Chapter 12
THE GHOST
I press my nose to the cool window of the airplane.
An endless skyline stretches out as far as I can see, and greyscale buildings reach higher and higher into the sky.
The plane starts to ascend and soon all that’s visible is this vast expanse of concrete and steel.
As we soar into the air, I look down at the city below; floating away like tiny specks of glitter.
‘We’re really doing this! We’re like Thelma and Louise!’ Kayla exclaims.
‘Let’s not try to be like Thelma and Louise, Kayla… unless you want to wind up in a car off a cliff with a trail of devastation behind us. This is a business trip. Strictly business.’
She grins widely before pressing her hands together in delight. ‘Not a chance. I’m going to drink Guinness, dance under the moonlight, swim in the sea and do all the leprechaun-type stuff.’
Kayla is always ready to take centre stage, always dressed to impress.
Her dark brown skin and giant curls accentuate her natural beauty, but she also has an amazing style – tattoos on both arms, wild eyeshadow, piercings.
She stands out in a vintage pink leather jacket that matches her bold lipstick perfectly, and a pair of black studded boots that lace up to her knees.
As always, Kayla is the life of the party, commanding attention wherever she goes.
Strong and confident, her head held high and her dark brown eyes sparkling with mischief.
I’ve always envied her courage and ability to be unapologetically herself, but I’ve also always been afraid of the judgement that comes with not fitting in.
As Kayla winks at me, I feel a sense of relief settle in me.
She may be unconventional, but she’s also fiercely loyal and accepting of others.
I’m more the shy type, preferring to stay behind the scenes, peeking out from under my red hair and happiest in ripped jeans, paintbrush in hand.
‘Hey, girl, get ready to have some fun. We’re here for a good time, not a long time.
’ Kayla grins at me and I can’t help but laugh.
I wouldn’t want anyone else by my side right now, even though Kayla is sure to keep her promises about guzzling Guinnesses and moonlight dancing.
I guess I have no choice but to join in the fun.
I nudge her in the ribs, teasing her. ‘Kayla, this is our first trip abroad together! Check us out – all grown up! And this really is a very grown-up trip – serious lawyer-stuff is top of the agenda and of utmost priority…’
‘Oh yeah, sure. You think you’re some kind of high-and-mighty heiress already?
Well, let me tell you something: even if you find the pot of gold at the end of the rainbow and become Queen of Innisfree, you will always be Daisy Clarke who drools in her sleep, can’t catch a ball to save her life, makes terrible coffee and has a PhD in people-pleasing.
Shall I engrave that on your crown, Your Majesty? ’
‘Knew it was a good idea to bring you along, keep me grounded… at 30,000 feet.’
We coast along with fluffy clouds surrounding us, my heart pounding with excitement. I feel as if I’m suspended from reality, not knowing what lies ahead or beneath anymore. The engines roar loudly as I sink into my seat; there’s no turning back now.
Clutching Kayla’s hand tightly, I consider if I’ve packed all the documents James O’Connor requested.
I run through my mental checklist to ensure I have originals of birth certificates, death certificates, IDs, autopsies and police reports.
Everything is safely stowed away in the hold, packed carefully in my hard-cover suitcase, double-wrapped alongside all my art essentials so they arrive in one piece.
So far, everything is going exactly to plan. Green lights all the way.
Kayla turns towards me, lands her wide brown eyes on mine and engulfs me in her large, soft arms, pulling me close.
‘Daisy! It’s going to be just like old times, sharing a room…
remember when I first arrived at the children’s home?
And you were the only one who’d share with me because I snored so loud? ’
‘Yes, I don’t really think I’ll ever forget your snoring, Kayla. Saying that, it was good training because now I can sleep through anything! Freight trains, fire alarms, screaming sirens.’
‘This is going to be so fun.’ Kayla giggles.
‘Fun! Are you sure about that?’
‘When have I ever not been sure?’ She winks at me, her tongue poking out from between her lips.
‘Hmm. Anyway, I might not be able to catch a ball and I may drool, but I’ll have you know I make amazing coffee. I think you might have stunted taste buds… they’re blocked or faulty… or maybe you just have no taste.’
Kayla waggles her finger and smiles. ‘When it comes to men, at least, I have terrible taste, the worst…’
‘What’s happened?’ I ask. Her love life is something she’s been avoiding discussing for a while.
She rolls her eyes before responding. ‘It’s just another dead end, Daisy. It seems like every man I meet is either taken or not looking for anything serious,’ Kayla says with a shrug. ‘I’m tired of the games, the swiping left and right, and the endless dates that lead to nowhere.’
I nod sympathetically, understanding her frustration all too well from my own single days. ‘I totally get it,’ I say with a sigh. ‘It’s hard out there.’
Kayla shrugs. ‘I’ve tried everything. I just can’t make it work, you know? It’s like I’m cursed or something. Destined to be on my own forever.’
I shake my head. ‘You’re not cursed. You just haven’t found the right one yet. And you’ve got me so you’ll never be alone, ever, okay?’
Kayla smiles at me gratefully. ‘Thanks, Daisy. You always know how to make me feel better.’
She opens up more about her current relationship woes – or lack of them.
‘So, there was this guy, from the gym… I know, right?’ She shakes her head.
‘And things were going so great. Until he disappeared. Like, poof! Gone.’ She rolls her eyes in disbelief.
‘Ghosted.’ She grabs her phone and begins scrolling through her contacts, showing me all the lovely messages early on, but then her repeated attempts to reach out to him without a single reply.
‘It’s so disheartening,’ she says with a heavy sigh, ‘being just abandoned like that, no word, no warning… after building up what seemed to be a real connection.’
We sit together, neither of us saying a word.
By the pinched look on Kayla’s face, I know exactly what she’s thinking, how she’s feeling.
Thoughts of heartache and loneliness fill us both, but neither one of us is willing to express it.
We’re both well aware that finding love in this day and age could never be easy, but for us, it can feel harder than ever, hyper-aware of the fragility of love and security; the hurt of being left behind and the fear of abandonment still haunts us both.
Our pasts weigh heavy on our hearts, threatening to tear away any hope of a happily ever after.
I hate that Kayla is going through this.
I can’t help wondering why love can be so fickle, so fleeting and if, in some way, we are to blame for feeling so alone?
Are we too broken to love or be loved properly?
‘How hard is it to find somebody just normal, just real?’ she says quietly, her voice heavy with emotion.
I don’t know what to say, so I just put my arm around her. She leans into me, and I appreciate the tenderness of the moment before she exhales.
‘It’s so crazy,’ she says. She flutters her eyelashes and bites her bottom lip; her eyes widen and her brows furrow with frustration.
‘I mean, I thought it was something special – he was hot, we had chemistry, you know? But now it feels like it was all just an illusion. I don’t know what happened or what I did wrong. ’
My heart aches for her as I see the deep sadness in her eyes. ‘How about we track him down then? Be super-sleuths like when we were kids? I’m more than happy to put on my mac and sunglasses and stalk him out – where does he work? Where does he live? He can’t just vanish into thin air, right?’
Kayla shakes her head. ‘No, no, no. I’m not chasing down anyone who doesn’t want to be found.’ She pauses for a moment before continuing. ‘It’s better to just leave it alone. I’m not forcing anything – I just trust that if it’s meant to be, it’ll happen naturally.’
I nod, understanding the logic behind her words. ‘Yeah, you’re right. Maybe it’s better to just let things be and move on. What’s his name? Just in case I know him,’ I ask.
‘I’m not telling you,’ she replies. ‘It’s embarrassing.’
‘Come on, Kayla.’ I tilt my head and roll my eyes. ‘I’m not twelve years old. This is grown-up stuff! Tell me.’
She takes a deep breath and turns to face me squarely, looking me straight in the eye, almost challenging me. ‘Romeo…’
I can’t help but laugh. I hold the back of my hand to my mouth, biting down on both lips.
She smirks at me. ‘I know, right? Ghosted by damn Romeo!’
And together we exclaim, ‘Romeo, Romeo, wherefore art thou…?’
She looks at me with a small smile. ‘Married or arrested or on the run…’ she says with a quiet laugh, then she shakes her head and runs her hands through her hair.
‘I guess I should be thankful that I got away lightly, finding out what he’s really about sooner rather than later.
I mean, I would rather be by myself than tied up with some lowlife coward…
in fact, I’m much happier on my own, much happier being single.
I’m going to put all the strength and energy into things that deliver – my business and my friends. ’
It’s then that I’m hit by a sudden wave of admiration for her strength and courage. Despite the pain she’s endured, she’s still able to make light of her misfortune and pick herself up again.
I give her a gentle hug, my heart brimming with love for this strong woman in front of me. ‘You deserve so much.’
Kayla nods. ‘Exactly. Life is too short to waste it on what ifs and maybes.’ She nudges me gently. ‘You’re so lucky to have found “The One” you know…’
‘You think Ash is The One.’
‘Well of course… Don’t you?’
I nod slowly, unsure of what to say. ‘Yeah, I mean, I’m sure he’s The One – if there is such a thing as The One.’
Kayla gives me a curious look. ‘You don’t believe in The One?’
I shrug, feeling a little unsure. ‘I don’t know. I want to believe that there’s someone out there who’s perfect for me, but at the same time, it seems a little unrealistic.’
My lack of experience with the idea of true love taints my view; I was raised without the Disney notion of romance and marriage that many others have growing up – with my mother and I being each other’s biggest loves – and it’s left me a little doubtful of these larger-than-life romantic ideals.
In a way, I want to believe that there is someone perfect for everyone out there.
But on the other hand, from what I’ve seen, only a rare few seem to be able to make it work, so why would I?
But I don’t think this is what Kayla needs to hear right now, so I bite my tongue.
Nevertheless, I find myself hoping that the data is mistaken and one day we’ll get to all experience something out of this world. Double fingers crossed, eh?
‘What do you think?’ I ask her, changing the focus away from myself.
Kayla chuckles. ‘I think there’s more than one person out there who could be right for us. It’s just a matter of finding the one who fits into our lives the best. Relationships take work and effort. It’s not always going to be sunshine and rainbows.’
I grin, feeling a little more optimistic. ‘Yeah, I like the sound of that. It takes some of the pressure off.’
‘Did your mum ever meet anyone? Like have a boyfriend or anything when you were growing up?’ Kayla asks me.
‘No, never – she was just all about work and home and me, really – never a date or anything like that.’ I pause for a moment before continuing.
‘I don’t think she ever had time to even think of relationships or dating, but deep down, I always got the impression she didn’t want to be with anyone…
maybe she’d had her heart broken in the past or just felt it wasn’t worth the stress. ’
Kayla nods, her eyelashes fluttering as she clicks her tongue. ‘Oh, I get that.’
‘Big Sean told me that Mick, the Irish guy who left her this property, came looking for her once at the pub and she completely snubbed him. He said she hid out, pretended she wasn’t even there.’
‘Sounds like your mum ghosted Mick,’ Kayla concludes with a grimace.
‘Yes. It does a bit.’
I ponder the connection between my mother and Mick, as well as why she’d avoided relationships in the past. Was it merely because of me? Or him? Someone else maybe? Or was there no definite cause at all?
I stretch out my arm and wave to the flight attendant with the drinks cart. Maybe not all ghosts are players or small Victorian children.