Chapter 19 #2
Her first thought was to stroll through the garden, as she often did.
Her mind was awash with tangled thoughts of confusion and worry; she finally knew who she was, but it seemed not to matter.
Was she right to keep this secret as Morag pleaded?
Was she wrong to want to tell people? And even if she did, what did Nessa hope to gain?
She supposed that she knew the answer to that, too …
For all her life, Nessa had only ever wanted one thing. She did not have that feeling in Ireland. She had not found it with Lady Honora. And even here, as she slowly adjusted to her new life, it was a feeling that escaped her. What she wanted more than anything, what she yearned for, was to belong.
Nessa liked to believe that she would have such a feeling once her birthright was realized – she needed to believe such a thing. She was also not so sure. She would still be the same person as now, only with a title, possible wealth … but no different on the inside.
How can I find my place when I do not even know what that place might look like?
She walked without thinking, so it should not have been a surprise when she ended up at Lady Thornwyck’s burial site. No … not Lady Thornwyck. Aisling was her name, sister to Nessa.
It was a small mausoleum made of white marble. It stood alone, left to the elements, nowhere near as clean and pristine as it had once been. The cold wind wore it down, the rain left it stained, and it evoked images of abandonment that echoed loudly in Nessa’s mind.
She fell to her knees at her half-sister’s grave.
She stared at the name carved in white stone as feelings of loss rose inside her.
She had not known this woman. She was a stranger.
Yet, Nessa found that she missed her somehow, and she wished that she was alive because surely she would know what to do.
“Miss Kavanagh …” The voice was one that Nessa would know anywhere, and it brought both feelings of comfort and guilt, like forbidden lovers caught in the act. “What are you doing here?”
Nessa took a deep breath, pushing down her guilt and her confusion, before she turned and offered a forced smile. “Just paying my respects.”
Lord Thornwyck eyed her curiously. “I thought you might have done so at Lady Honora’s gravesite.” He nodded his head in the direction of where her tomb sat.
“Lady Honora spoke often of Lady Thornwyck,” Nessa said. “And while I did not know her, I feel as if I did.”
Lord Thornwyck smiled at the sentiment, and he walked to where she was crouched. He hesitated for a moment, his brow furrowed in contemplation, before coming to a decision and crouching beside her.
“She would have liked you, my wife,” he said with a deep groan as he settled. “You know, my sister thinks that you and she are similar.”
“Truly?” Nessa’s heart soared to hear such a thing. “Does that mean that she was as distrustful of her as she is of me?”
Lord Thornwyck laughed. “No, no. They got along quite well, in fact. As I am sure that you and my sister will do, in time.”
“Maybe …” Nessa looked back to the tomb. The weight of her secret hung heavy around her neck as if she could feel the locket sitting there. A quick glance at Lord Thornwyck, and Nessa wanted nothing more than to tell him everything.
Would it be so bad? Perhaps he will know what to do …
Nessa shoved that desire back. It hurt her to do it.
She wanted so badly to tell him – to be done with these secrets!
But Morag was right, and as he looked back at the tomb of his deceased wife, and as she saw the pain behind his eyes, Nessa knew it would be wrong to add further burden to his shoulders.
“The magistrate is on his way,” Lord Thornwyck began, speaking low, almost as if to himself. “I hope that he will get to the bottom of what happened to Aisling.”
Nessa frowned. “I thought … was she not stranded? What is there to get to the bottom of?”
He considered the question, and his brow furrowed further. “Secrets, Miss Kavanagh. I will not trouble you with them, but my cousin …” He grimaced. “There is more at play here than I know.”
“Lord Crispin?” Her eyes widened, and her mind returned to what she had seen a few nights past. Was that what he and Lady Verity were speaking of? Had Nessa completely misread the situation?
“Do not concern yourself with it.” Lord Thornwyck saw the look on her face but thankfully misread the cause. “Truly, Miss Kavanagh, you are the only person in this place who …” A shake of the head as if to dismiss the thought.
“Who what?” she pressed.
He was crouched down beside her, less than a foot separating them. The wind was soft through their hair. The sun was weak, hardly touching their skin. He turned to look closely at her, his eyes narrowed, thoughts that she could not imagine passing behind their darkness.
Then those eyes lowered to her lips before they paused on her eyes again. She saw another thought pass behind them, one that brought a smile to his lips and made her heart race.
“This place … a darkness hangs over it. Like a storm that refuses to break. I wonder sometimes if it ever will. But you, Miss Kavanagh …” The smile rose up his lips.
“You are a rare light that threatens to break through the clouds. I do not know why, or how, but for some reason …” His eyes flicked to her lips again.
“I do not want to steal that light from you.”
“And how would you do that?” she breathed.
“By putting my burdens on you, is how,” he said as he reached out and gripped her arm. She felt his touch, and she almost gasped. “And once this is all over, I hope that your light shines all the brighter. Lord knows, this place needs it. I need it.”
She had no idea what to say.
Her eyes drifted to his hand on her arm. Then to his lips. Then to his eyes. Her breathing was heavy, and her face was flushed pink. His words, while kind, suggested more than mere kindness. And the way he continued to look at her did even more than that.
“Lord Thornwyck, I …” She licked her lips. “That is …” Her mouth turned moist. “Very kind.”
“A simple truth,” he said in a whisper as he continued to look right into her eyes. “Times are, such things are needed.”
She could see it happening. The way his eyes flicked to her lips. The way his head tilted. How close they were, and how he leaned in even closer. Nessa’s heart thundered, her body trembled, but she felt his pull, and even if she could resist it, she did not want to.
Slowly, Nessa closed her eyes and started to lean forward –
Muirne appeared from nowhere. Her bark shattered the moment like a hammer smashing against a glass window, and her furry body burst between them like cannon fire. Nessa cried out and fell back, and Lord Thornwyck jumped to his feet quickly.
“I …” His eyes widened in surprise, and he looked around. With a nervous step, he stopped, turned, and then took another step. “I should go.”
That was what he did. And quickly.
Murine jumped on Nessa’s chest, licking her face happily. Nessa fell back, her head in the dirt, her mind awash with a fresh slate of confusion.
Nothing about her circumstance was easy, and if she was right about what had almost happened, things were about to become a whole lot more complex. Yet another thing for Nessa to worry about.