22. Maya
Reed and Maya made their way back down Main Street after leaving the bar. The small-town bustle from earlier that afternoon was now over, leaving the streets and sidewalks empty except for the two of them. She rarely experienced this in Philadelphia. No matter the time, there were always people out and about.
It was pitch black, save for the golden glow of the streetlamps and the twinkling lights that lined the windows of most of the shops along the street. She balled her fists and buried them deep into the pockets of her wool coat to ward off the chill in the air. It almost felt like a proper winter down south. All that was missing were some flurries and a dusting of soft white snow on the ground.
“Did you have a good time?” Reed asked as they strolled back towards his house where she had parked.
She looked up and grinned, though she hadn’t really stopped all night. How could she not have a good time wrapped in his arms, learning more about him and his beloved hometown?
“My friends didn’t scare you off?”
“Have mine?” she asked in return considering the antics he’d been through on her turf.
“You’ve got a point there,” he answered, cracking a smile.
“Yeah, I’d say we’re even.”
She leaned into his side, pulled her hands out of her coat, and wrapped them around his arm, taking advantage of the pocket of warmth between his arm and chest along with the opportunity just to be close. She felt him tighten his arm over her hands to make them more snug, and then he glanced down at her. She looked up, grinning, expecting him to do the same, only he had a pensive look on his face.
“It’s cold down here,” she said, almost as an excuse for her contact, since the look on his face made her feel a little self-conscious. “I didn’t think to pack gloves and scarves.”
He nodded back and then looked down the street again and let out a deep breath that turned into a cloud of white when it hit the cold air.
“Can I ask you something?”
“Mmm hmm.”
Her nerves began to gnaw at the pit of her stomach as he slowed to a stop in the middle of the sidewalk and turned to face her. She let her hands drop from around his arm and placed them back in her pockets then looked up at him.
“What the hell are we doing?” he asked with breathy exasperation.
She dropped her chin to her chest and coughed out a nervous laugh.
“I’m sorry. I didn’t mean it like that.” He reached out and placed his hand on her arm.
She shook her head. “I’ve been asking myself the same thing since I got back. I just hadn’t worked up to saying it out loud yet.”
He tugged on her arm, pulling her into a hug. Things were changing between them, and the timing and circumstances were not right at all, but there was relief in knowing that they were at least on the same page with their uncertainty.
“It feels good having you back…having you here.” His breath tickled the skin on her forehead as his arms tightened around her, letting her know exactly where here was. “I missed you more than I thought I would.”
“So did I. And now I feel like I can’t get enough of you.”
“Yeah,” he breathed out.
She pulled away from him, keeping her hands on his hips while she looked into his eyes.
“When I put my mind to something, I do it. I wake up at five o’clock in the morning to run rain or shine. I pass up happy hours for studying all the time, but with you? It’s not working. I told myself we would just be co-workers, and then we would just be friends, and now? I’m just trying for anything but…”
She couldn’t bring herself to finish that thought, but she figured he knew what she meant. Anything short of everything. It was a heavy thing to admit that he had this sort of influence over her, because in the hands of a lesser person, it could be used against her. But not him. She trusted him with all her heart now.
“It doesn’t work that way, though,” he said softly as he motioned between them with his hand.
“Yeah.” She nodded. “That’s become clear to me.”
Matters of the head and heart were entirely different things and giving into feelings for someone like him wasn’t an act of weakness. And it wasn’t something that she could simply will herself not to do either.