11. Colt
Colt
“Is everybody ready!?”
A chorus of excited shouts sounds as the group of kids cheers. Gunner starts our last ride for the day, leading the group of twelve overly talkative teenagers. I bring up the back of the ride and let my mind wander as I tune out their chatter.
It’s been a busy week at the ranch. The first wave of LGBTQ+ kids arrived for camp. Gunner and I were called in to help more since a few of the boys weren’t acquainted with the term modesty. Turns out they wanted to get a cowboy’s attention. The sexy kind.
They got attention, but not the kind they were looking for.
The one boy, Kaspar, has a thick German accent and bright blue hair against his pale skin.
He’s newly out and enjoying the attention from older men.
He’s still just a kid, only 16, and some of his stories make me blush before becoming alarmed at the situations he’s put himself into.
My word, I could never do the things he talks of now, let alone when I was a teenager.
His punishment of lugging hay bales into the barn loft and missing the campfire that night seemed to be effective. He promised to behave, and I hope he means it even after he’s left the ranch.
I felt bad for the blisters on his hands, but we sat up past curfew talking.
It broke my heart listening to all the things he kept to himself because of where he lived and his family life, but he assured me he has a solid support group of friends.
He also showed me all the things I could do with my phone…
including how to lie about my age to access an OnlyFans account.
“Kaspar, you know you have lots of time to meet boys, right? You should take time to enjoy being a teenager, and these men are adults. They shouldn’t be talking to you like that.”
“Yah, but why wait? I like the attention, Colt.” He pauses and touches my arm. “I don’t have sex with them, if that’s what you’re worried about. Just…don’t tell anyone I told you that.”
That should at least make me relax knowing he’s smart enough to be safe, but he’s so young.
Maybe I shouldn’t worry about him. He seems confident enough, and we all like to spread our wings, but do kids even want more than casual relationships these days?
Am I that out of touch that I don’t know anymore?
“That’s good to hear, but don’t you want more than sex or someone liking your looks one day? Do you ever want to find that person who lights you up without even being in the room?”
“That sounds maybe a little nice.” He nods. “Maybe…but right now, I like what I do.” Shrugging, he hands me my phone back with the background set as the OnlyFans symbol and a naked man.
“Kaspar,” I hiss. “Fix this, or I’ll have you move more bales until your hands are so sore you won’t be able to do anything.” I nod and look toward his zipper. “Including that.”
The boy laughs and takes my phone back, switching the background to the only photo on my phone that’s not horses. The selfie of me and Ethan from what feels like a year ago now.
“Is that the guy who makes you light up?”
Damn kids.
“I don’t think that’s anything for us to talk about, Kaspar. You should probably get to bed. You have a full day planned tomorrow.”
“Ah, I see.” Kaspar looks me in the eye. “He’s cute. Maybe if I see him here, I should wave, yes? Maybe get a photo with him like that, too.”
His blue eyes sparkle with the mischief that matches all his stories, and I shake my head.
“He’s…it’s complicated, okay?”
“I think that’s just a term adults like to use when they’re scared of things. Complicated.” He stands and pats my shoulder. “But you’re right. I should sleep. Thank you for tonight, Colt. I appreciate your words.”
In silence, I walk him to his cabin and make sure he slips inside. After waiting several minutes to make sure he stays there, I walk back across the creek bridge toward the guesthouse. The windows are dark, and while Ethan’s Jeep sits parked out front, he’s clearly not awake.
Kaspar’s words sit with me. Am I just making this thing with Ethan complicated when it’s really simple? It feels like forever since I kissed him. Kissing Ethan felt easy once I gathered the courage to do it. It’s the rest that leaves me confused.
Uncle Albert shakes a napkin out, spreading it over his lap as I place his plate of Chinese food in front of him before sitting across the table with my plate.
“God, I’ve missed a good chicken ball,” Uncle Albert says as he swipes a piece of battered chicken through the red sauce. “Not that I’m complaining about my food, but I don’t get out much now. This is a real treat.”
He digs into his food with a very healthy appetite, and I laugh. “The food is better than my company. Noted.”
“I always love seeing you, Colt. How’s work and Chance? I never thought I’d miss the place as much as I do, you know.”
My uncle eats with enthusiasm, and even though he said he misses Chance, he shows no outward signs of that. Not like I would.
“Are you not happy here? I thought you liked it.”
“Oh, I do. It’s where I need to be, but sometimes I just miss the familiarity of home.
” He chews and swallows, still with a smile on his face as he talks about missing home.
“If it’s not too much trouble, maybe you can take me for a drive there when the season slows down. I miss coffee at the Laughing Fork.”
“I could do that. When it’s colder, I’ll see what I can do.”
We eat in silence for a moment, both of us clearly hungry, until my uncle breaks the silence.
“Tell me what has you in a knot.”
My eyebrows shoot up. “What? I’m not in a knot.”
“Colt,” he mumbles around a mouthful of rice. “I’ve known you your entire life. I know you. You’re sitting here looking like a constipated ape.”
My mouth falls open.
“Now you look like an outraged trout. Clearly, I’ve hit a button.”
“Of course you did! Didn’t expect to be insulted twice by my uncle when I’m paying for his favorite lunch,” I grumble.
He dabs at his mouth and sits back. “Sorry. I didn’t mean to upset you, but if you need to talk about something, then talk, okay? Nothing you say will go past the two of us.”
I take my time chewing while I allow my irritation at his bluntness to subside and try to figure out what I even want to say or ask.
“I met someone,” I begin. Uncle Albert leans forward, and I meet his gaze. “It’s new. Like super new, but he…he’s only here for the summer.”
My uncle nods slowly. “And where does he go after the summer?”
“Wherever his next contract takes him. Could be in Fort Collins or across the country.” Oh god, I hope it’s not that far.
“The uncertainty is your concern, then?”
“It is…because I like him and I know, after spending time with him for several months, there’s a very good chance I might more than like him. I don’t know how to deal with this. I can’t stay away because I enjoy his company and have to work with him.”
The truth is, I’m slightly obsessed with Ethan. He’s all I think about, and it might interfere with work soon if I don’t get it under control.
“He works on the ranch? Doing what?”
“He’s a social media guy. Jesse hired him to promote the ranch and reach more people, and then assigned him to me as his go-to contact for all things Snow Creek Ranch.”
“Oh, that’s a smart move from Jesse. Other than the Knox family, you know the ranch best. I don’t know about social media, but I know it’s the place to be. Marjorie always shows me photos of her grandkids on Instagram. Do you have that?”
Laughing, I pull out my phone. “I do! But only a few days ago. A kid from the youth camp showed me.” I click on the little app icon, and my profile photo is still blank.
I’ll need to figure that out still. The ranch is only one of two accounts I follow.
The other is a fly-tying page I proudly found all by myself and followed.
“I’ll show you the page he made for the ranch.
It’s great, and Jesse already said he’s filled gaps this year and some for next already, just from Ethan’s work.
” I pass the phone to my uncle, and he carefully unfolds his glasses from his pocket and places them on his nose before peering at the photos.
He clicks on a photo and hums. “You’ve been fishing, I see. Still smoking those cigars I got you?”
“Yeah. Is that on there?”
He passes the phone back to me, and I pause at the photo. It’s one of me fishing from a distance. You can’t see my face, but the accompanying words make me smile. There’s another one of Ethan with his fish before he hooked his thumb, and my heart stutters. That smile of his could light up a room.
“He’s handsome,” my uncle says softly, and I meet his gaze.
“He is. He’s also smart, and he has a knack for photography. Ethan is very arty and willing to learn all the things. That was his first time fly-fishing.”
The server stops to remove our empty plates, and both of us order a coffee while I visit the dessert section and bring us both back a plate of brownies, ice cream, and a slice of watermelon.
“I want to offer you advice, Colt.”
“I’m listening.”
He scoops the last bite of ice cream into his mouth.
“Your mom wouldn’t want you to make safe decisions all the time, Colt.
I know that for a fact. She loved living life to the maximum.
If she were here, she’d tell you to spend every minute you can with that man, even if it meant you’d be in tears when he left.
” He pauses and sips from his coffee. “I know that because she told me that once, and I didn’t listen.
It’s been decades, and I wish I had listened. ”
“You regret not being like her?”
He shakes his head with a sad smile.
“I regret not living like tomorrow isn’t guaranteed. I’m almost eighty years old, Colt. I live alone, and while I’ve made peace with that, sometimes I wish I’d allowed myself to take a risk. Maybe things would be different if I had.”
I look closer at my uncle. His weathered and wrinkled face is content, but his eyes flicker with a sadness I often thought was for his sister. Perhaps I was wrong all these years.
“I don’t want to leave Chance. Or the ranch. It’s my home, and I just can’t imagine doing anything else. I’m a cowboy and a teacher of things outdoors. What would I even do if I followed him? I might not be close to you if I follow him, and I’m not ready for that.”
“Colt,” he chastises, “I’m an old man who knows how to use a phone and Instagram. It’s not like we wouldn’t keep in touch.”
“I can’t believe you know how to use Instagram before me,” I mutter.
“The point is, you don’t need to put your life on hold just for me. Don’t use me as an excuse not to take a risk.”
The rest of our visit has me take him to the small park in Fort Collins, where we watch the ducks and a few kids build boats to float down the creek.
Uncle Albert walks with his walker well enough, and I’m happy to go from bench to bench as he does.
It’s nice to get out with him like this. I’ve missed him.
When I bring him back to his retirement home, I stay longer than usual. We sit in the common area, and the woman named Marjorie, with the Instagram grandkids, stops by to show me the photos and introduce herself.
She’s a motherly type who I instantly love and can see my uncle might have a bit of a crush on. When I leave, I tell him so.
“Is Marjorie the one to make you take a risk, Uncle Albert?”
He smiles before opening his arms to hug me goodbye.
“You’ve always been perceptive, Colt. Take that into this thing with Ethan.”
“Not what I asked.” I grin as he eases himself into his recliner.
“She helps my days feel more full.”
He shrugs his shoulders like it’s no big deal and fidgets with the button on his sweater. Seems like we’re both too stubborn to admit things.
“I’m happy about that.”
“Me too. Now drive safe and text me when you’re home.”
“I love you.”
“I love you, too. Bring Ethan next time.”
“Maybe.”
My uncle shoos me away. “Stop saying maybe. Life doesn’t wait for maybes.”
It’s that final bit of advice that lingers longest in my thoughts as I drive home.