Chapter 35 #2
I look outside and watch as the dark clouds grow thicker, and despite Mick and my mother’s story being a tragic Irish ballad, destined for tears and heartache, I feel a sense of peace wash over me.
They were in love. And there’s happiness in knowing that my mother had known love. That I’d come from a place of love.
My entire life, I’ve wondered where I truly belonged, and the knowledge that The Lake House is my family’s home makes me swell with pride.
While it breaks my heart that Mum never returned, I understand that some stories never get a proper ending.
But in this moment, sitting in her caravan and surrounded by my family’s history, I feel a sense of closure.
‘When are you going back to London?’ Moya asks.
‘End of this week.’
‘That’s soon. You’re not staying for the auction?’
I shake my head. ‘I’ve got a lot on, and it’s best if I stop avoiding reality and just get back to normal.’
‘Is that right?’ she asks, her voice gentle.
‘Yes… I mean, I’ve got a whole life in London – boyfriend, job, flat.
It’s where I grew up, me and Mum. All our memories are there.
’ I shake my head, then look into Moya’s clear dark eyes once more and sigh.
‘I’m not sure what I want anymore, to be honest. Except that I don’t want to make the wrong decision and end up regretting it. ’
‘Only one thing for it.’ She reaches under the table and pulls out a small wooden box. Inside, there’s a tarot card deck, cloaked in dark-red velvet. ‘Shall we?’ she asks with a knowing smile.
I look at her, not sure what to say. I’ve never had my cards read before.
She takes my silence as a yes and begins to shuffle the deck expertly. ‘Pick three cards,’ she instructs me.
I do as she says, feeling slightly ridiculous. If Ash or Lenka could see me now, sat in a traveller’s caravan, sheltering from a storm on the West Coast of Nowhere, trying to decide what to do with my life via the tarot, they’d never let me live it down.
Moya deals out the three cards I’ve selected in a line. She studies them for a moment before looking up at me. ‘The Tower.’
The card shows a castle being struck by lightning. A man and woman are falling from the parapets.
‘It’s not good, is it?’ I ask, feeling slightly apprehensive.
‘It’s not always what it seems,’ she replies. ‘Much like everything. The Tower can represent a time of change, upheaval. This is your past. It suggests that you’ve been through some kind of upheaval in your life, something that’s shaken you to your core.’
I think back to my mother’s death and then my stint in foster care. So far, spot on.
She closes her eyes tightly and is silent for what seems like a long time, as if she’s listening to something, or someone, I can’t see or hear.
‘Yes, I see…’ she finally speaks, her eyes remain closed.
‘Daisy, you’ve been through great trials, but you’ve come out the other side stronger for it. You’re a survivor.’
I feel touched by her words. I’ve never thought of myself as a survivor, but maybe she’s right? After all, I’m still here, despite everything that’s happened to me.
‘This is your present. The here and now.’ She moves on, turning over the next card.
I lean in to examine the card more closely but can’t help noticing that this one is quite different from the last one.
It looks a lot less ominous. A man and woman are featured, both nearly nude, facing each other – hands outstretched.
My cheeks flush a deep red as my thoughts inevitably stray to James; not Ash, James.
Moya eyes me solemnly, her expression serious. ‘The Lovers. This suggests that you’re at a crossroads in your life, uncertain which path to take.’
Again, she falls silent and I wonder if she’s going to say anything else.
She raises her chin to the ceiling, breathing deeply through her nose. ‘Daisy, you have a choice to make. A very important choice. One that will determine the course of your future.’
I swallow hard, my heart pounding in my chest. I’m not sure I want to hear any more.
Moya opens her eyes and looks at me, her gaze intense.
‘You can either stay on the path you’re currently on, or you can make a change.
A big change. But whatever you decide, know that there will be consequences.
There will be loss but also gain. If you stay on your current path, you’ll be safe, but you’ll also be unhappy.
You’ll always wonder what could have been. ’
‘And if I make a change?’ I instinctively find myself asking.
‘If you make a change, you’ll be risking everything. But you’ll also be opening yourself up to new possibilities, new experiences, new happiness. But, like I said, there will also be loss.’
‘What kind of loss?’ I ask, even though I’m not sure I want to know the answer.
‘The loss of your old life, your old self. You’ll have to start again from scratch. But if you’re willing to take that risk, I think it will be worth it in the end.’
Moya falls silent, but I know there’s one card left and I’m terrified about what it will tell me.
She looks at me as if reading my mind. ‘The decision is yours, Daisy. Do you want to know what the last card reads? You must decide for yourself and accept the consequences, whatever they may be.’
Do I want to know? Do I dare ask? I think about Moya’s question carefully, appreciating now how much risk there is in delving too deep.
But this whole trip has been about uncovering the unknown, and it’s led me here to my mother’s friend, my father, James, the house, the village.
I’ve discovered more about myself than I ever thought possible.
With a deep breath, I pick up the last card; the end of a tale that spanned lifetimes… It’s the Devil. A man and woman chained to a demon while flames lick at their feet.
‘This is your future, Daisy,’ Moya says softly.
‘This is where one path leads; this is what awaits you. A life of unhappiness, pain and suffering.’ She runs a finger around the card.
‘You’ll notice that these two want for nothing; they’re surrounded by riches, finery – to the external eye, they have everything they could ever want.
But what they don’t have is freedom – they’re trapped here, in this place, because of the choices they made. ’
‘What choices?’ My voice is barely a whisper.
‘The choice to take the easy way out, the choice to give into temptation, the choice to ignore their better judgement. These are the choices that led them here, to this place.’
She looks at me, and I know she’s waiting for me to say something, but I’m too shocked to speak.
‘Daisy, you have a choice to make,’ Moya says again. ‘No one but you can make it.’
I feel a shiver run down my spine. I stare at the card for a long time, my mind racing. ‘But this card doesn’t tell me which path to choose… how will I know if I’m making the right decision?’
Moya smiles at me and takes my hand. ‘You won’t know if it’s the right decision until you’ve made it. But sometimes, we must take a leap of faith and trust that everything will work out in the highest good. For everyone.’
I sigh. ‘I just don’t trust myself. It’s too far a leap. Too risky.’
Moya nods and sweeps up the cards in front of her. ‘Of course, they’re only cards,’ she says as she gently stacks them together. ‘Believe what you like. That’s another choice that’s yours alone.’
I know our time is up. I stand, and Moya does the same.
‘It’s eased off a bit, the storm. Go now while you have a chance,’ she says. ‘The longer you wait, the harder it will be.’
I give her a hug and zip up my coat. ‘Thanks for having me here, Moya,’ I say as she leads me to the door.
‘You’re welcome, Daisy. Thank you for letting me stay on. Oh, and tell your friend to take some ginger tea in the mornings for her stomach and put on this bracelet.’ She hands me a gemstone bracelet with pink and white beads. ‘Rose quartz and moonstone – they help with nausea.’
‘Like travel sickness?’ I ask.
‘And morning sickness,’ Moya explains, winking at me.
I furrow my brow. ‘But she’s not…’
Moya taps her finger on her nose.
Right, well, I don’t believe that. I can’t. Out of all the things I heard tonight, Kayla being pregnant is by far the least believable to me. And that’s saying something.
As the light of the caravan casts a glow across the path, I see a fox standing still and facing me.
Its eyes appear to be questioning if I’m ready to face what lies ahead.
I take a deep breath and try to muster up my courage.
All I can do is put one foot in front of the other and try to move in the right direction.
I cast my gaze one last time upon the fox before it vanishes into the shadows of the trees, a refuge of seclusion and security, far away from harm and danger, wishing that I could do the same.