Chapter 49
IT’S GETTING LATE. HAILEY is studying, Ben is packing, and I’m up here in my top-floor room with a reheated tuna melt on ciabatta bread and a chilled Blue Moon beer. Exactly what I was looking forward to. But I find myself as fidgety as Ben.
I keep thinking of that old Carl Sandburg quote I’ve seen on needlepoint pillows and posters everywhere: “A baby is God’s opinion that the world should go on.” A couple of months ago, I would have smirked at that, maybe because I’d never had a baby of my own.
But now I do. Or at least I did, sort of, for a while.
Tonight I’m bereft. Why did Lily have to wait until today to try to say my name? That only made it worse. I ask myself the same question everybody asks after every sad farewell: Will she remember me?
God, how I miss her.
I miss her smell, a combination of baby skin and Tubby Todd Sweet Cheeks Diaper Paste.
I miss the way she giggles when I tickle her chubby little belly.
I miss how she looks at me with those big green eyes as if I’m the wisest person in the world.
I miss how she hangs on my every word, even though she doesn’t understand any of them.
And how she kicks her legs with glee when I change her diaper.
I miss changing her diaper. (Did I really just say that?)
And how she laughs and laughs as I wiggle her toes while I recite “This Little Piggy.”
Lily has been trying like crazy to roll over onto her belly from her back. She almost made it a couple of times. If she does it while she’s gone, I’ll be heartbroken to miss that too.
What I miss about Amber:
Her attitude. She might be wealthy, but she’s never pretentious.
Her modesty. Who knew she had major art credentials? I had to practically pry the information out of her.
Her basic decency, whether she’s chatting with her friends at the club or a bunch of valet-parking elves.
I miss how Amber can toss a simple sweatshirt over her shoulders and look elegant.
And how she looks when she’s nursing Lily. She’s the soul of patience and love.
Somehow, when I’m around the two of them, I become a kinder person. I don’t know why it happens. But they bring something out in me that I never even knew was there.
What will I miss about Ben when this job is over? Hard to say, since he’s still around. But let me think for a moment.
Okay.
Got it.
Nothing.
I’m not awake enough to read but not tired enough to sleep.
I turn on the TV, grab the remote, and flash through channels, searching for something fun and mindless.
I finally settle on an old Friends rerun (“The One with the Jellyfish”) and after that a new Shark Tank (edible flowers; an at-home dental tool).
I was looking forward to a free night all to myself. So why am I feeling uneasy?
Something is bothering me. And I can’t quite figure out what.
Then I can.
Why does Ben need a passport to go to Florida?