now, even though not one bit of it was her fault, and this was how she was spending her birthday. What a fucking mess.
I reached up and grazed her cheek again; this time it was slightly more dry. She closed her eyes and leaned into my palm. Her skin was cold even though the heat was on in the truck.
“Let’s go inside,” I said.
Fischer climbed out of the back without making a peep and Karina watched her brother closely as we walked to the front door.
“Do you think they’re okay?” she asked as I typed the passcode into my automatic lock. She examined it like she had never seen one before, and if we weren’t in the middle of such a fucked-up situation, I would tell her I could install one at her house, too, so she doesn’t have to worry about losing her keys or getting locked out.
“Yeah. They’ll be fine. It will take a little while to get used to each other.” I tried to keep my voice as steady as possible. I didn’t know for sure if I was lying or not, but it felt like I was.
“Elodie seemed so . . . uneasy, scared?” Karina said as I flicked the living room and porch lights on.
Fischer pushed past us and went to the bathroom, slamming the door behind him, and the violent sounds of him puking made Karina shudder.
“Austin—” She followed the path her brother had taken, stepping over boards and boxes, and opened the bathroom door down the hall. This was far from how I had envisioned showing her the work I had put into this place. As soon as she closed the door behind her, I pulled my phone out of my pocket and called Mendoza. He answered on the second ring.
He picked up with a casual “Yo.”
“Phillips is back,” I told him, walking to the kitchen area and the back door.
“Huh?”
“Phillips. He showed up at Karina’s house this morning.” I kept my voice as low as I could, but Mendoza didn’t do the same.
“What the fuck you mean he showed up at Karina’s house?” I heard the familiar screen door creak open followed by the noise of a car honking, letting me know he had stepped outside, away from the kids.
“What I said, he showed up here in his ACUs, fresh off the goddamn plane, looking for his wife.”
“Fuuuuck. Fuck, fuck, fuck. Did he see the picture? Does he know about Fischer and her?”
I wanted to slam my fist through the screen door and feel the aluminum mesh cut through the flesh on my hand.
“So far it doesn’t seem like has a clue, but we know that won’t last for long. I don’t know what to do, man. Karina’s losing it, and we should be fucking up Fischer for touching our friend’s wife, but—” I said.
“But we can’t. And we know damn fucking well we won’t. Fischer can’t keep himself out of trouble. I’ll try to handle it on my side and keep the shit from reaching Phillips for now, but it’s only a matter of time.” Mendoza added, “Fischer’s leaving soon for basic, if we can keep them separate until then.”
“And Elodie? I wouldn’t have considered this before but I’m telling you, something is really fucking off with Phillips, he seems even worse than before. You don’t think he would hurt her, right?” I was surprised by my own question, given I was usually the handler of all the shit, not the one asking questions on next steps.
“He’s been fucked up. I told you that, and I wouldn’t put it past him. Don’t forget what he did to Nielson and that Afghani woman he fell in love with. Phillips is the one who told the command where Nielson was hiding, and they were supposed to be friends.”
My stomach turned. “If he does anything to Elodie, I will kill him myself.”
“Correction, bro. We will kill him. Let’s play it cool for now—you take care of Karina and Fischer and I’ll try to keep Phillips busy and find out how the fuck he got home so early.”
I didn’t tell Mendoza about my suspicion about Fischer’s dad being involved because of all the shit that would bring up. The guilt that Mendoza struggled with daily, the lie Karina’s father had created and forced us all to not only be a part of but to keep our mouths shut about—those wounds would be torn open again and they hadn’t even properly healed yet. None of us had healed, and maybe we never would. I hated that he was responsible for one of the many open wounds inside of me, and that I couldn’t escape him, not the way I needed to. I would be haunted for the rest of my life by what he had caused, all while Karina and Fischer’s dad was sitting pretty as a retired high-ranking officer. I used to dream of retiring the honorable way, not a fucking medical retirement. I knew I’d needed and deserved it, but deep down it felt like a cop-out. The line between shame and dignity was as thin as ever.
“Does he have a phone yet?” Mendoza asked.
“Nah, not yet. But I’m sure he’ll get it turned back on tomorrow.”
“This is really not fucking good.” Mendoza sounded exasperated, and a lot of his concern must be for Fischer—whom we’d all taken in. Mendoza was the kind of man who would do everything he could for the people he loved, and now Fischer was one of them. Mendoza and Phillips had already drifted apart during our deployment, the latter using his adrenaline and anger as an excuse to shoot his gun many more times than needed. It wore on Mendoza, who was the most righteous of us all.
“Yeah, really not fucking good. I brought Karina and him to my place for now, and we can come up with a plan or try to navigate this tomorrow? Thanks for answering, man.”
“I’ve got you. You always do everything for all of us. I’ll do what I can. We all will.” I could tell Mendoza hadn’t been drinking by his calm, rational thinking. I hoped this wouldn’t make him go inside and pick up the bottle, but knew it probably would.
“All right, talk tomorrow. Call me if anything happens,” I said, hanging up the phone.
When I turned back around Karina was standing in the front of the kitchen, and the look on her face fucking ripped me apart. I have always been able to stand everything that happened to me—having bullets graze and tear at my body, getting shrapnel stuck inside my neck only a fraction of an inch away from an artery, having my leg mutilated—but seeing Karina in pain nearly brought me to my knees. She didn’t say anything, so I walked toward her, reaching my arms out to grab her as her shoulders collapsed.
“How is he?” I asked her, stroking her hair softly with one hand and holding her tightly against me with the other.
“He finally ran out of things to vomit. He hasn’t said a word. He doesn’t know we know, and I don’t know how to approach that. What they did was fucked up, and I should be pissed at him for hiding this from me, but I feel bad for him, for both of them.”
She looked up at me, her green eyes full of small red veins. “And I’m sorry for you too. I know Phillips is your best friend . . . this puts you in such an awkward position.”
“I can go.” Fischer’s voice came from behind us. Karina turned around and I looked over at him, shaking my head.
“You’re not going anywhere,” I told him, meaning it. I’d tie his ass to a chair before I let him go right now, and he didn’t have anywhere to go anyway.
“And neither are you,” I told Karina, pulling her even closer to me. “It’s your birthday, both of you. We can at least order some food or something? Nothing is going to happen this afternoon or even tonight, so let’s try to have some fun, then go to bed and come up with a solution tomorrow.”
“A solution,” Fischer repeated, then slumped his way to the couch.
I was sure if he were able to think clearly he would have caught on that we knew why he was having such an intense reaction to Phillips’s sudden return. Neither of us were saying it, but it was taking up so much air that we could barely breathe.
“I’m not hungry,” Fischer and Karina both said at once.
“I don’t care. You’re not going to starve today of all days, and you can nap after you eat something.” I pulled out my phone and walked into my room to order Chinese takeout. I knew what both of them liked, and I asked the woman on the line if they had any desserts and candles, offering to pay extra. She said she would see what she could do.
By the time the food arrived the silence was nearly driving me fucking mad. I was torn between wanting to tell Fischer to come clean about everything right fucking now and leaving him alone in his misery. Both seemed like the right and the wrong answer. Instead, I turned the TV on and searched for Twilight to comfort and distract Karina. I offered to play Call of Duty with Fischer, but he sat there, uninterested. The food arrived and they picked at it, barely eating, and the lady who’d said she would see what she could do about a birthday dessert failed me by sending one blob of what looked like melted ice cream on a brown square, so I tossed it and called in reinforcements.
Gloria and Mendoza showed up at my back door less than an hour after I texted them. Gloria handed me a small store-bought cake with a monster truck painted in blue icing on it.
“It was all they had.” She shrugged, pulling out a pack of candles.
“Where are they?” Mendoza glanced around me.
“They’re hibernating on the couch. I forced them to eat something but they’re doing this twin silent suffering thing and it’s driving me fucking crazy.”
“We gotta snap them out of it, especially him.” Mendoza pulled a lighter from his pocket and Gloria pushed the thin colorful candles in all over the cake. It didn’t look like twenty-one, but at this point the number of candles was the least of any of our concerns.
“Let’s go out there before they hear us and come in here,” I suggested, waving to the living room.
Gloria started singing and we followed. Karina’s face went from colorless to alive when her eyes landed on Gloria. Fischer wasn’t as affected—more surprised, but not as reactive.
“You really didn’t have to have a second birthday cake for us.” Karina looked at Gloria after she blew out the candles. “But I do love monster trucks.”
She laughed lightly, and it was music to my goddamn ears.
“Fischer, what’s up with you?” Mendoza asked, as if he didn’t already know. He went to sit next to him and wrapped an arm around him, pulling him closer.
“I’m just—” I could see the struggle in Fischer’s eyes, hear it in his voice. “I don’t want to talk about it, but thank you for being here.”
Mendoza squeezed Fischer then patted him on the head. “I’m always here, man. No matter what.”
Fischer began to cry, and Mendoza brought him in for a full-on hug, covering his shaking shoulders. I turned the volume up on the TV, and Gloria turned her attention to distracting Karina, who was slumped over with a plate of cake in front of her, watching her brother’s breakdown.
“ Twilight , huh?” Gloria pointed at the screen. “I haven’t seen it in forever, but I’m team Charlie. Poor guy.”
Karina’s mouth twitched at the corners, pulling up the tiniest of bits. On the screen, the two main characters were flying around the trees. It was completely ridiculous, but was seeming to work to keep Karina from breaking down too.
“Imagine the story from Charlie’s point of view,” Gloria continued, reaching to pull Karina to sit by her on the floor, so the couch was behind their backs. “It’s a horror movie. His moody daughter comes to live with him after her mother runs off with some athlete, then she’s a hermit, finally gets a boyfriend, and he’s this creepy pale white boy whose family all look like dolls and have tons of money, then bam, she’s in the hospital, he leaves her, she becomes depressed, he comes back, and suddenly she’s married, pregnant, and turns into a freaking vampire.”
Karina laughed, her body rocking with real laughter. “Well, I’ve never thought about it like that. You summed up the story in thirty seconds and it’s so much funnier from Charlie’s point of view.”
“I bet he doesn’t think it’s funny.” Gloria wiped her eyes, laughing tears at the corners. “Then his only grandchild grows at a freakish pace, and Jacob turns into a werewolf in front of him then ends up with his granddaughter. Talk about family trauma.”
Even I’m trying not to laugh at this point. Calling the Mendozas over was the right move. I might not be the best at comforting or distracting because I tend to stay in my pain and deal with the suffering myself, but having Gloria here was a breath of fresh air. She suffered, too, but handled it better than the rest of us.
After a while, we all picked at the now-cold Chinese takeout, and Gloria picked most of the icing off the cake. Fischer and Mendoza played Xbox for what felt like days, and Karina and Gloria talked and talked and fucking talked. I zoned out, not because I didn’t care what they were saying, but because I wanted to give them privacy without leaving Karina’s side. Eventually, the Mendozas had to go back to get their kids from the neighbors, and Karina’s eyes were barely staying open as she leaned against the back of the couch.
“Bed?” I whispered in her ear from where I sat behind her.
She nodded and I helped her to her feet. Fischer was asleep on the couch and Karina covered him with a blanket before following me.
I led Karina to my room and opened the door. It wasn’t much at the moment, but at least the floors were finished and my bed frame was almost done. I’d been focused on the renovations, not decorations, so the room looked empty and sterile, but I doubted Karina would even think about that tonight.
“I’m finally staying over,” she said, standing in the center of the room, in front of the mattress on the floor. “We left in such a hurry. I don’t have anything, not even a toothbrush.”
“I have an extra. And you’re not a hostage—well, maybe for tonight you are, but tomorrow we can go back. Think about it like camping.” I tried to lighten the mood a bit.
“So, this is your room,” she said, looking around. “I love the paint and the flooring, the fixtures.” She pointed to the matte-black handle on the door to the en suite bathroom. “Is that a connected bathroom?”
I nodded.
“What a dream.”
“I have a bathtub too. I installed it a week ago, but if you want to use it? Your tub is so small,” I said.
She jutted her hip to one side and placed her hand on it. “Do you think this is the time to insult my tub?” She smiled, and a huge feeling of relief opened in my chest.
“No time like the present,” I responded, and sat down on the edge of the bed, rubbing my hand over my leg. I couldn’t focus on the pain—I was out of pain meds and had forgotten to pick up my prescription this morning.
“You don’t even want to see it?” I asked Karina, knowing curiosity was going to get the best of her, no matter how stressed she was.
She stared at the door then nodded, pulling her bottom lip between her teeth. I stood up and winced in pain, trying to dull it with my mind, but Karina noticed it before I could hide it.
I opened the door to the bathroom and watched her eyes go wide, and the way I could tell she was impressed made me feel like I had won a medal.
“The inside of this place is much flashier than the exterior,” she told me with a smile.
It was fucking wild that approval from her felt so intense and important when I’d spent my life not giving a fuck about what people thought about me outside of my ma and my sister.
I would be lying if I said the bathtub being in the center of the room hadn’t been influenced a bit by getting to know Karina. I had imagined her in the porcelain tub many times, lying in the bubbly water and letting the anxieties of her day melt away. Even during the uncertainty of what was going to happen with us, the idea of it had made me move a lot faster to get it done. Just in case.
“Maybe I do want to use it . . . do you know what a luxury it is to have a bathtub that a grown woman can fit in?” she told me, turning to face me.
“I do, actually. That’s why I put this here, so whoever buys it can have a place to relax and not be sitting in a shallow cube of a bathtub.”
“That’s pretty thoughtful.”
“What can I say, I’m a planner.”
“Do you think Austin is—” she began to ask me. Lifting my index finger to her lips, I pressed it against her mouth.
“He’s as okay as he can be. And I don’t have any alcohol in the house, so he’ll probably play Xbox again if he wakes up. There’s nothing you can do for him right now except take care of yourself.”
She sighed, acknowledging that I was right. “Should I at least text Elodie?” She pulled her cell phone out of the pocket of my hoodie.
I gently took it from her, shaking my head. “I’m going to charge this more, and you’re going to take a bath.”
She looked too tired to argue. When I came back from plugging her phone in by my bed, she was holding a copy of a book in her hand. Fuck me.
“What’s this?” Karina’s face had gotten some of its color back, and she grinned from ear to ear as she waved the novel in her hand at me.
My hand went to the back of my neck. “It’s . . . I wanted to see what you love about it so much, so I started reading it during my breaks while finishing up in here.” I pointed to the dust from construction in the corner; there wasn’t much left to do, but there was an open light fixture I was waiting to install, so wires were sticking out. Aside from that, it was damn near perfect.
“And?”
I shrugged, staring at the hands holding a a bright-red apple on the book cover. “I’m only five chapters in, so not sure yet. But when my schedule clears, I’ll read more.”
She looked so pleased. “Can I borrow it for the bath?”
I leaned across her and turned the faucets on, the water rushing out. I nodded and walked over to the vanity and opened a cabinet door. “Lavender or eucalyptus?” I held two bottles of bubble bath up and she laughed.
“Should I be worried that you have a fully stocked bathroom in a mostly empty place?” She cocked an eyebrow. “Who else has used this bathtub?” Her voice turned a bit serious, and I held my hands up.
“No one. I got these for you. See? They aren’t even open yet.” I twisted the caps off and showed her the silver stickers covering the tops of the bottles as proof.
“For me?” she repeated quietly, smug and clearly extremely pleased with my response. “Lavender, please.”
“You’re such a brat.” I laughed, pulled the sticker off, and squeezed the bottle over the tub. Bubbles instantly began to rise in the low water. “More?” I asked, and she nodded, watching the foamy bubbles grow.
“Yes, please.” Her hands went to the bottom of the hoodie and she pulled it over her head, along with her T-shirt. Her shorts dropped to the floor, then her panties, pooling at her feet. Stepping out of them, she dipped the tip of her fingers into the warm water, testing the temperature.
“Too hot? Too cold?” I asked, trying not to stare at her naked body but finding it impossible not to.
“It’s perfect,” she replied, climbing into the freestanding tub and sitting down.
The tub was only halfway full but with the bubbles, nearly her entire body was covered. I could see the slight outline of her breasts, her pink nipples poking through the white foam. Now wasn’t the time to be thinking of how soft her tits were in my mouth, how hard her nipples would be if I gently sucked and bit at them, but that was all I could think about.
“Does this luxury spa happen to have any candles?” Karina asked, distracting me for a few seconds.
“Yes, we do.” I opened the other vanity drawer and pulled out three candles. Fuck, I had it so bad. I had never in my life owned a candle until I met this woman.
“Let me go grab a lighter, stay put,” I told her, stealing one last glance at her perfect body as the bubbles and the water rose.
My cock was hard as I walked down the hallway to the kitchen to grab a lighter from the drawer. Fischer was passed out on the couch, his arm dangling over the edge. I grabbed the lighter and a glass of water, adjusting my pants before entering the bathroom again. Karina watched me as I lit the candles and placed one on the vanity counter and the other two on the windowsill behind her. I flicked the light off and looked at her, glowing in the soft candlelight. The water was now up to her shoulders, and the bubbles would have looked comically out of control if she didn’t look so striking, so magnetic. Every time I looked at this woman all the noise in my head went on mute.
I stood there, entranced by her, taking in the sense of calm she brought me and noticing the way her shoulders dropped away from her ears and her eyes relaxed, falling into a calm and curious stare. Despite all the times I’ve imagined her in my place, in my bed, in my kitchen talking at the table with her mouth full—and even though I had changed my bathroom renovation around in case she happened to come here sometime—the imaginary scenarios never fully felt real.
The lavender scent filled the room and a few more seconds passed and neither of us could look away. It had been such a long day, in both a good and a bad way.
“Do you want some privacy?” She slowly shook her head. “Do you want me to read to you?”
Her eyes moved to the book on the ledge of the window. “Really?”
“Yeah, I have to know what becomes of the old vampire man in a teenage body and the teenager who thinks it’s a good idea to date him, and you said the book is better,” I teased.
“It’s the love story of a lifetime. So much Twilight slander in this house today. So stop talking shit about it and get to reading.” She smiled, closed her eyes, and leaned her head over the edge of the tub.
I grabbed the book and sat on the floor next to her. Thank god I had perfect vision because it was pretty dark in the bathroom. I began to read out loud, something I had always hated doing, but for her, I would do anything. That was becoming more solidified every day.
After a few minutes, I thought she was asleep, but she surprised me by rising to her knees and reaching her wet hand out to close the book.
“Come in with me?” she asked, her voice a bit shaky. I put the book down and stood up.
I lifted my shirt over my head and her eyes, hungry in the glow of the room, focused on my chest.