Chapter Twenty-four
Karina
My body wouldn’t stay warm for some reason. I kept shoving my hands inside the warm towels and even kept them on my heated bed between clients, but nothing I did would keep the warmth. Mali hissed at me when I tried to turn the heat up for a third time, and Tina, my longtime client, was practically sweating during her session. She didn’t complain as she asked about my brother, like usual. She always used her skills as a family therapist during her sessions with me. I told her a little, but left out everything that mattered. I trusted her but I was exhausted as it was, and didn’t feel like sharing for once. I checked the clock so many times during my shift, which was unusual since I typically zoned out during my treatments. I really hoped I was just distracted, and not becoming burned-out or bored.
When my shift was over I did my usual closing duties and took the food Mali offered me home—even though I wanted to eat the leftovers from Kael’s mom first—because I didn’t want the food to go to waste. It was pork and a mix of vegetables and a sauce that smelled spicy and sweet. Tons of rice on the side, which usually lasted Elodie and me for days. I walked across the dark alley and pulled my phone out to tell Kael I was on my way back. I thought I heard footsteps and turned toward the sound, but no one was there. Less than thirty seconds later, I heard the steps again. I shot around faster this time, and my phone fell out of my hand as I looked at a woman who looked so much like my mother that it made me freeze in place. Before I could blink, she was gone. Or was she even there to begin with? I looked around, kneeling down to grab my phone and wipe it off, but there wasn’t a trace of anyone. No sound, no motion lights from the other businesses turning on. Nothing.
Okay, Karina, you need to freaking sleep .
I picked up the pace and got out of the alley before my mind played any more tricks on me. Relief filled me as I saw Kael’s truck parked on the street. I practically skipped home and rushed up my stairs. I couldn’t shake the feeling and the memory of the mirage of my mother, so I chose to compartmentalize it and pretend it hadn’t happened.
“Honey! I’m home!” I announced, smiling at myself because, corny or not, I always loved when husbands and wives would say that to one another on sitcoms.
Kael came into the living room from the kitchen and smiled, setting down a plate on the chair and scooping me into his arms. He was so warm that I shivered, some of the cold leaving my body instantly.
“You okay?” he asked, putting my feet down on the floor. He dipped his eyes down to look at me.
“I’m tired, I think? I’ve been cold all shift, nothing could make me warm. Even now, isn’t it freezing in here?” I looked at the thermostat on the wall. It said seventy-four but it felt like fifty-something.
“I’m the wrong person to ask that,” he told me, touching his warm hand to my forehead to gauge my temperature. “You don’t have a fever, but you should eat, take a hot shower, and sleep. Do you work again tomorrow?” he asked.
I nodded and bent down to pull my shoes off. I dropped my purse by the door and followed Kael into the kitchen with the bag of Mali’s homemade food in hand. My house smelled almost as good as Dory’s, and I was surprised by how much I missed her already. I had only spent one day with her, but it felt like many more. I wondered when we would see her again, and hoped it would be soon. What she’d said about accepting my parents for who they were had such an impact on me. It was the first time someone gave me decent advice about how to deal with the loss I felt from both of my parents.
“It’ll be done heating up in about two minutes, have a seat,” Kael told me.
I looked at the stove and there were two pots on it, and the oven was on. “You could have used the microwave,” I reminded him, feeling a bit bad about the pile of dishes that I knew he wouldn’t let me wash.
“It wouldn’t taste the same.” Kael shook his head, stirring one of the pots with a wooden spoon.
“I know this sounds crazy, but I thought I saw my mom,” I told him, full of embarrassment. I knew he wouldn’t judge me, but he was right. I was so on edge lately and really needed freaking sleep.
He turned to face me, resting the spoon on the edge of the pot. “Your mom?”
I nodded. “It obviously wasn’t her. I don’t think anyone was even there, but that’s a little more worrisome for my sanity, you know? But I felt like I was being followed and looked up and imagined my mom there. It felt so real. I really wish she would quit haunting me. Literally.” I tried to laugh it off, but the image of the woman was so fresh that it was nearly impossible to shake.
“Baby,” Kael said, his eyes full of sympathy.
Crossing the tile, he came over and stood behind me. I tilted my head back to look up at him. He didn’t have a bad angle, and the more I looked at him the more devastatingly beautiful he was. His lips were wet and warm as he bent down and kissed me. He cupped his hand around my chin, keeping my head tilted toward him. His tongue slid into my mouth and the groan that escaped was impossible to keep in. The relaxation he brought should be bottled up and sold.
My body began to finally warm up as he pulled away, kissing my forehead. He kept his eyes on me as he used both hands to rub the tops of my shoulders.
“I’m not a professional,” he warned me as his fingers worked against my tired and stiff trapezius.
“You’re doing great.” I rolled my neck, and the relief was instant. “I don’t know the last time I’ve gotten treated, professionally or not,” I told him. He pressed his fingers into the muscle, keeping pressure there for a few seconds. It hurt but I knew it would feel better after.
“Let’s eat and I’ll give you a full-body treatment, for free.” He playfully winked at me; it was very out of character, adorable and corny at the same time.
“That sounds . . . suggestive,” I teased him, raising my brow as he walked backward to the stove. He turned the fire off and laughed.
“It might be.”
I pressed my thighs together, trying to hide how easily my body reacted to him. I could tell by the look in his eyes that it was obvious, that I wasn’t hiding anything. He plated the food and put the pots in the sink. My mind was much quieter than it had been all day—what a relief. Instead of thinking about every single thought I’ve ever had, I only thought about Kael, the food, and how glad I was that he was here and in my life in general. I finally felt tethered to the earth, not in a suffocating way, but in a safe way. I was so tired of always floating around, solving everyone else’s problems, and never taking a breath for myself. With Kael I felt agency; I felt heard and protected. As my mind wandered to what would become of us in the future, he set a plate of steaming food in front of me. I hadn’t eaten at all, and my stomach growled angrily at me for starving it all day.
“If you’re still hungry after this, I’ll heat up Mali’s food,” he offered, sliding a fork between my fingers.
“Thank you.” I dug in, taking a huge bite of the dumplings. They were even better today; how was that possible? I needed to get the recipe from his mom immediately.
We ate in comfortable silence. I started to get sleepy as my plate neared being empty. I couldn’t stop yawning. Kael stopped me when I tried to put my plate in the sink.
“Go take a shower. I’ll take care of this.” He kissed my cheek, smiling as I yawned again.
The shower was warm and even though I was exhausted, I went through a whole everything shower. I shaved, double shampooed, and exfoliated my entire body. I felt so much better by the time I got out. Self-care really was so healing. I went to my room and put on a pair of shorts and a sweatshirt. I heard the water running in the kitchen—the great thing about my tiny house and its shoddy pipes. I tried to keep my eyes open, listening to the water run.
I thought I was dreaming when I woke up to warm hands moving up and down my calves. I opened my eyes just enough to see Kael kneeling on my bed behind me.
“Thank you,” I managed to say.
“Do you want to sleep instead? My offer will still stand tomorrow,” he told me.
“Both. You rub and I’ll sleep?” I closed my eyes again as he moved his hands down to my feet.
I hadn’t realized how much my body had needed a massage. I spent my time treating others but hadn’t been treated in so long. It felt like a metaphor for how I lived my life, but I was so tired that I didn’t want to spend my last bit of energy dissecting it.