Chapter 27 #2
“Getting Cresley and Ty out of it safely, no matter what.”
“I assume ‘no matter what’ means that even if you’d ended up dead, as long as they were safe, that’s all you cared about. Is that right?”
“More or less.”
“Do you hear yourself, Carson? You would’ve died to keep them safe. If that’s not love, I don’t know what is.”
“I didn’t want that.”
Julian lost it laughing—again. “And you think I did? You think I went to work that day to meet with Denny’s sister, thinking, ‘Damn, I need to fall madly in love with a recently single mom and her two very young kids’?
Trust me, that was the very last thing on my mind that day.
I was far more concerned about making Stacey go away than I was about falling for anyone.
But then Isla came into my office and… I can’t even explain it. Nothing will ever be the same.”
“Why are they allowed to just do that to us?”
“I know, right? But once they cast their evil spell on us, there’s no going back to who we were before.”
“There’s got to be a pill we can take or something.”
“Even if there was, I wouldn’t take it,” Julian said.
“What the fuck do we know about being in functional relationships with innocent kids involved?”
“We know the wrong way to do it. Any time I face a decision about how best to proceed, I ask myself, ‘What would Dad have done?’ I do the opposite.”
“He wasn’t all bad.”
“No, but he usually thought of himself before us. They both did. My goal is to never put what’s best for me ahead of whatever Isla and the kids need. I figure if I can do that, I might just break the cycle of divorce and dysfunction and make a successful life for all of us.”
“That’s a pretty good rule to follow.”
“I think so, too. I mean… it’s only been a month. Talk to me in a couple of years. I’ll let you know how it’s going.”
“If the way Isla looks at you is any indication, you’re doing great so far.”
“You know what makes doing the right thing by them easier?”
“What’s that?”
“I fucking love them. I’d kill for them. I’d do anything to make them happy. All I want is for them to know peace and safety after what they went through with Gabriel.”
“I feel like I’m meeting you for the first time.”
“I feel like I’m meeting myself for the first time. You know how when you do something physical that you’ve never done before and discover muscles you didn’t know you had?”
“Yeah.”
“This is like that. I’m finding all-new muscles, man.”
“Are we talking about sex?”
“No, you idiot,” Julian said with a laugh. “I’m talking about emotions I never knew I had. But the sex is pretty great, too.”
“All right already. Spare me the details, killer.”
“That vow we made with everyone?”
“What about it?”
“It’s stupid, and you shouldn’t worry about that.”
“I think you’ve made your position on that matter abundantly clear.”
“Don’t get me wrong—I was all in on that. Until I wasn’t.”
“You’re not getting married, are you?”
“Not any time soon.”
“That’s not never.”
“No, it isn’t.”
“Julian…”
“What?”
“What aren’t you saying?”
“I’m not ruling out anything.”
Carson couldn’t believe what he was hearing.
Love was one thing. Marriage was a whole other ball of wax, and they knew better than most the many, many ways it could turn out to be a huge mistake.
He couldn’t imagine legally tying himself to anyone ever, even Cresley.
No matter how much he loved her. It was possible to have a great big life together without ever taking vows and signing forms.
He shuddered at the thought of getting into something he couldn’t easily get out of—or Julian doing that.
“Are you cold?”
“No, I’m okay.”
He texted Cresley. Are you guys doing all right?
We’re fine. Ty’s asleep. How are you?
All good except I miss you two.
We miss you, too.
You think Ty will be okay after this?
I need to find him a good therapist.
Yes, for sure. We have a list of people we recommend at work.
I’ll take that list.
We’ll get him through this.
Yes, we will. It’s a huge relief that Marlon is in custody. There’s no chance they’ll release him, is there?
I don’t think so. He’s facing numerous felonies and is an obvious flight risk.
It’ll be nice to not have to be afraid anymore.
Definitely. Better days ahead.
I can’t wait for that.
Me, too. See you soon.
She replied with heart emojis.
Rather than worrying about Julian, he ought to be more concerned about how it felt almost unbearable to be separated from her for only a couple of hours or how he couldn’t wait to lie in bed with her, to hold her and kiss her and get back to where they were before Marlon’s madness interrupted them.
“How do you hold on to lightning in a bottle?” he asked, not intending to say the words out loud. But now that he had, he was interested in what Julian would say.
“Not sure I know the answer to that, other than showing up every day and trying to be the best partner and father figure you can. I’m figuring that out as I go, but so far, having me around seems to make them happy, which is the only thing that matters.”
“Does your own happiness matter?”
“It’s the strangest thing how their happiness creates mine.
I never would’ve believed it could come from someone else until I experienced that every day for weeks, and now…
I’m completely addicted to the high I get from being with her—and the kids.
That’s another interesting development. If you’d told me before that I’d look forward to spending time with two very young kids every day, I would’ve laughed.
But they’re awesome and adorable and so sweet. I never get tired of being with them.”
“And you don’t worry that you’re going to wake up someday and just be like… nah?”
Julian laughed. “Not at all. The best way I can think to describe it is that they’re my power source.
They fill me up with everything I need, and every day, I just want more of it.
I wish you could have seen them up at Ojai.
They were so cute chasing the goats and chickens around, and they love the dogs. ”
“I bet Ty would love it up there, too.”
“He would for sure. We should all go together sometime.”
“That’d be fun.”
“Do you think you might love them, Carson?”
“I’m pretty sure I do. When we were in that car and he was holding a gun on us…
All I wanted was to get them out of there so we could go back to the plans we’d made.
Ty’s waiting for me to teach him how to surf, and I still need to take Cresley on a real date that doesn’t include dealing with my family’s latest scandal. ”
“If you love them, truly love them, do everything you can to make it work so you don’t have to spend forever with regrets.”
“My head is spinning from the one-eighty my life has taken in recent weeks.”
“Trust me, I get that, but once you’ve made that turn, there’s no going back to who you were before. You can’t undo this, and if I had to guess, you probably wouldn’t even if you could. So you may as well enjoy the hell out of it.”
“That’s the plan.”