Chapter 29
The boat pulled out from the shore, and Lord Thornwyck sat by the rudder, steering it expertly, with a serious expression that might have suggested his life depended on such a thing.
The wind was gentle, but it filled the sails enough that the boat moved swiftly across the lake and back toward the castle.
Nessa sat crouched at the stern of the small boat. Her knees were tucked into her chest. Her dress was soaked, and her hair fell messily over her face. She shivered and trembled, but she knew it was not from the cold.
And as the boat gently glided across the surface of the lake, the silence built, grew tense, and Nessa felt its weight in a way that reminded her of the crushing waters that had nearly claimed her.
How has it come to this … where did it all go wrong? No, I know the answer to that. This was my doing.
Lord Thornwyck did not once look at Nessa as he steered the boat. But she felt his desire to do so. She could sense his thoughts as if they were her own. Anger. Betrayal. Hurt. His mind was like the crashing waters, and no doubt he drowned in them.
“Lord Thornwyck …” Nessa knew not what to say, but she felt that she had to say something. “I … please … let me explain.”
He said nothing, still looking ahead.
“What Lord Crispin said just now, it is only half true. Yes, I am what he says.” Her throat burned, and her words came out harsh. “But I swear that I did not know it. When I arrived here, I had no notion of who I was. I swear it.”
He said nothing. But as he steered the boat, he reached into his coat and retrieved a small locket. Nessa gasped when she realized what it was, and she winced with shame as he tossed it at her feet. The locket cracked open, and the portrait of Aisling looked up at her as if to accuse her.
“That is not how it looks,” she said in a whisper. “I … Lady Honora … I had no notion of who I was.”
“Lies,” he seethed without looking at her. “You speak them as most breathe. So effortless, so easy for you.”
“I found the locket after Lady Honora passed away.” She reached for the locket and brought it to her chest. “But I did not know what it meant, only that … that …”
“That what?” he growled.
“I knew Lady Aisling meant something to me, but I was not sure what it was. It was not until I found another letter that –” She caught her tongue, and her eyes widened.
“Another letter?” he said sharply. “What letter?”
Again, she looked away in shame. “I did not want you to think that I was trying to use you. Or that I wanted something from you. When I learned the truth, I feared that … that you would assume I was trying to trick you or … or manipulate you or … that I was not who I said.”
“And yet, that is where we are.” He spoke darkly, and not once did he look at her. “You have known this about yourself for how long? Speak!”
“A few weeks …”
“And not once did you think to tell me,” he said. “To come to me. Did you not trust me? Did you really think so little of me that you thought it best to hide who you were? Or is everything you have said false?”
“I am sorry.” She did not know what to say. “Please, believe that I am.”
“And why would I? Why would I believe anything you say?”
He was right to be upset, just as he was right not to trust her.
As Lord Thornwyck steered the boat toward the castle, Nessa looked pleadingly and desperately at the man whom she cared for more than words could describe. She searched his face for some sign or indication that he might forgive her – that she might convince him to believe her.
But his expression was cold and distant. It was a bulwark in the storm, designed to rebuff and turn away all that came near. There was no warmth. There was no trust. And the pull she always felt when she was near him was gone completely.
In that, Nessa could finally admit the truth, and it was crushing, so that a small part of her wished that she had been left to the mercy of the lake. Lord Thornwyck would never trust her again, nor did she think she deserved it.
She had ruined everything, and once again, she was alone.
***
Lord Crispin and Morag waited for Nessa and Lord Thornwyck by the boatshed. While Morag looked relieved to see the boat arrive, Lord Crispin could not have looked more saddened; he wore no smile, he did not stand tall, and it appeared as if all he wanted was to turn, walk away, and never come back.
Nothing was said between Lord Thornwyck and Nessa for the remainder of the boat ride. And he held onto that stony silence as the boat docked, and he clambered onto the pier.
But then, in an act that truly surprised Nessa, he turned and offered her his hand. Still, he glared at her, and the suffering behind his eyes was such that Nessa felt it in her heart. But she took his outstretched hand, needing his touch as a reminder that he was not gone from her completely.
He pulled her onto the pier, and as soon as her feet were steady, he turned and stormed away.
“Nessa!” Morag pulled Nessa into a hug. “You … I will say this! Since you came here, things have not been boring. Although, perhaps boring would not be so bad?”
Nessa offered a weak smile in response.
Morag kept her arm around Nessa’s shoulder, and they walked back toward the castle.
Lord Thornwyck was ahead of them by several dozen feet, and Lord Crispin trailed at their rear.
As they walked, Nessa watched the back of Lord Thornwyck, desperate to determine what he was thinking, and what might happen next.
Likely, I will be asked to leave. And if that is the most of it, perhaps I should take it as a blessing.
They entered Thornwyck Hall through the front door, and all Nessa wanted was to go to her room, fall onto her bed, and cry. Typically, this was not to be.
“Alaric!” Lady Verity stood in the middle of the entrance hall, appearing crazed and lacking in all reason. “Where have you …” She trailed off when her gaze fell on Nessa. “You!” She pointed a shaking finger at Nessa. “I ought to have known!”
“Not now, Verity,” Lord Thornwyck sighed. “Please, leave it be.”
“Leave it be!” Lady Verity cried. “And what is it that I am leaving be, exactly? Why is it that she is always to be found when the worst arrives? Why is it that everywhere I look …” Again, she trailed off, this time when Lord Crispin skulked into the room.
Lord Crispin saw Lady Verity; he dropped his shoulders, and then looked away as if he could not bear to see the woman.
“What is going on?” Lady Verity demanded. “Alaric? Crispin? Why are you wet? What has happened?”
“It is not important,” Lord Thornwyck said.
“This is her doing!” Again, she pointed a finger at Nessa. “Whatever it is, she is at the heart of it. She has … she had captured you, Alaric! Do not let her fool you into falling for her lies!”
“Verity.” Lord Crispin spoke softly. “Miss Kavanagh is not what you think. Please, you are making a fool of yourself.”
“Me?” she gasped and touched her chest. “I am the only one who …” She trembled as if she might explode, and when her crazed gaze fell on Nessa once more, it was one of vile hatred, and it turned the air cold so that Nessa started to shake. “I am done with this! Do you hear me! Done!”
“Go to your room, Verity,” Lord Thornwyck said with command. “We will speak of this later.”
“I will not be told what to do! Not in this home that I have poured my heart into. Not while she walks free!” With that, Lady Verity lunged at Nessa.
Nessa cried out and tried to fall back, but Lady Verity had her arm and her nails dug into her flesh like they were talons.
“I want her gone!” Lady Verity dragged Nessa across the room. “Tonight! I want her gone!”
“Verity!” Lord Thornwyck cried out. “Release her!”
“Please!” Nessa begged. “It is not what you – oh!” Nessa screamed as Lady Verity shoved her toward the stairs.
It happened quickly.
Nessa lost her footing, latched out for something to grab a hold of, and her arm swept at the marble bust of Aisling. Nessa landed hard on the bottom step, her body smashed and broken as it struck the landing, and that was when she heard a crash that shook the room.
It was the sound of marble shattering. The sound of worlds ending. The sound of all the bad that had happened these last few days tumbling down and leaving destruction in its wake.
The marble bust exploded across the hall, broken into a thousand pieces and splayed across the ground.
All save for a single piece of Aisling’s face that landed right in front of Nessa so that she met its eyes and felt the sadness in them as if somehow that statue knew the cost of what had just happened.
“No!” Lord Thornwyck shouted.
“Verity! What have you done?” Lord Crispin swept across the hall and fell to his knees by Nessa. But he did not move to help her stand. Rather, he collected that single piece of the bust and held it in trembling hands as he gazed upon the eyes of the woman he loved.
“It was her!” Verity screeched. “This was her doing! Everywhere she goes! She brings ruin!”
“No!” Lord Thornwyck growled with such anger that Nessa reared back as if it might consume her. Slowly, he rose, still holding that single piece in his hands, and fixed a glare of fury on Verity that had the crazed woman shying away. “You … what have you done?”
“It is her!” Verity said again. “She is the one who –”
“It was you!” Lord Crispin snarled. “Always, it was you. Your jealousy … your refusal to accept that I feel nothing for you. Do not blame others for your own failings, Verity.”
Verity winced and looked down at her feet. “Please, do not say such things.”
“You mean the truth? That is what I speak. A truth you could never accept.”
“I …” Her voice trembled. “I loved you, Crispin. That is all I did. I gave you everything and you … why did you not see me as you saw her?”
Nessa remained on the floor, staring wide-eyed at the confrontation and the revelations tumbling from Lady Verity and Lord Crispin’s mouths.
“Because I never wished it,” he sneered. “I never wanted it. But you refused to accept it, Verity. And the more you pushed, the less I wanted you. Never, not once, did I even consider that I might feel such things for you as you claim to feel for me.”
She winced again, and tears started to well in her eyes. “Do not say that. Please … Crispin.”
“You are not half the woman Aisling was.”
“I am more than that!” Anger swept the deranged lady again, and she snapped her head up, looking upon Lord Crispin with demented rage. “So much more! And Aisling?” She scoffed. “If she were half of what you think, she would not have gone and gotten herself killed.”
“Do not dare –”
“Oh, I dare!” She laughed manically. “More than that: I made sure that you and she were destined for failure. Oh yes, that little flower, Aisling …” She sneered with contempt.
“I heard you both, you know? The fight you had. When she turned you away as if you were scraps not fit for the dogs. I heard what she said to you.”
“You did?” Crispin balked.
“And I tried to protect you.” She swept to Lord Crispin, reaching for his hands, but he refused them. “I knew what she intended, so I tried to stop her. I … the boat … I made sure it would not reach the caves.”
“What?” His voice turned dark.
“But she was not meant to take it out so far,” Lady Verity pleaded as she tried and failed once again to take his hands.
“She was always arrogant. Always so sure of herself. She must have known the rudder was broken, but she tried anyway. It was her fault! I never … it was not supposed to … I love you!”
The confession crashed down on the room and left in its wake a silence that was deafening.
Lord Thornwyck looked at his sister as if he did not recognize her.
Lord Crispin looked at her as if she was a vile creature of disease that had tried to sneak into the castle.
And Nessa held her breath, unsure where to look or what to do! Across the room stood Morag, stunned and speechless. Nessa met her eyes, and they both simply gaped.
“You …” Lord Crispin’s voice was soft, and his body trembled. “You sabotaged her boat?”
“I did it for you!”
“You killed her.”
“No! She did that to herself!” Lady Verity pleaded. “She ought to have known –”
“Silence!” Lord Crispin roared, and Lady Verity winced and shied away. Lord Crispin shook where he stood. His face was demented and vengeful. And when he spoke, it was done with a quiet rage like a tempest sweeping across the near horizon. “You killed the only woman I loved.”
“No …”
“And to think that I might love you in return? Verity …” He snarled. “Never have I loathed someone more in my entire life. Never have I hated with such utter contempt.” With that said, Lord Crispin stormed from the hall, kicked open the front door, and left.
“Oh, God …” Verity fell to the ground in a heap, and the sound of her crying filled the hall. “No … please … no …”
Lord Thornwyck looked at his sister with disgust, and Nessa could not imagine what he was thinking. She stayed where she was, too afraid to speak, too afraid to even look at Lord Thornwyck because she could feel the storm brewing inside him.
“Miss Kavanagh.” His voice was low and dark. “Please, return to your room at once. I will send a doctor to see to you.”
“But –”
“Now,” he growled without looking at her. Always, his glare was saved for his sister.
Nessa felt torn.
On the one hand, she wanted to go to Lord Thornwyck and comfort him. Even after all that had happened, she knew he was hurting, as she knew that he needed someone beside him whom he trusted. Only, that was not her.
Nessa had broken that trust, and nothing she might do or say would bring it back.
With no choice, Nessa scrambled to her feet. She looked at Lady Verity first; the woman remained on the floor, weeping openly. She looked at Morag, who slunk across the hall, seemingly desperate to be ignored. And then, finally, she looked once more at Lord Thornwyck
He glared at his sister with cold detachment. He was but ten feet from where Nessa stood, but the distance between them felt like it might be miles. He was alone again, and nothing she might do would change that.
Slowly, Nessa made her way up the stairs.
When she reached the top landing, she looked down at them a final time, and she wondered if that might be the last she ever saw of Lord Thornwyck. Worse still, she knew that maybe such a thing was for the best.
Nessa’s time at Thornwyck Hall had come to an end.