Chapter 30 #2
Alaric stood outside Miss Kavanagh’s bedroom. The door was closed, and while it was made of simple wood, it might as well have been built of iron, ten feet tall, and as impenetrable as any battlement.
Alaric stared at it for longer than he was proud to admit. More than once, he considered turning and going to bed – such a moment as this could wait until tomorrow. But each time he turned to walk away, something stopped him from doing so.
He needed to see her. He needed to speak to her. Most of all, he needed to confirm what he felt in his heart, even if Alaric was still at pains to admit its true meaning.
That near kiss …
With a deep sigh, his stomach twisted into knots, Alaric turned the door handle and gently pried the door open.
“Miss Kavanagh …” He spoke gently as he peered into the room. “Are you decent?”
There was no response, but as the door swung open, he found her sitting at her writing desk, a piece of parchment spread before her, and a quill in her hand.
She started when she saw him, and her expression flickered between fear and worry …
and something else. It was subtle, but there was a flicker of what almost looked like a smile before she smothered it.
“Lord Thornwyck,” she started, looking as if she might stand, but remained seated. “I … I did not expect to see you.”
“Tonight?”
“Ever,” she admitted. “Which I do not blame you for. If anything, I deserve it. All that I have done … there are no words.” She then looked at the parchment and sighed. “And I should know, as I have spent all evening trying to find them.”
“You meant to write me?”
“An apology,” she said. “But more than that, it is a goodbye. I know you do not wish me to remain here, and I would not dare put you in a position to ask me to leave. So, I thought it best to do as we both know that I must.”
Alaric hesitated as he eyed the parchment.
He ought to have seen it as a blessing, of sorts.
If Miss Kavanagh wished to leave, perhaps it would be best to allow it.
That would save him from the confrontation, and it would remove the guilt that threatened him if this conversation did not go how he wished …
but what do I even wish from it? If only I knew.
As he stared at that parchment, Alaric was reminded of his cousin’s words. To let her go would be the easy thing, but would it be right? If he allowed her to leave, was Alaric letting slip through his fingers the one chance he had to be happy?
She had lied to him. In his mind, she had used him. But there was more here than he knew, and if Alaric trusted her at all, then he had to hear what she had to say.
“I do not want a letter, Miss Kavanagh.” He tore his eyes from the parchment and looked at her. “Nor do I want you to leave.”
“You do not?”
“What I want is for you to tell me the truth,” he said.
“You have been accused of much, and I have believed what was said without giving you a chance to explain. I … I was angry. I felt like a fool – a part of me wanted to believe it, because I am used to the worst, and I refuse to believe that any good might be found in a world that is so often cruel. But Miss Kavanagh …” His expression had been hard and accusatory, but he softened it as the fight left him.
“Tell me why you did it. Tell me the truth.”
“The truth? You know the truth.”
‘Do I?”
She sighed and bowed her head. “I am who they say. Your wife, she was my half-sister through our father, and as he married my mother before I was born, I am his daughter. Officially speaking. None of that was a lie.”
“And you knew this? For how long?”
“Longer than I am proud to admit,” she said. “The night I collapsed, I suspected it. A few weeks later, I found a letter from Lady Honora that confirmed it. For weeks, I have known the truth, and I said nothing.”
“But why?” he pressed her and took a step closer. “Why not tell me?”
“I was afraid.” She snapped her head up, and her eyes welled with tears. “I was afraid that you would accuse me of trying to use you – that you would think I was here to try to take something from you. That what you and I …” She winced and looked away.
“You and I what?”
“My entire life, I have felt lost. I have never belonged. I have never felt as if anywhere might accept me. And when I came here, at first, I was sure I was destined for the same fate. But then you …” Slowly, she looked at him again, and she smiled as she did.
“I do not know why, but when I was with you, I felt something that I have not before.”
His heart started to race. “What did you feel?”
“As if you saw me. When I was with you, I did not feel like a stranger, and I did not feel as if I did not belong. You accepted me, and that felt right. It felt …” Her smile was sad.
“It made me feel as if this might finally be my home. So, to tell you the truth threatened to ruin that, and I was terrified that once you learned who I was, whatever I felt would die. Worse, that you would want it to.”
Alaric not only heard her words, but he understood them.
When he was with Miss Kavanagh, he felt the same as she did. For years, he wandered these halls as a lost soul, unable to reason why he felt the way he did, while accepting the cruel reality that this would never change.
But then she appeared like a mirage on the horizon, and the sun seemed to shine that little bit brighter just by being in her presence.
Alaric had refused to accept what this meant. He had doubted that she felt the same way. But to hear her admit it finally was akin to taking a breath of fresh air after having nearly drowned. It was life itself …
He took another step toward her. “I believe you.”
“You do?” She blinked.
“Perhaps I should not. Perhaps I am a fool for doing so. But what you described just now, I feel it too, Miss Kavanagh. That is why I was so angry with you. Not just that you lied, but that your lies threatened to take from me what I had come to covet more than anything.”
“And what is that?” she breathed.
“You,” he said. “That it threatened to take you from me. I do not know why I feel this way … what it means. But I know that I do not wish to lose it.”
Slowly, she rose from her chair, and while there were still tears in her eyes, they shone with happiness.
“That letter. Do not finish it,” he said.
“I do not see the point now,” she responded as her smile grew. She took a step closer, and the energy between them began to crackle. That familiar pull …
“As for what comes next?” Alaric spoke without thinking – he spoke from his heart, letting that decide his fate. “I do not wish you to leave.”
“Oh?” She took another step closer. “Shall I stay on as a housekeeper? I do not mind, if that is what you wish.”
“No.” He smiled at her. “You will stay here, but as you. You wish to find somewhere that you belong, so I am offering you that. I am offering you a home.”
“And what of us?” She took another step toward him, less than five feet away now. Alaric felt the urge to reach out and take her hand, but he stayed that urge. Barely.
“Us?” His voice cracked as he gazed upon her beauty.
For so long, Alaric had denied it. For so long, he had fought against it. But as he looked at Miss Kavanagh now, he no longer saw his housekeeper, someone he had to control himself around, or refuse his feelings toward. And he no longer felt guilty over what he knew he wanted in his heart.
His lips began to tingle as memories of that near kiss emerged and tugged at him.
“Yes, us,” she said.
“I am not sure …” He closed the distance between them with a purposeful step. “If you are willing, I would like to find out. I would like to see why I feel this way.” Then, he held out his hand for her to take.
She eyed his hand. “And what way is that?”
“I think you know.”
She frowned at his hand. Then, she looked up and raised a questioning eyebrow at him. Alaric balked, worried for a moment that he had made a mistake.
“One thought has sat with me,” she said with a coy smile. “One moment that I have not been able to escape and am desperate to revisit.”
“And what moment is that?” His heart leaped because he knew the answer.
Miss Kavanagh laughed. Then she slapped his hand away and stepped into him. Her arms went around his neck, and she pulled him forward. Before Alaric knew what was happening, their faces came together, their lips met, and a kiss bloomed between them that was hotter than any fire.
If Alaric had any doubts about how he felt, that kiss did away with them completely.
His hands went to her waist. He held her tight so that he might never let go. And he kissed Miss Kavanagh with such passion that he would not have been surprised if the room erupted around them and turned the house to rubble.
Stranger still, the kiss did not feel wrong. It felt right in ways he had never known. There was no guilt. There was no shame. There was only that kiss and the possibilities that came with it.
For so long, Alaric had felt lost. He had not known if he would ever feel truly happy again – or if he deserved such a thing. But as he kissed Miss Kavanagh, and as she kissed him back with the passion of the dawning sun, he knew that such worries were unfounded.
For the first time in a long while, Alaric was happy. What was more, he no longer felt alone.
Epilogue
“I thought I would find you here.” The voice came from behind where Nessa knelt, and she recognized it as if it were her own.
Smiling, she did not turn around, keeping her attention fixed on the tomb in front of her. “I was not hiding.”
“I never said you were.” Alaric approached her. “But I assumed you would be running about the castle like a chicken with its head cut off.”
She snorted. “Now, there is an image.”
“An apt one, I would think.” When Alaric reached where she knelt, he crouched down, and his hands rested on her shoulders. “The planning you have put into today, no doubt there are a million things that still need doing.”
“There are,” she said. “Which is why I am here. I wanted to see her before distraction took me. And I wanted to thank her.”
“For?”